HOW TO NOT ATTACH YOURSELF TO THINGS - this makes minimalism so much easier

Summary

This video explores our emotional attachment to possessions and how we often measure our self-worth by the things we own. It discusses the dangers of tying our identity to material items, jobs, or relationships, and the resulting dissatisfaction when those are lost. The video offers five practical tips for detaching ourselves from this mindset, such as understanding hedonic adaptation, viewing possessions as tools, and shifting language around ownership. Ultimately, it encourages viewers to live a more conscious and minimalistic life, free from the need to expand self-worth through material accumulation.

Takeaways

• 💎 We often attach our self-worth to the things we own, such as clothes, jewelry, and books, thinking these possessions expand our value.
• 🛍️ This attachment leads to the desire to own more, as we measure our value based on material possessions and financial worth.
• 👶 Children develop a sense of self over time and begin associating ownership with their identity, which continues into adulthood.
• 🚗 Our self-worth extends beyond items to jobs and relationships, creating discomfort when those attachments are disrupted or lost.
• 👔 Society judges others by their possessions, such as clothing or cars, unconsciously placing higher value on those who appear wealthy or successful.
• 🎯 Expanding our self-worth through material items or external things doesn't truly enhance who we are; our intrinsic value remains unchanged.
• 🔄 The concept of hedonic adaptation shows that the initial excitement of acquiring things fades over time, leading to the constant pursuit of more.
• 🛠️ Shifting our mindset to view objects as tools for practical use, rather than extensions of ourselves, helps reduce emotional attachment to items.
• 📚 A helpful exercise is to imagine the life cycle of an item, like a book, and detach ourselves from ownership by viewing it as part of a larger process.
• 📝 Being mindful of the language we use, such as reducing the use of 'mine' or 'my,' can help us emotionally detach from possessions and see them for what they are.

Q & A

What is the main point the speaker is making about our attachment to material possessions?

The speaker argues that people often attach their self-worth to material possessions, believing that owning more things enhances their value as a person. However, this emotional attachment can lead to suffering when those possessions are lost or damaged.

How does the speaker explain the development of a sense of self in children in relation to possessions?

Children initially lack a strong sense of self, which is why they don't recognize themselves in mirrors. As they grow, they start identifying with their belongings, using terms like 'my toys' or 'my parents.' When a toy is lost or broken, they feel discomfort because they have emotionally attached their sense of self to it.

What is 'hedonic adaptation,' and how does it relate to our attachment to possessions?

Hedonic adaptation refers to the idea that no matter how much we desire or value an item initially, we will eventually grow used to it and it will no longer excite us. The speaker suggests that constantly seeking more possessions to expand our self-worth is futile, as the satisfaction they bring is temporary.

Why do people often feel unsatisfied with their jobs, according to the speaker?

People frequently feel unsatisfied with their jobs because they believe their job does not represent their worth or identity correctly. They attach their sense of self to their work, leading to dissatisfaction when their job doesn't reflect their self-perception.

What is the significance of language, specifically the use of words like 'I,' 'mine,' and 'my,' in relation to material attachment?

The speaker emphasizes that language reinforces our attachment to possessions. Words like 'mine' and 'my' foster emotional ownership, which strengthens the bond we feel towards things. By consciously using these words less, we can begin to detach ourselves from possessions.

How does viewing possessions from a rational perspective help in reducing emotional attachment?

Viewing possessions as tools rather than extensions of ourselves can help reduce emotional attachment. Instead of asking whether an item represents or suits us emotionally, we should consider whether it serves a practical purpose, helping us see it more rationally.

What exercise does the speaker suggest for emotionally detaching from items?

The speaker suggests imagining an item's complete lifecycle, from its production to its eventual end. By seeing how many hands the item has passed through and where it will go after us, we can recognize that we are just a small part of its journey and emotionally detach from it.

How does society judge people based on their material possessions, according to the speaker?

The speaker points out that society often judges people by what they own. For example, someone in a nice suit with a respectable car is perceived more positively than someone who appears homeless or impoverished. However, the speaker argues that material possessions do not reflect a person's true worth.

Why does the speaker say it's dangerous to emotionally attach ourselves to possessions?

Attaching ourselves emotionally to possessions is dangerous because it makes us vulnerable to suffering when those possessions are lost, damaged, or no longer available. It also fosters a false sense of self-worth, leading to a never-ending cycle of wanting more.

What mindset shift does the speaker suggest for living a more satisfied and minimalistic life?

The speaker suggests shifting the mindset from viewing possessions as an extension of self-worth to seeing them as practical tools. This shift involves recognizing that material things do not add to our intrinsic value as a person and reducing emotional attachment to what we own.

Outlines

00:00

💡 The Emotional Attachment to Our Belongings

This paragraph discusses how we tend to attach ourselves emotionally to our possessions, such as clothes, books, and jewelry. From childhood, we associate our sense of self with the things we own, and this attachment can be so strong that it affects our perception of self-worth. As adults, this sense of ownership extends to our jobs and other aspects of life, leading to discomfort when these things are taken away. The idea of 'my' or 'mine' becomes an essential part of our identity, which can lead to suffering when our belongings or circumstances change.

05:02

🧠 Understanding Our Unconscious Ego

Here, the script delves into the unconscious mind's resistance to letting go of material attachments. While logically, many people agree that possessions don't define self-worth, the ego often fights this idea. Emotional attachment to things is driven by the ego, and rejecting this attachment can create discomfort. The video asks how we can start to detach from material possessions in order to lead a more fulfilling and minimalist life, introducing the idea that it’s a gradual mindset shift requiring consistent reminders.

10:02

🔄 The Concept of Hedonic Adaptation

The paragraph introduces the concept of hedonic adaptation, explaining how humans tend to return to a baseline level of happiness regardless of changes in their life circumstances. This makes it difficult to achieve lasting satisfaction from material goods, emphasizing the importance of seeking happiness from non-material sources.

Keywords

💡Emotional attachment

Emotional attachment refers to the strong emotional connection we develop with our possessions. In the video, it is highlighted that people often measure their self-worth based on the things they own, and when those things are lost or damaged, they feel as if a part of themselves is diminished. The script uses the example of children feeling distressed when their toys are taken away, emphasizing the deep emotional bonds formed with material possessions.

💡Self-worth

Self-worth is the value a person places on themselves, often tied to external factors. The video argues that people mistakenly believe their worth increases with the accumulation of possessions, jobs, or status. However, the message stresses that self-worth is intrinsic and should not be tied to material items or societal roles, as owning more things does not truly expand one's sense of value.

💡Hedonic adaptation

Hedonic adaptation is the phenomenon where people quickly return to a baseline level of satisfaction after a positive or negative event, such as purchasing a desired item. The video explains that no matter how exciting or expensive a purchase may seem initially, its thrill fades over time, leading individuals to chase the next acquisition without ever finding lasting satisfaction.

💡Ego

The ego in this context refers to the part of the human psyche that seeks validation and identity through external factors like possessions. The video discusses how our ego can be tied to the things we own, making it difficult to detach from material items. This attachment is driven by a desire to project a certain image or status, which can lead to suffering when those things are taken away.

💡Ownership

Ownership is the concept of possessing something, often used in the video to illustrate how people associate their identity with the things they own. Words like 'my' and 'mine' signify ownership and can reinforce the emotional attachment to objects, making it harder for people to separate their self-worth from material goods.

💡Minimalism

Minimalism is a lifestyle choice that encourages reducing material possessions to focus on what truly matters. The video suggests adopting a more minimalistic approach to living as a way to reduce emotional attachment to things and live a more satisfied, conscious life. By owning fewer items and focusing on practical needs, people can free themselves from the desire to accumulate more.

💡Rational perspective

A rational perspective is a way of viewing possessions logically rather than emotionally. The video encourages individuals to see items as tools that serve a functional purpose rather than symbols of identity. For example, when purchasing a car, instead of choosing one that aligns with a personal image, the rational perspective would focus on its utility—how well it fulfills the practical need of transportation.

💡Sense of self

Sense of self refers to how individuals perceive their identity, often shaped by both internal and external factors. In the video, it is explained that people extend their sense of self to the things they own, leading to a misguided belief that accumulating possessions enhances their identity. This attachment to material items is seen as a primary cause of dissatisfaction when those items are lost or devalued.

💡Detachment

Detachment in the video refers to the process of emotionally separating oneself from material possessions. The goal is to recognize that things are just tools and that losing or gaining them does not change one’s intrinsic value. The video suggests several strategies for fostering detachment, such as viewing items in their full life cycle and being mindful of language, such as avoiding terms like 'mine' or 'my.'

💡Intrinsic value

Intrinsic value is the inherent worth of a person that exists regardless of external circumstances, possessions, or societal roles. The video emphasizes that people are born with intrinsic value, which cannot be increased or decreased by the things they own or the job they have. This concept challenges the idea that material wealth or social status can define a person’s true value.

Highlights

People often attach their self-worth to the things they own, such as clothes, books, or jobs.

Emotional attachment to material items can lead to people feeling protective and even defining their value based on those things.

As children, we develop a sense of ownership through terms like 'my' and 'mine,' which extends into adulthood, creating emotional ties to objects.

When items are taken away or damaged, it can feel like a personal loss because we extend our sense of self to those belongings.

Society often judges people based on the things they own, valuing wealth and material success over personal worth.

People tend to associate their jobs and belongings with their identity, leading to dissatisfaction if those things don’t align with their sense of self.

This attachment to material possessions and external validation does not truly increase a person's value, which is intrinsic.

Hedonic adaptation means that no matter how much we buy or acquire, the satisfaction is temporary, and we will always want more.

A shift in mindset is necessary to understand that accumulating more items will not increase self-worth.

A powerful way to detach from materialism is by seeing objects for their practical purpose rather than emotionally attaching to them.

Reframing items as tools can help reduce emotional attachment, such as seeing a car as simply a means of transportation rather than a status symbol.

By imagining the life cycle of an item—from production to end-use—we can view it in a more detached, rational way.

Using language more mindfully, such as avoiding the words 'my' or 'mine,' can help reduce emotional ownership over objects.

Practicing minimalism and conscious consumption is key to reducing emotional attachment to material possessions.

Detaching from possessions doesn’t mean rejecting all expression through material items, but it’s essential to be mindful of not over-identifying with them.

Transcripts

my books my clothes

my mugs

my jewelry we often attach ourselves to

things we want to collect them as a

means to expand our worth we take

ownership over things and we are really

protective over our things our emotional

attachment to things is often so strong

that we often measure our value as a

person by the amount of things we have

or by the financial value of the things

that we have because of this this leads

to us wanting to own more and buy more

to expand the value of us and this sense

of who we are words like I mine my

myself or all words that are some of the

most used words in our vocabulary as

children we don't have this sense of

self that's why babies don't recognize

themselves in the mirror at a very early

stage and slowly they develop this sense

of self this is me and we also start to

associate our thoughts with

ourself who we are and we start to learn

things like my room my toys my parents

when a toy gets broken or gets taken

away it creates this discomfort and it's

not because of the intrinsic value of

the toy is now diminished it's because

we have attached ourselves as children

to that toy and when it is broken or

taken away it's in a sense feels like a

part of ourselves has been taken away or

broken and it is because we have

attached the sense of self to the toy

we've expanded this sense of self to our

belongings as well when we grew up we

continue to attach our sense of self to

our things but not only our things also

our jobs and this is also why people try

to find their style that represents them

the best or find interior design that

best represents themselves because they

have expanded their sense of self to two

physical things in their surroundings

there's not a problem with wanting to

express who you feel like you are

through your things per se but the issue

is that with that we also attach

ourselves emotionally to items that we

own or that are around us we also do

this with jobs or relationships and once

those things where we have attached

ourselves to are taking away that that

creates discomfort and suffering and

because we have attached ourselves

emotionally to those things we become

sad and unsure when those things are no

longer around because we associate

ourselves so much with those items we

say things like I deserve to own this I

deserve to buy this I deserved this

not to say that we don't deserve it but

it doesn't expand the value of us the

worth of us when we own the additional

item but in some way we think we do when

we turn this around and look at this at

the perspective of other people we do

this as a society that we judge people

and their worth by the things that they

own or don't own now this sounds

horrible when I say it like this but

when we think about it we do do this if

there is there someone that is really

nicely put together maybe wearing a suit

driving a respectable car and it seems

like they're working at a respectable

company an office we in some way have

this sense of respect and awe towards

that person and in contrast to that if

there's someone that is obviously living

on the streets doesn't has holes in

their clothes has dirty clothes maybe is

smelly we automatically

devalue that person to some degree

compared to that other person but

obviously what things we own or don't

own doesn't change the value of who we

are as a person not only do we often see

the things that we own as extensions of

ourselves or identify with that we often

also identify with our jobs and I think

that's also a big reason why many

people or most people are really

unsatisfied or unhappy with their jobs

because they feel like the job doesn't

represent them correctly or it doesn't

show their worth correctly and of course

if you're unhappy with your job you

should do something about it and you can

do something about it but this always

wanting more and wanting to expand our

self-worth in some arbitrary way with

outside things is not going to work no

matter what we own or don't own or what

job we have or don't have it doesn't

change the intrinsic value of us as a

person now you might hear this and

totally agree or it might even seem a

little obvious that things don't change

the value of who we are maybe you're

hearing this for the first time but even

if you do think that you agree or this

is obvious oftentimes we agree with it

and understand it logically but

underneath the unconscious mind doesn't

necessarily grasp this or maybe also

doesn't want to grasp this because a lot

of what we do and the sense of self that

we attach to things outside of us is

something that is very ego driven and

anything that attacks our ego we will be

will feel very uncomfortable and we'll

want to

um not listen to and just shut out so

now I've talked a lot about ways and how

we attach ourselves to items especially

emotionally but how do we detach

ourselves from the things that we own to

for one better live a more satisfied

happy minimalistic life but also be

easier to for it to be easier to let go

of things and then also going forward

not to buy as much things and want to

expand that sense of self-worth with

buying more stuff now it is definitely

easier said than done and I don't think

it's an overnight process it there

definitely has to be a mindset shift

that happens and even though once it

happens I think you have to constantly

re-remind yourself of that I'm

personally also still really susceptible

to

expanding my sense of self to the things

that I own or the things that I do but I

do have five tips that I think can

really help to shift your mindset so the

first one is to know the concept of

hedonic adaptation now I've talked this

talked about this quite some time it

basically talks about no matter how

expensive the thing that you buy is or

how much you want it

in the long run you will get bored of it

in the long run you will get used to it

and won't be as exciting anymore there

is this high in this Rush when we buy

something when we acquire something you

when we add something

to our collection with which we identify

with and there's this feeling of

expanding our our sense of self or

self-worth in some way but this feeling

will always fade you will always want to

chase the next thing and as I said

before it's not possible to expand your

sense of self and your value and your

self-worth with collecting items it

falsely feels like it but

um in the long one you will notice that

that does not work you will always want

more and

you can never satisfy that sense of

hunger of wanting something because once

you gain that you will want the next

thing so as I said I've talked about

this already the important thing is to

shift your mindset to really understand

that

adding things into your life or adding

things to your belongings will not

change the value of who you are it will

not expand your self-worth in any way

we're all born with this inherent worth

that we can offer to others and offer to

the world and that doesn't change no

matter who we are what we do what we own

what we don't own it's nothing that

anyone can take away from us or add to

so imagine you suddenly lost all of your

belongings you wouldn't have less value

or worth as a person if you let lost all

your belongings so the same way if you

add to your belongings you're not really

adding any value or sense of Worth to

yourself picture someone wearing a three

thousand dollar dress walking down the

street and suddenly spilling coffee over

their dress just because

the dress that they they own is now of

less Financial value doesn't mean that

the person that is wearing the dress is

now of less value if that makes sense

shifting this mindset can be a really

powerful way to sever that attachment

that we have towards things and that

ultimately just feeds our ego the next

thing to consider is to view things from

a more rational perspective rather than

an emotional perspective so especially

when it comes to collecting things

wanting to expand the sense of who we

are and our self-worth and purchases

they're often very emotionally driven so

we should really try to view things from

a more rational perspective so when you

want to buy something ask yourself will

this tool help me in such and such area

or will this tool help me in some way so

see things as tools instead of asking

yourself does this represent me does

this suit me because that is so so much

more of an emotional approach that we

have towards buying things when we see

things as tools that are here to help us

then we can view it from less of an

emotional perspective and we start to

detach ourselves and our emotional

attachment to that item like a car when

you view a car as a tool to get you from

A to B you won't be so much concerned

with what brand is this car what does it

look like what is the interior what does

it feel like is it ikara that suits me

there's nothing wrong with being

specific and trying to pick the best car

for you but if a car suits you or not

should be according to the tools that

you need so if you need a car that goes

from A to B reliably then that should be

your main priority if you for some

reason need a fast car which isn't

realistic then that in that case would

be your priority but oftentimes we

choose cars as a sense of staff does

this suit me is it a cute car because I

view myself as a cute person we often

don't approach buying things in a

practical way but shifting our mindset

to view things more as tools will help

us to detach ourselves emotionally from

our items another exercise that I find

personally about very helpful is to

view your items detached from yourself

so we have this obsession with acquiring

things owning things buying things and

we have this

kind of obsession with hoarding things

also you could almost call it because we

don't really want to share it with

people we want to collect as much as

possible and we proudly show other

people what we've bought and what we've

acquired what our collection looks like

but when we detach ourselves the self

from the item we can look at it so much

more emotionally detached and more as

something that helps meet my day-to-day

so let's take a book for as an example

so imagine the book in the production

process what type of people might that

book have touched in the production in

the of the book where are the material

Source where what is it from is it from

a tree imagine that tree in nature then

when the book moves towards

being displayed in the bookstore what

hands has that book gone through who has

picked up that book to look at it who is

considered purchasing it and maybe even

if it's a second hand book imagine who

was the previous owner what Bali has

that book brought to them then also

Imagine the book in your possession so

what do you plan on doing with this book

and how do you plan on enjoying this

book and then go forward and imagine

that book down the line maybe changing

owners and going into someone else's

hand maybe It ultimately being recycled

what happens when the book is recycled

where does it go maybe some parts of it

do also return back to the Earth so to

see that book in its complete life cycle

in a sense where does this start what

does it go through where does it end up

and through this exercise you realize

that we are such a small Speck in this

lifespan of the book and we can see the

book so much more for itself the item

itself and we detach our self away from

the book we change the perspective from

this very egocentric view of me owning

this book and only Imagining the book in

the context of myself and instead

expanding and viewing the book more in a

zoomed out view when we take a step back

we can truly appreciate the book for

what it is for the tool that it is so

with the purpose of educating or

entertaining and when we realize that is

the tool or in a sense the purpose of

the book

at least for me I feel so much more of

this urge to share the purpose of the

book in a sense so wanting to maybe lend

it to friends for them to also be able

to appreciate it as much as possible

before it runs its full life cycle in a

sense the next tip is to try to

eliminate the words

mine my from our vocabulary so you don't

have to completely not use those words

but try be very conscious when you do

use the word and maybe you try to use it

less so instead of saying this is my

book say this is a book because it truly

is a book and why put so much focus on

the fact that I own this book

um or say instead of saying this is my

home this is a home because

truthfully this wasn't my home forever

the lifespan of myself is so short it is

guaranteed that someone else lived here

before me even if not in this house than

on this land and others will live here

after me so why put so much emphasis on

the fact of the ownership so this is not

my seat but a seat and the sense of

ownership is so temporary that we

shouldn't try to put too much focus on

it and and that helps us really detach

emotionally from the item because we see

it for what it is it is a tool to be

used by myself but also by others

instead of focusing so much on wanting

to own it and to with that expand this

sense of Who I Am with the book language

is a very powerful tool and I think

being mindful of that can be very

helpful so I hope these were some very

refreshing and interesting insights on

how to detach yourself emotionally from

items it is something that is very very

difficult and as I said there's nothing

in a sense wrong with wanting to express

what you're feeling or how you view

yourself through your items but with

that it is very very dangerous that we

attach ourselves emotionally to our

things because we see it as an extension

of ourselves so I hope these tips are

helpful let me know in the comments down

below which one sounded the most

intriguing to you that you want to try

give it a thumbs up if you learned

something new and share it with others

so we can spread this knowledge to other

people thank you so much for watching

this video and spending time with me I

truly appreciate it if you want more

videos and tips on minimalism living

with less and living more consciously

then be sure to subscribe for more

videos thank you so much for watching

and I'll see you in my next video

bye

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