Live for Yourself! | Chetan Bhagat | TEDxGraphicEraUniversity

Summary

The speaker discusses the common struggle of pursuing goals, such as career advancement or personal improvement, despite consuming motivational content. He argues that many people fail to live for themselves, making decisions based on others' opinions. He reflects on his own experience of leaving a lucrative banking career for writing, only to realize he was still driven by others' validation. Through personal anecdotes, he emphasizes the importance of self-prioritization and making decisions that align with one's true desires. Ultimately, living for oneself is essential for long-term happiness and fulfillment.

Takeaways

• 😊 Most people fail to achieve their goals not due to lack of knowledge but because they don't live for themselves.
• 💡 Knowledge alone is not enough for success; motivation must come from within and be aligned with personal desires, not external validation.
• 🤔 Many people make decisions based on what others think, such as family, friends, and society, instead of focusing on what they truly want.
• 🇮🇳 In Indian society, especially, there's a strong focus on community and pleasing others, which can prevent individuals from living for themselves.
• 🛑 Living for others often means prioritizing their opinions, which can lead to dissatisfaction and hinder personal growth.
• 👎 External validation, like making money to impress others, may lead to temporary satisfaction but can result in long-term unhappiness and health issues.
• 🚶‍♂️ The speaker shares personal experiences of not living for himself, including overworking, compromising health, and chasing money due to societal pressures.
• 💪 Living for oneself requires making decisions based on personal happiness and well-being, even if it disappoints others.
• ✈️ Like in airplane safety instructions, the speaker emphasizes that people should prioritize themselves first to be able to support others effectively.
• 🙂 When individuals live authentically for themselves, they tend to be happier, and others are more likely to be drawn to them as a result.

Q & A

What is the main reason people struggle to achieve their goals despite knowing what to do?

The speaker believes that most people fail to achieve their goals because they don't live for themselves. Instead, they are guided by the opinions and expectations of others, which affects their life decisions.

Why do many people seek motivation through books, videos, and talks but still fail to succeed?

According to the speaker, while people may have the right intentions and knowledge, they often don't live for themselves. Their decisions are influenced by what others think, rather than focusing on their own desires and needs.

How does the speaker define 'living for yourself'?

Living for yourself means making decisions based on your own desires and priorities, rather than being guided by what others think. It involves self-preservation and prioritizing your own well-being and happiness.

What personal experience does the speaker share about living for others?

The speaker shares that even after quitting a high-paying banking job to become a writer, he was still not living for himself. He found himself chasing financial success to impress his old colleagues, even though they weren't necessarily thinking about him.

How did the speaker's lifestyle change when he began living for himself during the pandemic?

During the pandemic, the speaker began running and focused on his passion for motivating people through YouTube videos. He prioritized his own well-being and happiness, rather than trying to impress others with financial success or busy schedules.

What does the speaker suggest is the key to lasting motivation?

The speaker suggests that lasting motivation comes from living for yourself, where your decisions are based on your own goals and happiness. When you live for yourself, achieving your dreams becomes easier and more fulfilling.

How does the speaker differentiate between selfishness and self-preservation?

The speaker explains that selfishness is caring only about yourself and neglecting others, while self-preservation is about prioritizing your own well-being so you can be happier and more capable of helping others.

What analogy does the speaker use to explain the importance of self-preservation?

The speaker uses the analogy of airplane safety instructions, where passengers are told to put on their own oxygen masks before helping others. This highlights the importance of taking care of yourself first so you can assist others more effectively.

What impact did living for others have on the speaker's health and happiness?

Living for others led the speaker to a stressful lifestyle, including taking 130 flights a year, poor sleep, weight gain, and other health problems. He was miserable despite outward success, demonstrating the negative consequences of not living for himself.

What does the speaker believe will happen if people start living for themselves?

The speaker believes that when people start living for themselves, they will become happier, and surprisingly, others will be drawn to them. He emphasizes that people who prioritize their own well-being are often more successful in their relationships and endeavors.

Outlines

00:00

🎯 The Struggle with Motivation and External Validation

The speaker discusses how people often seek motivation through various means—waking up early, setting goals, reading motivational content—but still fail to achieve their dreams. They know the basic steps required for success, such as eating less to lose weight, but struggle to take action. The root cause is not a lack of knowledge or laziness, but rather that most people do not live for themselves. They are influenced by the opinions and expectations of others, especially in cultures like India, where community and family are prioritized over individual desires. This pressure leads to decisions that are not aligned with their true aspirations.

05:01

💼 The Speaker's Personal Journey in Investment Banking

The speaker reflects on their decision to leave a lucrative investment banking career to pursue writing. Although it took two years of internal struggle, they followed their passion. However, even after quitting, they felt judged by peers who still valued financial success. This pressure to be financially successful persisted, driving the speaker to take on numerous motivational speaking engagements to prove their worth. Despite earning more money, the speaker realized that this chase for validation from others was taking a toll on their well-being.

10:01

🛫 The Cost of Chasing External Validation

The speaker highlights the physical and emotional toll of overworking to prove their success. By taking over 130 flights and attending 70 events in a year, they became overworked, sleep-deprived, and unhealthy, even gaining significant weight. Despite achieving financial success and outward recognition, the speaker felt miserable. They realized that their pursuit of validation from others was not making them happy and that their health was deteriorating as a result.

15:04

💡 The Wake-up Call: Living for Yourself

The speaker reflects on the lessons learned during the pandemic. They began to prioritize their own happiness by pursuing activities like running and creating motivational content on YouTube. They found joy in helping others, not for monetary gain or validation, but for the fulfillment it brought them. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-preservation, noting that if one does not take care of themselves first, they cannot be there for others. Living for oneself means making decisions that prioritize personal well-being, even if it disappoints others initially.

Keywords

💡Motivation

Motivation refers to the internal drive or desire to achieve a goal. In the video, it is discussed as a common topic people seek advice on, such as time management, discipline, and achieving goals. However, the speaker highlights that while people consume motivational content, they often still fail to achieve their goals because motivation alone is not enough.

💡Living for yourself

This concept means making decisions based on one's own desires and needs, rather than being influenced by others' expectations or judgments. The speaker argues that most people don't live for themselves but rather make decisions based on what others (family, friends, society) think. The key message is that living for oneself leads to true happiness and fulfillment.

💡External validation

External validation refers to seeking approval and recognition from others. In the video, the speaker explains how people often make life choices based on the need for validation from those around them, like family, friends, or colleagues, which prevents them from living authentically for themselves.

💡Social conditioning

Social conditioning is the process by which individuals learn the norms and expectations of their society. The speaker notes that in India, people are especially conditioned to prioritize community, family, and others' opinions over their own desires, which can inhibit personal fulfillment and growth.

💡Self-preservation

Self-preservation is the concept of putting one's own well-being and needs first in order to survive and thrive. The speaker stresses that prioritizing oneself is not selfish but necessary for happiness and success. They use the example of the airplane oxygen mask instruction: you must first help yourself before you can help others.

💡Career and passion

The speaker talks about his own experience of leaving a lucrative investment banking job to pursue his passion for writing. This represents the struggle many face between choosing a stable career for external approval versus following their true passions and living for themselves.

💡Pandemic as a turning point

The COVID-19 pandemic is described as a pivotal moment in the speaker's life when he began to live for himself. The pandemic gave him the opportunity to reflect, change his lifestyle, and start new ventures like running and creating YouTube content, which aligned with his personal interests and values.

💡Health and well-being

Health and well-being are emphasized when the speaker discusses the physical toll his previous lifestyle took on him, such as weight gain, poor sleep, and stress. He underscores that neglecting oneself in pursuit of external validation can have severe consequences on one’s health.

💡Happiness

Happiness in the video is portrayed as a state that comes from living authentically and making decisions based on one's own desires rather than external expectations. The speaker suggests that true happiness is achieved when one starts living for themselves and no longer seeks external validation.

💡Success

Success is redefined in the video not as financial or social status, but as personal fulfillment and contentment. The speaker explains that success is not about how much money one makes or how others perceive them, but about living a life that aligns with one's own passions and values.

Highlights

People often fail to achieve their goals despite consuming motivational content because they are not living for themselves.

Many people let societal expectations and the opinions of others guide their decisions instead of following their own desires.

In India, especially, people are raised in a community-oriented culture, making it harder to prioritize personal desires.

The speaker shares a personal story about quitting investment banking to pursue writing but still not fully living for himself.

The speaker struggled with insecurity after leaving banking due to a comment from a friend about his income, illustrating how external validation can influence life decisions.

After years of trying to make more money to prove himself, the speaker realized he was sacrificing his health and happiness.

The speaker was taking 130 flights a year, which negatively impacted his health, sleep, and overall well-being.

During the pandemic, the speaker began running and focusing on YouTube videos, which reignited his passion for helping others and shifted his perspective.

He emphasizes that living for yourself means sometimes saying 'no' to others, even people you love, in order to protect your own well-being.

Living for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s about self-preservation. If you don’t prioritize yourself, you risk unhappiness or even death.

The speaker highlights the importance of putting yourself first, similar to the airplane oxygen mask analogy: take care of yourself before helping others.

True happiness comes from living for yourself, and once you're happy, people will be more drawn to you.

He stresses that people often feel guilt or shame for prioritizing themselves because they fear being labeled as selfish.

The speaker learned that living for yourself allows you to better care for others and lead a happier, more fulfilling life.

The pandemic served as a turning point for the speaker, helping him realize that his decisions were not aligned with his personal values and desires.

Transcripts

and of course people ask me about

motivation and how to be motivated and

you know tell us and you know discipline

and waking up at 4:00 a.m. and I don't

know time management and having the will

make a goal achieve make an action plan

all these things come into that

motivation bucket and yet a lot of

people are not able to achieve what they

set out to achieve a lot of people don't

they have the right intention they come

and attend my talk they they watch other

motivational videos um they read

motivational books

quotes they they make motivational posts

themselves sometimes and yet they're not

able to get that jump in that career

they're not able to open that business

they're not able to lose that

weight they are not able to improve

their relationships be in a different

city whatever their dreams are it just

doesn't happen

and then they feel bad about themselves

so I thought what can I tell you what is

my diagnosis of why that doesn't happen

and it's not that the lack of knowledge

you know if you want to lose weight you

know two

things eat less move more end of the

dieting Fitness industry like really so

you know you want to get better results

one thing study

more simp simple right so the knowledge

is there so why it doesn't happen is

everybody lazy no not really I'm going

to tell you about something you may not

have thought of what I have found after

interacting with hundreds of thousands

of people because now virtually also on

YouTube most people don't live for

themselves and today's talk really if I

can call it that is live for

yourself you know it's going up in the

tedex channel if it was Hindi I would

say

UPN because most people don't live for

themselves they say they want it they

want they they share these dreams with

me they they they come and say I want to

get this yes yes but they're not living

for themselves you know and India

especially all over the world it's the

case but Indians especially are brought

up like that right we are all about

Community dyari Family

neighbors you know um

colleagues friends things like that

people don't live for themselves what

does that mean someone will say what do

you mean I don't live for myself you

mean like we are all like Mother Teresa

living for others and most of us are not

Mother Teresa or kalash satari we we are

not those people that's not what I mean

by living for others and not living for

yourself that they are doing something

completely Noble and and very different

that's not most people when I say they

don't live for them El what I mean is

whenever they want to do

something it's often Guided by without

them even knowing it without the other

people also knowing it it's Guided by

what will they think what will my wife

think what will my husband think what

will my children think what will my

parents think what will my friends think

what will the people who follow me on

Instagram

think you know what will my college

mates think what will my work colleagues

think everybody but yourself you we all

do this and therefore a lot of our life

decisions big decisions in life are not

our own decisions we are not living for

ourselves and I'm saying this because of

personal

experience I'm not saying this like I

know this listen to me no I am the

biggest idiot out here I did not live

for myself

for 45 years of my life I'm 48 now so

maybe like for the last 2 three years

maybe because of the pandemic something

woke up in me and I started Living for

myself and I will tell you how and maybe

that will illustrate the concept to you

because this is still a theoretical

flamework so I'm this writer right

people introduce me you know he left

banking he wrote books he's become he's

done his thing man Jan lives for himself

how many people will do this quit their

job and live for themselves so Chan has

done it he's the example that's why we

should call him as speaker but I can

tell you one thing I was still not

living for myself and I'll tell you why

so I was working in banking and that's

my story that I quit and and I started

writing books that's what everybody

knows and then you know the books did

well and everything but there is more to

the story and more to the story is this

it wasn't an easy decision for me to

leave my job at that time because I was

in something called Investment

Banking which is like a charity no it's

not it's just a job that pays a lot of

money it is so much money that you're

like really I did this work I was

getting paid a lot and then I

quit why because I loved writing I

wanted to live for myself I wanted to

follow my passion this was my dream I

did it it was a one or two year struggle

to decide but I did it

but then what happened so you know I'm

from I I am all my friends are my

batchmates right and I quit and of

course your friends don't change

immediately right so I would go to

parties and all and one day one of my

friend asked me okay so you left

Banking and now you do books how much

money do you

make it was just a passing comment I

don't even think he thought that I'm

living for him

and then he moved on and added Scotch to

his drink and moved to the next guy and

asked him how much money he made I don't

know but to me it hit me it hit me I

said okay so I might have quit I might

have done this Brave thing but all these

people in this party they think I'm not

good enough because I don't make as much

money as them now maybe they were

thinking that maybe they were thinking

on when is the food going to be served

but in my head they're all thinking that

I'm going to make

money any way possible so I said okay

I'm going to start making money so I

tried many different ways to make money

I wrote columns I wrote books of course

all that and I also started giving

motivation talks that's how I became a

motivation speaker I started charging

for

it and invitation started

coming and I kept doing more and more

and more and more

at one point I was doing 70 to 80 events

a year pre pandemic I in 2019 I took 130

flights now 365 days are there in a year

so 130 flights means more than 23 a week

I used to live in airports I knew

everybody all the security

guys Mr bhat you're back huh where today

okay okay all the flight attendants knew

me I knew the flight schedules better

than

pilots and I was doing it and I started

making money and I made money and made

money and made

money and I went to the next party of

Bankers but he never asked me that

day I was like that's not

fair and

then I did that year after year after

year I started making money and I would

feel happy you know nowadays you can see

the bank balance in a phone app and and

what changes is like a video game like

pinball right you see oh more money than

last year and then we feel good it's not

like I'm eating that money I can't taste

it I can't even smell it it's number I

feel good yeah and then when the next

party comes I will tell him but he never

asked but what happened as a consequence

of taking 130

flights 130 flights 70 events means 70

different hotel rooms 70 different beds

your sleep will get affected if you take

so many

flights you will have so many Security

checks delays you you remember sitting

in the bus sometimes the bus doesn't

move flight doesn't take off fog I I

have every plane story for you I have a

plane story where there were mosquitoes

on the

plane plane is full of mosquitoes what

do you do

then how do you got how do you can you

take off how do you get the mosquitoes

out do you put like mosquito coil you

know so I it was crazy and I just my

sleep was affected if you stay in 70

different places all over India

sometimes abroad you don't get proper

food timings so you are eating anything

you're sleeping

anything I gained weight I became what

used to be called and nowadays you're

not allowed to say it

fat you can't say it now New Generation

doesn't like

it right but I was dash dash

fat I can't see the dash

stex okay I was full fat man you know I

did a medical

checkup my God my

cholesterol you know you could make

butter out of

it I started losing hair

if you see my earlier pictures if you

Google it you'll see me like a

ball I thought I'm losing all my hair

it's gone you know I I kind of said okay

guys lose their hair guys get fat that's

what being in your 40s is all about

that's what it is all about so what's

the big deal I would wake up five times

a

night sometimes to use the bathroom I

was going to doctors they gave me some

medicine doctors love giving

medicine I mean nothing wrong wrong with

that sometimes you do need it but

imagine if nobody needed medicine what

would doctors

do so please keep falling

sick you love no so and I was like okay

this is what 40s is all about and this

one life and guess what when you are

having all this I was not

happy I was

miserable but in I in in on social media

in the media in public faces you know

Chan introduced bouet

trophies and I'm like they're wondering

what is this okay this is what life is

all

about all because of that

batchmate all because of that batchmate

who didn't even care

finally I hope he listens to this

talk and

then the pandemic happened and and and

this is just one example and several

things I was doing but I was not living

for

myself I'm living for someone else who

doesn't even know it and so we all live

for somebody else we all live for

validation

approval you know okay from others what

will Sharma Auntie think what will Gupta

Uncle think they don't think anything

nowadays everybody's lost in their

phones who has time to think what is

think thinking just open Instagram reals

you don't have to think why do we need

to think anymore every minute you have

you can just spend it on the phone so

but in my head this is what has

happening and then I said this is

wrong when I was not sleeping properly

my health was suffering everything was

going down down down and I was like this

is bad I can't do this so I

changed I started

running when the pandemic happened I

became a runner at

46 I opened YouTube because I like

motivating people didn't make any

money but I loved

it because you know you couldn't travel

in the pandemic anywhere and I could

just sit and make those videos and it

took off it's doing very well right now

we are million point5 views a month it's

pretty

good but it's not about the million

point5 it's not about the number of Subs

it's not about the revenue if someone

ask me at the party it's fine if that

guy asks me today how much money you

make even though I make it I will tell

him it's not about the money

dude I have the ability to be on stage

and motivate people and change people's

lives I get to feel something you will

never feel in your

life and you can never equate with money

and that is what living for myself is

living for myself means sometimes saying

no to things living f yourself means

sometimes saying no to people you love

your family saying no I love my kids a

lot but people go crazy after their

kids and then they watch movies like ban

later and they say this is what

happens I love my kids but I love myself

too so ban should not happen to me

because Daddy's bur

proof but I love them and so it is often

about doing things which may disappoint

people around

you but you protect

yourself when I tell you supposing I

tell young people here I say you're

coming to Bombay we are working on a new

project for 6 months you

come you'll say exciting yes you want to

do it but you'll first think okay what

will my mom say what did my dad say what

will my spouse say what are the people

I'm living going to

say the first thought that

comes to your head so this is not a

conscious thing that I Chan said this so

I'll follow what is the first thought

that comes is it about yourself or

others and you really start living for

yourself when the first thought that

comes we're doing this yeah I want to do

it the day that happens that day you're

living for yourself and if you don't

live for yourself you can keep making

dreams and say I need motivation sir

tell me how do I get motivated to

achieve this dream that dream that dream

but you will not live for yourself you

feel guilty you feel ashamed you feel

like shy it's hard for people it's

painful because you people will call you

selfish you're not being selfish selfish

is you only care for

yourself this is self-preservation else

you will die I'm telling you you will

die you will not only be miserable or

unhappy you will die if you don't live

for yourself right selfish means not

caring for other people at all what I'm

telling you is care for yourself

first and then care for others I care a

lot for the people around me the people

my family my friend they're my tribe

I'll do anything for

them

but me

first that's what I've learned and this

simple thing if you just start

implementing in your life keep changing

little little

decisions whether going out with friends

you want to go or not if you start

implementing initially some people will

say what happened to him but they will

get used to it and then you will be

happier and you know what happens to

happy people be surprised that you you

thought you'll do this and people will

run away they'll in fact come running to

you you know so try this

strategy try to live for yourself

because as the they say in flights first

put your own oxygen mask then help

others why do they say that because if

you are not happy can you make other

people happy you cannot so tell yourself

everything else will follow then you go

on your diet go on your career Mission

whatever but from today I will live for

myself thank you