Dining Etiquette: how to master the basic table manners

Summary

In this video, international social etiquette consultant Jamila Musayeva shares essential dining etiquette tips. She covers table manners, seating arrangements, and proper use of cutlery and napkins. Jamila advises on phone and bag etiquette, explains the placement of various table settings, and guides viewers through the meal process, from soup to dessert. She emphasizes the importance of sending thank-you notes after a dinner invitation, ensuring viewers are equipped to navigate formal dining with grace.

Takeaways

• 🍽️ Table manners are crucial for comfort and etiquette during meals.
• 📍 As a guest, wait for the host to indicate where to sit.
• 💺 The guest of honor should be seated with the best view.
• 🙅‍♀️ Maintain proper posture; do not slouch or lean back fully.
• 🙌 Avoid resting elbows on the table while eating, but it's okay during breaks.
• 📱 Keep phones and bags away from the dining table.
• 🍽️ Use the correct utensils for each course to adhere to dining etiquette.
• 📜 Fold the napkin appropriately and use it to wipe fingers or dab lips.
• 🥂 Hold glasses by their stems to prevent warming the drink.
• 🍞 Use the bread plate and butter knife for bread, taking one bite at a time.
• 🍲 For soup, scoop from the center to the edge to avoid spills.
• 🍽️ After finishing the meal, signal for the bill by catching the waiter's eye or raising your hand.

Q & A

What is the primary purpose of table manners?

Table manners are your behavior around the table, including how you hold cutlery, how you eat, and the kind of conversation you hold. They are essential for making you feel more comfortable and putting others at ease.

Why are good table manners important even in casual dining settings?

Good table manners are important for your own good as they contribute to your comfort and the comfort of others at the table, regardless of the dining setting's formality.

What should guests do when it comes to seating arrangements at a dinner?

Guests should wait for the host or their date to gesture to the seat before taking it. The rule of thumb is that guests get the best seats, usually facing the main area or the entrance.

How should one sit at the dinner table according to etiquette?

One should sit straight without slouching, not press their back against the chair, and avoid placing elbows on the table while eating. However, elbows can be on the table during breaks in the meal for conversation.

What is the proper way to handle one's phone and bag during a formal dinner?

Phones should be silenced and placed away from the table, and bags should not be placed on the ground as it can be seen as disrespectful. Instead, they can be placed on a special chair, hung on a bag holder, or placed on an empty chair nearby.

What is the significance of the bread plate and butter knife during a meal?

The bread plate is used for enjoying bread, and the butter knife, which has a dull blade, is used to scoop and spread butter rather than cut it.

How can you avoid confusion about which glass is for what during a meal?

To avoid confusion, glasses are often arranged in order of their height from tallest to shortest. The taller glasses are behind the shorter ones, and the waiter usually fills them accordingly.

What is the correct way to hold different types of glasses during a meal?

Water goblets are held by the bottom of the bowl, champagne glasses by the stem to prevent warming the drink, and white wine glasses by the stem to avoid warming the wine.

How should you indicate to the waiter that you are expecting the bill at the end of the meal?

You can indicate to the waiter by making eye contact or raising your hand at your elbow.

What is the appropriate way to end a dinner and leave the table?

After paying the bill, you should take your napkin, fold it, and place it on the left side of your plate before leaving. If you're the host, you should indicate to your guests that it's time to leave.

What is the etiquette for thanking the host after being invited to a dinner?

It is polite to send a thank-you message to the host the next day, and if you truly enjoyed the dinner, you might consider sending flowers along with a handwritten thank-you note.

Outlines

00:00

🍽️ Introduction to Dining Etiquette

Jamila Musayeva, an international social etiquette consultant, introduces the concept of dining etiquette and its importance. She defines table manners as behavior around the table, including how to hold cutlery, eat, and converse. Jamila emphasizes the personal benefits of good table manners, such as increased comfort and the ability to put others at ease. She advises on seating arrangements, suggesting that guests should wait for the host to indicate their seats and that the guest of honor should be seated in the best spot with a view of the main area or entrance.

05:00

🧍 Posture and Placement at the Table

Jamila advises on proper posture and placement at the table. She recommends sitting upright without slouching or pressing one's back against the chair, leaving space as if a kitten were behind the back. Elbows should not rest on the table while eating but are allowed during conversation breaks. She explains the differences in hand placement between American and French dining etiquette, with the former suggesting hands remain on the lap when not holding cutlery and the latter advising to keep wrists visible on the table. She also discusses the placement of personal items like phones and bags, recommending they be kept away from the dining area to maintain a respectful and focused dining experience.

10:03

🥄 Table Setting and Dining Etiquette

Jamila details the proper table setting, including the placement of napkins, plates, cutlery, and glasses. She demonstrates how to identify one's own bread plate and glasses using the 'B' and 'D' finger trick. She explains the correct way to unfold and use the napkin, as well as how to signal to the waiter or leave the table. The consultant also covers the proper way to hold and use different types of glasses for water, white wine, and champagne. She provides guidance on starting the meal by observing the host and waiting for everyone to be served before eating. She discusses bread plate usage, soup consumption with a soup spoon, and salad eating techniques, including both American and European styles.

🍰 Dessert and Ending the Meal

Jamila concludes the video by discussing dessert etiquette. She explains how to use a dessert fork and spoon, suggesting using the fork to hold the dessert and the spoon to cut and scoop. She advises taking a break to use the restroom before dessert if needed. After finishing the meal, she recommends signaling for the bill by making eye contact or raising a hand, and then leaving after paying. As a host, she suggests indicating to guests that it's time to leave, and as a guest, to follow the host's cue. Jamila emphasizes the importance of sending a thank-you message to the host after the dinner, suggesting a handwritten note or flowers to show appreciation.

Keywords

💡Table manners

Table manners refer to the set of behaviors and etiquette followed while dining, including how to hold cutlery, how to eat, and the type of conversation one engages in. In the video, table manners are emphasized as essential for personal comfort and for putting others at ease during dining experiences. The script discusses various aspects of table manners, such as seating arrangements, posture, and the use of cutlery.

💡Seating arrangements

Seating arrangements refer to the order and manner in which individuals are seated at a dining table. The video mentions that guests should wait for the host to indicate where to sit, with the best seats facing the main area or entrance. The guest of honor is given the most prominent seat, highlighting the importance of respect and hierarchy in dining etiquette.

💡Posture

Posture, in the context of dining etiquette, refers to the way one sits at the table. The script advises against slouching and suggests maintaining an upright position with shoulders back and a slight space between the back and the chair. This not only projects confidence but also adheres to the etiquette of not appearing too casual or disrespectful.

💡Elbows on the table

The script addresses the etiquette of placing elbows on the table during a meal, stating it is not acceptable while eating but acceptable during breaks for conversation. This distinction illustrates the nuanced rules of dining etiquette that reflect a balance between comfort and formality.

💡Hands on lap

In American dining etiquette, it is customary to keep hands in one's lap when not holding cutlery, whereas French etiquette requires hands to be visible on the table. This keyword highlights cultural differences in dining practices and the importance of being aware of such nuances when dining in different cultural contexts.

💡Phone etiquette

Phone etiquette pertains to the proper handling of mobile phones during dining to avoid distractions and maintain a respectful atmosphere. The video advises silencing phones and keeping them away from the dining area, emphasizing the importance of being present and engaged in the dining experience.

💡Bag placement

Bag placement refers to where one should put their bag during a meal. The script advises against placing bags on the ground due to cultural implications of disrespect, suggesting alternative placements such as on a special chair, using a bag holder, or on an empty chair nearby. This advice reflects the consideration for cultural norms and personal belongings during dining.

💡Dinner table setting

A dinner table setting refers to the arrangement of utensils, plates, and glasses on a dining table. The video provides a detailed description of a dinner table setting, including the use of a napkin, various types of cutlery for different courses, and glass placement, which is crucial for understanding the structured approach to dining.

💡Napkin usage

Napkin usage involves the proper way to handle a napkin during a meal, such as unfolding it, placing it on one's lap, and using it to wipe fingers or dab the lips. The script also explains how to indicate one's return or departure from the table by placing the napkin on the chair or the plate, respectively, which is a subtle yet significant part of dining etiquette.

💡Glass identification

Glass identification is about recognizing different types of glasses for water, wine, and champagne, and their appropriate use. The video script uses this concept to illustrate the importance of knowing which glass to use for which beverage, including how to hold them to maintain the drink's temperature and quality.

💡Dessert etiquette

Dessert etiquette encompasses the proper way to handle dessert utensils and enjoy the dessert course. The video demonstrates using a fork to hold the dessert and a spoon to cut it, which reflects the细致 and deliberate approach to enjoying each course of a meal.

💡Indicating for the bill

Indicating for the bill refers to the non-verbal cues used to signal to the waiter that one is ready to receive the bill. The script mentions eye contact or raising one's hand at the elbow as examples, which are part of the unspoken communication during dining that signifies the end of the meal.

Highlights

Table manners are your behavior around the table, including how you hold cutlery, eat, and converse.

Good table manners are essential for personal comfort and to put others at ease.

As a guest, wait for the host to gesture to your seat before sitting.

The host should point to the seat for guests, indicating where they should sit.

Guests should be given the best seats, facing the main area or entrance for the best view.

Maintain good posture by not slouching and leaving space between your back and the chair.

Do not place elbows on the table while eating, but it's okay during conversation breaks.

In American etiquette, keep hands in lap when not holding cutlery; in French etiquette, rest wrists on table.

Keep phones and bags away from the table; silence phones and place them in pockets or bags.

Use the bread plate for bread and the butter knife to spread butter.

Unfold the napkin once seated, with the host doing so first to indicate to guests.

Use the napkin to wipe fingers and dab lips, and place it on the chair if you return from the bathroom.

If leaving the table for good, place the napkin on the left side of the plate and fold it gently.

Hold water goblets by the bottom of the bowl, champagne glasses by the stem to avoid warming the drink.

Wait for the host to start eating before you begin; in a group, wait for everyone to be served.

Use the bread plate and butter knife to enjoy bread, taking one bite at a time.

For soup, use the soup spoon by dipping in the center and sliding to the edge of the bowl.

When cutting salad, use the American method of switching the knife to the other hand or the European method of leaving the knife in hand.

For the main course, use the main course fork and knife to cut food piece by piece.

After finishing the main course, signal for the bill by making eye contact or raising your hand at the elbow.

If invited to a dinner, send a thank-you message to the host the next day, and consider sending flowers with a handwritten note.

Transcripts

[Music]

Hello, I'm Jamila Musayeva, an international  social etiquette consultant and author of the  

book "Etiquette: The Least You Need to Know."  In today's video, I'm going to be telling you  

about what is the least that you need to know  about dining etiquette. Before I get started,  

let's address two questions. Number one,  what are table manners? Table manners are  

basically your behavior around the table, so  how you hold cutlery, how you eat, and even  

what kind of conversation you hold all make a  part of table manners. The second question that  

people often ask me is why do we even need table  manners, especially in today's world where our  

restaurants are casual dining places and we often  have informal dining experiences? The truth is,  

you need to have good table manners for your own  good. You will feel more comfortable at the table,  

and you'll put others at the table at ease with  your good manners. So, whatever the occasion,  

whatever the degree of formality the dinner  is, make sure you put your best foot forward.

Let's talk about seating arrangements. Where  should you sit if you're a guest and you are  

invited by a host or you say, your date? Then,  you would wait for him or her to gesture to the  

seat and take your seat afterwards. If you're  the host, then you do the same. You will point  

to the seat that's intended for your guests,  and he or she will take their seat. So,  

the rule of thumb is that the guests always get  the best seats, meaning he or she will be facing  

the main area or the entrance, so he or she will  get the best view. If you have multiple guests,  

then one guest will be your guest of honor, and  you should save that best seat for him or her.

Now that we have seated down, we need to  remember a couple of things. Number one,  

don't slouch. Don't sit like this. Roll your  shoulders backwards, straighten your back, and  

sit straight. Number two, don't press your back to  the back of the chair. Imagine you have a little  

kitten behind your back, so you are not pressing  the little kitten. Leave some space between the  

back of the chair and your own back. Number three,  do not place your elbows on the table when eating.  

However, it is acceptable to place your elbows  on the table whenever you're taking a break  

between the meal to have a conversation. Number  four: According to American dining etiquette,  

you're supposed to leave your hands on your lap  whenever they're not holding cutlery. In French  

dining etiquette, you're supposed to always rest  your wrist on the table so that your hands remain  

visible to your dining partners at all times.  This comes from an old, outdated notion that  

you might be holding some weapon in your hand  and hiding it on your lap underneath the table.

The question that I get asked a lot is what should  I do with my phone or my bag? The general rule is  

that whatever does not belong to the dining  experience by itself should be held away from  

the table. That applies to your phone and your  bag. You should silence your phone before sitting  

down and put it in your pocket or your bag. If  it's a large bag, you can place it on a special  

little chair designed for that bag, or you can ask  for a bag holder, which looks like a hook, and you  

can hang your bag from there. Alternatively, you  can also place your bag on an empty chair nearby.

It is acceptable to place your bag behind your  back but only in very rare cases. If you have a  

small bag that's like a clutch, you can place it  on your lap and cover it with a napkin. Whatever  

you do, do not place your bag on a ground  level. In some cultures and some traditions,  

it is seen as disrespectful to place a  bag on the ground, and it shows that you  

don't respect the money that you're holding in  your bag. So, always keep it off the ground.

Let's now look at our dining table. Where  should I start? This is my dinner table  

setting. I have a napkin, a plate, soup  spoons, a salad fork and knife, a main  

course fork and knife, a dessert fork,  a dessert spoon, and a dessert box. The  

dessert box should be much smaller than  this, but this is what I'm going to serve,  

and I'll be using it next. I also have a bread  plate where I'm going to eat my bread, and I  

have a butter knife. The interesting part about  this knife is that unlike traditional knives,  

it has a dull blade and is used to scoop the  butter and spread it, rather than cut it.

Next, I have my glasses. So, in order  not to confuse which one belongs to whom,  

I'm going to make the letters B and D  with my fingers. Where B is pointing,  

that's where my bread plate and butter knife  are, and where D is pointing, that's where the  

glasses are. In order not to confuse it with  that of your dining partners, use this trick.

Now that you are seated down, you unfold the  napkin. If you're the host, you do it first to  

indicate it to your guests. You can do it in  two ways: one with fold lines facing outward  

like this, or the other way around when you have  the folded lines facing inwards towards you. I  

actually prefer this way because I can basically  have my fingers and leave the stains inside,  

so from the outside, my napkin looks perfectly  clean. Once you place the napkin on your lap,  

you would use it to gently wipe your fingers and  also dab your lips with it if necessary. If you  

are going to the bathroom and you will be back,  you would place a napkin on the chair to indicate  

that you will be coming back. If you are leaving  the table for good and you're not coming back,  

then you would place the napkin on the left  side of the plate and gently fold it. There's  

no need to shape it back to its original shape,  and you can just leave the table. If you happen  

to drop your napkin, you can pick it up if you're  okay with that, or you can also indicate to the  

waiter that you want a new one. The glasses also  often get confused about which glass is for what.  

There's no need to worry about it because the  waiter or the son Leo would usually fill your  

glass. But it's good to know what is for what.  Let's look at this arrangement here. Generally,  

the taller glasses should be behind the shorter  glasses, or the glasses are often arranged in  

the order of their height from the tallest  to the shortest. Look at my arrangement. I  

can see that I have a glass for water, one  for white wine, and a glass of champagne.

So let's start with a water goblet. It usually  doesn't have a stem like you see in this case,  

and you hold the water goblet by the bottom  of the bowl like this. This is a quite  

recognizable glass. It's a champagne glass.  It's longer and thin. The shape assures that  

the bubbles in the champagne stay intact  while you're enjoying your drink. Also,  

make sure that you hold this glass by  the stem so your fingers are not actually  

touching the bowl and are not warming  up the drink while you're drinking it.

This is a white wine glass. Unlike the red wine  glass, which is shorter and larger, this glass  

is longer and thinner. The white wine glass is  shorter and larger because red wines have much  

broader taste notes, and they need more area to  breathe. With the red wine glass, both hold by the  

bottom of the bowl. So imagine this: a red wine  glass, you will hold it like this. For the white  

wine glass, you have to hold it by the stem so you  don't warm up your drink while you're drinking it.

So let's get started with our meal. Before  you start, watch your host to commence. If  

he or she starts to eat, then it's time to enjoy  your meal. If you're in a large group of people,  

then you would wait for everyone to be served  with their meal, and then you'll start to eat.  

The bread plate is used to enjoy a piece of  bread, and I use a butter knife to pick the  

butter and spread it on their bread piece, and  then I'm going to enjoy one bite at a time.

The first meal that I'm going to be enjoying  is soup. I'm going to use the soup spoon,  

dip it in the center of the bowl, take it to  the opposite edge of the bowl, slide gently,  

and then bring the spoon to my mouth in  order to make sure that I don't spill  

any on my lap. For my second course, I'm  going to have a salad. I'm going to use  

a salad knife. I will show you two  ways of eating, and one is American,  

which I'm going to currently show you. So you cut  one bite of mozzarella and tomato at a time. Then  

you would place your knife and switch your  work to the other hand and eat it like that.

The other way is the European or Continental  way of dining where I would just use the fork  

and knife and in the same way and use it to  cut my tomato and mozzarella. And then what's  

going to happen? I'm going to leave the knife in  my hand and eat it like that. Here I have my main  

course, which is chicken breast with Parmesan.  I'm going to use the main course fork and a  

main course knife to cut the chicken breast one  piece at a time. When you're done with the meal,  

you place your fork and knife in a position 12 to  6 o'clock with tines facing upwards or downwards,  

like the French dining etiquette does usually, or  you can also place it in a position of 10:00 to  

4:00 o'clock just like this, with a fork facing  tines facing down or facing up. It's up to you.

Once you've finished your main course,  it's now time to enjoy the dessert. This  

is a perfect time to excuse yourself from  the table and use the bathroom if you wish  

to. Here I have a dessert fork and a dessert  spoon. I will slide them to the both sides  

effective sites. I'm going to be using a fork  as a holder and a spoon to cut as a knife. So  

I'm going to hold the dessert with a fork and  cut it with the spoon, then use the fork to  

push any remaining particles that I want on  my spoon and use a spoon to eat my dessert.

Once you're done eating your dinner, it's  time to indicate to the waiter that you're  

expecting the bill. You can do so by having  eye contact with a waiter or by raising your  

hands at your elbow. Once you have paid the bill,  it's time to leave. You should take your napkin,  

fold it not too neatly, and place it on the left  side of your plate and leave. If you're the host,  

youshould indicate to your guests that  it's time to leave. If you're a guest,  

you should watch the host do so and leave.

On a final note, if this was a dinner you were  invited to, make sure you send a thank-you  

message to the host the next day. If you  really truly loved the dinner experience,  

you might also consider sending flowers with  a beautifully handwritten thank-you note. I  

guarantee you a beautiful handwritten  thank-you note will serve you a long,  

long way. Thank you so much for watching  this video, and I hope you really enjoyed  

it as much as I enjoyed filming this  for you. I'll see you next time. Bye. 

you [Music]