TED Conflict Negotiation

Summary

In this inspiring talk, the speaker recounts a Middle Eastern parable about three brothers and their inheritance of 17 camels, which leads to a negotiation impasse. The story illustrates the importance of finding an '18th camel' to resolve conflicts. The speaker emphasizes the role of the 'third side' in conflicts, representing the community that can mediate and facilitate resolution. Drawing from personal experiences in global conflict zones, the speaker introduces the concept of the 'Abraham Path,' a walking route that retraces the steps of Abraham to promote unity, hospitality, and economic opportunity, offering a transformative approach to longstanding disputes like the Middle East conflict.

Takeaways

• 🐫 The story of a man leaving 17 camels to his three sons, with fractions that don't divide evenly, illustrates the complexity of certain negotiations and the need for creative solutions.
• 👵 A wise old woman's suggestion to add her camel to make a total of 18 camels, allowing for fair distribution, highlights the importance of fresh perspectives in resolving conflicts.
• 🌐 The speaker's life passion is finding '18th camels' in global conflicts, emphasizing the potential for unity and reconciliation among diverse groups.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The concept of the 'third side' in conflicts, representing the surrounding community, is introduced as a key factor in mediating and resolving disputes.
• 🇸🇦 A personal experience in South Africa shows how the 'third side' can remind parties of the stakes and encourage dialogue over fighting.
• 🔍 The speaker's work in various global conflicts, including Yugoslavia, the Middle East, and Venezuela, underscores the universal need for constructive third-party involvement.
• 📚 The story of Abraham, as a symbol of unity and hospitality, is presented as a potential 'third side' narrative to counteract religious intolerance and terrorism.
• 🚶 The 'Abraham Path' initiative, retracing Abraham's steps across the Middle East, is described as a practical way to promote peace and understanding through walking tours.
• 🌱 The potential economic benefits of the Abraham Path for local communities, such as increased tourism and support for impoverished families, are highlighted.
• 🌳 The speaker concludes with an optimistic vision for peace, suggesting that by engaging as the 'third side,' individuals can contribute to global harmony and conflict resolution.

Q & A

What is the story of the 17 camels and how does it relate to negotiation?

The story of the 17 camels involves a father who leaves his three sons with a will that cannot be evenly divided: half, a third, and a ninth of the 17 camels. The sons struggle to divide the camels until a wise old woman suggests adding her own camel to make 18, allowing each son to take their share (9, 6, and 2) and leaving one camel to give back to the woman. This story illustrates the concept of finding a creative solution to a negotiation that initially seems impossible.

What is the '18th camel' in the context of the speech?

The '18th camel' is a metaphor for an innovative solution or a new perspective that can resolve a conflict or negotiation that initially seems intractable. It represents the fresh approach or additional resource that can transform a deadlocked situation into one with a win-win outcome.

How does the speaker define the 'third side' in conflicts?

The 'third side' refers to the surrounding community, friends, allies, family members, and neighbors who are not directly involved in the conflict but can play a constructive role in resolving it. This side helps remind the conflicting parties of the bigger picture and encourages dialogue and reconciliation.

What is the significance of the story of Abraham in the context of the Middle East conflict?

Abraham is considered a unifying figure in the Middle East, as he is revered by multiple religions and cultures. His story symbolizes unity, respect, and hospitality towards strangers, which can serve as an antidote to the region's conflicts. The speaker suggests that embracing Abraham's values could be a step towards peace.

What is the 'Abraham Path' mentioned in the script?

The 'Abraham Path' is a walking route that retraces the footsteps of Abraham across the Middle East. It aims to promote peace, understanding, and economic development by encouraging people to walk through the region, experience the local hospitality, and learn about the shared cultural heritage.

How does the speaker suggest the 'Abraham Path' can contribute to peace in the Middle East?

The speaker proposes that the 'Abraham Path' can serve as a unifying force by promoting tourism, economic opportunities, and cultural exchange. It encourages people to walk in Abraham's footsteps, fostering a sense of shared identity and mutual respect, which can help counteract hostility and terrorism.

What is the role of the third side in the speaker's experience with negotiations?

In the speaker's experience, the third side plays a crucial role in facilitating negotiations by helping parties maintain perspective, encouraging open dialogue, and reminding them of the stakes involved. It serves as a constructive force that can guide the negotiation back on track when tempers flare or disagreements arise.

Why does the speaker believe that every conflict can be transformed?

The speaker believes that every conflict can be transformed because they have witnessed the potential for change in various difficult and intractable conflicts around the world. They emphasize the power of the third side to influence outcomes positively and the importance of collective action in resolving disputes.

What is the significance of the oak tree metaphor used by the speaker?

The oak tree metaphor signifies the potential growth and strength of the 'Abraham Path' initiative. Just as an acorn represents the early stages of an oak tree, the 'Abraham Path' is in its nascent phase but has the potential to grow into a powerful force for peace and unity in the Middle East.

How does the speaker encourage the audience to take the third side?

The speaker encourages the audience to take the third side by suggesting small acts of kindness and understanding towards those who are different from them. They propose engaging in conversation, listening to others' perspectives, and participating in activities like the 'Abraham Path' to promote peace and unity.

Outlines

00:00

🐫 The Parable of the Camels and the Third Side of Conflict

The speaker begins with a parable about a man who bequeaths 17 camels to his three sons, with each son receiving a different fraction of the inheritance. Unable to divide the camels without conflict, they consult a wise woman who offers her own camel to help resolve the situation. This act of adding an '18th camel' allows for a fair distribution and symbolizes the concept of the 'third side' in conflict resolution. The speaker emphasizes the importance of stepping back and viewing conflicts from a fresh perspective, much like the wise woman did, to find innovative solutions. The 'third side' is introduced as the community or surrounding individuals who can play a constructive role in resolving conflicts, drawing parallels to the story of humanity's interconnectedness and the need to address differences in a peaceful manner.

05:00

🌟 The Power of Perspective and the Role of the Third Side

The speaker discusses the importance of maintaining perspective during conflicts, highlighting how the 'third side' can help by reminding parties of the bigger picture. A personal anecdote is shared about tense negotiations between Russian and Chechen leaders, where the speaker, as a facilitator, managed to steer the conversation back on track by adopting a 'balcony perspective.' The concept of the 'third side' is further explored in the context of the Middle East conflict, suggesting that a focus on the shared story of Abraham, who symbolizes unity and hospitality, could be a starting point for reconciliation. The speaker invites the audience to consider their role in the 'third side' and to engage with others to promote peace.

10:02

🚶‍♂️ The Abraham Path: A Walk Towards Unity and Understanding

The speaker introduces the idea of the 'Abraham Path,' a route that retraces the steps of Abraham across the Middle East, as a means to promote understanding and unity. The journey, which spans across multiple countries, is described as an experience of hospitality and kindness, contrary to the expected hostility. The speaker recounts their own experience walking the path and the profound impact it had on their understanding of the region. The initiative has grown to include local walks in various cities, virtual runs, and media coverage, all aimed at spreading the message of hospitality and unity. The economic benefits of the path are also highlighted, as it brings tourism and supports local communities, exemplified by the story of a woman in Jordan who cooks for walkers to earn an income.

15:04

🌳 From Acorns to Oak Trees: The Potential of the Abraham Path

In the final paragraph, the speaker likens the Abraham Path to an acorn, signifying its potential to grow into a mighty oak tree, much like the transformation of Europe post-World War II. The speaker expresses optimism that a common identity and economy, centered around the story of Abraham and tourism, could lead to peace in the Middle East. The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to take the 'third side' in conflicts, even in small ways, such as engaging in conversations with those from different backgrounds. The potential of collective action is emphasized through an African proverb about the strength of united spiderwebs, suggesting that a united third side can overcome even the most formidable challenges.

Keywords

💡Negotiation

Negotiation refers to a process where parties with different interests discuss and try to reach an agreement. In the video, negotiation is exemplified by the story of the three sons and the 17 camels, illustrating the complexity of resolving disputes. The speaker uses this story to highlight the need for creative solutions, like the '18th camel,' to resolve seemingly intractable conflicts.

💡Conflict

Conflict is a situation in which opposing needs, rights, or interests clash, typically involving parties with different perspectives. The video discusses various conflicts around the world, emphasizing the human propensity for conflict and the need for constructive engagement to find resolution, as symbolized by the 'third side' in conflicts.

💡Third Side

The 'third side' is a concept introduced in the video to represent the community or surrounding individuals who can influence the outcome of a conflict. It suggests that those not directly involved in a dispute can play a crucial role in mediating and resolving it. The speaker uses examples from his experiences to show how the third side can help parties to 'go to the balcony' and gain perspective.

💡Abraham Path

The 'Abraham Path' is a concept mentioned in the video as a means to promote peace and understanding through walking in the footsteps of Abraham, a figure significant in multiple religions. It's presented as a way to experience hospitality and unity across cultures and borders, with the potential to transform perceptions and foster economic opportunities.

💡Hospitality

Hospitality is the act of receiving guests or strangers with kindness and generosity. In the video, it is highlighted as a core value of Abraham and a potential antidote to terrorism and religious intolerance. The speaker shares stories of personal experiences where strangers were welcomed, reflecting the essence of Abraham's message.

💡Unity

Unity refers to the state of being united or as one. The video emphasizes the importance of unity, particularly in the context of Abraham's story, where he is seen as a symbol of unity and interconnectedness. The speaker suggests that promoting unity can help resolve deep-seated conflicts.

💡Terrorism

Terrorism is politically motivated violence against civilians, typically for intimidation purposes. The video contrasts terrorism with hospitality, suggesting that acts of kindness towards strangers can counteract the fear and hostility associated with terrorism.

💡Balcony Perspective

The 'balcony perspective' is a metaphor used in the video to describe a detached and objective viewpoint that allows for clear thinking and decision-making. The speaker encourages using this perspective to maintain focus on the bigger picture and avoid getting caught up in the heat of conflict.

💡Reconciliation

Reconciliation is the restoration of friendly relations. The video discusses the importance of not just resolving conflicts but achieving reconciliation, which involves healing and rebuilding relationships. The speaker shares an example of the San Bushman's practice of talking in circles until a resolution or reconciliation is found.

💡Economic Opportunity

Economic opportunity refers to the potential for economic growth and prosperity. The video connects the Abraham Path to economic opportunities, particularly in tourism, suggesting that promoting peace and understanding can lead to tangible economic benefits for communities along the path.

Highlights

The story of dividing 17 camels among three sons illustrates the complexity of negotiation.

Introducing an '18th camel' can resolve seemingly impossible negotiations.

The concept of the 'third side' in conflict resolution involves the surrounding community playing a constructive role.

The third side helps to remind parties in conflict of what's truly at stake.

The importance of maintaining perspective and not reacting impulsively in negotiations.

The potential for the third side to facilitate communication and prevent escalation in conflicts.

The story of Abraham as a symbol of unity and respect in the Middle East.

The idea of retracing Abraham's footsteps as a way to promote peace and understanding.

The Abraham Path Initiative as a practical application of the third side concept.

The impact of the Abraham Path on local communities and economies.

The potential for the Abraham Path to change perceptions from hostility to hospitality.

The power of storytelling in conflict resolution and cultural understanding.

The role of personal experiences and interactions in fostering empathy across cultures.

The potential for the Abraham Path to become a unifying economic and cultural force.

The importance of taking small steps as part of the third side to contribute to global peace.

The transformative power of unity and common identity, as seen in Europe's post-WWII recovery.

The call to action for individuals to engage in conversations and connections across differences.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

well the subject of difficult

negotiation reminds me of one of my

favorite stories from the Middle East of

a man who left to his three sons 17

camels and to the first son he left half

the camels to the second son he left a

third of the camel

and to the youngest son he left a ninth

of the camels well Three Sons got into a

negotiation 17 doesn't divide by two it

doesn't divide by three it doesn't

divide by nine brotherly temper started

to get strained finally in desperation

they went and they consulted a wise old

woman the wise old woman thought about

their problem for a long time and

finally she came back and said well I

don't know if I can help you but at

least if you want you can have my camel

so then they had 18 camels the first son

took his half half of of 18 is nine the

second son took his third a third of 18

is six the youngest son took his ninth a

ninth of 18 is two you get 17 they had

one camel left over they gave it back to

the wise old

woman now if you think about that story

for a moment I think it resembles a lot

of the difficult negotiations we get

involved in they start off like 17

camels no way to resolve it somehow what

we need to do is step back from those

situations like that Wise Old Woman look

at the situation through fresh eyes and

come up with an 18th

camel now finding that 18th camel in the

world's conflict has been my life

passion I basically see Humanity a bit

like those three brothers we're all one

family we know that scientifically

thanks to the communications Revolution

all the tribes on the planet all 15,000

tribes are in touch with each

other and it's a big family reunion and

yet like many family reunions it's it's

not all peace and light there's a lot of

conflict and the question is how do we

deal with our differences how do we deal

with our deepest differences given the

human propensity for conflict and the

human genius at devising weapons of

enormous destruction that's the question

as I've spent the last better part of

three decades almost four traveling the

world trying to work getting involved in

conflicts ranging from

Yugoslavia to the Middle East to Chia to

Venezuela some of the most difficult

conflicts on the face of the planet I've

been asking myself that question and I

think I've found in some ways what is

the secret to peace it's actually

surprisingly simple it's not easy but

it's simple it's not even new it's maybe

our one of our most ancient human

heritages the secret to peace is us it's

us who act as a surrounding Community

around any conflict who can play a

constructive role let me give you just a

story an

example about 20 years ago I was in

South Africa working with the parties in

that conflict and I had an extra month

so I spent some time living with several

groups of son Bushman I was curious

about them about the way in which they

resolve conflict because after all

they're within living memory they were

hunters and gatherers living pretty much

like our ancestors live for maybe 99% of

the human story

and all the men have these poison arrows

that they use for hunting absolutely

fatal so how do they deal with their

differences well what I learned is

whenever tempers rise in those

communities someone goes and hides the

poison arrows out in the bush and then

everyone sits around in a circle like

this and they sit and they talk and they

talk it may take two days 3 days 4 days

but they don't rest until they find a

resolution or better yet a

Reconciliation

and if tempers are still too high then

they send someone off to visit some

relatives there's a cooling off period

Well that system is I think probably the

system that kept us alive to this point

given our human

tendencies that system I call the third

side because if you think about it

normally when we think of conflict when

we describe it there's always two sides

you know it's Arabs versus Israelis

labor versus management husband versus

wife Republicans versus Democrats but

what we don't often see is that there's

always a third side and the third side

of the conflict is us it's the

surrounding Community it's the friends

the Allies the family members the

neighbors and we can play an incredibly

constructive role perhaps the most

fundamental way in which the third side

can help is to remind the parties of

what's really at stake you know for the

sake of the kids for the sake of the

family for the sake of the community for

the sake of the future let's stop

fighting for a moment and start talking

because the thing is when we're involved

in Conflict it's very easy to lose

perspective it's very easy to react

human beings were reaction machines and

as the saying goes when angry you will

make the best speech you will ever

regret and so the third side reminds us

of that the third side helps us go to

the balcony which is a metaphor for a

place of perspective where we can keep

our eyes on the prize let me tell you a

little story for my own negotiating

experience some years ago I was involved

as a facilitator in some very tough

talks between the leaders of Russia and

the leaders of

chcha there was a war going on as you

know and we met in the he in the peace

Palace in the same room where the

Yugoslav war crimes tribunal was taking

place and the talks got off to a rather

Rocky start when the vice president of

ccha began by pointing at the Russians

and said you should stay right here here

in your seats because you're going to be

on trial for war crimes and then he went

on and he turned to me and said you're

an American look at what you Americans

are doing in Puerto Rico and my mind

started racing Puerto Rico what do I

know about Puerto Rico I started

reacting but then I tried to remember to

go to the balcony and then when he

paused and everyone looked at me for a

response from a balcony perspective I

was able to thank him for his remarks

and say I appreciate your criticism of

my country and I take it as a sign that

we're among friends and can speak

candidly to one

another and what we're here to do is not

to talk about Puerto Rico or the past

we're here to do just to see if we can

figure out a way to stop the suffering

and the Bloodshed in chcha the

conversation got back on track that's

the role of the third side is to help

the parties go to the

balcony now let me take you for a moment

to what's widely regarded as the world's

most difficult conflict and the most

impossible conflict is the Middle East

question is where's the third side there

how could we possibly go to the balcony

now I don't pretend to have an answer to

the Middle East conflict but I think

I've got a first step literally a first

step something that any one of us could

do as third ciders let me just ask you

one question first how many of you in

the last years have ever found yourself

worrying about the Middle East and

wondering what anyone could do just just

out of curiosity how many of you okay so

the great majority of us

and here it's so far away why do we pay

so much attention to this conflict is it

the number of deaths there're 100 times

more people who die in a conflict in

Africa than in the Middle East no it's

because of the story because we feel

personally involved in that story

whether we're Christians Muslims or Jews

religious or non-religious we feel we

have a personal stake in it stories

matter as an anthropologist I know that

stories are what we use to transmit

knowledge to give meaning to our lives

that's what we tell here at Ted we tell

stories stories are the key and so my

question is

is yes let's try and resolve the

politics there in the Middle East but

let's also take a look at the story

let's try to get it the root of what

it's all about let's see if we can apply

the third side to it what would that

mean what is the story there now as

Anthropologist we know that every

culture has an origin

story what's the origin story of the

Middle East in a phrase It's 4,000 years

ago a man and his family walked across

the Middle East and the world has never

been the same since that man of course

was

Abraham and what he stood for was Unity

the unity of the family he's the father

of us all but it's not just what he

stood for it's what his message was his

basic message was Unity too the

interconnectedness of it all the unity

of it all and his Basic Value was re

respect was kindness towards strangers

that's what he's known for is

Hospitality so in that sense he's the

symbolic third side of the Middle East

he's the one who reminds us that we're

all part of a greater hole now how would

you now think about that for a

moment we today we Face a scourge of

terrorism what is Terrorism terrorism is

basically taking an innocent stranger

and treating them as an enemy whom you

kill in order to create fear what's the

opposite of terrorism it's taking an

innocent stranger and treating them as a

friend whom you welcome into your home

in order to sew and create understanding

or respect or

love so what if then you took the story

of Abraham which is a third Side Story

what if that could be actually an ant

because Abraham stands for

Hospitality what if that could be an

antidote to terrorism what if that could

be a vaccine against religious

intolerance how would you bring that

story to life now it's not enough just

to tell a story that's powerful but

people need to experience the story they

need to be able to live the story how

would you do that and that was my

thinking of how would you do that and

that's what comes to the first step here

because the simple way to do that is you

go for a walk you go for a walk in the

footsteps of Abraham you retrace the

footsteps of Abraham because walking has

a real power you know as an

anthropologist walking is what made us

human walking it's funny when you walk

you walk side by side in the same common

Direction now if I were to come to you

face to face and come this close to you

you would

feel

threatened but if I walk shoulder Tosh

shoulder even touching shoulders it's no

problem who fights why they walk that's

why in negotiations often when the

things get tough people go for walks in

the woods so the idea came to me of what

about inspiring a path a route think the

silk route think the Appalachian Trail

that followed in the footsteps of

Abraham people said that's crazy you

can't you can't retrace the footsteps of

Abraham that's too insecure you got

across all these borders it goes across

10 different countries in the Middle

East because it unites them all and so

we studied the idea at Harvard we did

our due diligence and then a few years

ago a group of us about 25 of us from 10

different countries decided to see if we

could retrace the footsteps of Abraham

going from his additional birthplace in

the city of Ura in southern turkey

northern

Mesopotamia and we then took a bus and

took some walks and went to haran where

in the Bible he sets off on his journey

then we crossed the border into Syria

went to Aleppo which turns out is named

after after Abraham we went to Damascus

which has a long history associated with

Abraham we then came to Northern Jordan

to Jerusalem which is all about Abraham

to Bethlehem and finally to the place

where he's buried in Hebron so

effectively we went from womb to tomb we

showed it could be done it was an

amazing journey let me ask you a

question how many of you have had the

experience of being in a strange

neighborhood or Strange

Land and a total stranger Perfect

Stranger comes up to you and shows you

some kindness maybe invites you into

their home gives you a drink gives you a

coffee gives you a meal how many of you

have ever had that

experience that's the essence of of the

Abraham path that's what you discovers

you go into these villages in the Middle

East where you expect hostility and you

get the most amazing Hospitality all

associated with Abraham in the name of

father ibraim let me let me offer you

some food so what we discovered is that

Abraham is not just a figure out of a

book for those people he's alive he's a

living presence and to make a long story

short in the last couple of years now

thousands of people have begun to walk

parts of the path of Abraham in the

Middle East enjoying the hospitality of

the people there they began to walk in

Israel in Palestine in Jordan in Turkey

in Syria it's an amazing experience men

women young people old people more women

than men actually interestingly for

those who can't walk uh who are unable

to get there right now people started to

organize walks in cities in their own

communities in Cincinnati for instance

they organized a walk from a church to a

mosque to a synagogue and then all had

an abrahama atic meal together it was

Abraham path day in s Paulo Brazil it's

become an annual event for thousands of

people to run in a virtual Abraham path

run uniting the different communities

the media love it they really adore it

they lavish attention on it uh because

it's Visual and it spreads the idea this

idea of Abraham anic Hospitality of

kindness towards

strangers and uh just a couple weeks ago

there was an NPR story on it uh last

month there was a piece in the in the

guardian uh in the Manchester Guardian

uh about it two two whole pages uh and

they quoted a quoted a villager who said

this walk connects us to the world was

he said it was like a light that went on

in our lives it brought us hope and so

that's what it's about but it's not just

about psychology it's about economics

because as people walk they spend money

and this woman right here ummad is a

woman who lives on the path in Northern

Jordan uh she's desperately poor she's

partially blind her husband uh can't

work she's got seven kids but what she

can do is cook and so she's begun to

cook for some groups of Walkers who come

through the village and have a meal in

her home they sit on the floor she

doesn't even have a tablecloth she makes

the most delicious food that's fresh

from the herbs in the surrounding

Countryside and so more and more walkers

have come and lately she's begun to earn

an income to support her family and so

she told our our team there she said you

have made me

visible in a village where people were

once ashamed to look at me

that's the potential of the Abraham path

there are literally hundreds of those

kind of communities across the middle

east across the

path the potential is basically to

change the game and to change the game

you have to change the frame the way we

see things to change the frame from

hostility to hospitality from terrorism

to tourism and in that sense the Abraham

path is a GameChanger let me just show

you one thing I have a Little Acorn here

that I picked up while I was walking on

the path earlier this year now the acorn

is associated with the oak tree of

course grows into an oak tree which is

associated with Abraham the path right

now is like an acorn it's still in its

early phase what would the oak tree look

like well I think back to my childhood a

good part of which I spent after being

born here in Chicago I I spent in Europe

if you had been in the ruins of say

London in 1945 or Berlin and you had

said 60 years from now this is going to

be the most peaceful prosperous part of

the planet people would have thought you

were certifiably insane but they did it

thanks to a common identity Europe and a

common economy so my question is if it

could be done in Europe why not in the

Middle East why not thanks to a common

identity which is the story of Abraham

and thanks to a common economy that

would be based in good part on

tourism so let me conclude then by

saying that in the last 35 years as I've

worked in some of the most dangerous

difficult and intractable conflicts

around the planet I have yet to see one

conflict that I felt could not be

transformed it's not easy of course but

it's possible it was done in South

Africa it was done in Northern Ireland

it could be done anywhere it simply

depends on us it depends on us taking

the third side so let me invite you to

consider taking the third side even as a

very small step we're about to take a

break in a moment just go up to someone

who's from a different culture a

different country a different ethnicity

some difference and engage them in a

conversation listen to them that's a

third side act that's walking Abraham's

path after a TED Talk why not a Ted walk

so let me just leave you with three

things one is the secret to peace is the

third side the third side is US each of

us with a single

step can take the world can bring the

world a step closer to

peace there's an old African proverb

that goes when spiderwebs unite they can

halt even the lion if we able to unite

our third side webs of Peace we can even

halt the lion of War thank you very

[Music]

much

[Music]

sharing that's video on the human

Network Cisco welcome to the human

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