How Do I Manage Self-Expectations?
Summary
TLDRThe transcript explores managing anger and expectations, focusing on the link between powerlessness and anger. It highlights how ego-driven patterns create negative self-talk, leading to cycles of anger and self-judgment. The speaker explains that anger is often triggered unconsciously and driven by the 'pain body'—a reservoir of past emotions, especially from childhood. Awareness and presence are key to breaking these patterns. By becoming more conscious of emotions, one can rise above unconscious reactions, promoting self-forgiveness and detaching from anger-driven behaviors in themselves and others.
Takeaways
- 😡 Anger often arises from a sense of powerlessness, with the ego pretending to be powerful while masking underlying fear.
- 💭 Expectation management and self-judgment can lead to feelings of frustration, creating a cycle of anger and self-criticism.
- 🤯 Beating yourself up for unconscious behavior perpetuates more unconsciousness and strengthens the egoic mind.
- 🧠 Egoic reactions, such as anger, come from deeply ingrained mind patterns and emotional pain bodies, often formed in childhood.
- 🐕 The example of a small dog barking at a larger one illustrates how powerless individuals may react with anger as a defense mechanism.
- 🔍 Awareness of unconscious patterns allows you to observe without judgment and break the cycle of reacting emotionally.
- 🌟 Recognizing that unconscious behavior is not your true identity helps foster forgiveness and self-compassion.
- ⚠️ Stress often acts as a trigger for anger, so becoming more alert when stress builds up can prevent automatic reactions.
- 🔋 Anger can sometimes take over before you realize it, especially when it stems from old patterns of emotional pain.
- 🛑 Treat moments of stress or anger as opportunities for spiritual practice, focusing on conscious awareness instead of reacting to the situation.
Q & A
What is the main issue the speaker is addressing in the transcript?
-The speaker is addressing the challenge of managing anger and expectations, particularly the frustration of becoming aware of one's frequent anger and feeling overwhelmed by it.
How does the speaker explain the concept of managing expectations of oneself?
-The speaker suggests that managing expectations involves recognizing that judging oneself for unconscious actions (like anger) leads to more unconsciousness. It's the ego criticizing itself for not being good enough, creating a cycle of self-judgment.
What is the ego’s role in anger, according to the speaker?
-The ego pretends to be powerful when reacting with anger, but the speaker notes that anger often stems from a sense of powerlessness, with the ego masking this vulnerability by pretending to assert control.
Why does the speaker compare anger to a child's reaction?
-The speaker compares anger to a child's reaction to powerlessness, where a child screams because it feels it has no other options. The ego mimics this by using anger as a defense when feeling powerless.
What is the ‘pain body’ and how does it relate to anger?
-The ‘pain body’ refers to old accumulated painful emotions, such as anger or sadness, that can dominate a person’s behavior. The pain body can be triggered, especially when people are under stress, leading to habitual anger reactions.
What does the speaker mean by saying the ego pretends there is power in anger?
-The speaker means that while anger can feel like a form of control or power, it is actually a reaction rooted in fear and powerlessness. The ego creates the illusion that anger is empowering, but it’s really a defense mechanism.
How can one avoid being overtaken by anger, as per the speaker's advice?
-The speaker advises becoming highly alert when stress or anger starts to build. By increasing awareness and presence in the moment, one can recognize the anger before it takes over and potentially avoid acting on it.
What does the speaker say about judging others or oneself for anger?
-The speaker emphasizes that equating someone's anger with their identity is judgment. Recognizing anger as a pattern, not a person’s true self, is important. The same applies to self-judgment—condemning oneself for anger only reinforces the ego’s grip.
How can one practice awareness in stressful situations according to the speaker?
-One can practice awareness by treating stressful situations as spiritual practices, focusing on maintaining consciousness rather than getting lost in the situation. Being fully present helps prevent unconscious reactions like anger.
What does the speaker suggest is the most important factor in dealing with anger and unconscious reactions?
-The speaker suggests that the most important factor is consciousness. Maintaining awareness and presence is more important than trying to control or fix the situation. Consciousness allows one to rise above habitual reactions like anger.
Outlines
😡 Understanding Anger and Expectations
In this section, the speaker explores the frequent experience of anger and the associated challenge of managing self-expectations. The speaker discusses how anger often arises from unconsciousness and powerlessness, feeding into a cycle of self-criticism. Thoughts such as 'I’m not good enough' contribute to this, resulting in deeper egoic reactions. Anger often overtakes the individual before they can control it, stemming from long-standing mental and emotional patterns, often tied to a 'pain body.' The speaker also mentions how childhood experiences, such as feelings of powerlessness, can lead to anger in adulthood, giving an example of children screaming to get what they want. The ego pretends anger is power, but underneath, it hides fear.
🐕 Recognizing Patterns and Forgiveness
This paragraph highlights the importance of recognizing unconscious patterns in both ourselves and others. Using the example of a small dog barking at a bigger one, the speaker explains how such reactions stem from powerlessness. Humans, similarly, act unconsciously through anger. When we see these patterns in others, we shouldn’t equate their identity with the anger but instead recognize it as an energy field that has taken over. This awareness is the first step toward forgiveness and non-judgment. The speaker emphasizes that judgment occurs when we identify a person solely by their behavior, such as labeling someone as 'an angry person,' which creates an expectation of further anger.
👁️ Becoming Aware of Ego and Self-Judgment
In this part, the speaker delves deeper into self-judgment and the ego’s role in perpetuating inner conflict. Many people engage in self-talk where one part of the mind condemns the other, often referring to themselves in the second person ('You can’t do it'). The speaker points out that this internal dialogue is part of the ego’s pattern, leading to further unconsciousness. However, once this pattern is recognized, a shift in awareness can occur, freeing the individual from the trap of self-condemnation. The speaker encourages being alert to stressful situations, knowing when they will trigger unconscious reactions like anger, and treating those moments as opportunities for spiritual practice and growth.
🌪️ The Power of Consciousness in Stressful Situations
This section emphasizes the importance of consciousness in dealing with stress and anger. The speaker advises that when individuals feel stress building up, they should become fully aware of their energy field and prepare themselves before engaging in potentially triggering situations, such as handling difficult conversations. By doing so, individuals can prevent anger or unconscious patterns from taking over. Consciousness, according to the speaker, is the most important factor, not the situation itself.
🔥 Pain Bodies and Anger Waiting to Erupt
In this final paragraph, the speaker explains how some people carry semi-dormant 'pain bodies' composed primarily of anger. These individuals may seem calm but are waiting for an excuse to get angry. The speaker mentions how you can sometimes sense this energy in others, especially when they appear ready to react negatively. This is the result of their inner pain body waiting for an external cause to release anger, turning them into 'a grievance looking for a cause.'
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Anger
💡Ego
💡Pain Body
💡Consciousness
💡Powerlessness
💡Judgment
💡Presence
💡Pattern
💡Self-talk
💡Forgiveness
Highlights
Managing expectations and anger is key to addressing unconsciousness.
Beating yourself up for being unconscious leads to more unconsciousness.
The mental image of oneself often says 'I'm not good enough,' which reinforces feelings of inadequacy.
Reactions like anger often stem from accumulated pain and powerlessness, dating back to childhood.
Anger arises quickly and can take over before a person has time to realize it.
The 'pain body' is a reservoir of old painful emotions, often manifesting as anger.
Behind anger, there is usually a sense of powerlessness and fear.
The ego uses anger to create a false sense of power, but it is actually a response to fear.
Recognizing unconscious behavior in oneself or others can lead to forgiveness and healing.
Judging oneself or others based on unconscious behavior is an ego-driven response.
Mind talk can divide the self, leading to self-condemnation and perpetuating the egoic state.
Awareness of stress build-up can help prevent anger from taking over.
Treat stressful situations as spiritual practices, focusing on consciousness over the situation itself.
Some people carry a 'semi-dormant' pain body, waiting for an excuse to become angry.
Understanding the pain body and egoic reactions allows for the possibility of rising above those patterns.
Transcripts
here a related
question as I'm Awakening I'm becoming
more aware of how often I'm angry and it
is getting
tiresome how do I manage the
expectations of
myself why well it's the
so man you need to manage the
expectations and then you need to manage
the anger anger management and
expectation
management expectation means you beat
yourself up for being
unconscious which is more
unconsciousness because the the mental
image of who you are says I'm not good
enough I can't do it you see been added
for 25 years and I still can't do it you
can't possibly be any good if you still
can't do it after 25
years those are thoughts that float
around in your
mind
and how do you feel as I suppose that's
byon ktie would ask that how do you feel
what do you believe in those
thoughts not good you're beating
yourself up and you feel an emotion feel
bad about myself more ego
more conceptualized identity in your
mind Concept in your mind about
you you derive your sense of self from
that more of the
same so the let's say it's anger the and
then you wake up after the anger
reaction say I did it again I'm no good
good so you have the
second egoic reaction to the first
one anger is something that is
uh comes in in many people very
fast so there may not be unless there's
already considerable Presence Power in
you there may not be enough presence to
catch it it takes you over before you
know it especially old
reaction and before you know it you are
talking and shouting and you are not
doing it at all it's a it's the pattern
it's the the Mind pattern mental
emotional pattern in you which often
related to what I call the pain body
which is old accumulated painful emotion
which could be anger which could be uh
deep depressed sadness anger is a very
frequent one the pain Body Energy just
waiting in people who have accumulated
old anger going back to Childhood
feeling powerless and what does a child
do when the child feels powerless starts
screaming that's all it can do and
sometimes it works sometimes the parents
come and say okay you can have the suite
if you scream loud enough so it's
powerlessness is always behind anger and
the ego pretends that there's your power
there in anger but anger Rises out a
sense of
powerlessness and it's a so that and
there's often fear hiding underneath it
and when you when you are there looking
at it then you can you realize it at
firsthand within yourself there is there
is a sense of powerlessness behind it
and the ego is pretending to to be
powerful when really it's in a state of
fear you can see it even with little
dogs the smallest dogs are the most bark
the most and whenever they their little
I've seen little little dogs when they
ever a big one goes past they get
angry because I mean if I were that size
I would do that too
probably so you are you
little uh Chihuahua or your little sweet
little beon
frie and and a Mastiff walks past or a
rotweiler who looks very quiet because
the rotweiler knows its own power it
doesn't need to it
goes and the little one
goes
but with dogs we smile when we see that
because we somehow recognize that
pattern and we smile and probably the
rotweiler has an inner smile too when he
walks
past but with humans it's more difficult
to smart and they
go and words come streaming out of their
mouth MTH it's more difficult to smile
and but it's possible not necessarily
say don't necessarily smile but
recognize it for what it is when you see
it in
another don't equate that with who that
person
is recognize it that the person has been
taken over by that energy
field and that already is a wonderful
thing that already we could call is
forgiveness in a wider sense we don't
equate unconscious Behavior with who
that person is if we equate it with who
that person is that is that's the real
meaning of
judgment judgment is not to
say to somebody I realize that you get
angry a lot and that person then might
tell you are you judging me no it's a
fact if I see that you get angry a lot
that was just a fact there's no judgment
in it but if I equate that with your
sensal identity of who you are you are
an angry person and then I always expect
more anger from you that's a judgment
not recognizing a pattern that operates
unconsciously through humans and taking
taking that for their identity is
judgment and you can do it to
yourself so you can judge yourself for
those things and that is just as much
ego as judging somebody else you can
beat yourself up and call yourself no
good and whatever else the selft talk
tells you in your head it's it calls you
you in
for in many people's minds they when
they talk the Mind talks to
you it says you see you are such and
such you see you can't do it sometime it
says I might say I in some people but in
many it says
you isn't that strange you talk to
yourself in your head one part of your
mind condemns the other
part when you see it you can rise above
it and there's a suddenly an awareness
that comes with it you're no longer
trapped in those patterns
I would recommend particularly to become
particularly alert when you know you're
getting stressed something a situation
is building up and some kind of for
example if you get anger takes over when
you get stressed could happen when when
you feel stress building up towards it
you can become very alert
so that you can doesn't take you over
what you know the anger is about to
about to
come or if it's if if you know certain
areas of your life are more likely to
make your conscious sometimes you know
just beforehand that yet those are going
to arise in the next minute or so and
then you can be alert feel the entire
energy field in your body be alert with
every cell of your body then pick up the
phone and talk
about the financial
situation with your investment
advisor so that and so treat those as
spiritual
practices and realize nothing is more
important
than
Consciousness not the situation it's
consciousness
uh some people's pain bodies are consist
as I said predominantly of anger and you
can some in some people you can sense
there their semi dormant pain body in
the background even when they're not
particularly angry right now
but there are people who are waiting for
the next opportunity to be angry that's
their pain body and sometimes when you
when you are sensitive towards other you
can feel energy Fields you can sometimes
sense in other people they're waiting
for an excuse to be
angry somehow when you look into their
eyes it's already there it's but it's
not them it's that which occupies their
inner energy field reach the pain body
and so they're waiting and any excuse
and they will get angry at you or
whoever it may
be so you become a grievance looking for
a
Cause
h
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