3 Things To Never Say To Your Toddler (And What to Say Instead)

Summary

This script discusses the impact of common phrases used with toddlers and suggests alternatives for fostering their development. It explains why saying 'Be careful' can be counterproductive, as it creates fear without teaching risk assessment. Instead, specific instructions and reassurances are recommended. The script also advises against using 'I'm leaving without you' to enforce obedience, as it can breed insecurity. It suggests acknowledging feelings and setting clear boundaries. Lastly, it warns against negative attention from saying 'Don't do this,' proposing positive directives instead. The video aims to empower parents to guide toddlers effectively, promoting safety, confidence, and independence.

Takeaways

• 👶 Saying 'Be careful' to toddlers can create fear without teaching them to identify danger, potentially hindering their willingness to explore and learn.
• 🛑 Using vague warnings like 'Be careful' is less effective than providing specific instructions to guide children's behavior.
• 🚼 Encouraging toddlers to take manageable risks is crucial for fostering self-confidence, independence, and overall development.
• 🤔 Asking questions like 'Do you feel safe?' can prompt toddlers to consider their safety instead of instilling fear.
• 👋 The phrase 'Bye, I'm leaving now!' can make toddlers feel insecure and anxious as they take such statements literally.
• 🏡 When leaving a fun activity, acknowledging the child's feelings and offering positive reasons to leave can make the transition smoother.
• 🚫 Instead of saying 'Don't throw your food,' instruct toddlers positively with what they should do, which is easier for them to understand.
• 🎉 Praising toddlers with generic terms like 'clever' or 'smart' may not be as effective as more specific and genuine praise.
• 🌟 To build self-esteem, it's important to praise toddlers in a way that encourages exploration and acknowledges their efforts.
• ❌ Avoid using phrases that can inadvertently teach toddlers to disregard your warnings by not following through on threats.

Q & A

Why is telling your toddler to 'Be careful' potentially problematic?

Telling your toddler to 'Be careful' signals danger without explaining what that danger is or how to avoid it. Over time, this can make them fearful of trying new things, reducing their ability to explore and grow confidently.

What are the unintended negative impacts of frequently using the phrase 'Be careful'?

Using 'Be careful' can cause toddlers to become fearful of new experiences, limiting their willingness to take manageable risks, which are crucial for their development. This can also lead to reduced self-confidence and a reliance on seeking parental approval before attempting anything new.

What are some alternatives to saying 'Be careful'?

Instead of saying 'Be careful', offer specific instructions like 'Put the stick down, you might hurt someone.' Or, ask them to assess their safety with questions like 'Do you feel safe?' or provide reassurance by saying 'I'm right here if you need me.'

How can parents balance their own fears while encouraging their child to take risks?

Parents can support their child by staying close enough to intervene if needed, offering reassurance like 'I'm right here if you need me' without giving the impression that the activity is dangerous.

What should you do if your toddler resists leaving a fun activity?

Acknowledge their feelings by saying, 'You're having so much fun, it's hard to leave.' Set boundaries, 'But it's time to go home now,' and make leaving enticing by mentioning fun things awaiting them at home. Offer choices, like 'Would you like to walk or should I carry you?'

Why is saying 'I'm leaving now!' a bad strategy to get a toddler to leave?

Toddlers take things literally, and saying 'I'm leaving now!' may make them anxious, believing they could be abandoned. Over time, this can damage trust and make them feel insecure about their parents' love and presence.

How can parents discourage unwanted behaviors like food throwing?

Instead of saying 'Stop throwing your food!', tell the toddler what they should do instead, like 'Food stays on the table or goes in your mouth.' This makes it easier for them to understand and reduces the temptation to repeat the unwanted behavior for attention.

What is the problem with saying 'Don't throw your food' to a toddler?

When parents say 'Don't throw your food,' toddlers may get confused about what they should do instead. The negative reaction also gives them attention, which can encourage the behavior. Clear instructions on what to do are more effective.

How can using clear instructions instead of 'no', 'don't', or 'stop' benefit your toddler?

Clear instructions help toddlers understand exactly what is expected of them, reducing frustration and boosting their confidence. They feel more capable when they know what to do, which supports their emotional development.

Why is giving genuine praise like 'You're so smart!' potentially harmful?

Phrases like 'You're so smart!' may unintentionally create pressure to always be seen as smart, leading toddlers to avoid challenges. Instead, parents should focus on praising specific actions or efforts, which encourages a growth mindset and builds resilience.