Stop Saying These 3 Things To Your Toddler (and what to say instead)

Summary

In this video, the importance of how we communicate with toddlers is explored, specifically focusing on three commonly used phrases that can have negative effects on their emotional, social, and cognitive development. Phrases like 'You're okay,' 'Use your words,' and 'Because I said so' may dismiss their emotions, hinder their ability to express themselves, and frustrate their learning. Instead, the video suggests alternatives like acknowledging feelings, modeling language, and explaining decisions to encourage emotional growth, better communication, and critical thinking skills. This guidance helps create a more supportive and understanding environment for toddlers.

Takeaways

• 😀 Saying 'You're okay' after a child falls may dismiss their emotions, leading them to doubt their own feelings. Instead, acknowledge their emotions and offer comfort.
• 😀 Acknowledge your toddler’s feelings with phrases like 'It scared you when you fell' to validate their experience and help them process their emotions.
• 😀 Telling a toddler 'Use your words' when they're struggling to express themselves can be frustrating. Instead, model the language they need to use.
• 😀 Toddlers are still developing their vocabulary and may not be able to use words to express their feelings. Provide them with the words they need to label emotions.
• 😀 Saying 'Because I said so' can leave toddlers feeling frustrated and powerless. Explain the reasoning behind your decisions to foster better understanding.
• 😀 Using 'Because I said so' misses an opportunity to engage a child’s curiosity and teach them why rules exist, which is key to their development.
• 😀 Instead of 'Because I said so', try explaining things like 'I know you want to play, but we need to do this now. We can play later.'
• 😀 Repeatedly acknowledging feelings such as saying 'I see you're upset' can sometimes escalate tantrums. Learn when and how to respond appropriately.
• 😀 Encouraging your toddler to express themselves builds their emotional confidence and helps them develop stronger communication skills.
• 😀 Avoiding these phrases and offering better alternatives promotes emotional health and supports the cognitive development of your child.

Q & A

Why might the phrase 'You're okay' be problematic for toddlers?

The phrase 'You're okay' may dismiss a toddler's feelings when they are hurt or upset. It doesn't acknowledge their pain or discomfort, which could lead them to question their own emotions and make it harder for them to express what they're going through.

What are the negative long-term impacts of consistently using the phrase 'You're okay'?

If used too often, this phrase can discourage toddlers from expressing their true feelings, as they may feel like they are supposed to be 'okay' when they're not. This can affect their emotional health and ability to build strong relationships in the future.

What should parents say instead of 'You're okay' to help toddlers manage their emotions?

Instead of saying 'You're okay', parents should acknowledge their toddler's feelings. For example, 'It scared you when you fell over. Do you need a hug?' or 'Oh, that really hurt. Would a band-aid help?' This encourages the child to express their emotions and feel understood.

Why do toddlers often resort to whining or pointing instead of using words?

Toddlers may whine or point because their vocabulary is still developing, and they might struggle to find the words to express what they are feeling or wanting. They are still learning how to label and communicate their emotions.

How can parents help toddlers express themselves when they can't find the right words?

Parents can model the language toddlers need by labeling their emotions and actions. For example, 'You're frustrated because you can't reach that truck. You want the truck. Here it is.' This helps toddlers expand their vocabulary and develop better communication skills.

What is the issue with saying 'Use your words' to a toddler who is struggling to communicate?

Telling a toddler to 'Use your words' can be frustrating because they may not have the vocabulary or language skills to do so. Instead, parents should model language and provide clear examples to help the child express themselves.

Why is the phrase 'Because I said so' not ideal for explaining rules or boundaries to toddlers?

'Because I said so' is problematic because it provides no context or reasoning for a rule or decision, which can leave a toddler feeling frustrated, powerless, or confused. It can also discourage them from learning the reasoning behind decisions, affecting their critical thinking skills.

How can parents effectively explain rules or decisions to toddlers instead of saying 'Because I said so'?

Parents should take a moment to explain the reasoning behind their decisions. For example, 'I know you want to go to the playground, but I need to go grocery shopping today. How about we go tomorrow instead?' This helps toddlers understand the 'why' behind decisions and supports their emotional development.

What might happen if parents constantly dismiss toddlers' questions with 'Because I said so'?

If this phrase is used repeatedly, toddlers may feel like their curiosity doesn't matter. They may become less likely to ask questions in the future, affecting their ability to learn and explore the world around them.

What is the key takeaway for parents when it comes to managing phrases like 'You're okay', 'Use your words', and 'Because I said so'?

The key takeaway is that while these phrases may seem effective in the short term, they can hinder emotional development, self-expression, and learning if used too frequently. Parents should instead acknowledge their child's feelings, model language, and explain decisions to foster emotional intelligence, communication skills, and a better understanding of the world.