Dealing with the Fear of the Self Breaking Down
Summary
TLDRIn this reflective dialogue, an individual discusses their meditation journey, which has led to a profound inner transformation. They describe feeling energy and intrusive thoughts, leading to a breakdown of their self-concept. The conversation explores the deconstruction of the self as a series of relationships, memories, and ideas, revealing an underlying unity akin to a canvas behind a painting. The individual finds solace in a 'solid ground' of self-awareness amidst the upheaval. The discussion suggests channeling physical manifestations of energy into creative outlets, like dance, to facilitate the process of self-discovery and acceptance.
Takeaways
- 🧘 The individual has been meditating for years and has experienced a deep sense of bliss, but recently started feeling intense energy and intrusive thoughts.
- 📉 They feel a breakdown of their self-concept and are being forced to let go of their self-identity.
- 🤔 The deconstruction of the self involves the dissolution of memories, thoughts, images, and relationships that form one's identity.
- 🌟 The true self, likened to a canvas or screen, unifies these elements and remains intact even as the elements dissolve.
- 🎨 The analogy of an old oil painting is used to describe how the self's image disintegrates, revealing the canvas beneath.
- 🏝️ The individual feels they have a solid place to stand amidst the storm, symbolizing a core sense of self that remains stable.
- 🌪️ The process of self-deconstruction can be triggered by significant life events and can vary greatly from person to person.
- 💔 For some, the process is gentle and peaceful, while for others, like the individual, it can be dramatic and unsettling.
- 🏋️♂️ Physical manifestations of energy should not be ignored; they can be channeled into creative or positive outlets, such as dance.
- 🙏 The advice given is to take refuge in one's own being and allow the process of change to unfold naturally.
Q & A
What is the experience described by the individual in the script?
-The individual describes a meditative experience where they feel a lot of energy in their head and body, along with fearful and intrusive images and thoughts. They mention a sense of self-deconstruction and letting go of self-concepts.
What does the term 'deconstructed' refer to in the context of the script?
-In the script, 'deconstructed' refers to the process of breaking down the carefully constructed image of one's self, which includes thoughts, memories, relationships, and other elements that contribute to one's identity.
What is the analogy used to explain the self and its deconstruction?
-The analogy used is that of an old oil painting where each brushstroke represents a memory, thought, idea, image, or relationship. The canvas represents the true self that holds all these elements together, which is revealed as the paint (self-concepts) flakes off.
How does the individual describe the process of self-deconstruction?
-The individual describes the process as both frightening and transformative. They mention that the self has become like an island in a storm, but they have found a solid place to stand, which is their true self.
What advice is given regarding the physical manifestations experienced during meditation?
-The advice given is not to ignore the physical manifestations but to channel the energy into a creative or positive outlet, such as dancing, to prevent it from consuming the individual.
What is the significance of the 'solid place' mentioned by the individual?
-The 'solid place' signifies the individual's true self or being, which remains intact and is revealed as the various elements of their self-concept dissolve.
How does the script differentiate between different experiences of self-deconstruction?
-The script suggests that for some, the process is gentle and peaceful, while for others, it can be dramatic and initiated by significant life events, leading to a more intense experience.
What role does the concept of 'awareness' play in the script?
-Awareness is presented as the background that filters through into the foreground of experience as the self-concept dissolves, offering a sense of relief and joy.
Why might the process of self-deconstruction be initiated?
-The process can be initiated by various factors such as the breakup of a relationship, loss of a loved one, illness, or other traumatic events that challenge one's identity and security.
What is the recommendation for dealing with the energy experienced during this process?
-The recommendation is to give the energy a positive outlet, such as movement or creative expression, to prevent it from becoming overwhelming and consuming the individual.
How does the script relate the process of self-deconstruction to the practice of meditation?
-The script relates self-deconstruction to meditation by suggesting that meditation can lead to a deeper understanding and experience of one's true self, beyond the constructs of the ego and self-concept.
Outlines
🧘♀️ Meditation and Self-Deconstruction
The speaker shares their meditation journey, highlighting a period of bliss and later, a challenging phase where they experienced intense energy and intrusive thoughts. They describe a process of self-deconstruction, where their self-concepts are breaking down, and they are being forced to let go of their identity. The speaker uses the analogy of a painting to explain how the various elements of their self, such as memories and relationships, are flaking off, revealing the 'canvas' or the true self beneath. They express fear and emotional turmoil during this transition but also find solace in the realization that there is a solid ground to stand on, which they associate with their true self.
🌀 The Process of Change and Physical Manifestations
In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the variability of the self-deconstruction process, which can be gentle or dramatic, depending on the individual. They mention that external factors like relationship breakdowns or illness can trigger this process. The speaker feels that their experience is on the dramatic side, causing them to feel shaken and in transition. The advice given is to embrace the physical manifestations of this change, suggesting that the speaker should not ignore the energy coursing through their body but instead channel it into creative or positive outlets, such as dance, to prevent it from consuming them.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Meditation
💡Energy
💡Fearful and Obtrusive Images
💡Deconstruction
💡Self-Concept
💡Disparate Elements
💡Canvas of Self
💡Peeling Away
💡Solid Ground
💡Physical Manifestations
Highlights
Meditation has led to increased energy sensations and fearful thoughts.
The self-concept is breaking down, leading to a release of fear and self-deconstruction.
The self is composed of history, relationships, memories, ideas, and a body.
There is an underlying unity to the self, similar to a movie screen behind the characters.
The process of self-deconstruction involves letting go of thoughts, images, and memories.
The background that holds the self together remains intact even as the self-image falls apart.
The self is like an old oil painting where the paint is flaking off to reveal the canvas.
The self has become an island amidst a storm, suggesting a sense of isolation.
The solid ground to stand on is the true self, which remains firm amidst change.
Meditation experiences can vary greatly, with some having a gentle process of self-discovery.
Traumatic life events can initiate the process of self-deconstruction.
The process of self-deconstruction can be dramatic, leading to a shaken sense of self.
Having a solid ground or sense of being is essential during the process of self-discovery.
Physical manifestations of energy should not be ignored and can be channeled positively.
Creative outlets like dance can help express and dissipate the energy experienced during meditation.
Transcripts
um i've been meditating for a few years
and i have a duet background
i was in a very good place able to see
myself and others
very blessed out very blissful about a
year ago i started feeling a lot of
energy in my head
and um different parts of my body and
very
fearful and obtrusive images and
thoughts
i kind of written them down so i can get
through it um
i feel like myself is breaking down and
being forced to let go of my
self-concepts i could
feel like deconstructed a lot of fear
of how to deal with the support and
when you say you're you're
you feel that yourself is being
deconstructed and there's
fear around that what is what is being
um deconstructed is
is the the self that
consists of a
a history a series of relationships a
series of memories a series of ideas
a body a future all of these
ideas go into the into the make of
yourself
and there is something that unifies
all of this and makes it instead of
instead of just having
disparate thoughts memories images
relationships there is something that
unifies
all of these elements of yourself into a
into a hole but that which unifies
all the disparate elements of your
character
is is transparent
it's like the screen behind the movie
that unifies
all the different characters in the
movie
uh what is being um dismantled
uh are other
all the the the thoughts the images the
memories the activities the
relationships these are
these are being um
you are letting these go so this
carefully constructed
image of a self is beginning to to fall
apart
the the the background
that holds all of these elements
together
it remains intact in fact it is being
revealed
as the different elements fall apart
it's like
um it's like a uh what would be a good
analogy
um
it's like a if you if you take a
painting a painting of a portrait
there's a portrait of you
it's a portrait of you it's an old oil
painting
of you and of course the oil painting
consists
of several hundred brush strokes
that's all the painting is several
hundred brush strokes on a single canvas
now when the painting was first
made you couldn't see the canvas the
canvas was invisible
but it was that which held all the brush
strokes together so it didn't look like
several hundred brush strokes it looked
like one painting
so each brushstroke in the analogy is a
memory a thought an idea an image a
relationship etc so now
what's happening is that the the
painting is old you've had it in your
basement for a while it's got damp and
now it's drying out so the paint
is beginning to flake off
so the integrity of the image is
beginning to
to to to disintegrate there are patches
where the paint has fallen off
but what are you seeing through the in
the patch you're beginning to see the
canvas you're beginning to see that
which held the image together and that
is not disintegrating
it's true it's a little frightening to
see
this marvelous image of yourself slowly
disintegrate but what is being revealed
is the canvas of yourself
behind it sir rupert
um i have to say that basically the self
has become like this little island and
the storm
rages around it so i i think um i'm
sorry i got so emotional but
i have i finally have a place to stand
like i i have firm ground to stand on
i was able to build that firm from back
so i have a place to stand which is you
know feels like solid
but um what is that place what is the
solid place you stand on
that is a cell phone okay good
yes so um i think it was been very rocky
uh maybe nine months but today i have a
place to stand but
is this normal is this i don't know what
happened
you know i used to i always you know i
thought meditation was beautiful
well and it it varies it varies for some
people
the peeling away of the paint
to continue with the old analogy the
peeling away of
the paint is a is a gentle process
it's more like a fading of the paint
and as the paint fades them
the canvas in the background begins to
to filter through
so they don't even feel it as a great
loss
of the image they just feel the
background of awareness filtering
through into the foreground of their
experience and it's a
peaceful joyful it's a relief
so for some people it's like that for
other people it's more dramatic
uh it sometimes it is sometimes this
process
is sometimes initiated by
the breakup of a relationship uh the
loss of a loved one
um an illness
uh the collapse of one's
or all sorts of traumatic events in
one's life can
initiate this process and sometimes it
can feel
not as if the paint is just quietly
fading but that it's peeling rather
dramatically
well in your case it might be the latter
you you may you may feel that this um
this dissolution
of all the elements of your experience
in which you have invested your
identity and your security is
is dramatic and it's leaving you a
little shaken
uh not able to you're
you're letting go of the old image but
you're not quite established
in yourself so you find yourself
somewhere in between the two although
you you say you have
solid ground but that's good if you have
solid ground if your
your being is of course the solid ground
if that is so then just take refuge
in yourself and let the paint peel off
thank you robert so is there anything to
do with the uh with the physical
just ignore all the physical
manifestations is that just
no no no no don't don't ignore the
physical manifestations take care
of your body
i mean all the energy is that is that
something
not not to think about or
i'm not quite sure what to do with a lot
of energy coursing through the body or
try to give it some
positive outlet
rather than just sit and feel that you
are at the mercy of this energy
try to try to channel it into some
creative or positive
outlet do you like to dance
i do perfect when you feel this this
energy
move express it through movement
give it a form and then it won't consume
you
you will give it a form and it will
gradually dissipate
if you don't give it a form it will tend
to
just go inwards and and consume you
thank you robert thank you
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