Glennon Doyle presenting a live session About Boys and Men of present time

Summary

In this reflective talk, the speaker discusses the pressures and expectations placed on both men and women by societal norms, drawing parallels between her own experiences and the broader cultural 'taming' of genders. She shares her journey from feeling disconnected from men due to perceived performative gender roles to finding a new understanding and connection after her marriage to a woman. The speaker also expresses concern for her son, emphasizing the importance of allowing boys to express their full humanity without societal constraints. She calls for a collective conversation on breaking free from gender stereotypes to embrace a more compassionate and equitable society.

Takeaways

• 🕊️ The speaker discusses the impact of societal expectations and 'taming' on both men and women, suggesting that these pressures are equally present but manifest differently.
• 🌟 The speaker shares a personal struggle with punctuality and responsibility, attributing it to past experiences as an addict and the fear of disappointing others.
• 🔄 There's a noted change in how the speaker relates to men since marrying a woman, suggesting that the absence of traditional gender performances allows for deeper connections.
• 🚹 The script touches on the 'caging' of men's identities, where they are expected to exhibit certain behaviors such as dominance and stoicism, which are detrimental to their true selves.
• 👶 The speaker expresses concern for the societal messages that boys receive, which strip them of their vulnerability and humanity at an early age.
• 👧 The importance of challenging gender norms is emphasized, especially in raising children to be aware of and resist the toxic messages that can limit their potential.
• 💔 The speaker recounts a moment of realization about the double standards and harsher societal judgments faced by men when they attempt to express vulnerability or step outside traditional gender roles.
• 🗣️ The narrative includes a critique of the patriarchy and how it enforces gender roles through shaming and societal pressure, which maintains an unjust status quo.
• 🌐 The script suggests that dismantling gender stereotypes is not just a women's issue but a collective effort to free everyone from the constraints of prescribed gender behaviors.
• ❤️ The speaker concludes with a call for continued conversation and action to liberate boys and men from societal 'taming,' emphasizing the importance of empathy and humanity.

Q & A

Why did the speaker decide to hold the meeting on Memorial Day despite their initial hesitation?

The speaker decided to hold the meeting on Memorial Day because they felt nervous about not showing up for their audience, indicating a sense of responsibility and commitment to their routine.

What phobia does the speaker mention having, and how do they relate it to their past?

The speaker mentions having a phobia of being late or missing something they're supposed to be at, which they relate to their past as an addict, where they often disappointed people and missed events.

How does the speaker describe the 'cages' that both men and women are forced into by societal norms?

The speaker describes the 'cages' as societal constructs that force both men and women into prescribed roles, with men experiencing an 'equal and opposite taming' that confines them to certain behaviors and expectations.

Why has the speaker historically found it difficult to connect with men?

The speaker found it difficult to connect with men because she felt that both genders were performing their roles rather than being genuine, and she was particularly put off by what she perceived as a 'conquering energy' in men.

How has the speaker's relationship with men changed since marrying a woman?

The speaker's relationship with men has changed as she feels that the energy between her and men has shifted, suggesting that perhaps the need to perform gender roles is diminished, leading to more authentic interactions.

What realization does the speaker come to about her past interactions with men?

The speaker realizes that it wasn't men themselves she didn't like, but rather the performance of masculinity that she found off-putting.

What message did the speaker try to instill in her daughters to counteract societal messages about girls?

The speaker tried to instill in her daughters the message that they could be bold, brave, certain, ambitious, and hungry, and still be girls, aiming to raise them to be critical of societal lies rather than passive consumers of them.

Why does the speaker feel that men's humanity is often lost, and what examples does she provide?

The speaker feels that men's humanity is lost because they are taught from a young age to suppress tenderness and vulnerability in favor of ambition and conquest. She provides examples such as hazing incidents, military suicides, and toxic behaviors in positions of power.

What is the 'zookeeper' metaphor referring to in the context of the script?

The 'zookeeper' metaphor refers to societal and cultural forces that enforce gender roles and shame men back into their prescribed roles when they attempt to express vulnerability or step outside of traditional masculinity.

Why does the speaker believe that the expression of certain human traits is suppressed in society?

The speaker believes that the expression of traits like tenderness, mercy, and vulnerability is suppressed because these traits threaten the status quo of an unjust society that benefits from maintaining power imbalances and perpetuating harmful norms.

What is the speaker's call to action at the end of the script regarding the taming of men and boys?

The speaker calls for continued conversation and examination of how to free little boys from societal taming, emphasizing the importance of allowing them to retain their full humanity without shame or suppression.