Being famous is like being a woman: musings on a haircut

Summary

Dr. Orion Taban explores the parallels between fame and being a woman in terms of receiving unearned attention and gifts. He reflects on his newfound recognition through his YouTube channel and how it contrasts with his past anonymity. Taban discusses the implications of this attention on self-worth and the societal expectations placed on women, suggesting that men should reconsider giving unearned attention to women to challenge these norms. He also promotes his upcoming book and GRE test prep program, Stellar, for those interested in academic advancement.

Takeaways

• 🎥 Dr. Orion Taban discusses the unique experiences that come with being famous, drawing parallels to the experiences of women and how they are treated in society.
• 👤 He shares a personal anecdote about receiving a free haircut offer from a barber who enjoyed his YouTube content, highlighting an instance of strangers showing appreciation.
• 🤔 Dr. Taban reflects on how this experience was the first time as an adult that he received a gift from a stranger without any apparent reason, unlike his past interactions with women.
• 💇‍♂️ He uses the example of the haircut to explore the concept of value exchange and the sexual marketplace, considering the implications of receiving gifts and attention based on attractiveness rather than merit.
• 👀 He suggests that the attention and gifts women receive can lead to a distorted view of self-worth and a sense of entitlement, similar to the fame he has experienced.
• 👍 Dr. Taban appreciates the positive interactions he has with fans, which validate his work and contribute to his confidence in continuing his channel.
• 🌟 He compares the visibility of fame to physical attractiveness, noting that both can elicit immediate and apparent reactions from others, including offers of gifts and compliments.
• 🚫 He argues that men should stop giving unearned attention to women, as it contributes to unrealistic expectations and self-worth perceptions among women.
• 📚 Dr. Taban is promoting his upcoming book 'The Value of Others' and offers a newsletter for those interested in his work.
• 🔗 He provides a call to action for those interested in booking a paid consultation and mentions his online GRE self-study program, Stellar, for those pursuing advanced degrees.

Q & A

Who is Dr. Orion Taban and what is the topic of his talk?

Dr. Orion Taban is a psychologist and the speaker in the video script. The topic of his talk is the comparison between the experience of being famous and being a woman, drawing from his own experiences after gaining some fame through his YouTube channel.

What was the first significant experience Dr. Taban had after becoming more well-known?

The first significant experience Dr. Taban had was receiving a message from a barber in San Francisco who offered him a free haircut because he and his colleagues enjoyed Dr. Taban's content.

How did Dr. Taban initially react to the barber's offer?

Dr. Taban was touched by the barber's offer, appreciating the genuine gesture of appreciation, but he never took the barber up on his offer.

What perspective does Dr. Taban use to analyze his experience with the barber's offer?

Dr. Taban uses the perspective of behavioral economics and the sexual marketplace to analyze his experience and the value of the gift he was offered.

How does Dr. Taban relate his experience of being famous to the experiences of women?

Dr. Taban relates his experience of being famous to women's experiences by discussing how both can receive unsolicited attention and gifts, and how this can impact their perception of self-worth and entitlement.

What is the difference Dr. Taban sees between the attention he receives as a famous person and the attention women receive?

The difference is that as a famous person, Dr. Taban has earned the attention through his work, whereas women often receive attention seemingly just for being themselves, which can lead to a distorted view of self-worth.

What advice does Dr. Taban give to men regarding the attention they give to women?

Dr. Taban advises men to stop giving women unearned attention, as it contributes to a distorted sense of self-worth and entitlement in women.

What is the name of the GRE test prep program Dr. Taban mentions in the script?

The GRE test prep program Dr. Taban mentions is called Stellar GRE.

What kind of results does Dr. Taban claim for his GRE test prep program, Stellar GRE?

Dr. Taban claims that his students using the Stellar GRE program have higher average score improvements compared to competitors' score guarantees.

How does Dr. Taban describe the structure of his GRE test prep course, Stellar GRE?

The course includes a 500-page test prep manual, thousands of practice problems, and several full-length mock exams.

What special offer does Dr. Taban provide for his GRE test prep program through the script?

Dr. Taban offers a 10% discount on any membership plan for his GRE test prep program, Stellar GRE, with the code 'psych'.

Outlines

00:00

🎥 Fame and Unexpected Generosity

Dr. Orion Taban discusses his experiences with newfound fame through his YouTube channel, 'psyx'. He shares a personal anecdote about being offered a free haircut by a barber who appreciated his work, reflecting on how this was the first time a stranger had given him a gift in his adult life. He then delves into a behavioral economics perspective, comparing his experience to the 'sexual marketplace', where men often offer gifts to women with the expectation of initiating a sexual relationship. Dr. Taban highlights the difference in how men and women might perceive such unsolicited generosity, suggesting that women might feel entitled to such attention due to its frequent occurrence.

05:01

🌟 The Paradox of Fame and Gender Dynamics

In this paragraph, Dr. Taban continues to explore the implications of fame, likening it to the constant attention women receive, often in the form of compliments and offers of gifts. He speculates on how this might affect a woman's self-worth and entitlement, suggesting that it could lead to a distorted self-perception. He contrasts this with his own experience as a man, where he feels he has had to earn any good treatment he receives, primarily by providing value to others. Dr. Taban also touches on the visibility of fame and how it can change one's life, making a case for men to become 'visibly competent' to gain similar benefits in the 'sexual marketplace'. He concludes by advising men to reconsider giving unearned attention to women, as it contributes to certain delusions about self-worth.

10:01

📚 GRE Prep and Stellar's Advantage

The final paragraph shifts focus to Dr. Taban's GRE test preparation service, Stellar. He outlines his background as a top GRE test prep instructor and introduces Stellar's online self-study program. The program includes a comprehensive test prep manual, a plethora of practice problems, and several full-length mock exams. Dr. Taban emphasizes the effectiveness of Stellar, noting that students have achieved higher average score improvements compared to competitors. He offers a discount code 'psych' for 10% off any membership plan and invites interested students to start a free trial at Stellar's website.

Keywords

💡Fame

Fame refers to the state of being known and talked about by many people, often due to achievements or celebrity status. In the video, Dr. Orion Taban discusses how his newfound fame through his YouTube channel has led to recognition in public and unsolicited messages from fans, illustrating the impact of fame on personal experiences.

💡Behavioral Economics

Behavioral economics is the study of the effects of psychological, cognitive, emotional, cultural, and social factors on the economic decisions of individuals and institutions. Dr. Taban uses this concept to analyze the unexpected gift of a free haircut from a barber who appreciated his content, drawing a parallel between the value provided to his audience and the value received in return.

💡Sexual Marketplace

The term 'sexual marketplace' is often used to describe the social dynamics of dating and relationships, where individuals are perceived as having certain 'market value' based on their attributes. The video script uses this concept to compare the treatment of famous individuals to that of women, who may receive unsolicited attention and gifts, potentially affecting their self-worth and perceptions of entitlement.

💡Validation

Validation is the act of confirming or establishing the truth, accuracy, or reality of something. In the context of the video, Dr. Taban suggests that the attention and compliments he receives due to his fame provide a form of validation, similar to the attention women might receive, which can influence one's self-esteem and perception of self-worth.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth refers to the intrinsic value and esteem a person holds for themselves, often influenced by external validation and societal perceptions. The video discusses how the attention received by both famous individuals and women can distort their self-worth, leading to a sense of entitlement that may not be based on personal achievements or merits.

💡Entitlement

Entitlement is the belief that one inherently deserves privileges or special treatment. Dr. Taban explores the idea that women, due to the consistent attention they receive, may develop a sense of entitlement to such treatment, which contrasts with the earned recognition he has received through his work.

💡Visibility

Visibility in the context of the video refers to the extent to which one's presence or achievements are known or recognized by others. Dr. Taban suggests that fame makes one's competence visible, which can lead to increased attention and opportunities, similar to how physical attractiveness can affect interactions in the 'sexual marketplace'.

💡Gratitude

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. The video mentions a barber expressing gratitude by offering a free haircut, demonstrating a genuine appreciation for Dr. Taban's work, which is a key example of how fame can elicit positive social interactions.

💡Delusions

Delusions are fixed beliefs that are not based in reality. In the script, Dr. Taban posits that the consistent, unearned attention women receive may lead to certain delusions about their self-worth, suggesting that societal norms and behaviors can shape unrealistic perceptions.

💡Basic Human Dignity

Basic human dignity refers to the inherent worth and respect that every individual deserves, regardless of their achievements or status. The video contrasts this concept with the earned recognition that men often seek, suggesting that women may not have to 'earn' the same level of respect or attention due to societal attitudes.

💡GRE

GRE stands for Graduate Record Examinations, a standardized test used for admissions to graduate schools in the United States and other English-speaking countries. Dr. Taban mentions his background as a top GRE test prep instructor and promotes his online GRE self-study program, Stellar, as part of the video's promotional content.

Highlights

Dr. Orion Taban discusses the experience of becoming well-known through his YouTube channel.

Being recognized in public and receiving unsolicited messages from fans worldwide.

A barber in San Francisco offers Dr. Taban a free haircut as a gesture of appreciation.

The realization that being famous is akin to being a woman in terms of receiving unsolicited attention.

Behavioral economics and the sexual marketplace are used as a lens to examine these experiences.

Dr. Taban reflects on his past behavior of offering gifts to women without any earned merit.

The idea that women may develop a sense of entitlement due to constant attention and gifts.

Fame is compared to physical attractiveness in terms of visibility and immediate recognition.

Dr. Taban's advice to men to stop giving unearned attention to women.

The impact of fame on one's perception of self-worth and the value of others.

The benefits of fame, such as meeting interesting people and receiving validation.

Dr. Taban's upcoming book 'The Value of Others' and his offer to sign up for his newsletter.

The introduction of Stellar GRE, Dr. Taban's online GRE self-study program.

Details of the Stellar GRE program, including a 500-page manual and full-length mock exams.

A special offer for Stellar GRE using the code 'psych' for a 10% discount.

Dr. Taban's call to action for audience engagement and feedback on his perspective.

Transcripts

I'm Dr Orion taban and this is psyx

Better Living Through psychology and the

topic of today's short talk is being

famous is like being a woman so I'm

going to go out in a limb on this one

because I'm only a little bit famous and

I'm clearly not a woman however becoming

well known through the YouTube channel

has afforded me some interesting

experiences experiences that as far as I

can tell just wouldn't have been

possible as the functionally anonymous

man I was just year ago and I'd like to

share some of those experiences with you

today nowadays I get recognized when I

go out in public and people from all

over the world both men and women reach

out to me unprovoked for all kinds of

different reasons needless to say

neither of these things tended to happen

before the channel blew up and I'd like

to start by talking about one of the

first such messages I received about a

year ago back when the channel had just

a few million views I actually can't

remember if this was a comment or a DM

or an email and I'm embarrassed to say

that I don't remember the name of the

sender or the business but I do remember

the thrust of the message which is the

important part for our intents and

purposes apparently the guy who

contacted me was a barber who worked at

a barber shop in San Francisco he told

me that he and all the other guys in the

shop loved my stuff and when they

learned that I lived in the area they

collectively invited me to come in for a

haircut on the

house now I never took the guy up on his

offer but I wish I could give him a

proper shout out nonetheless because his

offer was very sweet and genuine he

clearly didn't have to express his

appreciation like that and I was touched

that he did so now it took me some time

to realize this like it didn't hit me

right away but this was the first time a

stranger like someone I had never met in

my life had ever offered to give me

something at least as far as I can

remember I'm sure some adults gave me

little treats when I was a kid but here

I was 40 years old and I was being

offered a gift by a stranger for the

first time in my adult

life maybe you know where this is going

as I often do I started to look at this

experience through the lens of

Behavioral economics and the sexual

Marketplace so the value of a haircut is

about 40 bucks and all I apparent had to

do to earn that gift was to provide

value to a few million

people now 40 bucks is like two drinks

at the bar over the course of my

adulthood to how many women have I made

an equivalent

offer like the barber I was often a

total stranger to these women and I was

just showing up unannounced with an

offer to give them something and I and

not because they did anything

particularly impressive or useful or

exciting or virtuous but just because I

thought they looked cute and I did this

not because I was grateful like the

barber was after all what did I have to

be grateful for these women hadn't done

anything but because I thought that

offering that gift would increase the

chances of initiating a sexual

relationship with her and of course if I

was offering these gifts to her how many

other men were doing the same now before

I go any further if you're liking what

you're hearing then please consider

sending this episode to someone who

might benefit from its message because

it's Word of Mouth referrals like this

that really help to make the channel

grow I'm also proud to announce that

I'll soon be publishing my book the

value of others so if you'd like to

learn more about that you can go to my

website and sign up for my Weekly

Newsletter finally please fill out an

inquiry form on my website if you're

interested in booking a paid

consultation the link is in the

description okay let's get back to it

this is why being famous is like being a

woman on the whole when you're famous

people treat you really really

well like at this point I can kind of

count on a guy coming up to me to pay

his respects like several times a week

he'll come up and say hey are are you

that guy whoa let me shake your hand I

really love what you do you've helped me

out so much thank you for all the great

content keep it up keep it up man and

let me tell you that's really cool like

it's it's one of the best things about

the success of this channel one of the

best things about the success of this

channel is that it's allowed me to meet

so many interesting people that I

probably would never have met otherwise

and because I'm just here in my house

talking to a camera it's really great to

be able to meet the people on the other

end of the line especially since they're

generally so grateful and positive and

encouraging like it always makes my day

I feel happy when it happens and it

definitely helps me to feel more

confident about moving forward with the

channel and now I can also kind of

imagine what it might be like to be a

woman who can kind of count on a guy

coming up to her to pay his respect

several times a week like excuse me wow

you're beautiful I'd love to be able to

buy you something sometime like a drink

a meal what do you say would you go out

with me like even if I was happily

married how wouldn't that feel good

how wouldn't that feel validating and

flattering I'm sure it would make my day

a little brighter and put a spring in my

step but of course the difference would

be that as a woman I wouldn't think that

I did anything to deserve that kind of

attention or

treatment no I would just think that I

was someone who deserved that kind of

attention or treatment and why wouldn't

I even I would know that I didn't do

anything to earn that attention

which would mean that if I was receiving

that attention it must be because of who

I was not because of anything that I

might have done and this in turn might

cause me in time to believe that I was

entitled to that treatment in kind of

the same way that I as a man believe

that I'm entitled to like basic human

dignity this is why I think so many

women think that they're the prize like

inherently most women are kind of

lowgrade famous

in the sense that they receive treatment

comparable to someone with a few hundred

thousand followers on social media like

just for breathing and I can only

imagine what it would be like if people

were coming out of the Woodworks to pay

me compliments and offer me gifts from a

very young age like what a distorted

view of my own selfworth would I likely

have of course those gifts often come

with strings attached as I admitted

they're designed to functionally lure a

woman into a sexual Rel relationship

however that would have to be mystified

those strings would have to stay very

well hidden because if I believed that I

was entitled to those gifts just by like

being a good person I would absolutely

be insulted by any insinuation of an

ulterior motive or any expectation of

reciprocity on the other hand as a man

I've kind of had to earn any good

treatment that I've received generally

by providing value to others and in this

case by providing value to a lot of

other people so it's not something that

I take for granted however I doubt that

I would ever have thought that there was

anything odd about this Arrangement

until I attain to the very special form

of success called Fame my dude's Fame is

not like wealth or ABS or status and

that's because those things aren't

always visible and obvious Fame is like

being hot regardless of how physically

attractive you actually are

because like hotness Fame is highly

visible and immediately apparent and let

me tell you women respond to fame the

same way men respond to hotness and this

is why I have advised you guys many

times to find ways to become visibly

competent the kind of attention you

receive as a man by being visibly

competent is a force multiplier in the

sexual Marketplace like you might even

be disgusted by how easy things become

because potentially nothing else about

you has changed except for the fact that

more people now know that you

exist in any case my point is this I

don't think I would have ever fully

appreciated how tough and unfair life

can be for men until my life started to

become a little

easier like I didn't even think that was

possible

I just kind of thought that the way

things were were the way they had to be

they're not and if we men can do one

thing to effectively change a situation

that we were complicit in creating it's

this stop giving women unearned

attention I know it's hard to do I did

it myself for years but it's absolutely

a big part of why women today walk

around with certain delusions about

their own self-worth they were trained

to think that way by the men around them

men like you and me something to

consider what do you think does this fit

with your own experience let me know in

the comments below as always I

appreciate your support and thank you

for listening and now a word about

Stellar if you're interested in pursuing

a master's degree or a doctorate chances

are good that you'll have to take the gr

now before I became a psychologist I was

actually one of the world's top GRE test

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developed a unique and practical system

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description