Can a son marry against his parents wishes? - Assim al hakeem

assimalhakeem

12 Jun 202005:57

Summary

TLDRThe speaker addresses a common issue where young men face opposition from their parents when choosing a spouse. The parents often refuse to allow their sons to marry someone of their own choice, insisting on selecting the bride themselves. The speaker argues that this is wrong and an act of transgression, emphasizing that the son has the right to choose his spouse. He advises the young man to be respectful and diplomatic with his parents but encourages him to marry the person he chooses, regardless of their disapproval.

Takeaways

🧑‍🦱 The speaker discusses a common issue where young men, like a 25-year-old from Saudi Arabia, face resistance from their parents when wanting to marry due to various reasons.
💔 Parents often deny marriage requests from their sons, citing reasons like the elder sibling being unmarried or thinking it's not the right time.
🙏 The speaker emphasizes that parents are committing a sin by preventing their son from marrying the person of his choice.
💬 The boy is urged to be respectful and dutiful towards his parents despite their opposition, but to still pursue his choice of marriage.
😔 Some parents threaten to boycott or curse their children if they marry without parental consent, which the speaker condemns.
🙅‍♂️ The speaker argues that it's wrong for parents to enforce their choice of spouse on their children, as it's the child who will live with that partner.
🛑 Parents who control their children's marriage choices are seen as committing a major transgression.
👩‍👦 The speaker suggests that this controlling behavior might stem from the parents' own negative experiences in their youth.
🔄 The speaker advises young men to be diplomatic and continue respecting their parents, even if they disagree with their choices.
💍 Ultimately, the speaker advises the young man to go ahead with the marriage of his choice, while maintaining respect for his parents.

Q & A

What is the main issue the boy in the script is facing?
-The boy wants to get married, but his parents are refusing to let him because his elder sister is not yet married, and they want him to wait.
Why are the boy's parents refusing to let him get married?
-The boy's parents believe it is not the right time for him to marry because his elder sister is still unmarried, and they also want to have control over his choice of a spouse.
How does the boy's family react to his desire to marry someone of his choice?
-The boy's family reacts negatively, cursing him and threatening to boycott him and his future wife and children if he goes against their wishes.
What does the speaker say about the parents' behavior towards their son?
-The speaker criticizes the parents' behavior, calling it transgression and a major sin, as they are trying to control their son's life and marriage decisions.
What does the speaker suggest the boy should do in response to his parents' refusal?
-The speaker suggests that the boy should remain diplomatic and respectful, continue to maintain contact with his parents, and eventually go ahead and marry the person of his choice without looking back.
What does the speaker say about the impact of the parents' curses on their son?
-The speaker says that the parents' curses will have no impact and won't even reach the lower heaven because their actions are unjust and sinful.
Why does the speaker mention the treatment of the mother by her husband and in-laws?
-The speaker mentions that the mother might be repeating the abusive behavior she experienced from her husband and in-laws by trying to control her son's marriage and enslaving her future daughter-in-law.
What does the speaker advise the boy to remember about his parents despite their transgressions?
-The speaker advises the boy to remember that his parents are still his gateway to paradise, and he should not boycott them but instead keep trying to maintain a relationship with them.
What does the speaker say about the parents' expectations for their son's marriage choice?
-The speaker says that it is wrong for the parents to expect their son to marry someone they choose for him and that he has the right to choose his own spouse.
How does the speaker suggest the boy should handle the situation in the long term?
-The speaker suggests that the boy should continue being respectful and diplomatic with his parents, keep praying, and ultimately go ahead with his marriage decision, trusting that he is not doing anything wrong.

Outlines

00:00

💔 Struggles with Marriage and Parental Control

This paragraph discusses the difficulties faced by a young man from Saudi Arabia who wishes to get married but faces resistance from his parents. Despite being young, fit, and in need of companionship, his parents refuse to support his desire to marry, insisting that he wait until his elder sister marries or until he is older. The situation escalates when the parents threaten to boycott him if he marries against their wishes. The speaker emphasizes that this parental control is a form of transgression, arguing that the son has the right to choose his own spouse and should not be forced to marry someone chosen by his parents. The speaker condemns this type of parental behavior, stating that their curses and disapproval will not affect the son, as they are acting unjustly.

05:02

🤝 Navigating Parental Opposition with Diplomacy

This paragraph advises the young man to handle the situation with diplomacy and respect, despite his parents' opposition. The speaker urges him not to confront his parents directly but to remain dutiful and maintain communication with them, even if they continue to boycott him. The importance of treating parents with respect is emphasized, as they are considered a gateway to paradise. Although the parents are wrong and sinful in their actions, the speaker encourages the young man to continue trying to win them over through kindness and patience. Ultimately, the young man is advised to go ahead and marry the woman of his choice without looking back, while continuing to pray for his parents and maintain a relationship with them.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Transgression

Transgression refers to the act of violating a moral or legal boundary. In the video, the speaker emphasizes that parents who prevent their son from marrying a woman of his choice are committing a transgression. This term is central to the video's theme as it highlights the moral wrongdoing of imposing one's will on another, especially in matters as personal as marriage.

💡Marriage

Marriage is a significant life event and a key focus of the video. The speaker discusses the challenges young men face when trying to marry someone they love, particularly when their parents disapprove. The concept of marriage is tied to the freedom of choice and the importance of individual autonomy in making decisions that affect one's future happiness.

💡Parental Control

Parental control in the video refers to the authoritative stance some parents take in dictating their children's life choices, especially regarding marriage. The speaker criticizes parents who exert excessive control, arguing that this behavior is not only unfair but also sinful. This concept is crucial to understanding the conflict between personal freedom and familial expectations.

💡Cursing

Cursing is used in the video to describe the negative actions parents take against their children when they don't obey their wishes. The speaker addresses the futility of such curses, explaining that they hold no power because they are unjust. The use of cursing highlights the emotional and spiritual conflict that arises in strained family relationships.

💡Autonomy

Autonomy refers to the ability of an individual to make their own decisions, particularly regarding personal matters like marriage. The video underscores the importance of respecting a person's autonomy, as the speaker argues that a young man should be allowed to choose his own spouse without undue influence from his parents. This concept is key to the video's message about individual rights.

💡Obligation

Obligation in the video refers to the perceived duty that some parents believe their children owe them in terms of following their wishes, particularly in marriage choices. The speaker challenges this notion, stating that while children should respect their parents, they are not obligated to marry someone chosen by their parents. This keyword is central to the discussion of family dynamics and expectations.

💡Respect

Respect is highlighted as a virtue that should be maintained even in disagreement. The speaker advises the young man to remain respectful towards his parents, despite their unreasonable demands, as a way to maintain familial bonds. Respect is portrayed as a key value that should guide interactions, even when there is a conflict between personal desires and parental expectations.

💡Boycotting

Boycotting in the video refers to the extreme action some parents threaten to take if their son marries against their wishes, including cutting off all contact. The speaker condemns this behavior, stating that it is a form of transgression and an abuse of parental authority. This term is significant as it illustrates the drastic measures some parents may take to enforce their will.

💡Temptations

Temptations are mentioned in the video as the struggles young men face while waiting to get married, especially when their parents delay their marriage for various reasons. The speaker notes that prolonged waiting can lead to falling into sin, which is why the issue of marriage should be addressed promptly. This concept is important as it underscores the urgency of marriage in certain cultural contexts.

💡Gateway to Paradise

The 'Gateway to Paradise' is a metaphor used to describe the role of parents in a child's life, emphasizing that treating parents with kindness and respect is a path to spiritual reward. The speaker uses this phrase to remind the young man of the importance of maintaining a good relationship with his parents, even when they are wrong, as part of fulfilling his religious and moral duties.

Highlights

Abu Yussef addresses a common issue where young men face pressure from their parents regarding marriage.

Many young men experience tension with their parents who insist they wait until an older sibling is married first.

Parents often disregard their son's concerns about falling into sin if he doesn't marry soon.

A common scenario involves parents rejecting a son’s choice of a spouse and instead imposing their own choice.

Abu Yussef emphasizes that parents are committing a major sin by preventing their son from marrying the person he chooses.

The son is not obligated to marry the woman his parents choose for him.

Parents should respect their son's choice, as he is the one who will live with his wife for the rest of his life.

Abu Yussef criticizes parents who threaten to curse or boycott their son if he marries against their wishes.

He argues that parental curses in such situations are ineffective and unjust.

The comparison is made between a son's choice in marriage and his preference for soft drinks, highlighting that it’s a personal decision.

Abu Yussef advises sons to remain respectful and dutiful, even if their parents are being unreasonable.

He encourages diplomacy and continuous efforts to maintain a relationship with parents, despite disagreements.

Parents who were mistreated by their in-laws may perpetuate the same behavior towards their daughter-in-law.

Such parents often refuse their son's choice because they want a daughter-in-law who will serve them.

Abu Yussef concludes by advising young men to marry the person they choose and not to look back, while still respecting their parents.