Top 10 MOST Powerful Negotiation Tips | Black Swan Method | Chris Voss

Summary

The video discusses effective negotiation techniques centered around 'no-oriented' questions to avoid decision fatigue and improve outcomes. Key strategies include asking if now is a bad time to talk, questioning if an idea is ridiculous, and exploring if someone is against something. It emphasizes the importance of empathy, handling decision fatigue, and fostering collaboration by letting out 'no' gradually. Practical examples and success stories are shared, demonstrating the efficacy of these methods. The video concludes with tips for maintaining respect and long-term relationships in negotiations.

Takeaways

• 😴 'No' Oriented Questions: The speaker emphasizes the importance of using 'no' oriented questions to combat decision fatigue and gain an advantage in negotiations.
• 🕒 Decision Fatigue: It's a human nature issue where the ability to make decisions diminishes throughout the day, affecting decision-making in various situations, including parole hearings.
• 🚫 Saying 'No' at Any Time: Through practice, individuals can learn to say 'no' effectively at any time of the day, which is a skill that can be beneficial in negotiations.
• 🤔 'How' and 'What' Questions: The speaker advises against answering 'how' and 'what' questions after 1 PM due to decision fatigue, instead suggesting to set boundaries for deep thinking.
• 📞 'Now a Bad Time to Talk': This phrase is positioned as a respectful and effective way to initiate a conversation, as opposed to the common 'Do you have a few minutes to talk?'
• 💡 'Is It a Ridiculous Idea?': Instead of asking if an idea is good, questioning its ridiculousness can prompt more thoughtful consideration and open up dialogue.
• 🙅‍♀️ 'Are You Against XYZ?': This question format is suggested as a way to reframe discussions and can lead to more productive outcomes, as illustrated by a hospital services company example.
• 🛑 'Have You Given Up On X?': This question is recommended for restarting conversations when the other party has gone silent, as it can re-engage them effectively.
• 🔄 Letting Out 'No' Gradually: The concept of gradual refusal, as advised by Ned Coletti, promotes a collaborative approach and avoids blindsiding others with a sudden 'no'.
• 🤝 'How Am I Supposed to Do That?': This question is a tool for passive refusal and for invoking empathy from the other party, encouraging them to consider your situation.
• 📉 'Your Offer Is Very Generous': This phrase is a way to decline an offer without causing offense, by acknowledging its generosity while stating it doesn't meet one's needs.
• 🔄 'What Makes You Ask?': This question seeks to understand the motivation behind inquiries, which can provide deeper insights into the other party's intentions.
• 🤔 'It Seems Like You Have a Good Reason for Asking': This statement, used in place of 'What Makes You Ask?', prompts the other party to explain their reasoning while maintaining respect and rapport.
• 📝 Handling Non-Performance: When the other side fails to meet an agreement, asking if they have a reason for not performing can re-engage collaboration and respect.

Q & A

What is decision fatigue and how does it affect daily decision-making?

Decision fatigue is the phenomenon where an individual's ability to make decisions deteriorates over time, especially after a series of choices have been made throughout the day. It is influenced by factors such as sleep, diet, and circadian rhythms, and can lead to a tendency to make 'no' decisions as a default, particularly in the afternoon.

Why might someone want to appear for parole in the morning rather than the afternoon?

Parole boards are more likely to make 'no' decisions in the afternoon due to decision fatigue. By the end of the day, the decision-makers are more likely to be mentally exhausted and less capable of making thoughtful decisions, increasing the chances of a negative outcome for the parole applicant.

How can practicing 'no-oriented' questions help in negotiations?

Practicing 'no-oriented' questions can help individuals to develop the ability to say 'no' at any time of the day, which is a useful skill in negotiations. It allows for the establishment of boundaries and the avoidance of agreeing to unfavorable terms due to mental exhaustion or pressure.

What is the significance of the phrase 'How am I supposed to do that?' in the context of negotiation?

The phrase 'How am I supposed to do that?' is a powerful implementation question that can be used to express a passive or passive-aggressive 'no'. It forces the other party to consider the implementation challenges and empathize with the situation, potentially leading to a more collaborative negotiation.

Why is it important to let out 'no' a little at a time during negotiations?

Letting out 'no' a little at a time prevents the other party from feeling blindsided and encourages a more collaborative and respectful negotiation process. It allows for the gradual introduction of objections or reservations, which can lead to better understanding and resolution of issues.

What does the phrase 'Your offer is very generous, I'm afraid that just doesn't work for me' achieve in a negotiation?

This phrase acknowledges the generosity of the offer while firmly stating that it is not acceptable. It encourages the other party to be more generous without feeling cornered or attacked, and it removes the need for agreement on external criteria that may not be favorable.

How can the question 'What makes you ask?' help uncover the real motivation behind a question?

Asking 'What makes you ask?' helps to reveal the underlying reasons or motivations behind a question. It can provide deeper insights into the concerns or interests of the other party, leading to a more informed and targeted response.

What is the purpose of the counter-intuitive response 'It seems like you have a reason for not doing X' when the other party is failing to perform?

This response is designed to re-engage a collaborative approach by acknowledging that the other party may have a valid reason for not fulfilling their obligations. It encourages open communication and respects their autonomy, which can be key to resolving performance issues.

How can the phrase 'It seems like you have a place you want to start' be used to build rapport and gather information?

This phrase acknowledges the other party's agenda and shows willingness to engage with it. It builds rapport by showing respect for their perspective and can help gather information about their priorities and concerns, which is valuable for tailoring the negotiation strategy.

What is the 'Black Swan Method' and how can it help improve negotiation skills?

The 'Black Swan Method' is a set of negotiation techniques and strategies designed to enhance an individual's ability to navigate complex negotiations. It includes the use of 'no-oriented' questions, empathetic responses, and other tactics to achieve favorable outcomes while maintaining respect and collaboration.

How can subscribing to the Black Swan Group's negotiation newsletter benefit someone interested in improving their negotiation skills?

Subscribing to the Black Swan Group's negotiation newsletter provides access to a wealth of free information, tips, and strategies that can help individuals improve their negotiation skills. It offers insights into the 'Black Swan Method' and other advanced negotiation techniques.

Outlines

00:00

🚫 Understanding No-Oriented Questions and Decision Fatigue

The speaker introduces the concept of no-oriented questions and how they can be advantageous despite the common issue of decision fatigue. Decision fatigue refers to the limited number of decisions a person can make in a day, influenced by factors like sleep, diet, and circadian rhythms. The speaker advises against making important decisions in the afternoon when decision-making capacity is lower. They share insights from the Black Swan group, suggesting that practice allows people to say 'no' effectively at any time of the day. The speaker also discusses the importance of avoiding yes-questions like 'Do you have a few minutes to talk?' and instead using no-oriented questions to gain an advantage in negotiations.

05:00

🤔 Practicing No-Oriented Questions for Negotiation

This paragraph delves into the practical application of no-oriented questions in various scenarios, emphasizing the need for practice to internalize these techniques. The speaker recounts an anecdote about an intern and how decision fatigue affected their interactions. They stress the importance of not asking questions after 1 PM due to the impact of decision fatigue on the ability to think deeply. The speaker also provides examples of no-oriented questions and their impact, such as switching from a yes question to a no question to secure agreement on a program that had been previously rejected.

10:02

📅 Timing and Techniques for Effective Communication

The speaker discusses the importance of timing in communication, particularly when using no-oriented questions. They suggest that if someone has gone silent, using these questions can re-engage the conversation effectively. The speaker also emphasizes the need to understand the system's design in communication and how it contributes to the outcomes obtained. They introduce the concept of TR (That's Right) and explain how summarizing the other party's perspective and going silent can lead to a better understanding and agreement. The speaker also shares a story about Ned Coletti, a former GM of the Los Angeles Dodgers, and his approach to negotiation.

15:03

📝 Strategies for Responding to Questions and Offers

This section provides strategies for responding to questions and offers in a way that builds rapport and preserves time. The speaker suggests counter-intuitive responses such as 'What makes you ask?' to understand the motivation behind a question. They also discuss the importance of not backing people into a corner and the value of removing external criteria from negotiations. The speaker provides examples of phrases to use when declining an offer gracefully and how to handle situations where someone asks about your well-being, emphasizing the importance of respect and empathy in negotiations.

🔄 Dealing with Non-Performance and Building Long-Term Relationships

The final paragraph focuses on how to handle situations where the other party is not meeting their obligations. The speaker introduces the 'it seems like you have a reason for not...' approach to re-engage collaboratively and respectfully. They stress the importance of making the other party feel safe and respected, which are key to long-term relationships. The speaker concludes by encouraging the sharing of the black swan negotiation techniques and emphasizes the value of teamwork in achieving success.

Keywords

💡Decision Fatigue

Decision fatigue refers to the phenomenon where the quality of decisions deteriorates over time as a person makes more decisions in a day. In the video, it is used to explain why people are more likely to receive a 'no' decision from parole boards in the afternoon due to the exhaustion of their decision-making capacity. It is a critical concept in understanding the limitations of human cognitive resources in the context of negotiations and decision-making.

💡No-Oriented Questions

No-oriented questions are a set of inquiries designed to elicit a 'no' response, which can be advantageous in negotiations. The video emphasizes their use to counteract decision fatigue and to gain control over the negotiation process. An example from the script is asking 'Are you against XYZ?' instead of 'Are you in favor of XYZ?', which can lead to more productive dialogues by reframing the conversation.

💡Parole

In the context of the video, parole refers to the release of a prisoner before the end of their sentence, contingent on good behavior and other factors. It is used as an example to illustrate the impact of decision fatigue, suggesting that parole hearings in the afternoon are less likely to be successful due to the fatigued state of the decision-makers.

💡Circadian Rhythm

The circadian rhythm is an internal biological clock that regulates the sleep-wake cycle and repeats roughly every 24 hours. In the video, it is mentioned as a factor affecting decision-making ability, with people typically experiencing decision fatigue around 3 am and 3 pm due to natural lows in their circadian cycle.

💡Black Swan Group

The Black Swan Group appears to be the organization or methodology being discussed in the video, which focuses on negotiation techniques and strategies. The group's approach emphasizes the use of 'no-oriented questions' and other tactics to gain an advantage in negotiations, as exemplified by the various examples and techniques shared throughout the script.

💡TR (That's Right)

In the video, 'TR' stands for 'That's Right', which is a technique used to validate the other party's perspective and encourage them to continue expressing their reservations or concerns. It is part of a strategy to gain deeper insight into their position and to build a collaborative dialogue, as illustrated when the speaker advises to summarize their reservations and then go silent to elicit a response.

💡Negotiation

Negotiation is the process of discussion and compromise between two or more parties to reach an agreement. The video's theme revolves around improving negotiation skills, particularly through the use of the Black Swan Method, which includes various strategies for asking questions and responding in a way that builds rapport and uncovers underlying motivations.

💡Empathy

Empathy in the video is discussed as a negotiation tool, where understanding and acknowledging the other party's feelings and perspectives can lead to a more successful outcome. It is highlighted as a means to gain cooperation and to create a respectful and collaborative atmosphere, as seen in the use of 'How am I supposed to do that?' to foster forced empathy.

💡Counter-Intuitive Response

A counter-intuitive response is an answer or approach that goes against what might be expected, often leading to more effective negotiation outcomes. The video provides several examples, such as responding to 'How are you?' with 'It sounds like you've got a place you want to start,' which redirects the conversation and saves time while building rapport.

💡Calibrated Question

A calibrated question is a type of question designed to probe deeper into the other party's motivations or concerns without being too direct or confrontational. In the video, 'What makes you ask?' is presented as a calibrated question that can reveal more about the underlying reasons behind a query, fostering a more informed and empathetic response.

💡Performance

In the context of the video, performance refers to the fulfillment of an agreement or commitment by one party to another. It is discussed in relation to how to address situations where the other side is not meeting their obligations, with the suggestion to use a statement like 'It seems like you have a reason for not doing X' to re-engage collaboratively and respectfully.

Highlights

Introduction to 'No' oriented questions to overcome decision fatigue.

Explanation of decision fatigue and its impact on daily decision-making capacity.

Strategic timing for parole hearings to leverage decision fatigue.

The concept of practicing 'No' responses to maintain mental energy.

Using 'No' to avoid deep thinking when decision fatigue sets in.

Advocating the use of 'No' oriented questions for effective communication.

The importance of respecting the other party's time and decision-making capacity.

Transforming a common question 'Have you got a few minutes to talk?' into a 'No' oriented approach.

Substituting 'Is it a good idea?' with 'Is it a ridiculous idea?' to provoke thought.

Using 'Are you against XYZ?' instead of 'Are you in favor of XYZ?' to frame questions differently.

A real-life example of switching from a 'yes' to a 'no' question to achieve agreement.

The strategy of asking 'Have you given up on X?' to re-engage silent or ghosting counterparts.

The importance of not using negotiation techniques manipulatively but collaboratively.

Ned Coletti's advice on letting out 'No' a little at a time in negotiations.

Using 'How am I supposed to do that?' to implement forced empathy in negotiations.

The counter-intuitive response to 'How are you?' in a professional setting.

Responding to questions with 'What makes you ask?' to uncover underlying motivations.

Using 'It seems like you have a good reason for asking that' as an alternative to direct questioning.

Addressing failure to perform with 'It seems like you have a reason for not doing X' to maintain respect.

Encouraging the sharing of the Black Swan Method to improve negotiation skills across networks.

Transcripts

now let's dive in

number one

is now a bad time to talk

now we're going to give you several no

oriented questions in a row because

they're awesome and they help get you an

advantage right away

but one of the things i'm going to

underscore on these no oriented

questions

is the issue of decision fatigue now

look everybody's got the same problem we

all suffer from decision fatigue you

suffer

from decision fatigue what does that

mean what that means is there are only

so many decisions you can make in a

given day there are only so many

decisions any human being

can make in a given day that's one of

the reasons why if you're in prison and

you come up for parole

you want to come up for parole in the

morning instead of the afternoon

because in the afternoon they're going

to give you no decision they're not

going to be able to make a decision

you're more likely to stay in jail

this is not parole and parole board

issues this is human nature issues there

are only so many decisions only so much

gas anybody has in a tank to make

decisions on a given day

and that's going to be a result of you

know how much sleep they get the night

before

what uh what their diet is what they ate

that day whether or not they ate carbs

where they are in their circadian rhythm

everybody hits a circadian low

roughly about 3 am and about 3 pm

just part of being a human being

decision fatigue issues

however

we found in a black swan group

through practice and application and

people are capable of saying no at

pretty much any time of the day

i had an intern a number of years ago

only wanted to ask me how and what

questions because he was horrified about

making a mistake

middle of the afternoon he'd be asking

me how and what questions and i just

didn't have the gas in the tank to

answer them to be able to

engage in that deep thinking as danny

kahneman would say

so consequently i'd say like i don't

know don't bother me leave me alone

instead of giving them an answer

finally i said look don't ever ask me a

question after one o'clock in the

afternoon

the answer isn't no because i could say

no and i can think through the next

several steps and give them guidance

we've used this on a regular basis

you got to get into practice

using no oriented questions and number

one is the flip side of the most common

thing you're saying on a regular basis

which is wrong actually it's not that

it's wrong it's just not great

is have you got a few minutes to talk

now i know you mean that respectfully

and we're not throwing respect out the

window here the blackstone method is

actually extremely respectful

it's now a bad time to talk

test drive it use it on a regular basis

build you know oriented questions mental

synapses

and experiment with the sort of

answers that you get you're gonna like

them

and as a side note i would say to you

anybody that would say yes to that

do you really want to talk to them

then at that moment when they've

actually said yes to that

no you know

right number two is it a ridiculous idea

use this in place of is it a good idea

for all the same reasons that i just

gave you you got to get your practice in

number three

are you against

xyz whatever it may be instead of are

you in favor of

again

you've got to use this

to get into practice

we had a woman at a

in a

uh hospital services company once

who was a little skeptical

of our no oriented questions approach

walked out of the room during the

training

and reached out to the head nurse in a

hospital

about a program that she'd been trying

to get the head nurse to accept that the

head nurse had been rejecting

instead of saying

do you want to agree or would you like

to do this she said

are you against

and then ask the question

the head nurse immediately said no they

came to an agreement

and they implemented the program she

came walking back in the room and said

you guys are not going to believe

what just happened

i've been trying to get agreement on

this for weeks

and i switched from a yes question to a

no question and cut the deal

got gotta get your reps in number four

have you given up on

x whatever that x may be

this is context driven

what's the context it has to be

something they've already started on

otherwise

you're using a black swan skill as a

manipulative trap which is not what we

advise

they have to have already started on

this now when do you use this

you use this when they are ghosting you

they've gone silent on you this will

restart your conversation 999 times out

of a thousand

don't let the fact that it stops one or

a thousand times stop you scare you

nothing works all the time this works

more than anything else does and what

makes it work well you gotta keep this

in mind

your system is perfectly designed

to give you the outcome you've obtained

if they've gone silent on you

you've been doing something to

contribute to them going silent on you

you've probably been explaining

you've probably been pitching you've

probably been educating

going to stop all these things

restart the conversation with this one

shot restart

and then your very next move is you got

to get a tr out of them what's a tr

that's right how do you get a tr how do

you get that's right

you got to summarize their perspective

particularly

their

reservations the reasons for not doing

it what they're up against

the difficulty of what they might be

facing

and then go dead silent you do not go

but here's why those aren't good reasons

you got to go dead silent and get it

that's right out of them

if you can't get it that's right out of

them at that point

you've got to say it sounds like i've

left something out that's a bonus

response for you to use here which is

not on our top 10 list but helps you get

farther in your conversations number

five

and we're going to get into the category

here with

letting out know a little at a time a

person that i consider a good friend and

i'm really impressed with ned coletti

former gm at the los angeles dodgers we

were sitting around talking about

negotiation one time ned is a phenomenal

negotiator

and he told me the phrase

i like to let out know a little at a

time this is a great attitude you do not

want to let people get

blindsided by you suddenly saying no

you've got to let it out a little at a

time

and the first way is letting out know a

little at a time in a highly

collaborative way is

how am i supposed to do that now many of

you know this is one of the most famous

lines

with the black swan method and it's

pretty much the opening story in the

book never split the difference how am i

supposed to do that

and we originally conceived of this

as a way to passively

say no even passively aggressively

against the throat cutting negotiators

that are really trying to kick your

backside

and what it is in many other ways is

it's an implementation question how

questions are about implementation

it's designed to let the other side

realize that there's some implementation

issues here this also falls in the

category of what brandon voss is labeled

forced empathy

it forces the other side to take a good

empathic look at your situation

we use empathy because it works

and we use empathy

because we want to get it in return

you're going to use empathy because it

works and you're going to use empathy

because you want it in return

and how am i supposed to do that is a

great starting point for that now what

happens if they turn around and say well

that's your problem will they put it

right back on you

which will happen occasionally

once i had a woman say i used how am i

supposed to do that and it didn't work

because they shot back right at me

and told me how i was supposed to do

that well number one the fact is it's

not that it didn't work the fact is is

that it's giving you a better clearer

picture of the situation

they throw it right back on you they're

telling you they're not interested in

showing you any empathy

that's an interesting clue that maybe

you don't want to do business with them

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you should take three

and in the model of letting out know a

little at a time

here's the next

no that you let out which is number six

on our list and it is

your offer is very generous

i'm afraid that just doesn't work for me

now here's the beauty aspects of this

you mentioned generous

you want to encourage generosity on

their part

that's a good thing for you to throw

into this statement

second part it just doesn't work for me

that removes the problem of external

criteria

now my academic brothers and sisters

like to talk about well let's agree on

an external criteria

why should you agree to the external

criteria

maybe the external criteria

is

okay and appropriate in a neutral

situation or in situations other than

yours well why should external criteria

apply to you

in many cases it doesn't you want to

remove

an agreement on external criteria from

the conversation

because they're only going to agree to

external criteria that works against you

and you don't want to put yourself in

that corner this is a great way to come

back with a much stronger no

one of the students in our class at

georgetown said

they use that phrase your offer is very

generous

but i'm sorry it just doesn't work for

us

and he said the people on the other side

of the table looked at each other

and then looked back at him and said

you're right it is high

now that's an interesting response

because you want to have an impact on

what you say

what you say and what they hear you want

them to get

across in their brain

this stuff doesn't work there's a pretty

good chance it's too high you don't want

them to feel backed into a corner when

you're letting out knowledge a little at

a time and this is a great way to do

that don't back people into a corner

they will disagree even when it's not in

their interest to disagree

taking away their autonomy is a bad idea

and that's what happens when you back

people into a corner now number seven

this is another counter-intuitive

response and you use it for when

somebody calls you and says how are you

today

instead of saying fine you know

how are you or

my back hurts or it's a wonderful day

when they're calling you and saying how

are you today

what are they really trying to find out

well they're really trying to find out

are you in a mental place to talk about

what i want to talk about

so here's how you

short circuit this conversation in a way

that builds rapport that they appreciate

gathers information and

preserves your most precious commodity

and theirs

which is time

it sounds like you've got a place you

want to start they are going to love

this

of course they have a place they want to

start they've thought about it before

they called you

now every now and then

somebody's going to say to you

yeah i do have a place i want to start

but i really want to know how are you

today

cool then engage in the conversation

and then you can get back to the place

they wanted to start

everybody wins

number eight

another counter-intuitive response

and this is how you should respond to

questions when you're asked a question

so the first way to respond to questions

and number eight on our list is

what makes you ask

just like that

now

when somebody asks you a question what's

more important is the question behind

the question

what makes you

ask for two reasons number one most

people are not good at asking questions

that question may be a result of a

committee decision

you know uh how good a committee is well

let me give you an example

a giraffe is a horse designed by a

committee

so committee decision questions are

going to be off on number two

what's really driving at what make them

ask is far more important than what they

actually asked

so

you got to find out and this is not

disrespectful

they're going to be happy to tell you

and if they're not well

that tells you a lot about them too and

how can you respond if they say just

answer the question

your response is i want to make sure

that i

answer what you're really asking me i'm

just trying to dial in to what you're

really after

more respect

if they don't like respect from you

that tells you a lot about them and

whether or not you should continue to be

in business with them now what happens

if

some of the afternoon their decision

fatigue they're having trouble coming up

with an answer it's too in-depth

the alternate to great calibrated

questions and what makes you ask is a

calibrated question

you want to ask an alternative label an

asking label if you will and so number

nine

on our list is the alternative to what

makes you ask

and that is

it seems like you have a good reason for

asking that

or

it seems like you have a good reason for

asking that i give you both inflections

there

make sure you shut the front door right

after you use that label what does that

mean

go

silent count thousands to yourself if

you have to

let them break the silence

you won't get past three

be prepared to count to ten

and wait

respectfully

this is a respectful dynamic

and respect is one of your best choices

finally number 10

on the top 10 list of black swan

negotiation bullets

you're going to use this when the other

side is failing to perform

when they're not living up to an

agreement

what do you say it seems like you have a

reason for not doing

and then whatever it is that they didn't

do x y

perform finish the contract finish the

work call me back

they're gonna have a reason

they're probably afraid to tell you

this is the best way

to re-engage a collaborative

approach to whatever the problem is

so that they feel safe and respected

always the keys to a long-term

relationship

so these were the 10 most powerful

negotiation bullets of the black swan

method

share this video across your network

share with the people that are on your

side

remember if you want to go fast go alone

if you want to go far go as a team

and let the black swan group continue

to help you up level your negotiation

skills