How to Handle Nervousness Before a Big Conversation

Summary

In this podcast episode, the host discusses how to handle nervousness in conversations. Offering practical advice, the host encourages listeners to openly express their feelings, such as nervousness or anxiety, as this helps to create more authentic and smooth communication. The host shares three key strategies: using the phrase 'I can tell' to acknowledge your emotions, avoiding phrases that trigger defensiveness like 'Don't take this the wrong way,' and using your breath to manage nervous energy. By embracing vulnerability, listeners can foster open, supportive dialogues and improve their communication skills.

Takeaways

• 😀 Nervousness before a conversation is natural; it’s important to acknowledge and handle it for smoother communication.
• 😀 Subscribing or following a podcast or channel supports its growth and helps improve content delivery.
• 😀 Expressing how you feel in a conversation, like admitting nervousness or anxiety, builds better communication and stronger relationships.
• 😀 Keeping your emotions hidden during a conversation can lead to frustration, contempt, and poor communication. Instead, be open and share your feelings.
• 😀 Saying ‘I can tell I’m feeling nervous’ allows you to take control of your emotions and leads to more open conversations.
• 😀 When expressing nervousness or defensiveness, it’s more powerful to say what you’re feeling instead of acting out the emotion.
• 😀 People tend to mirror your emotional state, so sharing your feelings can help the other person lower their defenses and respond more kindly.
• 😀 Starting a conversation by acknowledging your nervousness can help others regulate their responses, leading to a more open and supportive exchange.
• 😀 The phrase ‘I don’t want you to take this the wrong way’ can often backfire and make the other person defensive. Instead, say ‘You’re probably going to take this the wrong way’ to avoid triggering defensiveness.
• 😀 Nervousness in conversation can be a good thing because it shows that you care about the outcome and the relationship.
• 😀 Breathing deeply during a conversation helps release nervous energy and supports better emotional regulation, making the conversation more genuine and effective.

Q & A

Why is it normal to feel nervous before a conversation?

Feeling nervous before a conversation is natural because it's linked to our fight-or-flight response. It's a sign that you care about the outcome of the conversation, which can heighten the emotional state. It's a common experience for many, especially in important or high-stakes situations.

What does it mean to 'show your cards' in a conversation?

To 'show your cards' means to be open about your emotions during a conversation. Instead of keeping your feelings hidden, you express them, allowing the other person to understand where you're coming from. This helps avoid frustration and improves communication.

What impact does keeping your emotions hidden have on communication?

When you keep your emotions hidden, it leads to frustration, contempt, and a victim mentality. It makes it harder to communicate effectively, as the other person is unaware of your true feelings, which can lead to misunderstandings and poor relationship dynamics.

Why is the phrase 'I can tell I'm feeling nervous' effective?

Saying 'I can tell I'm feeling nervous' is effective because it allows you to acknowledge your emotion without acting on it. It takes control of the nervousness by verbalizing it, creating a more open atmosphere and often prompting the other person to reciprocate by sharing their feelings.

What happens when you start a conversation by saying, 'I can tell I'm feeling nervous'?

When you start with 'I can tell I'm feeling nervous,' it helps reduce defensiveness and opens the door for more open, empathetic communication. The other person often mirrors your emotion, making the conversation feel more supportive and understanding.

Why should you avoid saying, 'Don't take this the wrong way'?

Saying 'Don't take this the wrong way' sets the expectation that the other person will be offended. This triggers their defenses and often leads to the exact reaction you are trying to avoid. It’s better to reframe this by saying, 'You're probably going to take this the wrong way,' which engages the person's desire to prove you wrong, lowering their defensiveness.

How does breathing affect communication during nervous conversations?

Breathing helps regulate your emotions and keeps you grounded. Nervousness can often cause shallow breathing, which intensifies anxiety. By focusing on your breath, you can calm yourself down and communicate more clearly, while also signaling to the other person that you are in control.

What does it mean to 'use your breath' in conversations?

Using your breath means being conscious of your breathing to stay calm during nervous conversations. Deep, slow breathing helps manage anxiety and clears your mind, making it easier to communicate effectively and honestly.

Why is vulnerability important in conversations about nervousness?

Vulnerability is important because it fosters connection and trust. By admitting that you're nervous or uncertain, you allow the other person to lower their defenses as well, which creates a more honest and open dialogue.

What is the difference between saying 'I can tell I'm feeling nervous' and 'I'm nervous'?

Saying 'I can tell I'm feeling nervous' is a more controlled and reflective way to express nervousness, whereas 'I'm nervous' can sound more reactive. The first phrase allows you to own and manage the emotion, while the second might lead to being overtaken by it.