How to get people to DO WHAT YOU WANT

Summary

The speaker, a seasoned negotiator, shares five principles for successful negotiation, drawing from personal experience. These include understanding your opponent, acknowledging their points, avoiding questions that lead to easy 'no' responses, using silence strategically, and maintaining positivity. The key to effective negotiation lies in building trust, understanding both sides, and working toward mutually beneficial outcomes. The speaker emphasizes the importance of empathy, patience, and emotional control, and encourages viewers to practice these techniques to become better closers. The video concludes with an invitation to a negotiation course for further skill development.

Takeaways

• 📞 Successful negotiation starts with thoroughly understanding your opponent, including researching their background, body language, and previous actions.
• 🤝 Building trust with your opposition, especially inexperienced individuals, can help you reach a common goal by communicating collaboratively rather than adversarially.
• 📝 Acknowledge the other side's points to make them feel heard and comfortable, which can lead to a smoother negotiation process.
• ❓ Avoid questions that lead to a simple 'no.' Instead, offer specific alternatives to keep the conversation progressing toward a solution.
• 🙅‍♂️ Don't push for a 'yes'—aim for a 'no' instead. Reframing questions to get a 'no' can lead to finding compromises that satisfy both sides.
• 🤫 Silence is a powerful tool in negotiation. By staying quiet, you allow the other side to feel in control and come up with solutions themselves.
• 😊 Keep negotiations positive at all times. A positive atmosphere encourages smoother deal-making, while negativity can quickly kill a deal.
• 🛑 Losing control of your emotions during a negotiation can be disastrous. Staying calm and collected is essential for closing the deal successfully.
• 💡 Negotiation is a skill that can be practiced and refined, whether you are a natural or not. Continuous learning and applying these principles will lead to better outcomes.
• 💼 Selling is not just about pushing a product; it’s about building relationships, understanding the other party's needs, and working towards mutually beneficial solutions.

Q & A

What is the speaker's first principle of negotiation?

The speaker's first principle of negotiation is understanding your opponent. This involves researching the person you're negotiating with, such as checking their past sales, websites, social media, and observing their body language and tone during interactions.

How does the speaker suggest dealing with someone who has a big ego in negotiations?

The speaker suggests feeding the ego of someone who wants to feel like they are winning. By agreeing with them and asking for their expertise, you can make them feel in control, which makes it easier to reach an agreement.

What approach does the speaker recommend when dealing with an inexperienced opponent?

When dealing with an inexperienced opponent, the speaker recommends offering them guidance in a friendly, non-patronizing way. Use phrases like 'we’re in this together' and 'let’s work together' to build trust and establish a cooperative relationship.

Why is it important to acknowledge the other party’s points during negotiations?

Acknowledging the other party's points makes them feel heard and understood, which builds trust. This approach helps create a discussion rather than a confrontation, making it easier to find a mutual solution.

Why does the speaker advise against pushing for a 'yes' in negotiations?

The speaker advises against pushing for a 'yes' because it’s often easier for people to say 'no.' Instead, he suggests asking questions that lead to thoughtful responses, which creates a more collaborative environment and moves the negotiation forward.

How can silence be used effectively in negotiations?

Silence can be effective because it forces the other party to break the silence by offering a solution. It also gives the other party a sense of control, which can work in your favor as they try to come up with a proposal.

What does the speaker mean by 'keeping it positive' during negotiations?

'Keeping it positive' means maintaining a calm and constructive attitude, even if the deal isn’t going as planned. The speaker emphasizes that staying positive leads to better results because negative emotions can cause the negotiation to break down.

How does the speaker suggest handling opposition from a seasoned negotiator?

When dealing with a seasoned negotiator, the speaker advises understanding their motivations and treating the negotiation as a partnership. This means asking questions to understand their interests and finding ways to work together toward a common goal.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of asking 'no-oriented' questions?

The speaker emphasizes 'no-oriented' questions because they often yield more honest answers. A 'no' can create an opportunity for further discussion, allowing both parties to find a solution, rather than pushing for a 'yes' that might not be genuine.

What does the speaker mean by 'selling is a muscle'?

The speaker means that selling and negotiation skills can be developed over time through practice and experience. While some people may have a natural talent for selling, others can improve by consistently working at it.

Outlines

00:00

📞 Closing Big Deals and Negotiation Principles

The speaker talks about managing a 26 million dollar deal and introduces the topic of negotiation. He explains the importance of understanding the opponent in negotiations, emphasizing the need to research their background, body language, and behavior. By analyzing the other person's actions and mindset, the negotiator can gauge how to approach the deal, whether the person prioritizes ego or collaboration. Strategies like feeding the opponent's ego and asking insightful questions to guide their decisions are key to getting the best outcome.

05:01

🤝 Building Trust Through Mirroring and Empathy

The speaker shares the value of acknowledging the other person's points and mirroring their actions. This technique helps create rapport and make the other person feel comfortable, which is crucial for building trust during a negotiation. By repeating back what the other person says, the negotiator shows empathy and understanding, transforming the interaction from a confrontation into a discussion. A personal example is used, illustrating how acknowledging small sticking points, like sales tax on furniture in a deal, can lead to creative solutions.

10:02

🙅‍♂️ Avoid Pushing for 'Yes' and Leverage 'No'

The speaker stresses the importance of not pushing for a 'yes' in negotiations, as this can lead to quick dismissals or surface-level agreements. Instead, he encourages framing questions to prompt a 'no,' as this approach gets the other party to think more deeply. For example, asking if it would be terrible to increase the buyer's price can push them toward a solution that works for both sides. By avoiding easy 'no' answers and focusing on questions that require thought, a better agreement can often be reached.

🔇 Silence as a Powerful Negotiation Tool

The fourth principle revolves around the use of silence. The speaker explains how remaining silent can lead the other party to offer a solution, as most people feel uncomfortable with silence and will fill it by sharing their thoughts. By not speaking, the negotiator gives the other party the sense of control and allows them to feel they are driving the conversation, which often leads to better outcomes.

😊 Staying Positive to Keep the Deal Alive

The final principle is about maintaining a positive attitude throughout the negotiation process. The speaker highlights that losing control of emotions can kill a deal, and staying positive ensures smoother negotiations. He explains how positive emotions foster collaboration and prevent confrontational situations, ultimately leading to better deals. A happy and calm demeanor keeps both sides engaged and focused on reaching a mutually beneficial solution.

💪 Mastering Negotiation Skills and Taking Action

The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to practice the negotiation principles discussed, emphasizing that selling is a muscle that must be developed through experience. He shares his personal journey of learning through trial and error over 15 years and reminds viewers that constant practice will lead to better results. Finally, he promotes his negotiation course, inviting the audience to take their skills to the next level.

Keywords

💡Negotiation

Negotiation refers to the process of discussing terms to reach an agreement. In the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of strategic negotiation when closing deals, using tactics like understanding the opponent, acknowledging their points, and maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process. The speaker describes how every detail, from reading body language to managing emotions, plays a role in successful negotiations.

💡Understanding your opponent

This concept highlights the importance of gathering as much information as possible about the other party involved in a negotiation. The speaker advises researching their background, body language, tone of voice, and goals to gain an edge. For example, he mentions checking the opponent’s online presence or past sales to anticipate their behavior and strategize accordingly.

💡Ego management

Ego management involves handling the emotional needs of the opposing party, especially if they have a strong desire to 'win.' The speaker suggests feeding into an opponent's ego by agreeing with their expertise and allowing them to feel in control. For example, the speaker explains that some individuals prioritize their ego over the actual deal, and by playing into this need, one can gain their trust and cooperation.

💡Acknowledge their points

This principle focuses on repeating and validating the other party's points during negotiation. The speaker emphasizes that by mirroring the other person’s behavior and words, you create a sense of empathy and understanding. For instance, by acknowledging the buyer's concerns about furniture tax, the speaker bridges gaps in the negotiation and builds trust.

💡Mirroring

Mirroring is the act of subtly imitating the other person's body language, tone, or speech patterns. According to the speaker, this technique helps to make the other party feel more comfortable and at ease. For example, the speaker compares this to matching the energy level and posture of an interviewer during a job interview to foster rapport and trust.

💡Ask questions that lead to 'no'

The speaker advises asking questions that prompt the other party to say 'no,' as this can lead to more meaningful and productive dialogue. For example, rather than asking for an agreement directly, the speaker suggests framing questions in a way that forces the opponent to think creatively about possible solutions, like asking 'Would it be terrible if your buyer came up an additional $10,000?' to provoke negotiation.

💡Silence

Silence is a tactical tool in negotiation, where allowing moments of quiet can pressure the other party into offering solutions. The speaker mentions that by remaining silent, the opponent is often compelled to fill the gap with information or concessions, giving the negotiator an advantage. Silence also signals confidence and patience in high-stakes negotiations.

💡Positivity

Maintaining positivity is essential in keeping negotiations constructive and avoiding confrontations. The speaker stresses that a calm and positive attitude ensures both parties feel good about the deal, even in tough situations. He advises staying calm even when things go wrong, as negative emotions can derail the negotiation and lead to a deadlock.

💡Creative solutions

Creative solutions refer to finding unconventional ways to resolve conflicts or sticking points in a negotiation. In the video, the speaker describes how understanding the true interests behind a position allows for inventive approaches, such as negotiating over the sales tax of furniture in a $26 million apartment deal. By considering both sides' interests, a negotiator can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution.

💡Principles of negotiation

The five principles outlined in the video represent a structured approach to closing deals: understanding your opponent, acknowledging their points, avoiding yes/no questions, using silence strategically, and maintaining positivity. These principles are presented as essential tactics for mastering the art of negotiation, ensuring that both sides walk away feeling satisfied with the outcome.

Highlights

Understanding your opponent is crucial; learn about them through past sales, websites, LinkedIn, and body language.

Strategize based on the opponent’s personality, whether they are collaborative or combative.

Feed the opponent's ego if necessary to make them feel like they are winning.

For inexperienced opposition, offer guidance and position yourself as a friend rather than an opponent.

Ask questions to figure out the main interests behind a position to find a solution.

Mirror the other person’s actions and tone to make them feel comfortable and build trust.

Acknowledge the other side’s points to show empathy and understanding, making them feel heard.

Avoid pushing for a yes; instead, ask questions that lead to a no to find a yes that works for both sides.

Let silence do the talking, allowing the other party to feel like they have control and come up with solutions.

Maintain positivity throughout the negotiation, especially when the deal is difficult, to keep the process comfortable and collaborative.

Close better deals by practicing these principles regularly and refining your negotiation skills.

Selling and negotiating are skills that can be developed over time through experience and practice.

Stay calm and positive to prevent emotions from derailing the negotiation process.

View negotiations as discussions rather than confrontations to create a collaborative atmosphere.

Learn from every negotiation, both successful and challenging, to improve future performance.

Transcripts

I'll give him a call back in like uh 12

to 15 minutes yeah I'll get them up I

always get them up because I'm the

greatest negotiator of all time I'll

handle it I'll handle it yep 15 minutes

okay okay bye

I'm about to close a 26 million dollar

deal right now one apartment easy showed

it one time in between getting off the

phone with a seller right now and

calling the buyer to get them up I want

to give you my five principles of

negotiation

this is the Art of War for selling for

closing and for negotiating

principle number one is understanding

your opponent I try to learn as much

about the other side of the transaction

as I can at a bare minimum if there's

another sales person on the other side

of a transaction that I'm doing I want

to find their pass sales I want to read

their website I want to look into their

LinkedIn bio do they make tick tocks do

they have different accounts are they

still on Tumblr then when you meet I

want to watch their body language I want

to listen to how they talk I want to

gauge the tone of their voice like an

NFL team I'm checking tape I'm watching

the other side seeing how they act how

they interact how they react are they

looking to work together with me or are

they looking to be combative are they

putting the deal first or their ego

first do they sound nervous or do they

sound confident and you can do this too

with just a sell side person your boss

anyone you're negotiating with doesn't

have to be another sales person if

you're in the real estate world or

another lawyer if you're a lawyer

watching this right now it can just be

the other side of a negotiation they're

going to give you signals and every

little signal will help you make a quick

evaluation of who you're actually going

to be dealing with in the negotiation

you need to strategize on the best

approach to get to a close not for the

number

not even for the deal but for your

opposition what does the opposition need

to get this deal done do you need to

feed their ego whenever I'm on the

opposite side of someone with a massive

ego they always want to feel like

they're winning maybe they have jealousy

of me or they're envious of whatever or

they're having a bad day but they have

ego they want to feel like they're

winning it doesn't matter what their

client wants or the deal they will blow

up their whole life to feel like they

won right we all know those people and

they're

if that's what you're dealing with agree

with them throughout the process and

defer to their expertise suck it up this

is as simple as asking questions like

what would you do if you were in my

position

or how would you tell my client that

your client won't come up by doing this

you're going to let them share their

expertise and they're going to feel good

that they're telling you exactly what

they're thinking and they're telling you

what to do when really what you're doing

is you're getting inside their head so

that they can give you the answers feed

there you go

2 is the opposition new to the business

do they need guidance if you're dealing

with another sales person and they're

absolutely brand new it's a very

different way to handle those people

than handling somebody and negotiating a

deal with somebody who's been in the

business for 10 20 30 45 years are you

dealing with a first-time seller are you

dealing with a first-time boss the

secret here is to make the inexperienced

opposition either that salesperson or

seller okay your best friend offer them

guidance without straight out telling

them what to do so use a couple key

phrases I say we're in this together

it's never you it's never me it's never

I it's us

let's work together we both want the

same thing for our clients I've been in

your situation before and this is what I

would do things like that communicating

as a friend instead of an opponent

will build you trust and ultimately you

both do actually want the same things

for your clients right you both do want

to get to that deal but there are always

ways to help each other and

understanding the person on the other

side is just as important as

understanding the person they are

representing in order to do this you

must ask questions to figure out the

main interests behind a position

allowing you to figure out a solution

instead of being on the defense

principle number two acknowledge their

points did anyone ever tell you that

during an interview you should mirror

the interviewer's actions have you ever

heard that or watch YouTube videos about

it so like if you're interviewing with

somebody and they're leaning in while

talking you should also lean in while

talking if they're talking in a really

soft spoken voice you should try to

match their volume it's the same thing

in sales by emulating the other person

okay when you are trying to get to the

deal the way in there's something you

want you emulate the other person you're

achieving one very important goal you're

making them feel comfortable you're not

establishing dominance you're getting

down to their level you're building that

trust and you're letting them know that

you're not louder than them you're not

taller than them they're not crazier

than them you're not faster than them

you and me were the same because you're

the bigger person you're the better

salesperson you're the one who sells

more than anybody else because you know

these tricks so here's how you

accomplish this repeat their points back

to that everyone wants to feel like

they're making a good case for their

clients right or a good case for

themselves so by doing this you're

showing you're listening and you're

understanding you're showing empathy

many agents actually take this for

granted when dealing with the

negotiation right many sales people do

you want to repeat back the other side

is saying to you because you're

acknowledging their points it's going to

make them feel better it's going to make

them feel heard I promise you'll get a

lot further if you treat every

negotiation as a discussion and not a

confrontation the key to negotiating is

you're not negotiating just like the key

to selling is you're not actually

selling no one likes being sold but

everyone loves to go shopping and they

love to shop with friends next thing you

know that friend just convinced you to

buy five sweaters a bicycle and get a

new car

wasn't even the plan I thought we were

going to boozy brunch so from here right

as you're acknowledging their points you

can start to relate back to the other

side you're not saying okay tell me how

you do it right that's your ego talking

you're not going to say well Bob if

you're so smart you tell me what to do

okay again that's your ego talking

that's you on the defense that's not

negotiating that's not discussing by

acknowledging the other side's feelings

and reasons for not giving in to a

certain sticking point on a deal

whatever it might be and oftentimes it's

really small you're often able to get to

the true interest behind the positions

and then find a creative solution

for example right now the conversation

that I'm in the middle of to get this

deal done we've agreed in theory to a

purchase price the issue is the seller's

apartment we furnished okay by buying

the furniture

but when you do that through a designer

you don't pay the sales tax until a deal

closes so now my seller wants the buy

side to pay a sales tax it's 1.2 million

dollars worth of furniture that's sales

tax in New York City is about 115 000

intact just on the furniture that the

buyer thinks is you thought I'm paying

tax on it include the furniture to get

me to buy this place for 26 million

dollars you're gonna hit me with sales

tax I get both sides of it so it's not

even about the deal it's not even about

the money it's about the principal it's

my job to understand the opposition for

the seller I represent and for the buyer

that I'm also handling at the same exact

time principle number three

never ever ever ever ever push for a yes

you don't want to ask questions that

people can say no to you don't say hey

can you meet tomorrow that's pretty easy

to say no I'm busy right you say house

tomorrow at 10 or 4. that's hard to say

no they have to think about it they have

to say oh neither of those times work I

will have to do the next day right you

get people thinking because you don't

want saying no to be easy it's like a

little kid little kid learns the word no

it's all they say because it's easy it's

fast it's fun saying no asserts

dominance I'm two years old I learned

how to speak now you big person no no

I'm not gonna eat that no I don't want

to take it back no adults in the

associating are the same when people

tell you yes sometimes it really means

no if you're pushing for the yes yes

it's an easy way to get you off the

phone without having to experience the

discomfort of a no because people don't

like confrontation so what you really

want when you're negotiating is a no let

me explain how this works in sales

getting to an agreement is your ultimate

goal right if you asked anyone that they

would probably say yes however it's not

that simple when you're actually trying

to merge a gap on a deal during a

negotiation everyone wants to be right

everyone wants to feel like they win so

why would they openly agree with your

suggestion especially if they want their

client to think highly of them or if the

seller wants to feel like they're

winning get to a no the grown-up now so

for example would it be terrible if you

got your buyer up an additional ten

thousand dollars

you see what I'm saying if you asked

that question hey would your client come

up 10 grand they'd probably say no this

is our bottom line absolutely not I told

you I've given you every penny but if

you change the question the default no I

actually get to a step closer another

example does your seller really want to

lose a qualified buyer

see what I'm saying by asking questions

that you are sure to get a no from you

could actually work together to find a

yes that works for both sides principle

number four let your silence due to

talking by remaining silent you're doing

two things one you're letting the other

agent other sales person figure out the

solution that you know they would accept

two letting the other agent or sales

person feel like they have control of

this situation because they're coming to

you now to break the silence because

everyone hates silence this is principle

number five

sounds simple

is it a tough one keep it positive

the second you lose control of your

emotions the deal is dead it is super

important to remain calm and positive

throughout the entire deal no one likes

to negotiate when negative feelings are

involved it just doesn't it's

uncomfortable it's confrontational it

sucks let's move on right the best deals

get done when both sides are happy and

at the end of the day for most of us

whatever we're negotiating is probably

for a good thing right but let's get to

a happy solution we're in this together

I'm on

it's not these virus where they'll find

someone else I will never quit for you

it is important to always maintain

positivity during a deal when a deal is

good

and especially when the deal is bad

because without it there is no deal

there is no client and then you're the

person who loses more than you win and

with these principles in mind you're

going to be able to take your

negotiation skill set to the next level

but we are just scratching the surface

play this video back study each

principle but most of all practice them

you're going to close better deals when

you do selling is a muscle some people

have that muscle from birth some people

have to work at it like I've had for the

last 15 years everything I'm giving to

you I've learned through trial by fire I

haven't sold thousands and thousands and

thousands of homes for billions and

billions and billions of dollars of

sales without learning the UPS Downs ins

outs wrongs and rights of every

negotiation and to become an even better

closer and negotiator

one really important thing right

there right now I want you to tap the

link below and I want you to sign up for

my closings and negotiations course

because I guarantee you those that take

the course are going to be the ones

negotiating with you one

so keep the upper hand Ready Set

close

my

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