The leadership game -- creating cultures of leadership | Drew Dudley | TEDxAnchorage
Summary
TLDRThis inspiring talk emphasizes the importance of planning and defining personal values for leadership and personal growth. The speaker shares a transformative exercise to identify one's core values and suggests setting daily questions to live by those values, leading to a more fulfilling life. The narrative includes a personal journey of weight loss, illustrating how consistent daily actions can lead to significant change. The speaker encourages everyone to play the 'leadership game' by creating a culture of value-adding behaviors.
Takeaways
- 😀 Hope is important, but it's not a strategy for achieving goals in life.
- 🚀 To achieve what we want, we must plan and take action, not just hope.
- 🌟 Leadership is a skill that can be developed and should be planned for.
- 🤔 Many people underestimate their potential to be leaders and overestimate their understanding of what leadership means.
- 🧐 Defining our values is crucial for personal growth and leadership development.
- 🔍 A powerful exercise is to consider what three fundamental values one would stand for if observed for two weeks.
- 💡 The speaker emphasizes the importance of defining values in simple terms, as if explaining them to a four-year-old.
- 📝 Setting personal goals that align with our values allows us to celebrate achievements and live a fulfilling life.
- 🗣️ The 'leadership game' involves asking oneself daily questions that align with one's values to ensure consistent behavior.
- 🔄 Embracing failure as part of the process is key to growth and achieving long-term goals.
- 🏋️♂️ The speaker shares a personal transformation story, demonstrating the power of daily questions and actions in achieving significant life changes.
Q & A
What is the main message the speaker is trying to convey about hope?
-The speaker suggests that while hope is an important force in our lives, it is not a sufficient strategy for achieving our goals. Instead, we should plan and take deliberate steps towards what we want in life.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of planning to be leaders?
-The speaker believes that many people do not plan to be leaders and think that leadership is beyond them. They argue that planning to be a leader can bring happiness and fun, and it's a role everyone should consider.
What is the 'leadership game' the speaker refers to?
-The 'leadership game' is a mental exercise where one asks themselves what actions their ideal self would take in a given situation, and then follows through with those actions.
How does the speaker suggest we discover our core values?
-The speaker proposes a thought experiment where one imagines being followed for two weeks and asks what three fundamental values that person would identify as central to their life.
Why does the speaker think it's important to define our values?
-Defining our values allows us to create a set of criteria for decision-making that aligns with who we want to be, and it enables us to recognize and celebrate when we live up to those values.
What is the significance of the question 'What would the person I want to be do in this situation?'
-This question is significant because it helps guide our actions towards embodying the values and characteristics of the person we aspire to be.
How does the speaker use the example of the cashier to illustrate the impact of recognizing leadership?
-The speaker uses the example to show how a small act of kindness and recognition can significantly impact someone's day and potentially change their behavior towards others.
What are the six questions the speaker uses to operationalize their personal leadership values?
-The six questions are: 1) What have I done today to recognize someone else's leadership? 2) What have I done today to make it more likely that I will learn something? 3) What have I done today to make it more likely someone else will learn something? 4) What positive thing have I said about someone to their face today? 5) What positive thing have I said about someone who isn't even in the room today? 6) How have I been good to myself today?
How does the speaker relate the concept of leadership to personal growth and self-improvement?
-The speaker relates leadership to personal growth by suggesting that embodying leadership values and asking oneself reflective questions can lead to a more fulfilling life, better relationships, and a successful career.
What is the speaker's advice on how to achieve significant personal change, like losing weight?
-The speaker advises to identify specific, actionable questions tied to the desired outcome and commit to answering those questions positively most days of the year to achieve gradual but significant change.
Outlines
🚀 Embracing Leadership Through Planning
The speaker emphasizes the importance of hope in our lives but argues that it's an inadequate strategy for achieving goals. They stress the need for planning to have fun, become leaders, and make a difference. The speaker, a leadership development expert, highlights the misconception that leadership is unattainable or not enjoyable. They introduce the 'leadership game,' which starts with identifying role models and emulating their actions. The speaker shares a personal experience of being unable to define leadership, which led to a deeper reflection on the concept. They propose a thought experiment where one's actions over two weeks are observed to determine their core values, suggesting that most people struggle to define their values, which is crucial for self-improvement and leadership.
🤔 Defining Values for Authentic Leadership
The speaker discusses the challenge of identifying and defining one's core values, using a hypothetical scenario where someone follows you for two weeks to determine your values. They note that people often struggle to articulate their values, even when they believe they know them. The speaker shares their own struggle with defining 'transparency,' 'accountability,' 'friendship,' and 'passion.' They emphasize the importance of defining values in a way that is understandable to a four-year-old or someone unfamiliar with the concept. The speaker suggests that defining values creates a decision-making framework that aligns with one's character, distinguishing good leaders who live their values when opportunities arise from great leaders who actively create opportunities to live by their values.
🛒 Recognizing Excellence and Living Values
The speaker recounts a personal experience at a grocery store, where they witnessed a cashier's excellent performance amid customer impatience. This encounter led to a realization about the rarity of recognizing excellence in everyday jobs. The speaker decided to acknowledge the cashier's skill, intending to make her day better with a kind word. However, the interaction escalated emotionally, leading to the cashier's tears and a deeper conversation about the lack of basic courtesies in her day. This incident underscored the impact of small acts of kindness and the speaker's commitment to recognizing and valuing others' contributions. The speaker introduces a set of six personal questions aimed at operationalizing leadership values through daily actions, emphasizing the creation of a positive culture of leadership in one's own life.
🏋️♂️ Transforming Values into Daily Actions
The speaker shares six personal leadership questions that guide their daily actions, designed to add value to others and oneself. These questions focus on recognizing leadership in others, continuous self-improvement, mentorship, positive recognition, and self-respect. The speaker admits that maintaining these values is challenging, with failures expected but also built into the plan. They provide an example of how these questions were applied to achieve a significant personal goal of losing 100 pounds in a year. The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to define the questions that will help them embody their values, arguing that consistent daily actions, rather than extraordinary moments, shape who we become over time.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Hope
💡Leadership
💡Planning
💡Values
💡Character
💡Celebrations
💡Mentorship
💡Recognition
💡Self-Respect
💡Excellence
Highlights
Hope is a vital force in our lives, but it's not a sufficient strategy for achieving goals.
Planning is essential for fun, leadership, and making an impact on others.
Many people underestimate their potential to be leaders and the importance of leadership development.
Leadership is often misunderstood as being reserved for a select few, rather than a skill anyone can develop.
The 'leadership game' involves asking what a desired leader would do in a given situation.
Most people overestimate their understanding of who they want to be and what they stand for.
A pivotal moment in the speaker's life was when a student questioned the definition of leadership.
Leadership is not just about embodying values but also about creating opportunities to live them.
Defining one's values is crucial for leading a fulfilling life and making consistent decisions.
The exercise of imagining someone following you for two weeks can reveal your core values.
Values should be defined in a way that is understandable to a four-year-old.
Great leaders create opportunities to live their values, not just react to situations.
A personal story about recognizing a cashier's excellence and the impact of small acts of kindness.
The power of questions in driving behavior and creating a culture of leadership.
Six key questions that the speaker uses to operationalize personal leadership values.
The importance of adding value to others and oneself through daily actions.
Accepting failure as part of the process towards achieving long-term goals.
A personal transformation story involving weight loss and the power of daily questions.
The transformative effect of living a life aligned with one's values and the joy it brings.
Transcripts
I think that we all hope to have fun in
our lives I think that we all hope to be
leaders I think that we all hope to
matter in this world and hope is a
wildly important force in our lives it's
something that we should foster in our
own lives and the lives of other people
but hope is actually a lousy strategy I
think if we want things in our lives we
can't just hope for them we have to plan
for them I think we have to plan to have
fun I think we have to plan to be
leaders I think we have to plan to
matter to other people in the world and
the interesting thing is I don't think
enough people are planning to be leaders
like leadership development has been my
whole adult life and I'm discovering
again and again that for whatever reason
people are planning to be leaders they
think that leadership is something
Beyond them they think that leadership
is something that Beyonds in the realm
of other people they think that
leadership is no fun and it's honest
leadership can take Comm it can take
sacrifice but I honestly believe that
planning to be leaders can bring so much
happiness and so many moments of real
fun in our lives that we've really got
to all start to play what I like to call
the leadership game and I think the
leadership game begins with one rule
when you don't know what to do in a
situation ask yourself what would the
person who I want to be do in this
situation and then do that the
difficulty is that rule is hard to
follow when we don't actually know who
it is that we want to be and what I've
discovered in my work is that most
people tremendously overestimate their
understanding of who it is that they
actually want to be and I was one of
those people and it was one of my
students that showed me that I spent
eight years running the leadership
development program at the University of
Toronto in Canada and I gave my first
ever Workshop when I was 28 years old
and at the end of that Workshop a young
woman came up to me and said what every
educator wants to hear at the end of
their first lecture
I don't get
it and I saidwell what don't you get and
she said I don't understand leadership
anymore and I said that's okay we have
all semester to figure out what
leadership means to you that's why we're
doing the workshops and she says no I
understood it before I came to your
class and now I don't understand it
anymore and I realized now that's what I
want to happen when I do a workshop but
at the time I felt like I'd let this
woman down and I saidwell what
specifically confuses You' and she
saidwell I'm an international student
I'm not from here and where I'm from
we've always been taught that the
smartest people are supposed to be the
leaders and the smartest people are the
ones who get the best grades in school
so if you want to be a leader you have
to get good grades it's your way of
showing people that you deserve to be a
leader and if you don't get good grades
it's your way of showing the world that
you don't deserve to be a leader but
after listening to you I think that
leadership means something different in
Canadian can you tell me what leadership
means in simple English and I don't know
if you've ever been asked a question to
which you are certain you have an answer
until someone asks you the question but
that woman completely stumped me with
that one and Leadership was in my job
title I ran a leadership program and she
just asked me what is it I had nothing
and so I did what Educators do when we
get stumped by a student we go for the
glasses
well what do you
think and to her credit she says I don't
know that's why I asked
you and I said well tell you what why
don't you go home and think about it and
tomorrow tomorrow we'll talk about it in
class which also gives me the
opportunity to go home and figure out an
answer to the question because I was
upset by that because leadership was a
value that I wanted to embody every day
of my life I wanted to stand for
leadership every day of my life and this
woman asked me the most basic question
what does it mean and I had nothing and
I went home and I put myself a
hypothetical and it's one that I'd like
you guys to go through with me as well
let's say that I have someone follow you
around for 2 weeks of your life you
don't know what two weeks of your life
it's going to be it could be any two
weeks and they see everything public and
private that you do they witness every
interaction that you're a part of they
watch how you interact with people that
you love with people that you can't
stand with people that you've never met
before in restaurants and in stores at
the end of those two weeks someone sits
that person down and says that one you
that person you followed around what are
the three fundamental values that they
stand for every day of their life what
are the three things that they want to
embody every day of their life what
three words do you hope that person who
followed you around says that you stand
for every day of your life I want you to
think about those three
words I have asked hundreds of people
that question and everybody struggles
with it they might come up with one and
then they have to take quite a bit of
time to get to a second a lot of people
never actually get to a third because
you watch as they're struggling to get
it they're actually annoyed with
themselves that they can't come up with
these three fundamental values that they
want to stand for every day of their
life and eventually they start saying
things like Integrity respect uh Family
Faith compassion and those are all great
words but I want you to think of your
three words I want you to pick one of
them I want you to imagine that young
woman walked up to you and said I'm
sorry that word doesn't exist in my
language what does integrity mean I want
you imagine a four-year-old walks up to
you and four-year-olds are the best
people in the world to ask you questions
and make you realize you have no idea
what you're
talking four-year-old comes up to you
and says I'm sorry what does respect
mean and like most the people in this
room for the for the question for the
words that I came up with that night
give me 5 to 10 minutes I could come up
with a tremendous definition for every
single one of them for transparency
accountability for friendship and
passion but I was 28 years old and it
was the first time in my life that I had
ever never actually done it and yet I
had spent the better part of two and a
half Decades of my life evaluating how I
felt about myself as a leader and as a
human being based on how well I lived
those values and I had no idea what they
actually meant and it's why I say that
one of the first steps we have to take
in leadership is we have to define the
things that we want to Define us because
if we don't we're always going to feel
unfulfilled somehow cuz let's say that
respect is a value that you want to
embody every day of your life you want
to stand for respect every day of your
life if you haven't actually defined
what respect means if you haven't turned
into a goal that you know when you hit
it you could be embodying respect every
day of your life and you've never given
yourself permission to celebrate that
fact I think that setting goals is
basically planning celebrations and I
think that celebrations are fun and I
think that we do it in our financial
lives I think we do it in our careers I
think that leadership means starting to
do the same thing for our character as
well to know exactly what it is that
you're aiming for every day I think
there's three steps that we have to take
one I think you have to identify your
values and we have to help especially
our kids and the students that we teach
we have to help them do that as well I
love asking it with that hypothetical
what if someone followed you around for
two weeks what if a film crew followed
you for two weeks of your life and then
showed it to an audience of 100 people
what words would they say that you stand
for what words do you hope that they say
and then two I think we have to define
those values for every single word that
you come up with that you want to be a
core of Who You Are ask yourself how
would I explain this to a four-year-old
how would I explain this to someone for
whom that word does not exist when you
do that when you list your values and
you define what they actually mean what
you do is you create a set of criteria
that you can use to make decisions that
are consistent with your values every
time the opportunity presents itself you
create a list of criteria to which you
can pivot every time you have to make a
decision in your life and if you've
never done this my question is to what
have you been pivoting to make decisions
your whole life like good leaders this
where great leaders separate from good
leaders is that good leaders live their
values every time the opportunity
presents itself great leaders great
leaders create opportunities to live
their values they take deliberate steps
every single day to make sure that
they're living the values they want to
stand for let me give you an example of
how we did it once I worked with a group
of students once and we said we want to
put this into practice we said step one
what's our core value we said we want to
stand for impact then we said all right
how would we explain that to someone
well impact we said is creating moments
that cause people to walk away feeling
as if they are better off for having
interacted with you and every day we'd
come together at the end of the day and
we'd ask how did we do that the problem
was what we were doing is that we were
using our value to evaluate behavior
that had already happened we realized
what we really wanted to do is we wanted
our values to drive our Behavior so we
said let's create a question a question
that if we ask and answer it every day
we know we've lived our core value and
we're going to make sure that we have an
expectation of ourselves to answer that
question a personal cultural expectation
to answer the question because if you
think about your day the list of to-dos
that you have in a given day most of
them are obligations that you're trying
to fulfill for other people you got to
go to work on time you got to get that
assignment done you got to pick up the
kids or go grocery shopping we should
have obligations to other people and we
should try to fulfill them but when
every obligation you have in a given day
is to meet someone else's need or
someone else's obligation ultimately
it's hard to feel like you're a leader
it's hard to feel like you're in charge
of your own life and we said even if 90%
of our lives are to meet the obligations
we made to other people we will make
obligations to ourselves and this
question will be where we start and the
question that we created tied directly
to our value of impact is how have I
recognized someone else's leadership
today and as soon as we started to make
this a personal cultural obligation for
ourselves of leadership creating a
culture of leadership in our own lives
things started to change a few days
after we created this question I went to
a grocery store I went on a Saturday
which is ridiculous don't go to grocery
stores on a Saturday it cired a solle in
there every lineup 25 people finally I
got in the shortest one at the end of
the line was the greatest cashier I have
ever seen this woman was a ninja
everything she threw at the scanner
beeped and she would throw six things at
the scanner at once and I remember
thinking that is the best I have ever
seen and as soon as I said it to myself
I thought what an odd thing that is to
say because I started to realize that
the more people in our society that we
think can do a job the less likely we
are to recognize excellence in that job
and if you're an athlete you're a
musician there are magazines dedicated
to the top 50 of all time if you're the
cashier you're a bartender you're a
waitress and even worse if you're a
teacher or a nurse for some reason we
think everybody can do it so why
recognize excellence and I had that
question in my head though and it
changed what I did next and I said I'm
going to tell this woman she is the
greatest cashier that I have ever seen
and I was really excited but for 20
minutes I watched everyone be mean to
her everyone was in a hurry they kept
making that that loud sigh that you make
when you want the person to know that
you're
waiting so by the time I got to her she
was just about to cry there was the line
of tears at the bottom of her eyes I
said okay I cannot just say something
nice to this woman I have to do
something nice to this woman so I turned
to the candy counter and I said excuse
me which of these chocolates do you
think are the best and she snaps at me
she goes
caramels there was a list of words in
the English language you do not expect
to be snapped at you in Anger
ever caramels is on that list there like
seriously there's English words that you
don't expect to hear
bubbles fluffy the words don't sound
right and I was always taking them back
so I put the chocolates down on the belt
and she beeps them through and goes to
put them in the bag and I said no no I
got those for you you look like you're
having a really bad day I thought you
deserved
chocolates cuz I wanted to make her
smile right I was willing to drop two
bucks to make the cashier smile she
starts to cry not what I was going
for cuz now all there is is 20 people in
line watching the woman cry across from
the dude in the goofy hat they don't
know what just happened I'm Canadian I
have apologized to inanimate objects
I've tripped over okay okay so this
crying woman set me off so I started I'm
so sorry I didn't mean to upset you and
she goes no it's okay it's just nobody's
even been polite to me today and you
bought me chocolates I just don't know
how to deal with it and I thought it
would be one of those moments that makes
you feel good for a second and then you
forget about it like when you buy coffee
for the person behind you in line at the
coffee shop and you all nod like you do
it all the time you did it once four
years ago you've been coasting on it
ever
since but I realized this that moment up
until that moment when she went home to
her family and they asked how was your
day I bet she snaps at them and pulls
value out of their lives I bet you now
even if nothing else good happened all
day in her life she leads with this guy
did the nicest thing for me and it took
me nothing and I and it was that
question that made me seize a moment and
there's so many of those moments in our
careers and in our friendships in our
family lives that we let go past but
this question wouldn't let me that time
and that's become the leadership game
for me what I strive to do every day I
started to operationalize my personal
lead leadership values through these
questions let me share with you the six
of them that drive my life and I want
you to think about what yours will be
here my six one what have I done today
to recognize someone else's leadership
that embodies the the value of impact
how what have I done today to make it
more likely that I will learn something
to embody the value of continuous
Improvement and make sure that we don't
just learn things to solve a specific
problem at our job we are continuous
lifelong Learners what have I done today
to make it more likely someone else will
learn something to embody this value of
mentorship cuz I don't care how old you
are how much money you make or where you
think you fall on the soci economic
status you have something to teach other
people and for some reason we wait we
don't do it we don't Embrace this
ability to tell other people things that
will make their lives better what
positive thing if I said about someone
to their face today this is so simple
that we assume we do it all the time and
I think as a result we've stopped doing
it I think that that's such an
empowering thing to just pick something
about someone and say you're doing that
well thank you for it well what have I
what positive thing have I said about
someone who isn't even in the room today
to to embody this value of recognition
of the great things in our lives and the
great people in our lives but also about
this fact however you talk about people
who are not in the room everyone who is
in the room assumes you talk about them
the same way and if you think of the
people you like and respect the most you
will think of very few instances where
they slam people who aren't in the room
you can be those people let's make it
part of our Lives if we're going to talk
about people who says it has to be
negative and the last one how have I
been good to myself today to to embody
self-respect and also this fact I do not
understand how we expect bosses and
children and husbands and wives and
boyfriends and girlfriends to do
something for us that we're not willing
to do for ourselves and that's to treat
ourselves well six questions four to add
value to other people two to add value
to me that's what I aim to do every
single day that's the game I think that
we can play every single day if you do
it right ultimately what you end up
doing should create 1,200 additional
pieces of value a year but you're going
to fail sometimes so here are my lessons
four out of six 300 out of
365 four of the six questions is what
you aim to answer every single day 300
out of 365 days of the year because
failure is a part of life and yet we all
say it we never build it into our plans
and if you do that 300 out of 365 1,200
additional pieces of value tied
specifically to who you want to be every
single year if you add 1,200 conscious
pieces of value you're life gets better
your relationships get better your
career gets better and it changes you it
worked for me this is me
364 days ago that's me on the on the far
right
299.8 pounds at that point and I said
you know what I want to do I can't be
300 lb I got so close but I can't be 300
lb so so I said I want to be 100 pounds
lighter a year from today so I wanted to
apply the same idea of what are the
questions that we should ask so I went
to an expert and I said what questions
if I ask and answer them every day will
make me lose 100 pounds in a year and
she came back to me and she said here
they are have I eaten less than 1,00
calories today have I done 15 more
seconds of cardio than I did the day
before and have I done one more rep on
these four specific exercises she gave
me she said you know what 300 out 365
days if you can answer those questions
you will be 100 pounds lighter in a year
that was 364 days ago I am
oh thank
you they said you should get on a scale
and show it to them but I only am 199
pounds in my underwear so how about we
all
disagree let you take my word for it
today who you're going to be in a year
isn't going to be determined by five or
six extraordinary giant days between now
and then who you're going to be in a
year is going to be determined by what
questions you decide you're going to
answer for 300 out of the next 365 days
make those questions tied directly to
the values that you care about the most
and ultimately question by question
action by action step by step we get to
turn ourselves into someone that we love
and I'll tell you that living your life
as someone that you love that is an
awful lot of fun guys thank you so very
much for letting me share it with you
today all the very best
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