The Science Of Catching Up In Life

Summary

This video script addresses the common concern that it's too late to catch up in life, offering scientific evidence that supports the possibility of catch-up growth. It discusses biological and psychological principles, such as attachment and behavioral catch-up, to argue that humans are designed to recover from developmental delays. The script provides practical advice on seeking minimal but strategic help, changing one's environment, and overcoming mental barriers like shame and ego-based statements that hinder progress. It emphasizes that by challenging these internal narratives and taking action, individuals can indeed catch up and thrive.

Takeaways

• 🌟 It's never too late to catch up in life, and the belief that early starters have an insurmountable advantage is not entirely true.
• 🚀 Evidence shows that biologically, humans have the capacity for catch-up growth, similar to infants who can recover from stunted growth after receiving proper nutrition.
• 🔄 The concept of 'attachment and behavioral catch-up' (ABCs) suggests that it's possible to develop healthy relationships and confidence even after a troubled childhood.
• 💪 The science of growth is often about pushing through the most difficult part of any endeavor, where the majority of growth occurs.
• 🤝 A small amount of help can be crucial for success, especially during the most challenging phase of catching up, rather than needing constant support.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The analogy of working out illustrates that the intensity and effort put in the last part of an exercise contributes most to growth, which can be applied to personal development.
• 👥 Changing one's social environment is vital for personal growth, as the company we keep influences our behaviors and attitudes.
• 🏠 Altering one's physical environment can trigger a shift in mindset and promote a more productive lifestyle.
• 🧠 Our minds can sabotage our efforts to catch up through emotions and ego-based statements that discourage action.
• 🔮 Recognizing and challenging these self-limiting beliefs is essential to break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and start making progress.
• 🛑 Understanding that who we are is defined by our actions, not our self-perception, allows us to take control of our lives and catch up effectively.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script discussing?

The main topic of the video script is the science of how to catch up in life, addressing the concerns of those who feel they have started late or missed opportunities and exploring the evidence and strategies for personal growth and recovery.

What is the concept of 'catch-up growth' as mentioned in the script?

Catch-up growth refers to the biological and physiological ability to recover and make up for lost time in growth or development, as observed in infants who, despite missing out on nutrition during critical periods, can still reach normal size if properly nourished after the critical period.

How does the script relate the concept of catch-up growth to human relationships and confidence?

The script introduces the concept of 'Attachment and Behavioral Catch-up' (ABCs), which is about forming relationships and developing confidence. It suggests that just as with physical growth, there are ways to catch up in forming secure attachments and relationships, which are crucial for personal and social development.

What is the role of effort in the process of catching up, according to the script?

The script emphasizes that the most significant growth happens during the last 10 to 20 percent of effort, suggesting that pushing oneself to the limit during this final phase is crucial for making progress and catching up.

Why does the script suggest that people who have fallen behind may not believe in the possibility of catching up?

The script suggests that people who have fallen behind may not believe in catching up because their minds are sabotaged by emotions and ego-based beliefs that create self-fulfilling prophecies, leading them to avoid attempts that could result in failure.

What is the significance of changing one's environment in the process of catching up?

Changing one's environment is significant because it can influence behavior and thinking patterns. The script suggests that being around different people or in different settings can encourage new behaviors and break the cycle of old habits that may have contributed to falling behind.

How does the script address the issue of needing help to catch up?

The script clarifies that while help is necessary, it doesn't need to be extensive or constant. It suggests that a small amount of help, such as coaching or therapy once a week, can provide the necessary support during the most challenging parts of the journey.

What are some of the emotional barriers that the script identifies as sabotaging efforts to catch up?

The script identifies emotions such as shame and fear of failure as barriers that sabotage efforts to catch up. These emotions can lead to a cycle of avoiding attempts that might result in failure, thus preventing progress.

How does the script differentiate between logical and emotional thoughts when it comes to catching up?

The script differentiates by noting that if all logical thoughts lead to the same conclusion (not to take action), they are likely driven by emotions rather than true logic. It suggests that recognizing this pattern can help individuals understand when their emotions are controlling their decision-making.

What is the role of 'I statements' in the script's discussion on self-sabotage?

The script discusses 'I statements' as ego-based beliefs about oneself that can become self-fulfilling prophecies, shaping actions and future outcomes. These statements can prevent individuals from taking steps to catch up by reinforcing a fixed identity that doesn't align with their potential for growth.

How does the script suggest overcoming the mental barriers to catching up?

The script suggests overcoming mental barriers by recognizing the role of emotions and ego in shaping thoughts and actions. It encourages individuals to challenge these thoughts, seek help when needed, and take actions that contradict their limiting beliefs to break the cycle of self-sabotage.

Outlines

00:00

🌱 Overcoming Late Starts: The Science of Catching Up

The video script addresses the common concern that it's too late to start or catch up in life. It challenges the belief that early starters have an insurmountable advantage, and introduces the concept of 'catch-up growth' in both physical and psychological domains. The speaker, presumably Dr. K, promises to provide evidence that people can indeed catch up, and then teach the science behind it. The script also mentions an immersive resource by Dr. K for mental health improvement.

05:02

🏋️‍♂️ The Analogy of Physical Growth and Catch-Up

This paragraph uses the analogy of weightlifting to explain the concept of catch-up growth. It suggests that significant growth occurs during the most challenging part of an exercise, paralleling the idea that substantial life progress happens when pushing through difficulties. The script emphasizes the importance of optimizing effort during the last 10-20 percent of any endeavor and highlights the misconception that extensive help is needed to catch up in life.

10:02

🤝 Changing Environments to Facilitate Catch-Up

The speaker discusses the importance of changing one's social and physical environment to facilitate catch-up growth. It suggests that the company one keeps influences behavior and that changing this social circle can lead to positive change. Practical advice is given on how to expand one's social circle, such as attending networking events and using open-ended questions to engage with new people. Additionally, altering one's physical environment, like working from a different desk, can signal a cognitive shift necessary for growth.

15:04

💡 The Mind's Saboteurs: Emotions and Ego Statements

This section delves into the psychological barriers that prevent individuals from catching up, such as emotions and ego-based statements. The script explains how emotions can control logical thinking, leading to a cycle of self-sabotage. It also addresses the issue of self-identity shaped by negative beliefs, which can create self-fulfilling prophecies. The speaker encourages recognizing these patterns and taking actions in spite of them to break the cycle and facilitate personal growth.

20:05

🛑 Breaking Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs

The final paragraph emphasizes the importance of recognizing and overcoming self-limiting beliefs and emotions that hinder progress. It stresses that actions, not identities, define who we are and that by taking actions contrary to our fears and ego, we can change our self-perception and achieve growth. The speaker shares personal anecdotes to illustrate the point and encourages viewers to challenge their minds' attempts to convince them that catching up is not possible.

Keywords

💡Catch-up growth

Catch-up growth refers to the biological and psychological phenomenon where individuals who have experienced a delay or deficiency in development can still achieve normal or even above-average outcomes if given the right conditions. In the video, it is used to illustrate that it's never too late to start making progress in life, as the human body and mind are capable of significant recovery and advancement. The script mentions how infants who miss out on nutrition can still catch up to normal size if provided with proper nourishment after a certain age.

💡Attachment Theory

Attachment Theory is a psychological framework that describes the dynamics of long-term interpersonal relationships. It is central to understanding how a person's early relationships with caregivers influence their later capacity to form secure and fulfilling relationships. In the video, the concept is used to discuss how individuals can overcome a troubled childhood and develop confidence and secure attachments, which are crucial for personal growth and catching up in life.

💡Behavioral catch-up

Behavioral catch-up is a concept related to the development of social and emotional skills that may have been delayed due to adverse early life experiences. The video emphasizes that just as physical growth can be caught up, so too can the formation of relationships and behaviors that contribute to a person's overall well-being and success in life.

💡Critical periods

Critical periods are specific, limited periods of time early in an organism's life during which environmental influences can have a significant impact on development. In the context of the video, the term is used to highlight the importance of certain developmental stages in forming relationships and behaviors, but also to reassure that even if these periods are missed, there is still potential for growth and development.

💡Mental health journey

The mental health journey refers to an individual's personal experience and process of understanding, managing, and improving their mental well-being. The video script introduces Dr. K's guide as a resource to assist viewers in better understanding their minds and taking control of their mental health, which is a crucial aspect of the catch-up process.

💡Self-sabotage

Self-sabotage is the act of unconsciously or consciously engaging in behavior that undermines one's own goals or well-being. The video discusses how the mind can sabotage a person's efforts to catch up in life due to emotions like shame or fear of failure, which can lead to a cycle of avoidance and inaction.

💡Ego-based statements

Ego-based statements are beliefs or self-perceptions that individuals form about themselves, often leading to self-fulfilling prophecies. In the video, it is explained that these statements can hinder personal growth by shaping actions and reinforcing a negative self-identity, which can prevent individuals from taking steps to catch up in life.

💡Emotional control

Emotional control refers to the influence that emotions have over an individual's thoughts and actions. The video script explains that emotions can control logical reasoning, leading individuals to create logical reasons to avoid actions that may lead to growth, thus preventing them from catching up in life.

💡Social environment

The social environment encompasses the social setting and relationships that surround an individual. The video emphasizes the importance of changing one's social environment to foster growth and catch-up, as the company one keeps can significantly influence their behavior and opportunities.

💡Physical environment

Physical environment refers to the tangible surroundings in which an individual lives or works. The video suggests that changing one's physical environment, such as working in a different space, can have a positive impact on their mindset and productivity, aiding in the catch-up process.

💡Self-belief

Self-belief is the confidence and trust an individual has in their own abilities and potential. The video script discusses how a lack of self-belief can impede progress, while developing self-belief can be a powerful tool in overcoming challenges and catching up in life.

Highlights

The video discusses the science of catching up in life, debunking the myth that it's too late to start or catch up.

It provides evidence that individuals can catch up in life, contrary to common beliefs about being behind.

The concept of 'catch-up growth' is introduced, drawing parallels from child development to life success.

Biological evidence supports the idea that our bodies and minds are designed to recover from developmental gaps.

The importance of relationships and 'attachment and behavioral catch-up' (ABCs) in personal development is highlighted.

The video explains how secure environments contribute to confidence and the ability to form meaningful relationships.

The science of growth is analogized to working out, emphasizing the importance of pushing through the most challenging part for maximum benefit.

The video suggests that a small amount of help at the right time can significantly contribute to catching up in life.

It argues against the misconception that catching up requires extensive help or support throughout the entire journey.

The role of environment in shaping behavior and the necessity of changing one's social and physical environment for growth is discussed.

Simple techniques for expanding one's social circle and the importance of engaging in new social environments are provided.

The video addresses the mental barriers that prevent individuals from catching up, such as self-sabotaging thoughts and emotions.

It explains how emotions can control logical thinking, leading to a cycle of self-imposed limitations.

The concept of 'I statements' and their impact on self-identity and behavior, potentially creating self-fulfilling prophecies, is explored.

The video encourages recognizing and challenging ego-based beliefs that may hinder progress.

It concludes by emphasizing that actions, not ego identity, define who we are and that changing actions can alter our identity.

The importance of understanding and overcoming mental sabotage to achieve personal growth and catch up in life is reinforced.

Transcripts

today we're going to talk about the

science of how to catch up in life

and you may be one of these people

that's kind of wondering is it too late

for me to start or you're thinking like

oh my God I should have started a long

time ago there's no way I'll catch up

and you sort of recognize that people in

life Who start early are the ones that

get ahead right because it's like

getting a like 4.0 in high school lets

you get into a good college if you get

into a good college then you do well

there and then you can sort of get into

a good grad school or you can get a good

job and then if you're like working at a

prestigious company or you go to a fancy

like medical school like Harvard Oriel

then you'll sort of get more advantages

and then you get better training and

sort of we kind of feel like if you miss

the boat at some point you're sort of

screwed if you're ready to take the next

step on your mental health Journey check

out Dr K's guide it's an immersive

resource that distills over 20 years of

my experience laid out in a way that is

tailored to your needs so if you're

ready to better understand your mind and

take control of it check out the link in

the description below so this is a video

about how that is absolutely not true

and we're going to start by giving you

evidence that you can absolutely catch

up and then chances are what's going to

happen is you're not going to believe me

which is totally fine

then what we're going to do is we're

going to teach you the science of how to

catch up and we're going to sort of

explore the science of growth and how

human beings actually grow we're going

to lay it out for you really good and at

that point you still may not believe me

and then we're going to get to the best

part of the video which is how the mind

sabotages your ability to catch up and

I've worked with a ton of people as a

psychiatrist who are behind in life

These are d-gen Gamers these are people

like who are alcoholics and they've

fallen so far behind that they think

that they can't catch up but it turns

out that the one thing that gets in the

way more than anything else is

themselves

so let's dive in let's start with sort

of the science of catching up okay

so we're going to start by looking at

things called something called catch-up

growth so if you take infants between

the ages of six months and two years and

they sort of miss out on nutrition

it turns out that they're kind of like

small right so they're kind of their

growth is stunted but if you start

feeding them normally after two years if

they miss this critical period of growth

it turns out that they actually

completely catch up to normal and they

can actually be a completely normal size

so we sort of know that biologically

catching up on growth is actually built

into our genetic structure and our

physiology and if you sort of think

about this this makes evolutionary sense

right let's say that I'm like a monkey

and then there's a period of like

drought and so I sort of Miss like a one

year of like eating really good and so

I'm smaller than all the other monkeys

but then evolutionarily like as soon as

I get food it is an advantage for my

body to learn how to catch up for lost

with lost time right so I want to still

continue to grow so that I can fight and

mate and all that kind of good stuff so

the moment that I get food my body is

actually going to be more optimized to

absorb those nutrients and catch up

but if you're someone who's fallen

behind you're going to say something

like oh but Dr K that may be true but

that's the body like the body is

different and the mind is different Dr K

it doesn't work for the Mind turns out

that that is false it absolutely works

for the mind so there's another area of

research called attachment and

behavioral catch-up right which is kind

of weird it's called the ABCs and what

attachment and behavioral catch-up is

about is about the formation of

relationships so we also know is that

there are critical periods in our

development where we form relationships

if y'all are kind of familiar with

attachment Theory it sort of helps us be

secure in the world if we're kind of

like if we grow up in a secure

environment where we feel safe it leads

to our confidence as we become confident

we can trust other human beings as we

can trust other human beings we can

connect with them we can sort of apply

for job interviews and we can believe in

ourselves and like all that other good

crap there's so much stuff that comes

down to our core relationships

and so what people may think is that

okay but like what if I had a screwed up

childhood on like I'm behind I don't

know how to make friends I don't believe

in myself well that's what's so cool

about the the research behind ABC or

attachment and behavioral catch-up is we

actually know that there are ways that

you can catch up in all of that stuff

too you can develop confidence in

yourself you can start to feel safe in

the world and you can develop like

lasting and meaningful and impactful

relationships instead of just being you

know a bundle of anxiety all day long

and so we actually have research on the

outcomes of the ABCs which work well

so we have good evidence that catch up

is actually baked into our genes our

physiology and even our neurochemistry

that evolutionarily the body and brain

are designed to catch up after a period

of like you know things not working well

or things not being ideal

so the next thing that we're going to

get into is how what do we know about

the science of growth in the science of

ketchup we're going to start with a

really simple analogy of like working

out okay so let's say that I'm doing

bench pressing right because like I'm

going to be a chair Dr Gay like let's

get big man let's Get Swole so if we're

gonna do that let's say I bench press

and I do 10 reps so what is our

experience of like what do we know about

the science of like where the growth

happens the first five reps I get very

little growth next three reps I get a

little bit of growth it's really during

the last two reps when the strain is the

highest that I actually get the most

um kind of growth and stress on the

muscle fiber and as I stress that muscle

fiber for the last two reps that's

actually what's responsible for the most

growth so if you kind of think about

even people who work out let's kind of

think about that for a second right so

if there's someone who works out for 30

years and someone who works out for

three years is the person who works out

for 30 years going to be necessarily

more swole or in shape than the person

who's been working out for three years

and the answer is absolutely not what

determines which one of those people is

actually in better shape it has to do

with the way that they work out right so

if someone does eight reps for 30 years

they will not be as physically strong as

someone who does 10 Reps for three years

because it's in that last window of time

that we actually see the most growth and

when I worked with people who are behind

what we essentially optimize for is that

last 10 to 20 percent of effort where

the real growth happens and the big

problem with people who kind of struggle

with catching up in life is that they'll

kind of half ass it right so you'll do

like five reps you'll do six reps but

you won't actually push yourself

like completely to the Limit and there's

a good reason for that and that's

because if you really look at the last

two reps those are the hardest to do so

what do we know about the science of

growth in the science of catching up

that you need a small amount of help to

make it successful

now this is where immediately half the

people that I've worked with or more

than half of the people that I've worked

with have a reaction to that they say oh

my God Dr K you're saying I can't catch

up without help and what they

automatically start doing and you may be

doing this as well is they start

thinking like oh my God I have fallen so

far behind I'm going to need so much

help to catch up right it's not fair for

someone I'm 10 years behind is someone

supposed to help me like redo those 10

years the answer is absolutely not you

do not need help for the whole journey

you just need help for 10 to 20 percent

of the journey so let's go back to our

working out analogy and think about this

right so when I have a workout buddy

what does the workout buddy help me with

they don't help me with the first five

reps they don't help me necessarily with

the next three reps they help me usually

with their last rep and that's really

all we need help for so what we sort of

know from people who are like trying to

catch up in life if you look at people

who are like alcoholics or you look at

something like psychotherapy be so if

I'm working with a d gen gamer how much

of my help do they actually need they

don't need me to help them like 24 hours

a day they don't even need me to help

them 16 hours a day they don't even need

me to help them every day all they need

is one hour of support either coaching

or Psychotherapy once a week and that's

that tiny amount that really leads to

that like exponential growth

so if you're struggling to catch up in

life one of the things that you really

need to do is is get some help but you

don't need that help to help you with

the whole journey you can still do most

of it on your own it's in those little

moments where you feel like you can't do

what you need to do that I strongly

encourage you to ask for help so that

can be something as simple as working

with a coach or a psychotherapist for

once a week it can be finding a workout

buddy to try to help you like work out a

little bit it can be recruiting a friend

to help you like cook twice a week right

or teach you how to cook you need

actually a very small amount of effort

or help to actually get you into that

maximal growth phase okay so that's the

first thing to understand

second thing you need to understand

about the science of catching up is if

you want to catch up you've got to

change your environment some so we sort

of know about the science of addiction

is when people have a particular friend

group

those people that friend group will lead

to particular behaviors okay so if I

have friends that

I don't know like drink all the time and

I hang out with them it'll make it

easier for me to drink all the time if I

have friends who are potheads or Gamers

and those are the people that I hang out

with on Discord or IRL that's the

behavior that I'm going to end up

engaging in so generally speaking if you

fall behind in life chances are the

reason you fell behind is because you

were with other people who are generally

keeping you behind so that can even be

things like parents or siblings who are

a little bit abusive or don't like

support you in the way that you need or

it can be a friend group of like fellow

degenerates and I was one right like so

the thing that we love as degenerates is

when like everyone else is degenerate

with us because if everyone else is like

out there living their life then I'm

going to feel really bad about myself so

I actually end up avoiding those people

that make me feel bad about myself and I

join my tribe which is the degenerates

and we're all going to be degenerates

together we're going to be

anti-capitalism anti-work anti the man

anti everything and we're gonna sit here

we're gonna smoke our pot and we're

gonna play our games or we're gonna be

it's gonna be great I'm not saying that

capitalism isn't bad in some ways but

what I'm encouraging you to think a

little bit about The Company You Keep

and what we know from like the science

of things like addiction recovery is

that changing your company is really

important

now the question is okay how do I do

that Dr K how do I just change my

company so I'm going to teach all a

couple of really simple techniques okay

so here is how you expand your Social

Circle

you go to a place where hopefully it's

not the same people that you know so you

can go to like a networking event you

can go to a party you can go to a

meet-up you can go to like you know

everything like an escape room like just

find a group of people it doesn't really

matter and you've got opportunities just

go there and then you're like but I

don't know anyone so I'm going to teach

all a really simple way to talk to

people so that you can join people it's

really simple so you can walk up to

people like let's say you're at a

conference or party you can say hi so

look at them make eye contact smile okay

so you want to go like this actually you

don't want to go like that's

weird if you're like look here I am

don't do that don't do the hand emotions

okay just look at them in the smile like

so nod and make eye contact and then

they know you're coming over this Dodges

the problem that a lot of people who

struggle with social activity struggle

with which is like how do you insert

yourself into the conversation you walk

up to a crowd of people they're just

standing there and then you're like just

standing there awkwardly you're not

participating in anything you're not

like saying anything you can't get a

word in so like how do you avoid that

you make eye contact with someone in the

group and you smile at them you nod or

something like that and then you walk

over so this person now knows that you

are coming in okay

next thing that you you can do is you

can just say hi my name is alok I'm

looking to expand my Social Circle or

get into new things

it's nice to meet you that's it because

a lot of times we wonder okay what's my

excuse for like entering into a group of

people I need some kind of reason do I

need to explain to them that I have no

friends and I'm social up no you can

just say hi my name is Alex I'm looking

to learn more about whatever this is or

I'm looking to expand my Social Circle

it's a pleasure to meet you and then you

shake hands with everybody now you're a

part of the conversation okay that's

simple so then the other thing that you

can do is once you're part of the

conversation you can just ask people

open-ended questions about whatever

they're talking about but you want to

ask like one to two questions and then

like let other people ask questions as

well so you don't want to hammer them

with question after question after

question but if people are talking about

I don't know they're talking about their

favorite place to go scuba diving you

can say oh that's really awesome can you

help me understand like how you got into

scuba diving so you can just ask an

open-ended question about whatever

they're talking about and then you'll be

totally fine okay so that's how to

insert yourself into a group of people

so this is what we need to do we need to

change our social environment because

the social environment will inform our

Behavior the second thing that we need

to do to catch up is to change our

physical environment so when I was

trying to put my life together I

actually had two desks

and one of them I picked up on the

street and I was poor and stuff so I had

one laptop I had an I have space for two

computers but what I would do is I take

the same laptop that I would game with

I'd log out of the laptop I'd move over

to my other desk and I would stick the

laptop there and I'd log into my work

login

even that kind of cognitive shift or

that environment shift will shape the

way that your brain thinks so if you can

go to a library if you can go to a

coffee shop if you can even just log out

of your computer and switch to a

different space like taking your laptop

to a couch

whatever you can do to shift your

environment will shift your thinking

okay so get a little bit of help it's

okay to ask for help by the way and

y'all may be wondering like hey like how

do I ask for help it depends on what

you're trying to catch up with so if

you're trying to catch up with

socializing you can walk up to people

you can say hey I'm looking to expand my

Social Circle you know are you all down

to I've learned to love more I'd love to

learn more about what y'all are talking

about and then at the end of the

conversation you can be like hey it was

like really cool hanging out with y'all

are y'all down to hang out sometime just

ask right the worst that they can say is

no and that's okay so you want to expand

your Social Circle you need some amount

of help whether that's a psychiatrist

therapist coach friend workout buddy

whatever get some kind of help change

your Social Circle and change your

environment

so now if you've gotten this far

you may be wondering a little bit about

okay Dr K like this sounds great but

like I still don't think it'll work for

me right you make it sound so easy

there's no way brah you don't understand

Dr K like I'm 15 years behind in life

there's no way that walking up to a

group of people and telling them hey I

want to expand my Social Circle is going

to make up for all the crap that I'm

behind on

you are absolutely correct and this is

where we get to how the mind sabotages

you when you try to catch up

there are two things that sabotage us

when we try to catch up and this is the

real reason that people don't catch up

it's because there's like tons of data

right and like I'm a psychiatrist that

trained at Harvard and I was faculty

there I know what I'm talking about but

what is your mind telling you right now

it's not going to work for me that's not

how it works we have evidence from

physiology and nutrition we have

evidence about attachment Theory and

confidence we even have like a nice plan

that's been laid out it's not everything

right won't get you 100 of the way there

but those are that's where to start but

what is your mind doing your mind is

saying no it's not going to work or that

won't work for this reason because now

we need to understand what really

sabotages us when we need to catch up

two things

the first thing that sabotages us are

our emotions

so when you try to catch up in life your

mind will give you reasons to not catch

up right so it'll say don't go to that

party no one will like you or it won't

be enough these are really Classics that

I've worked with tons of people who are

behind it won't be enough it won't be

enough and if you've been thinking that

pay attention okay it won't be enough

it's not going to work it'll work for

other people which we'll get to

so now if we pay attention to what's

happening in your mind what is the

direction of all of these thoughts the

direction of all of these thoughts is to

not do it okay now this is what we have

to understand about the mind the Mind

may present you with things that seem

logical but generally speaking if you're

behind in life chances are your emotions

are controlling you the biggest

misunderstanding in our society today is

that even if we're logical our logical

circuitry in the brain is literally

controlled by our emotions our emotions

have a controller where they're hitting

buttons and they're controlling our

logic and this is why when someone is

behaving when someone is emotional you

can argue with them as much as you want

to but they will keep on coming up with

reasons to logically disagree with you

you can see this in political arguments

you can see it with arguments with

idiots on the internet it doesn't matter

how logical you are they have plenty of

logic to refute your logic and this is

the real problem where people get

tripped up is because when you have a

lot logical reason to not do something

what do you try to fix you try to fix

that reason right you try to solve that

problem okay how can I go there and make

it worthwhile how can I be sure that

this will work because it'll be a waste

of time and then I'll be further behind

so I can't afford to do this sounding

familiar but what is the direction of

all of these thoughts these direction of

all of these thoughts is to not get you

to do something

and that's how you know that it's

emotional in nature because if it's

truly logical any logical thought should

end up you know they shouldn't all end

up in the same place when our emotions

control our thoughts the direction of

all of the thoughts leads to the same

place and that's how you know that

you're not even thinking logically

so what do we do about this first of all

just acknowledge that there's some

emotion here and try to decompress that

emotion as best as you can you can do

everything from meditation to

psychotherapy to even noticing that wow

no matter what I do my mind is giving me

reasons to not try and once you notice

that what you'll sort of discover is

that shame is behind this and why does

shame get people to stop doing stuff so

this is important to understand why does

your mind even do this in the first

place

so if we think about shame

if you are ashamed of yourself because

you're behind you don't believe in

yourself okay if you don't believe in

yourself your mind calculates your

attempts as failure so like your mind is

thinking okay we're pathetic we're

behind you need to be ahead to get ahead

in life right and we miss that boat so

we're screwed so if we try we are

destined to fail if we're destined to

fail then that hurts right because we're

going to put forth all this effort and

we're not going to get anything from it

that sounds like a bad deal imagine I

came up to you and I said boy do I have

an opportunity for you you can give me

ten thousand dollars and you're gonna

get all for it right I'm launching

my new crypto coin and you can buy it

today for 10 grand and you will get one

HG Dr K coin and the HG Dr K coin will

give you nothing in return would you

ever take that no of course not right I

guess we're going to start our own

cryptocurrency now and this is what your

mind is thinking if you are ashamed of

yourself and if you don't believe in

yourself it believes that all efforts

will lead to failure and if all efforts

lead to failure it is going to try to

convince you to not buy that

cryptocurrency it is going to do

everything within its power to protect

you from that failure which is precisely

why it tries to sabotage your attempts

to move forward

the second thing that the Mind does you

have to watch out for I statements so

this is also something that's very

important to understand

so if I'm behind in life I start to form

opinions of who I am and if you're

listening to this talk and you're saying

I can't do this Dr K the people that you

worked with are different or the reason

they were able to catch up is because

they worked with you right your mind is

going to generate all kinds of

statements about how other people are

different but I can't do this and it's

also going to generate lots of logic

right I didn't have those opportunities

I'm not as tall I'm not as attractive

I'm not as wealthy I'm not as smart I'm

not as as disciplined I'm not as lucky

I'm not

all kinds of things and so here's the

really weird thing when you start to

believe something about yourself it

starts to shape what you choose to do or

not do so if I say something like okay I

am socially anxious I am socially

awkward that belief in myself is going

to prevent me from engaging in whatever

that activity is so I'm not going to go

to parties because I'm so socially

anxious

and so the beliefs that you have about

yourself start to shape your actions and

determine your future and what always

happens with the beliefs that you have

about yourself is they become

self-fulfilling prophecies so if I

believe I'm socially awkward and I have

all this evidence by the way Dr K it's

not you know the reason you're saying

that is because like bro you don't know

me you don't know how socially awkward I

am I'm absolutely socially awkward Okay

cool so you're socially awkward so then

what so you're not going to go to a

party if you're not going to go to a

party then what you're going to your

social skills will atrophy and then what

and then you will become socially

awkward it's a vicious cycle in the

wrong direction

the key thing to understand is these are

all ego based statements they're

statements of I am

and this may sound weird but all that

crap is BS because who you are is

determined by your actions right the

reason you're socially awkward is

because you don't go to parties and then

your social skills atrophy what happens

if you force yourself to go to a party

it's gonna be painful but then you will

start to accumulate social skills as you

start to accumulate social skills your

identity of being socially awkward will

start to decrease and what I've seen

with tons of people and myself as well

is then your identity will change into

I'm someone who used to be socially

awkward and I'm telling you that as

someone who used to be socially awkward

I was on The Struggle Bus with that a

while ago but now I've gotten better and

this is the really devastating thing

about catching up is once we start

making these ego-based statements and

letting them control what we do that is

what we become

because just think about it right so if

I'm afraid of heights it prevents me

from climbing a mountain versus I

acknowledge hey I'm afraid of heights

but I'm not going to let it control me

I'm going to climb a mountain anyway how

do I feel once I've climbed the mountain

am I still afraid of heights yeah but I

did it anyway and once you start doing

that something revolutionary will happen

who you are no longer dictates what you

do

and as who you are and your emotions no

longer dictate what you do

this is when you will start catching up

this is the key thing what keeps people

stuck for 15 years is that they they

sabotage their efforts because their

sense of ego identity and emotions get

in the way of them even making progress

that's the real problem it's not that

catching up is actually hard to do or it

may be hard but we know from all these

studies about growth and like you know

muscle development and stuff like that

that you can absolutely catch up I've

done it I started med school at the age

of 28 and here I am today like I started

you know late in life

and you can absolutely do it but what

really gets in the way is the way that

your mind tells you it's a waste of time

it's hopeless it's not enough this is

not who you are since you are this way

you cannot do this thing but the beauty

beautiful thing is that once you crack

that once you really realize that start

doing the things that are in the

opposite direction of what your mind

tells you notice that all of the logic

in my mind is leading to one conclusion

my mind is actually trying to convince

you why is your mind using logic it's

trying to convince you it recognizes

that this may not be true but if it

convinces you it protects you from pain

but leaves you stuck

so if you want to catch up in life

understand this principle of growth and

that the last 10 to 20 percent of effort

is actually where most of the growth

happens try to get a little bit of help

you don't need a ton of help and by the

way now that we've sort of understood

these emotions in this ego we can also

see that even the way that you react to

me telling you you need help oh you see

those reactions the reaction is like no

no no no no no it's too much no one's

going to be able to help me it won't

work you see that

get a little bit of help change your

environment change your Social Circle

and most importantly pay attention to

the way that your mind sabotages you and

if you can do these things you will

absolutely catch up foreign

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