How to move from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food.
Summary
TLDRThe video script addresses the struggle with disordered eating, offering guidance on developing a healthy relationship with food. It emphasizes understanding appetite cues, moving past emotional eating, and improving body image. The speaker provides options for those seeking clarity, questioning if a healthy relationship is right for them, or needing support on their journey. The script also discusses the misconceptions about healthy eating and the importance of addressing psychological factors, self-worth, and identity in achieving a balanced relationship with food.
Takeaways
- 😐 The struggle with disordered eating involves being pulled in different directions due to a lack of fundamental understanding of what needs to change.
- 🔍 There are various paths to explore for those with disordered eating, including seeking clarity on what a healthy relationship with food means, determining if such a relationship is right for them, and understanding how to achieve it.
- 📈 The journey to a healthy relationship with food involves moving away from dieting, restricting, and emotional eating towards a more intuitive and balanced approach.
- 🤔 A common misconception is that a healthy relationship with food is abstract and unattainable, but it can be made tangible and understood through proper guidance.
- 🍽️ A healthy relationship with food is characterized by balanced appetite, awareness of hunger and satiety cues, eating freely without overeating, enjoying all foods without fear, and trusting oneself around food.
- 💪 The process of developing a healthy relationship with food requires addressing underlying psychological factors, emotional needs, and behaviors that contribute to disordered eating.
- 🧘♀️ Emotional eating is a significant aspect that needs to be understood and managed by identifying emotional triggers and finding healthier ways to meet emotional needs.
- 🌟 Improving body image is crucial and involves not letting body shape or size dictate self-worth, confidence, or happiness.
- 🔑 Developing self-trust is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with food, which involves learning from setbacks without judgment and favoring progress over perfection.
- 📚 There are various resources available, including a reading list of books, to aid in self-guided learning for those wishing to understand and improve their relationship with food.
- 🤝 For those seeking professional guidance, there are options like introductory calls and consultations to assess suitability and explore the possibility of working together to achieve a healthy relationship with food.
Q & A
What is a disordered relationship with food?
-A disordered relationship with food is a pattern of eating behaviors that are not in harmony with the body's natural hunger and satiety cues, often involving emotional eating, binge eating, yo-yo dieting, and an obsession with food or body image.
What does the speaker mean by 'healthy relationship with food'?
-A healthy relationship with food means having a balanced appetite that is appropriate for one's body needs, being able to hear and respond to hunger and satiety cues without using willpower, eating freely without over or undereating, enjoying any foods without fear of losing control, and having trust in oneself around food.
Why do people struggle with understanding what a healthy relationship with food entails?
-People struggle because the concept can seem abstract and they often focus too much on the specifics of what they're eating rather than understanding the underlying reasons for their disordered eating habits.
What is the significance of the 'intuitive eating diet' mentioned in the script?
-The 'intuitive eating diet' refers to the misconception where people take the principles of intuitive eating, such as eating when hungry and stopping when full, and turn them into rigid rules to enforce, which contradicts the natural and flexible nature of a true intuitive eating approach.
How does the speaker define 'emotional eating'?
-Emotional eating is the act of using food to cope with or numb emotions, often leading to overeating or binge eating, and is considered a part of disordered eating patterns.
What is the role of therapy in addressing disordered eating habits?
-Therapy can help uncover and address the emotional ties to food, understand the psychological factors contributing to disordered eating, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Why is it important to address body image concerns when working towards a healthy relationship with food?
-Addressing body image is crucial because if one's self-worth and confidence are tied to body shape or size, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy relationship with food without the underlying issue of body dissatisfaction being resolved.
What are some common misconceptions about a healthy relationship with food according to the script?
-Common misconceptions include believing it's about eating everything in moderation, enforcing willpower to maintain balance, copying someone else's eating habits, or following the intuitive eating principles as a strict set of rules.
How does the speaker describe the journey from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food?
-The journey involves recognizing the need for change, understanding the concept of a healthy relationship with food, addressing psychological factors, moving past emotional eating, improving body image, and developing self-trust and self-worth, among other aspects.
What is the purpose of the reading list mentioned in the script?
-The reading list is intended to provide further understanding and guidance for those who wish to develop a healthy relationship with food on their own, by exploring various books that have been helpful to the speaker or their clients.
What does the speaker offer for those interested in step-by-step guidance on developing a healthy relationship with food?
-The speaker offers one-on-one client work that covers all the necessary areas for transitioning from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food, starting with an introductory call and potentially moving to a complimentary consultation.
Outlines
🌀 Struggling with Disordered Eating Patterns
The paragraph discusses the complexities of disordered eating relationships, where individuals often seek help from various sources such as nutritionists and therapists without fully understanding the underlying issues. It highlights common struggles like binge eating, emotional eating, and yo-yo dieting, and emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns as symptoms of a larger problem. The speaker offers different resources and options for those at various stages of understanding and addressing their disordered eating, including guidance for those seeking clarity on what a healthy relationship with food looks like and how to achieve it.
🍽 Defining a Healthy Relationship with Food
This paragraph delves into the misconceptions about what constitutes a healthy relationship with food, clarifying that it is not about moderation, balanced eating, or following someone else's eating habits. It critiques the intuitive eating diet, explaining how it can be misinterpreted as a set of new rules rather than a natural approach to eating. The speaker then presents their definition of a healthy relationship with food, which includes having a balanced appetite, responding to hunger and satiety cues without willpower, eating freely without overeating in the long term, enjoying any food without fear of losing control, and having a natural inclination towards nourishing foods.
🚶♀️ Moving from Disordered Eating to a Healthy Relationship with Food
The speaker addresses the common concerns and questions that arise when considering the transition from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food. They discuss the possibility of achieving such a relationship and the factors that contribute to the current state of disordered eating. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of understanding the specifics of a healthy relationship with food and the necessity of addressing the root causes rather than focusing solely on dietary habits. It also touches on the misconceptions about intuitive eating and the importance of making it a natural, rather than forced, practice.
🤔 Addressing Concerns about Weight and Body Image
In this paragraph, the discussion centers on the apprehensions people have about their weight and body image when considering a shift towards a healthy relationship with food. The speaker challenges the audience to trust their body's natural weight regulation and to consider whether they would accept their 'natural healthy weight.' The importance of improving body image as part of developing a healthy relationship with food is highlighted, as well as the interconnectedness of these two aspects of well-being.
🛠️ Developing a Healthy Relationship with Food: A Step-by-Step Approach
The speaker outlines a step-by-step approach to developing a healthy relationship with food, emphasizing that it is a skill set made up of many smaller skills. They compare the process to developing a sense of style in interior design, where understanding principles and concepts leads to a cohesive and personalized outcome. The paragraph encourages a focus on understanding and skills development, rather than trying to copy someone else's approach or relying on willpower and restrictive rules.
🧘♀️ The Psychological Aspects of Food and Eating
This paragraph explores the psychological aspects of food and eating behaviors, discussing how thoughts and mindsets can contribute to disordered eating patterns. It provides examples of how certain thought patterns, such as planning a perfect diet for the future, can inadvertently trigger binge eating. The speaker stresses the importance of understanding and changing these psychological factors to develop a healthy relationship with food, rather than just focusing on the act of eating itself.
🌟 Identity, Confidence, and Assertiveness in Food Relationships
The speaker discusses the importance of identity, confidence, and assertiveness in developing a healthy relationship with food. They explain that a strong sense of self that is not centered around food or body image is crucial, as well as confidence in one's own worth and the ability to assert one's needs and desires. The paragraph highlights how these factors can contribute to a more balanced and self-care-oriented approach to eating.
📚 Resources and Support for a Healthy Relationship with Food
In the final paragraph, the speaker offers resources and support for those looking to develop a healthy relationship with food. They provide a reading list of books that can help individuals understand different aspects of this journey and form their own path. For those seeking more structured guidance, the speaker offers the option of an introductory call and a complimentary consultation to assess the suitability of their services for the individual's needs.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Disordered Eating
💡Emotional Eating
💡Intuitive Eating
💡Body Image
💡Yo-Yo Dieting
💡Healthy Relationship with Food
💡Appetite Balance
💡Appetite Awareness
💡Mindset
💡Self-Trust
💡Perfectionism
💡Assertiveness
💡Self-Esteem
💡Body Image Improvement
💡Identity
Highlights
The struggle with disordered eating is often due to a lack of fundamental understanding of what a healthy relationship with food entails.
People with disordered eating are often pulled in different directions, trying various methods without a clear understanding of their underlying issues.
A healthy relationship with food does not mean following the 'eat everything in moderation' diet or enforcing willpower to maintain balance.
Intuitive eating is often misunderstood and can become a new set of rules to enforce, rather than a natural way of eating.
A balanced appetite is essential for a healthy relationship with food, and dieting can often disrupt this balance.
Appetite awareness training helps individuals recognize and respond to their body's hunger and satiety cues.
Understanding the psychological factors behind food choices is crucial for developing a healthy relationship with food.
Emotional eating is a common issue that needs to be addressed by understanding and meeting the emotional needs that drive it.
Improving body image is intertwined with developing a healthy relationship with food, as body image affects how we relate to food.
The concept of 'Fu' from interior design can be applied to developing a healthy relationship with food by focusing on tangible principles.
Developing self-trust is key to maintaining a healthy relationship with food without relying on external validation.
Assertiveness training helps individuals recognize and assert their needs and feelings, which is important for self-care and food decisions.
Recognizing and addressing perfectionism or black and white thinking is essential for a flexible and healthy relationship with food.
A healthy relationship with food is not about following a specific diet but about developing an overarching skill set that includes many smaller skills.
The journey to a healthy relationship with food involves learning, practicing, skill-building, and moving on from there in a step-by-step fashion.
The speaker offers a complimentary consultation for those interested in step-by-step guidance through their journey to a healthy relationship with food.
Transcripts
and I see the same thing with people
with their relationships with food when
they're really struggling with a
disordered relationship with food is
they'll go over here they'll see
nutritionist over here and then they'll
try to water fast and then they'll try
to just stop emotionally eating and then
they might go to therapy over here and
they're kind of being pulled in all
these different directions because they
don't fundamentally understand what it
is that they are trying to do I
appreciate that if you found yourself
here then you have likely been
struggling maybe for some time with
binge eating or emotional eating or
yo-yo dieting or food obsession
insecurity around your body body image
concerns maybe even all of the above and
if you think that you have disordered
eating and potentially bad body image as
well I completely understand if you have
a lot of questions a lot of concerns
you're wondering what is best for you at
this point where can you go from here as
well as hopefully some renewed hope and
curiosity that maybe things can actually
get better depending on what it is that
you need I've created different options
of where you can go next and different
resources that can help so if you're
here because you have heard me talk
about a normal and healthy relationship
with food and you think that's sounds
really nice but what does that even mean
I need some clarity on that there's an
option for you if you're here because
you know what a healthy relationship
with food is and now you're wondering
but is that right for me is going down
that path right for me is it possible
for me if you have questions or concerns
about that then there's an option for
you if you're here because you know what
a healthy relationship with food is you
know it's what you want and you want to
go down that path but you're wondering
how do people actually do that what does
that look like that Journey then there's
an option for that as well or if you're
here because you're interested in
exploring the option of working together
on your journey to a great relationship
with food and you're wondering what that
looks like and if that's right for you
then there's also an option where you
can book in for an introductory call
where we can provide some clarity for
you on that there so depending on where
you're at I invite you to now head to
the place that makes the most sense for
you you and I will be over there to
offer Clarity and support and help hi
lovely this video is for you if you've
been struggling with thinking about food
a lot binge eating feeling out of
control with food emotional eating yo-yo
dieting yo-yoing weight and you know
that you can't continue in the way that
you are you've got enough evidence
behind you now to know that things may
not just improve on their own with what
it is that you've been doing but it's
confusing and you would have seen people
have a healthy relationship if you and
wondered how are they doing this they
don't track anything they don't monitor
anything and they just kind of eat
naturally IM balance intuitively all of
the time and it seems really bizarre
let's begin with what a healthy
relationship with food isn't cuz I think
there's a lot of misconceptions about it
and I think that's because it can seem
like a very abstract concept what a
healthy relationship with food isn't is
the eat everything in moderation diet
it's not balanced eating it's not
copying what someone else with food
Freedom has or eats rather it's not
enforcing willpower on a regular basis
to maintain balance and flexibility
around food and it's not the intuitive
eating diet and what I mean when I say
it's not the intuitive eating diet is
it's very common for people to take the
principle rules of intuitive eating like
oh it's a good idea to kind of eat when
you're hungry and startop when you're
full and turn them into new rules from
which to enforce and if intuitive eating
isn't coming coming naturally to someone
then I would argue that they are on the
intuitive eating diet I hope that makes
sense a healthy ra of food also isn't
the hunger fullness diet by the way eat
when you're hungry start when you're
full and stick to it with force and
willpower okay now I'm going to take you
through how I Define a healthy relation
reltionship with food and this is after
years of experience of trying to Define
it and make it tangible okay and fair
warning if you've been struggling in
your relationship with f for quite some
time and feeling out of control Etc then
the following might seem like a fantasy
to you or too good to be true all right
that's really common so fair warning but
I'll just lay out what it is and then we
can take it from there a healthy
relationship with food to me means that
someone's physical appetite is balanced
and it's appropriate for their body's
needs firstly that they can hear the
full range of their appetite cues and
they can respond to hunger and satiety
most of the time without using willpower
so you know when it's time to breathe in
and out most of the day you know that
but you're not consciously aware of it
and it happens quite naturally same
thing with oh I'm feeling a little bit
hungry oh I'm becoming satiated and so
I'm eating and now I'm stopping eating
and I'm moving on that's what I mean
without willpower
next that you can eat freely so no heavy
analysis no monitoring no tracking no
calorie counting eat freely without over
or under eating in the big picture not
meal to meal necessarily cuz sometimes
people with a healthy relationship with
food they aren't able to eat when
they're hungry or they eat a bit bitey
but in the big picture over weeks and
months eating freely without over or
undereating next that there's that they
can enjoy any foods that they want to
enjoy without a fear of losing control
that there's little emotional eating
happening against my definition it's my
way of working with it to me if there's
absolutely no emotional eating occurring
whatsoever then someone is only eating
for Optimum Nutrition at all times and
is deriving no pleasure or satisfaction
from their food whatsoever but you might
have an intuitive sense of when it
starts to cross over that line for you
and it's becoming a little bit
problematic and distressing the next
part is that you tend more towards
nourishing food because you genuinely
want it not because you feel that you
should eat it next that you can trust
yourself fully around food to the point
that not trusting yourself around food
seems as ridiculous as not trusting
yourself around your sunglasses for
instance and it is that way for people
with a healthy relationship with food
and lastly that there is healthy control
with food so not the tight in control
willpower enforced better maintain this
rigidity otherwise there's chaos kind of
control and not out of control you know
checking out zoning out feeling chaotic
Etc healthy control so the ability for
you to make decisions around food which
align with what you want for yourself
and decisions coming from an easy place
of self-care and peace like oh I've got
a craving for ice cream and you would
have seen people do this got a craving
for ice cream
H what time's D going be oh 45 minutes H
okay well actually I think I'll wait
then maybe until after dinner to have an
ice cream if I still fancy one you see
that easy decision or maybe I will have
an ice cream that easy decision from a
place of selfcare hi lovely you're here
if you have understood what a healthy
relationship with food is as far as I
work with it and I think of it and it
sounds nice to you it sounds like
something that you want but you're
wondering if it is quite that simple cuz
it doesn't feel like it and if going
down this path towards that as a goal
makes sense for you and is right for you
so that's what we're going to discuss
and what I'm going to start with is the
primary concerns and questions that tend
to come up at this point so those are
what would happen to my weight if I went
down this path towards this goal is it
possible for me to have a healthy
relationship with you and is that
dependent on anything what if I'm not
happy with where my body ends up as a
result of gaining this relationship with
food and will life actually be better
with this relationship with food you
know because it means giving up certain
things like dieting restricting and the
highs of that and also emotional eating
and binge eating and kind of that
emotional roller coaster which can be
devastating but it can also be very
entertaining and can serve different
roles so will life even be better and
you'll also probably be wondering how do
people actually move from disordered
eating to a great relationship with food
so I'm actually going to start with is
it possible for me to have a healthy
relationship with food and the so I
don't know you we haven't met yet most
likely but my take on this is that your
relationship with food is the way that
it is for a
reason and there's many different
factors which are going into it right
now to create create this disordered
eating which again is such a high level
term and everything in it can be broken
down into something very tangible and I
think one of the reasons why people
don't think that it's possible for them
is because they don't actually
understand the specifics of what a
healthy relationship with food actually
means and they don't understand how to
get there and they focus far too much on
what they're eating rather than all the
reasons why they don't have a healthy
relationship with food in the first
place and what a lot of people do in my
experience is they hear about a healthy
relationship with food maybe from me and
they understandably take all of their
experiences with dieting or trying to
control their food or trying to maintain
balance with eating
and not succeeding at that in their mind
cuz they were using willp power
essentially and dealing with the surface
stuff but anyway they take all of that
experience of I can't be trusted I'm a
failure at this and this is not going to
work for me here we go again they take
all of that
into the goal of a healthy relationship
with food when they think about it
because they think that was about food
and that didn't work and this looks like
is about food so how on Earth can that
work this happens quite regularly now
because the intuitive eating movement
has become a lot bigger that I will
speak with someone who says I don't
really don't think I can have a healthy
relationship with food because you know
I've tried intuitive eating for a while
and I still binge I still feel like I'm
thinking about food often I still feel
like I overeat and then invariably what
will happen when I ask them okay just
walk me through your approach to
intuitive eating help me to understand
and then they will say things like okay
well I was trying to only eat when I'm
hungry and stop when I'm full do that
most of the time and I was trying not to
emotionally eat or and I was trying not
to drink my calories and I was trying to
make balanced meals and I was trying to
eat enough you know and trying to reduce
sugar Etc these are the kind of things
that would come up that were trying a
lot and so what's happened here which is
completely understandable what's
happened here is someone has heard about
intuitive eating it makes sense
logically makes sense on the tin and
then they take the intuitive eating
principles almost and they turn it into
a new set of rules without meaning to
and then they try to enforce them and
that is not gaining a healthy
relationship with food at all gaining a
healthy relationship with food means
looking at okay eating when I'm hungry
and stopping when I'm satiated most of
the time that seems to be like part of a
healthy relationship of food okay I'm
currently finding it difficult to do
that naturally so what needs to
fundamentally change underneath that so
that it comes naturally to me to eat
when I'm hungry and stop eating when I'm
satiated most of the time another
example okay reducing emotional eating
okay that seems like it's part of a
healthy relationship with you that makes
sense okay so I'm just I'm going to
recognize when I'm not hungry and I want
to eat and I'm really going to try to to
not do that and maybe I'll I'll call A
friend or or go for a walk instead and
I'll just try to not emotionally eat but
gaining a healthy relationship with food
the difference there is I recognize I
want to eat often when I'm not
physically hungry or I want to eat past
the TIY that's interesting I wonder what
that's about I wonder what is driving
that then exploring what types of
emotional eating that they're doing what
needs that it's serving Etc and taking
the necessary steps
to address those emotions and those
needs effectively in the right way so
that the urge to emotionally eat does
not come up nearly as much because some
is normal and healthy so there is the
key difference and the missing link and
why gaining a healthy relationship with
food is nothing like any other the
dieting or wol power plans or anything
like that and while gaining a healthy
relationship with food actually actually
has very little to do with any
discussions about food whatsoever and
that's why I often say I help women gain
a normal and healthy relationship with
food without relying on rules
restrictions or willpower not just
because that's more pleasant to do it
that way but because it's fundamentally
necessary gaining a healthy relationship
with food that comes naturally to us is
the point and that people haven't
actually
done and so when people come to me and
they say and I've worked with women who
are in their 60s and 70s well and they
come and they say I really don't think I
can have a healthy relationship with few
because I've been trying all of my life
I've really been trying all of my life
and when we get into what it is that
they've tried you know things like keto
or I tried um eating when I'm hungry and
S when I'm full I've tried fasting I've
tried this I've tried that all things
surrounding trying to maintain control
in one way or another when you break it
all the way down and I say to them and
I'll say the same thing to you I say to
them this is good news really because
essentially what you've been doing for a
long time is saying I really really want
to learn to drive and then you've gone
out and you bought a bike and you've
been pedaling away for hours and hours
and hours trying really really hard so
much energy and effort into it you've
been trying so hard and then you're like
oh I'm not any closer to being able to
drive a car okay I'm going to go and get
a scooter spending hours practicing
scootering around like oh I'm not any
closer to driving a car it's like well
of course you're not because you haven't
been focused on the things that you need
to focus on to be able to drive a car
and it's same with a healthy
relationship with food I imagine that
you've actually got so much discipline
and energy and
focus and it's just that it's been going
into the wrong places as it were and
imagine all of that when it's put into
the right places and the underlying
reasons why each part of your
relationship with fud isn't particularly
healthy are actually addressed as it can
come naturally to you the next common
concern that comes up of even if I think
I'm capable of having a healthy
relationship with Fe are moving towards
that what is going to happen to my
weight so I'm going to put it back to
you and say if you had that healthy
relationship with food which we outlined
so eating freely without over underere
eating can hear your hungry and ctiy
cues you're not really emotionally
eating you're tending more towards
nourishing food because you want it you
can trust yourself fully around food you
have healthy control with food all of
that stuff but just as a thought
experiment if you woke up with that
relationship with food all of it would
you trust your body to take care of its
own weight regulation first and foremost
and if the answer to that is yes then
the next question is okay so I trust my
way do that but what if I don't like my
I like to call it my natural healthy
weight so the the the weight and body
that we have that is in response to a
healthy relation relationship with food
they go hand in hand to change outside
of our natural healthy weight would mean
by default we no longer have a healthy
relationship with food if you see what I
mean so they go hand in hand next
question is what if I don't like my
natural healthy weight even if I want
that relationship with food and this is
a big question but I'll do my best the
honest answer is that in order to move
down the path of gaining a healthy
relationship with food that path also
involes involves improving body image
because if you gained a healthy
relationship with you and your body
settled somewhere and you were really
really unhappy with it and it was
impacting your life your sense of
confidence Etc i. you still have bad
body image then it's not really going to
be a likely outcome that you can
maintain that healthy relationship with
food so they kind of go hand in hand
moving towards a healthy relationship
with food in my experience means also
moving towards good body image and when
I say good body image I think and I've
asked this on my YouTube channel so so I
know that there's lots of different
responses I think it's important for me
to Define what I mean by that so this is
my definition of what good body image
means and it's the way that I work with
it good body image means that my body
does not determine anything that I think
of myself anything that I feel anything
that I do anything that I wear anything
that I feel I deserve to have and
anything that I go after in life and
that might be different to your idea of
good body image some people some people
consider it to be I like the way that I
look they're different things my body
does not impact my life and sense of
self conversely bad body image I would
Define as the opposite so my body
determines absolutely everything I think
of myself everything that I feel
everything that I do everything that I
wear everything I feel I deserve to have
and everything that I go after in life
those are kind of like the two extremes
I'm not sure anyone really fools on
either absolute extreme and so this is
this is about choice so my question to
you is that definition of good body
image is that also what you want is that
also what you want really really really
important question and if you say yes
you know I don't know how and I have
concerns about that but yes that sounds
really nice I'd like a healthy
relationship with you to sell my natural
healthy weight to be taken care of my
healthy and fitness from a place of ease
and pure passion and enjoyment and I'd
like to be free to live my life and feel
confident and good on my terms not
because of what the scale says
essentially and if that's the case if
that's the case then to me those goals
are congruent and that's a really good
thing because then they're attainable if
you see what I mean then the next
question becomes how do people do that
hi lovely so you're here if you want a
healthy relationship with food a normal
and healthy relationship with food even
if you still have questions like yes
that sounds great feel like I can do
that probably that's what I want the
next question that you probably have is
how how do people do that now I can only
speak from my experience of working with
people through that transition shall we
say I also want to be respectful to the
fact that that is a very very big
question how do people do that that kind
of takes going through the entire
process yourself to really understand
fully how people do that if that makes
sense nevertheless we can do our best to
create an overview so that conceptually
hopefully it makes a lot of sense to you
so the first thing is the recognition
that the relationship with you that you
have whether it's disordered and
struggled or healthy as it were is the
symptom as it were or the effect of
other stuff it's like okay eating when
you're hungry and stopping when you're
satiated most of the time okay well we
got two options there we could turn that
into a rule I'm going to eat when I'm
hungry and stop when I'm assciated 90%
of the time and I'm going to track it
and I'm going to enforce that or we look
at oh why is that not coming naturally
to me already and What needs to change
underneath that to allow for that to
come naturally to me the next part is
the recognition that a healthy
relationship with you that comes
naturally to us cannot be born out of
control rules restrictions or willpower
and if we're doing that then we've
basically gone on to what I like to call
the intuitive eating diet or the healthy
relationship with food diet I think it's
helpful to think of a healthy
relationship with food the seemingly
abstract concept like style and I'm
going to use the example of interior
design style because I've just got a new
apartment looking around it now and I
got it completely empty and I decided I
want to do the interior design for this
I've never done that before and I think
I'd really enjoy it and I very quickly
found that I couldn't it felt like I
spent hours on Pinterest as per
everyone's advice looking up rooms and
design and style and my style was
consistent in what I was looking at I
knew what I wanted when I saw it but
then taking that and actually starting
to choose pieces
and colors and then bringing the room
together so that my apartment looked
like or had the same feel as these rooms
on Pinterest completely different thing
but I didn't know at that point why I
was finding it so hard I just thought
and I was joking to my friends I don't
have any style so I called my brother
and I asked for help he's a designer I
said help me please I have no style and
bless him he really tried to help and I
pretended that the phone unle was more
helpful than it was and one of the
things he said was well you know a mix
of modern and kind of rustic is nice and
then's some nice things on the wall and
I was thinking yes but I don't know what
nice means so saying that really doesn't
help me at all but then fortunately I
came across the con concept of Fu which
I knew about but I actually started
looking into it and I was like okay
spatial arrangement in the room okay I
took a few concepts of that was tangible
was logical cool I got that and I moved
things around according to these
principles and I was like wow this feels
a lot better and all of a sudden I felt
a little bit excited about it I was like
oh I've learned something I can develop
style I'm like an infant right now but
there are tangible things and Concepts
that I can learn bit by bit now just
like when I would look at someone like
my brother who has interior design style
and think but how are you doing that you
might have looked at someone with a
healthy relationship with you and have
been like but how are you doing that
just as someone can develop a sense of
style something which I didn't think was
possible until recently but just as
someone can develop that bit by bit
someone can also develop a healthy
relationship with food but not by
copying what someone else is doing that
doesn't work not by trying to just try
really hard to just get it right that's
what I was doing with my apartment just
trying really hard to get it right not
by any of that but by developing the
necessary
understandings and developing skills
many skills one bit at a time and slowly
this picture starts to form and this
overarching skill of styling or a
healthy relationship with food can be
formed and I think of a healthy
relationship with you as just one big
skill made up of lots and lots of many
skills and that is the way that I teach
it and so what I have seen so much of of
people talking to me about it is
basically what I was doing when I was
trying to make my apartment look nice I
was going over here and I was going over
here I'm like maybe I'll get this bit of
friendship off but then will it work
with the wall like what color would I
get with that and how do I get another
piece of furniture that would look good
with that one it just doesn't make too
much sense there too there's too much to
think about all at once how do people
possibly ever do this I must just not
have any style and I see the same thing
with people with their relationship with
food when they're really struggling with
a disordered relationship with food is
they'll go over here they'll see a
nutritionist over here and then they'll
try to water fast and then they'll try
to just stop emotionally eating and then
they might go to therapy over here and
they're kind of being pulled in all
these different directions because they
don't fundamentally understand what it
is that they are trying to do it's not
tangible they don't understand it and so
when people say is it possible to
improve your relationship with food that
to me
seems just as not ridiculous cuz I
understand why it's being asked but but
we'll use it just as ridiculous of a
question as if someone were asking like
I was can someone develop better style
and the thing is a lot of what people by
the time they speak to me have tried
over the years some of it was really
helpful and kind of a part of having a
healthy relationship with food you know
I spoke to someone the other day who
went to see a nutritionist to help them
to kind of resettle their appetite cues
and rebalance their appetite and having
a balanced appetite you know it's
appropriate for our knes is that part of
a healthy relationship ship with food
well yeah that's really helpful it's a
part of it but there comes in the
importance of the awareness of the whole
picture at large and seeing as I'm going
to rebalance my appetite CU that's
really helpful but it's not the whole
picture and I got to do these other
things as well but what will often
happen is someone might go to a
nutritionist like that they try to work
on and they say oh this hasn't helped at
all scrap all of that entirely now I'm
going to go to therapy and they uncover
some emotional ties to food and they
start to address it and that's really
helpful and they might think okay that's
been kind of helpful but I don't have a
healthy relationship with food now that
comes naturally to me maybe my appetite
cues have got out of balance again or if
I have a craving do I honor my craving
do I not how do I make decisions around
food that sense of healthy control isn't
there I'm clueless still oh that didn't
work let's bring in the next thing so in
summary conceptually how does someone
develop a healthy relationship with food
and again I can only speak from my
experience personal and professional
experience first comes the awareness of
what a healthy relationship with food
actually is you got to make that
tangible even though it seems abstract
it's tangible got to break it down then
into the different categories and steps
in essence of things that need to be
addressed in order for a healthy
relationship with food to come into
fruition and being aware of the bigger
picture at large of all those things
that need to be addressed and then go
into
focusing on the one part at a time like
developing a balanced appetite getting
in touch with appetite cues moving past
emotional eating building trust in in
self and step by step bringing all of
this new understanding and new practice
and new skills bringing them all in
together because they're all
interconnected just like with style all
of those elements of style need to come
together for a room to look stylish to
that person now that we've looked at
that conceptually which hopefully was
helpful in and of itself I understand
that now you probably want it to be more
specific what are the actual areas that
people address that come together to
create a healthy relationship with food
as a side effect essentially hey lovely
welcome you are here if you would like
to learn more about how to develop a
healthy relationship with food and all
that that entails so what are the
different areas that in my experience
someone needs to address kind of in
isolation but also as a whole picture in
order to move from binge eating yo-yo
dieting food Obsession emotional eating
feeling out of control to a normal and
healthy relationship with food and I'll
summarize those for you the first area
is balancing the appetite making sure
that the physical appetite is balanced
and appropriate for our body's needs so
a lot of people don't know this but
dieting restricting ignoring appetite
cues on both ends of the spectrum can
actually lead to the physical appetite
becoming unbalanced and I've heard so
often I feel so much hungrier than other
people or I can't hear my appetite CU I
don't know when I'm hungry I don't know
when I'm satiated and actually the
disordered eating and dieting in itself
can massively contribute to that and of
course having a balanced appetite which
is appropriate for your body's needs is
a part of a healthy relationship with
food so learning how to do that is one
part the second part is some appetite
awareness training if you like so that's
getting in touch with Hunger Andy cues
and appetite cues the appetite might be
balanced from the first part but that
doesn't mean an awful lot if you can't
hear your appetite cues as it were and
again there can be a lot of confusion
around this might be true for you may
not be there can be a lot of confusion
around this am I hungry enough to eat
yet am I not hungry enough to eat should
I stop eating am I satiated enough Etc
what does tus even feel like all all of
these kinds of things and so being in
touch with appetite cues doesn't give us
a healthy relationship with food in
isolation but it's an important part
hard to have one without hearing
appetite cues the third part is
understanding your psychology around
food and that can seem like a
daunting area I'll give you an example
of what I mean so someone that is binge
eating may be completely unaware that
the urge to binge is pretty much a
creation of their own they're creating
the urge to binge typically without even
realizing it and one small example of
this is and that's through thoughts one
through one small example of this is
have you ever planned a diet for the
next day thought I'm going to be really
good and kind of really on track and
everything's going to be amazing I'm
going to follow this plan perfectly and
I'm going to lose this amount of weight
starting from tomorrow and that very
idea of I'm going to begin tomorrow and
be almost perfect on my plan was the
very instigator of you having a binge
that evening you might not have been
aware of it happening but it's very very
common and so there a thought of I'm
going to go onto a diet should you say
tomorrow instigated or at least
contributed to the urge to binge that
otherwise wouldn't have been there
that's one small example then there's
other things like scarcity mindset you
know wanting what we can't have creating
the urge to binge and
unnecessary cravings and urges then
there's things like checking out when a
binge starts to occur and checking out
contributes to the binge unfolding
there's a lot that we do in our thinking
that creates and drives the urge to
binge and unnecessary thoughts and
preoccupation around food and the really
ironic thing is that when people are
thinking certain things or having
certain perspectives around food that
are contributing to the urge to binge
they are actually having those thoughts
and taking those perspectives because
they believe that they are helpful hence
they are being done intentionally and
that's really really good news because
if they're being done intentionally and
for a Positive Purpose it means that
once they are identified then you can
stop doing them basically and do
something more helpful developing the
mindset of someone with a healthy
relationship with food which again isn't
as daunting or unrealistic as it can
sound on the tin it's actually really
tangible that's really crucial to
actually genuinely having a healthy
relationship with food so we have to
take into account psychology the next
part is moving past emotional eating and
this I can kind of break up to summarize
into understanding and identifying what
types of emotional eating that you do
what do you use food for emotionally to
meet needs or to meet emotions does food
mean certain things to you and the next
part then is actually tending to those
needs and getting those needs met and
working through emotions and responding
to emotions in
really healthy and productive and
self-development and resilient ways
sufficiently and effectively enough that
the urge to use food emotionally in
those ways goes down on its own a lot of
people make a mistake when it comes to
emotional eating of just trying to not
emotionally eat and just try to stop it
using that force and willpower which you
supp spoken about but with a healthy
relationship with food we would
considered that those urges to use food
in unhealthful ways aren't there in the
first place and so we're looking at what
can we do to bring the urges down which
is getting those needs and emotions met
in more fulfilling and appropriate ways
the next area is body image improving
body image so if at the moment a lot of
what you think of yourself or feel or do
or wear or feel that you deserve to have
have is dependent on your body shape or
size then that's going to need to be
addressed in my opinion and experience
because if it's not and there's a lot
riding on what body weight or shape you
have then how could you not go in and
start to rec control food even if you
developed a healthy relationship with
food how could you maintain a healthy
relationship with food if say your
confidence or your sense of style or
your feeling of being worthy or lovable
or having fun in life is dependent on
your body body and it's absolutely
possible and something which I fully
support to have a healthy relationship
with food that comes naturally to us and
care about health and fitness from a
place of self-care and passion and
enjoyment and have good body image and
feel good about ourselves and be out
there thriving in our lives and feel
confident regardless of what exactly our
body shape is doing at that particular
time and improving the relationship with
food and improving body image these two
invariably they go hand in hand it's
like you want both of them or neither of
them for the vast majority of us another
area which is crucial for developing a
healthy relationship with food which
people don't often think about is
identity essentially who are you when
you're not thinking about food all the
time you're not preoccupied with food
all of the time your energy and
attention isn't going there it's also
not going on your body and what it looks
like and your sense of self as well is
not dependent on your body weight or
shape I never used to do any work with
identity at my own Peril when I was
working with clients a few years ago and
I very quickly learned that these
questions really need to be asked and
that's for two reasons the first is that
I would work with clients to healthy
relationship with food and good body
image and then they would come back or
sorry two of them came back with one
specific problem and that was I don't
know who I am without my disordered
eating and bad body body image taking up
all of my time and attention essentially
and the second reason is that if we are
adding these things in along the journey
to our sense of self our interests where
our attention goes what we want to focus
on and these things are being added in
then it actually does a wonderful job of
crowding out the thoughts around food
and weight themselves which obviously is
really helpful for gaining healthy
relationship with food and good body
image it all kind of works in tandem
another area is confidence self-worth
self-esteem self-love and kind of group
those together as it were and that's a
really important part of gaining a
healthy relationship with food because
what is a healthy relationship with food
if not a continuous Act of self-care
essentially if you were only able to
make decisions that were self-caring and
everything else was impossible then in
my opinion you would essentially
immediately then have a healthy
relationship with because You' be
tending to emotions and tending to needs
in self-caring ways you would be
naturally finding this balance of
flexibility and enjoyment in food but
nourishing your body and I'm not sure
what a healthy relationship with food
without self love grown would even look
like or if that would even be possible
that to me again would sound like the
healthy relationship with food diet I'm
just enforcing all of these rules new
rules on myself out of a place of
judgment and guilt and shaming Etc and
confidence and self-worth these are
really important because firstly for
body image you know expanding out
domains of selfworth so that not all of
it is riding or not so much of it is
riding on body weight and shape that
hopefully is intuitive to you but also I
work with so many people in this area
where a large part of their troubles
with food and body image is coming from
the seeking the desperate need
essentially of external validation
because they don't have that internal
sense of confidence and stability and
internal validation so they need it from
the outside another important area is
developing self trust which is not the
same thing as being really disciplined
or perfectionistic how can we develop
and maintain a healthy relationship with
food which comes naturally to us if we
don't trust ourselves and might argue
how can I develop trust with myself what
would that even look like when I'm
constantly doing things that I don't
want to be doing that I think are
unhelpful or not in line with a healthy
relationship with food and the short
answer that I have for that is you don't
have to be perfect in order to build
trust with yourself what you can do is
you can reflect on the things that don't
go according to plan in a compassionate
way and you can continuously learn from
these things so that you are favoring
progress a sense of progress over
Perfection that's the short answer but
self self trust really important part of
a healthy relationship with food in my
experience another really important area
When developing a healthy relationship
with food is assertiveness training
applicable more to some rather than
others assertiveness is essentially the
recognition of our own wants and needs
and feelings and seeing them as valid
and as equal to other people's and then
being able to assert them in a in a
polite non-aggressive and non-passive
way so essentially it's the path to
being able to tend to our needs and get
our needs met and that is so important
for building confidence for building
sense of selfworth and also for bringing
down the urge to emotionally eat which
hopefully will make sense to you and
here you start to see how these things
Link in with each other and that's the
point that I keep making in isolation
all of these different areas do they
develop a healthy relationship with food
no but together with those links between
them yes absolutely another important
area in my experience is developing the
ability to recognize our own beauty in
all the different facets of what that
means for some of us we have a very
narrow range of what we consider to be
beautiful we also make the assumption
that everyone else considers it in the
same way we also value physical
attractiveness very very highly to our
disservice robbing ourselves of the
ability to to recognize and appreciate
our own beauty in all the different ways
that that means that's not going to be
helpful for our confidence our sense of
self our Identity or body image and
therefore it's not going to be helpful
for our relationship with food and the
last area which I'll leave you with
there are a few others but I'll leave it
here the last area of developing a
healthy relationship with you in my
experience is addressing perfectionism
or black and white thinking and
developing instead the ability to be
flexible again devel in more of a sense
of self-worth and self value and self-
appreciation and developing
self-efficacy black and white thinking
or Reliance on rules or rigidity or
perfectionism as many of my clients will
test I got a few in my mind at the
moment who just move past perfectionism
and black and white thinking those
things are really hard to keep in place
and develop a healthy relationship with
food at the same time because what is a
healthy relationship with food if not
lots of flexibility in combination with
self-care and what is binge eating and
going off the rails if not a really good
depiction of black and white thinking
that pendulum swinging I'm either in
control or I'm out of control so there
are some of the main areas of developing
a healthy relationship with food the
kind of individual parts that sort of
come together and work in combination to
develop this overarching skill if you
like of a healthy relationship with food
now if you're looking to develop a
normal and healthy relationship with you
and form your own path and carve your
own path there and you're not looking
for outside help or step-by-step
guidance then I've put together a
reading list of books either I have read
or clients have read that have been
helpful for
understanding these different areas and
you can read through them and you can
understand how it relates to your
relationship with food and you can sort
of form your own path and carve from
there so I hope that that would be
helpful I don't have a full reading list
of books that I have read to develop a
healthy relationship with food I went to
school essentially to learn how to
develop a healthy relationship with food
but I've done my best with this reading
this and I and I hope that it's helpful
on your journey now if you are
interested in our help or having
step-by-step guidance then we work with
clients all the way from disorder eating
binge eating y dieting food Obsession
emotional eating bad body image to a
normal and healthy relationship with
food and we cover all the bases and do
so in a learn practice skill build move
on learn practice skill build move on
fashion if that's an option that you
want to explore then we begin with an
introductory call to just assess that
the work that we do is suitable for you
then you'll have the option to have a
complimentary consultation with me which
will be up to a couple of hours and
that's where we get everything out on
the table your relationship with food
where you're getting stuck what your
needs are what your goals are what
questions and concerns you have about
the journey itself and about the work
that we do and if it's suitable we'll
look at what working together throughout
your entire Journey would look like for
you and there's no obligation at all on
either side with this introductory call
or the consultation we'd only move
forward with working together if that's
what we have all mutually decided is the
most beneficial thing to do and it's a
really good fit so if it's an option
that you want to explore then I
recommend just getting started with an
introductory call and then we can take
it from there
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