Stop Being A Low Value Man

Summary

This video discusses the concept of 'low value male' and its origins in red pill ideology, distinguishing between the scientifically accurate and the misleading aspects. It delves into the psychological impact of societal invalidation and shame, which can lead to low self-worth. The speaker suggests that confidence-building and addressing cognitive biases are key to overcoming this label. They also advise reducing consumption of red pill content, which can induce shame, and recommend exploring alternative social avenues beyond dating apps for healthier relationship-building.

Takeaways

• 🚫 The 'low value male' concept has roots in flawed research that studied wolf hierarchies, which the original researcher later tried to debunk.
• 🔍 Despite the scientific inaccuracies, the idea resonates with some men due to societal invalidation of their experiences and struggles.
• 📉 The 'manosphere' or 'red pill' ideology validates men's feelings, which can be appealing in a society that often dismisses their complaints.
• 🤔 The growth of red pill content is partly due to its emotional engagement, which can lead to cognitive biases and a sense of shame in men.
• 💔 Shame is a significant factor in how men perceive their value, with societal and algorithmic reinforcement potentially lowering self-worth.
• 🏋️‍♂️ Red pill strategies often advise actions that can boost confidence, such as exercising, setting boundaries, and improving appearance.
• 🧠 The effectiveness of red pill advice may be due to its ability to combat shame and boost confidence, which are attractive qualities to others.
• 📊 Misinterpretation of dating app statistics can lead to a false dichotomy between 'high value' and 'low value' men, based on cognitive biases.
• 🔄 Content algorithms exploit emotional vulnerability, serving more of the same content that reinforces negative self-perceptions.
• 💡 The key to overcoming a 'low value' perception is to build confidence and shed shame, rather than focusing on superficial attributes.
• 🛑 Reducing exposure to red pill content and considering alternatives to dating apps may help in developing healthier self-perceptions and relationships.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the video script?

The main topic discussed in the video script is the concept of 'low value male' and how to overcome the feeling of being one, including the critique of the 'red pill' ideology and its impact on men's self-perception.

Why does the speaker mention the work of the original researcher who coined the terms 'alpha' and 'beta'?

The speaker mentions the original researcher to highlight the misconception that social hierarchies with alphas and betas exist naturally. The researcher actually spent their life trying to disprove this idea, emphasizing that such structures are artificial and more prevalent in captive settings like prisons.

What is the speaker's view on the growth of the 'manosphere' and 'red pill' ideology?

The speaker views the growth of the 'manosphere' and 'red pill' ideology as a response to the lack of validation men receive in society for their struggles. These ideologies provide a space where men's experiences are validated, which is why they are growing in popularity.

According to the script, why do some men turn to 'red pill' content?

Some men turn to 'red pill' content because it validates their experiences and feelings of inadequacy, providing a narrative that explains their struggles and offers solutions to improve their self-perceived 'low value' status.

What is the psychological impact of societal invalidation on men, as described in the script?

The psychological impact of societal invalidation on men is a feeling of shame and low self-worth. This can lead to a belief that they are 'low value' and may result in a lack of confidence in social and romantic situations.

How does the speaker describe the effect of shame on a person's idea of their own value?

The speaker describes that shame leads to a decrease in a person's perceived value. The more ashamed one feels, the more they are likely to view themselves as 'low value'.

What is the role of cognitive biases in reinforcing the belief of being a 'low value' male, as per the script?

Cognitive biases, induced and driven by shame, can reinforce the belief of being a 'low value' male by leading individuals to focus on negative aspects of their lives and overestimate the importance of superficial qualities in determining their value.

Why does the speaker suggest reducing consumption of 'red pill' content?

The speaker suggests reducing consumption of 'red pill' content because it is designed to be emotionally engaging and can induce further shame. It often places blame on external factors rather than encouraging personal growth and change.

What are some alternative strategies the speaker recommends to improve one's confidence and perceived value?

The speaker recommends strategies such as exercising more, eating healthily, seeking therapy, updating one's wardrobe, and engaging in real-world social activities like meetup groups or board game cafes to improve confidence and perceived value.

What is the speaker's view on the effectiveness of dating apps in finding meaningful relationships?

The speaker is skeptical about the effectiveness of dating apps in finding meaningful relationships due to the high rejection rates and the presence of users who are not genuinely interested in dating, which can reinforce feelings of shame and low value.

How does the speaker describe the potential harm of 'red pill' ideologies to society and individuals?

The speaker describes the potential harm of 'red pill' ideologies as promoting a negative and toxic worldview that can be dehumanizing and lead to further isolation and self-deprecation, rather than fostering healthy self-esteem and relationships.

Outlines

00:00

😕 The Misconception of Low Value Males

The video script begins by addressing the concept of 'low value males' and its origins from the misinterpretation of alpha and beta male theories based on wolf behavior studies. The speaker, a psychiatrist, acknowledges the mix of truth and misinformation in this concept, and offers to clarify the distinction. The script also introduces Dr. K's guide as a resource for self-improvement. The speaker discusses the societal validation of men's experiences and the negative impact of invalidation on self-worth, particularly in the context of the 'manosphere' and 'red pill' ideologies that have gained traction due to their validation of men's struggles.

05:02

😟 The Psychological Impact of Shame and Rejection

This paragraph delves into the psychological effects of societal expectations and the shame associated with not meeting them, especially in the context of dating and relationships. The speaker explains how the 'red pill' community validates men's feelings of inadequacy and provides a script for self-improvement, which paradoxically can increase confidence. The paragraph also touches on the broader issue of societal invalidation of men's experiences, which can lead to feelings of low value and contribute to the appeal of the 'red pill' ideology.

10:02

🧐 Debunking Myths About High and Low Value Males

The speaker challenges the myths perpetuated by the 'red pill' community regarding high and low value males, pointing out cognitive biases influenced by shame. They discuss the skewed statistics and misunderstandings about dating app dynamics, such as the ratio of men to women and the reasons people use these apps. The paragraph highlights the importance of confidence over superficial attributes in attracting romantic partners and suggests that the 'red pill' approach, while sometimes effective in boosting confidence, often does so at the cost of reinforcing negative stereotypes and dehumanizing views.

15:02

🚫 The Dangers of Predatory Algorithms and Content

This section warns about the predatory nature of content algorithms that exploit users' insecurities and shame, particularly within the 'red pill' community. The speaker describes how these algorithms serve emotionally engaging content that reinforces negative self-perceptions and cognitive biases. They argue that this content can lead to a cycle of shame and inaction, rather than motivating meaningful life changes, and suggest that the 'red pill' community's business model capitalizes on this cycle of self-doubt and the desire for an antidote to perceived inadequacy.

20:03

🤔 Strategies to Overcome the 'Low Value Male' Label

The final paragraph offers practical advice for men who feel labeled as 'low value.' The speaker emphasizes the importance of building confidence and letting go of shame, suggesting that the perception of being a low value male is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. They recommend reducing exposure to 'red pill' content, considering a break from dating apps, and exploring alternative ways to meet people. The speaker also encourages seeking healthier, more positive avenues for social interaction and personal growth, rather than relying on the often toxic and misleading narratives of the 'red pill' ideology.

Keywords

💡Low Value Male

The term 'Low Value Male' is used in the context of societal and self-perceived worth, particularly in relation to dating and social hierarchies. It suggests that an individual is seen as less desirable or less successful, often leading to feelings of shame and inadequacy. In the video, the concept is critically examined, with the speaker discussing its origins in misinterpreted animal behavior studies and its adoption in certain online communities, which can lead to negative self-perceptions and behaviors.

💡Red Pill

The 'Red Pill' is a term borrowed from the movie 'The Matrix' and used in online communities to represent a shift in perspective towards a more cynical or 'realistic' view of social dynamics, often with a focus on male self-improvement and criticism of perceived female privilege. The video discusses the 'Red Pill' ideology as a source of both misinformation and some valid points about male self-worth and societal expectations.

💡Shame

Shame is a powerful emotion that arises from a perceived failure to meet societal or personal standards of adequacy. In the video, shame is identified as a key factor contributing to the feeling of being a 'Low Value Male'. The speaker explains how societal responses to male struggles can induce shame, which in turn can lower self-esteem and affect one's perception of self-worth.

💡Confidence

Confidence refers to a belief in one's own abilities, which is seen as an attractive quality and is linked to success in various aspects of life, including dating. The video emphasizes the importance of building confidence as a means to overcome the label of 'Low Value Male'. The speaker suggests that confidence can be developed through self-improvement practices and challenging negative self-perceptions.

💡Cognitive Bias

Cognitive biases are systematic errors in thinking that affect the judgments and decisions people make. In the context of the video, cognitive biases are formed due to repeated rejections and negative experiences, leading individuals to believe in the existence of a rigid 'high value' and 'low value' categorization. The speaker argues that recognizing and overcoming these biases is crucial for personal growth and healthier social interactions.

💡Dating Apps

Dating apps are digital platforms used for meeting and connecting with potential romantic partners. The video discusses the negative impact of dating apps on self-esteem, suggesting that the high rate of rejections they can generate may induce shame and reinforce a sense of being a 'Low Value Male'. The speaker recommends considering alternatives to dating apps for building relationships.

💡Content Algorithms

Content algorithms refer to the automated systems that curate and recommend online content based on user engagement and preferences. The video points out that these algorithms can reinforce negative beliefs and emotions, such as shame, by suggesting more content that emotionally engages with those feelings, thus creating a cycle of self-reinforcing negativity.

💡Emotional Engagement

Emotional engagement is the level of connection and investment a person feels towards content or an experience. The video describes how content creators and algorithms exploit emotional engagement to keep users watching, often at the expense of their emotional well-being, by validating their negative experiences and reinforcing their shame.

💡Self-Improvement

Self-improvement encompasses the actions and practices individuals undertake to enhance their personal and social well-being. In the video, self-improvement is presented as a positive aspect of the 'Red Pill' ideology, with recommendations such as exercising, eating healthily, and seeking therapy being suggested as ways to build confidence and overcome the 'Low Value Male' label.

💡Social Hierarchies

Social hierarchies are the ranked structures within a society, often based on factors such as wealth, status, or power. The video discusses the concept of 'alpha' and 'beta' males as a misinterpretation of social hierarchies, originally derived from studies of captive wolves, and how this concept has been misused to create a false dichotomy in human social dynamics.

💡Patriarchy

Patriarchy refers to a social system in which men hold primary power and are dominant in roles of political leadership, moral authority, and social privilege. The video mentions the concept of patriarchy to highlight the complex interplay between societal structures and individual experiences, and how it can contribute to the invalidation of male struggles in certain contexts.

Highlights

The concept of 'low value male' is rooted in misconceptions about social hierarchies, originally stemming from research on captive wolves.

The 'manosphere' or 'red pill' ideology validates men's experiences and meets them where they are, which is why it's growing in popularity.

Society often invalidates men's complaints, attributing them to privilege and patriarchy, which can lead to feelings of shame and low self-worth.

The red pill community offers a script to improve life by addressing perceived shortcomings and building confidence.

Shame is a significant factor in the belief of being a 'low value male', and addressing it is crucial for personal growth.

Cognitive biases, induced by shame, can distort one's perception of their value and attractiveness to others.

Dating apps can be a source of repeated rejection, leading to shame and a skewed perception of one's dating value.

Content algorithms on the internet can prey on users' insecurities, reinforcing shame and cognitive biases.

The red pill ideology, while offering some practical advice, often comes with a toxic and dehumanizing worldview.

Improving physical appearance and seeking therapy are among the positive steps recommended by the red pill community.

The speaker recommends reducing consumption of red pill content due to its emotionally engaging yet potentially harmful nature.

Dating apps may not be the best avenue for forming relationships due to the high ratio of users seeking non-dating related psychological needs.

The speaker suggests taking a break from dating apps and exploring alternative ways to meet people.

Confidence building is a complex and long-term process that can help overcome the 'low value male' label.

Unsubscribing from negative content and focusing on real-world interactions can lead to healthier relationships.

The rise of third spaces and platforms like Discord indicates a shift away from traditional online dating towards more organic social interactions.

The speaker concludes that by addressing shame and confidence, one can overcome the 'low value male' perception and improve their chances of success in relationships.

Transcripts

today we're going to talk about how to

stop being a low value male

now this may sound surprising coming

from a psychiatrist who's trained and

has done clinical work and all that kind

of stuff because isn't all of this low

value stuff BS from the internet it

turns out that there is a lot of BS but

there's actually a lot of truth to it

too which is very scary and today we're

going to teach y'all where this concept

of low value mail comes from what part

of this sort of red pill ideology is BS

but shockingly what part of it is

actually very very valid and lastly once

we understand what's the difference

between what's scientifically correct

and what's kind of going on with people

we're going to offer you a road to get

out of this thinking that you're a low

value male hey just a quick note a lot

of people will ask us what do I do next

and that's why we built Dr K's guide

It's a comprehensive resource that

distills over 20 years of my experience

both as a monk and as a psychiatrist and

it's designed in a way that's tailored

to fit your needs so if you're

interested in better understanding your

mind and taking control of your life

check out the link below

so let's start with the BS so if we sort

of think about this concept of alpha

versus beta the original researcher who

sort of looked at this stuff and coined

these terms was studying wolves in

captivity and after they published this

paper and this kind of went wild because

everyone thought oh my God this person

has figured out that in social

hierarchies there are alphas and there

are betas but this person actually spent

the rest of their life actually trying

to disprove this and trying to explain

to people that hey these hierarchical

structures are artificial and exist

within captivity the basic point that

they sort of made is alphas and betas

may exist in something like a prison

system but if you are in a normal

healthy functioning Society social

structures are a lot more complex but

unfortunately at that point the cat had

gotten out of the bag the wolf had

gotten out of the bag and everyone

started believing this stuff and so then

the question becomes okay if this is not

scientifically accurate why on Earth is

this kind of manosphere red pill kind of

stuff growing and the more and more

women that I talk to whether they be

clients patients random people from the

internet the more that this is becoming

a problem so I've talked to a ton of

women who will say my boyfriend my

husband my son especially is starting to

go down the red pill rabbit hole and

then they're sort of starting to become

like really really like condescending

towards women hateful towards women

really misogynistic and we're not quite

sure like what to do how do I deal with

this person and this is where we have to

understand something really really

important which is that the red pill

manosphere sort of section is the one

place in society that really validates

men and sort of meets them where they're

at now this is kind of shocking but I

want you to think a little bit and if

you don't believe me talk to men about

their experiences about this because

that's what we've done so right now if

you're a man living in today's world and

you complain about something and you say

like hey my life is hard in some way

there's a very good chance that someone

out there will respond to that with some

kind of condescension or invalidation

you'll hear a lot of talk about how

Society is a patriarchy and therefore

you don't have a right to complain and

I'm not saying that Society isn't a

patriarchy we're not going to kind of

dive into that sociology what I'm sort

of pointing out is that when a man in

today's world complains or suffers in

some way and voices that complaint with

their frequently met by is an

invalidating response and someone's

saying well why are you complaining

you're part of the majority you're part

of the patriarchy you have all of these

advantages of being a male and I'm not

saying that there aren't advantages of

being male or once again that the

society isn't patriarchal but in that

moment how does that person feel so I

see this a lot in clinical stuff where

we see sort of these trauma competitions

so when I'm working inpatient on these

trauma units you'll get a group of

people in group therapy and so one

person will say I was traumatized in

this way and someone else will say well

that's nothing I was traumatized in this

way and so in that moment moment

someone's looking for compassion and

validation and someone else invalidates

them and in some situations like it kind

of makes sense so let's say that I'm

complaining about losing one leg and

then someone else sitting next to me can

say well what are you complaining about

you've at least got one leg I lost both

of my legs and in an objective sense

you're right that like losing two legs

is probably worse than losing one leg

but in that moment it's incredibly

invalidating and so the one reason why I

think that the manosphere red pill stuff

is growing and if you're a woman who

dislikes the stuff or you're a man who

dislikes the stuff you all need to

really understand this the reason it's

growing is it's because the only place

on the Internet or in our society in

general where people will consistently

validate men's experiences and what does

that look like let's understand this

so if I say hey it's hard to date or I

can't find a romantic partner or women

reject me right so I get judged for

being a creep I get judged in this way

whatever the situation is my life is

hard

and the red pill folks kind of come

along and they say you're right

your life is hard that's because you're

a loser that's because you suck that's

because you're a low value male and

here's how to fix it whereas the rest of

society says why are you complaining

your life isn't hard someone else has it

worse

and so this is the one reason if you

want to understand why people are going

down the red pill Rabbit Hole this is

the central point now that we have that

context we can actually tunnel down into

what makes a man a low value male and

how to fix it so let's start by

understanding the psychological impact

of this Dynamic so when you're a human

being and Society tells you that you

should be doing well and you are not

doing well and if you complain they say

you shouldn't be complaining what is the

primary emotion that that evokes shame

right so we see this with like ADHD as

well when a kid is told hey if you just

work harder you would do so much better

if you just apply yourself you would do

so much better what that actually

induces in the child is shame we're not

telling the child hey there's actually a

problem which keeps you performing from

performing or telling a child is that

your lack of performance is a choice and

if you behave differently then you'd be

doing bad better at life leads to a ton

of Shame which is why seventy percent of

kids who have ADHD and depression

develop ADHD first and then wind up with

depression later

and so what effect does shame have on

someone's idea of whether the low value

or high value it's kind of a silly

question right because the more ashamed

you are obviously the more low value

that you're you're going to think you

are and now we also see why red pill

stuff quote unquote works because if we

look at the strategy of the red pill

manosphere what they sort of say is yeah

your life does suck and by the way do

these things and your life will get

better start going to the gym start

setting boundaries with people which is

really what they're doing cut some

people off who are emotionally

manipulative

um you know start to get sexier right so

do your hair different get better

clothes and the other really interesting

thing is I've seen over the last year or

two a lot of people in the manosphere

and even the toxic manosphere

recommending therapy they'll say go get

your issues sorted out in therapy and so

if we sort of look at this kind of red

pill Dynamic all of the things that they

tell people to do will actually

correlate with an increase in confidence

and even if you look at the science

sense of what sort of women find

attractive or human beings in general

find attractive they're attracted to

confidence as opposed to shame so I

think some of the reason that the red

pill stuff quote unquote works and I

don't think it always works or doesn't

even work well in a lot of cases is that

they sort of give people a script from

if you are ashamed of yourself here is a

road to put together your life and then

you will feel better about yourself and

I don't think it's the fact that they're

necessarily making more money or the

fact that they got sexy those things

definitely matter and will definitely

improve your you know dating success the

other the the main thing though is that

they really help people improve their

confidence and once the confidence

changes I think that's the linchpin of

no longer being a low value male

so then the question kind of becomes

okay so why do people get all of the

shame is it just as simple as their

invalidating responses and this is where

I think that there are a lot of truths

that low value males believe or the red

pillars believe that aren't actually

true so one thing that leads to a lot of

Shame is men who go on dating apps and

get rejected over and over and over

again

so this is something where if you look

at it like men will say okay like women

can get matches all the time but I've

been struggling I I'm on dating apps day

after day I swipe out for 600 swipes I

get one match and so if you think about

the amount of rejection that someone

goes through on a dating app it's

astronomical right human beings were not

designed to be rejected like 599 times

for one acceptance when I was in high

school like I got rejected maybe once or

twice and that's like all I had the

balls for right like you can't just

chain ask people out and get rejected

and then in college I got rejected a

couple more times the human brain is not

designed for like 600 rejections over

the course of six months and so that too

is shame inducing the really tricky

thing though is that once people get

rejected so much they start to formulate

some of these beliefs like okay they'll

hear these statistics like the top 10

percent of dudes on dating apps get 90

percent of the dates and so what they

sort of will reinforce is there's this

idea of two buckets they're the high

value men in the low value men and I'm

down here it turns out that a lot of

these things about high value and low

value men are actually cognitive biases

that are induced and driven by shame and

if you really want to stop being a low

value man what you need to do is work on

your confidence and get rid of your

cognitive biases so let's explore this

statistic to understand this a little

bit better

so there are some estimates that show

that actually like the dating ratio on

some of these apps is actually ten to

one men to women and so it's not that

the top 10 percent of dudes are dating

nine women each it's that there's 10

women and a hundred dudes and so like of

course in a sense the top ten percent

whatever that means are dating ten it's

still a one-to-one ratio it's just

there's a lopsided number of people in

the game the second thing that's really

interesting is there was recently a

study that came out that up to 50

percent of people on dating apps and I

think this was primarily looking at

women

actually use dating apps to for

psychological reasons that have nothing

to do with dating so I think what

started to happen is a lot of people

have figured out that I can get some of

my emotional needs met

through dating apps even if I'm not

interested in dating so out of the 10

women on there possibly only five of

them are actually interested in dating

and so then it sort of makes sense why

like you know for for 10 women on there

like your rejection rate is going to be

way higher because half the women that

you you look at profiles for may not

even be interested in dating at all the

point is that this all reinforces these

kinds of Statistics which we don't think

about right so if you're a dude on a

dating app today all you're going to see

is that rejection after rejection after

rejection after rejection and then

you're gonna watch all this like content

on the internet and we gotta talk about

that for a second so why does all this

red pill content like if you watch a

single sort of red pill manosphere kind

of video you'll notice that all of these

content algorithms will start serving it

up to you like hand over fist and why is

that it's because this content is

emotionally engaging right so if I'm

ashamed of myself and I think my life

sucks and anytime I try to go talk to

someone about it if they say you're a

loser there's the patriarchy go screw

yourself you have nothing to complain

about I'm gonna get rejected from that

and then here's this pipeline of stuff

that validates my experience and that's

what's really beautiful about not

beautiful but kind of scary is that what

these these algorithms was basically

figured out is that in order to keep a

user engaged I have to emotionally

engage them this is why we love cat

videos of them doing cute things it's

all about emotional engagement and so

what happens with some dudes is we have

these experiences on dating apps we

watch one video that resonates with our

experience and then the content

algorithm figures it out ah here's a

dude who feels bad about themselves and

so they start to prey on that Chain by

serving you more emotionally engaging

content and then the more emotionally

engaging content you get the more

cognitive bias happens right because now

you're hearing from one dude after

another dude after another dude after

another dude and even a lot of women

right because you'll see those kinds of

things and you'll see women say yeah I'd

never dated someone who gets below this

and went out and is this this tall and

whatever and by the way if you guys just

want to know like statistically right so

the number of men who make six figures

or over six feet tall and have a six

inch dick is like less than one percent

of the population and like most of the

people out there are not dating that

person

the problem is that this cognitive bias

reinforces your beliefs that you have to

be in this top one percent to get any

kind of affection then the problem is

that if you believe this about yourself

you're ashamed of yourself any romantic

attempts you make

are going to be sabotaged not because

you're not in the top one percent but

because you're ashamed of yourself to

begin with and you don't have any

confidence which is what a lot of what

people find attractive and so they end

up shooting themselves in the foot

if you want to stop being a low value

man and notice I'm not saying this is

how you become a high value man because

I think a low value man is a combination

of a pile of Shame invalidation from the

environment and a cognitive bias that is

reinforced through predatory content

algorithms and it's not just the content

algorithms that are preying on this

shame this is also what we see with sort

of red red pill manosphere kind of stuff

is what these these algorithms will

basically do is they'll bludgeon you

into more and more and more shame and at

some point the shame gets so high that

you're willing to Fork over money for

someone to help you fix this problem

right so this is why if you look at all

the people who are selling stuff they're

going to really be leaning into hey you

suck hey life is hard hey you suck hey

this is how to be great and then they

show all this this fancy stuff with

these sexy dudes and sexy women and each

time you watch that you feel worse and

worse and worse about yourself and then

someone comes along and says give me

that money give me your credit card

information and I will fix it for you so

there's even this darwinian effect from

a business model around these kinds of

things I don't know that these people

have really calculated it this far I

don't think that a lot of them have a

fundamental understanding of psychology

but I think what they've sort of figured

out is this is what works the worse I

can get someone to feel about themselves

and then if I sort of like give them an

antidote they'll take it another simple

way to kind of think about this is if I

can dehydrate someone then the

likelihood that they'll buy water is

going to be way higher which is why all

this content actually induces shame but

generally speaking what we're talking

about is abandoning the psychological

complex and this is what we've seen I've

seen not only as a psychiatrist but when

we work at he with like tons of like in

cells and red pill kind of people this

is the path we walk to them that walk

with them that helps them get into

healthy relationships so the first thing

that we've got to understand is that the

reason you're a low value male is

because you think you're a low value

male the shame that you carry around and

the lack of confidence is ultimately the

single most controllable thing that is

sabotaging your efforts at relationships

the second thing that we've got to

understand is that most of this red pill

stuff succeeds at helping people build

confidence and that's like good in a way

I think the problem is that it carries a

negative and toxic world view that is

like very dehumanizing for like half the

population and even for a lot of men so

I'm not sort of in favor of that but a

lot of that stuff that they sort of tell

you to do I think it's good to do I

think if you are not happy about the way

that you look you should exercise more

you should start eating healthy you

should get into therapy you should

update your wardrobe you should do all

of that stuff all that stuff is actually

fantastic by all means put together your

life but understand that it's primarily

a shame and confidence thing the second

thing that we're going to talk about is

I strongly recommend that you sort of

reduce your red pill manosphere content

so remember that all this content is

designed to be emotionally engaging and

sort of induce further and further

amounts of Shame now this is not just as

simple as so stop watching stuff well

let's walk walk through it a little bit

okay so here here's the main question I

would encourage you to to ask is when I

watch this content for an hour what do I

end up feeling like and what do I end up

doing at the end of one hour of

consuming this content now chances are

what you'll primarily feel is like

ashamed of yourself but also really

validated and a lot of like righteous

anger yeah things are hard and uh yeah

and people don't understand and the

world is going to and like oh my

God that's how you're going to feel but

then the question is do you actually get

up and do something about it because the

other problem with this content is it

says that women are to blame and the

world is to blame which sort of is kind

of weird because you can't fix that so

the problem with a lot of this content

is that if you really pay attention

yourself if you've been watching it for

a day or a week or a month or a year how

many changes have you actually made in

your life because what I found is that

the more it induces shame eventually

maybe you'll buy a course but I don't

know that that's actually gonna fix

anything but that shame will actually

get in the way of you making progress in

life so I'd highly highly recommend

seriously just like unsubscribing from

this stuff for a while and the last

thing to consider is just getting the

hell off of dating apps now I know

dating apps are super convenient and

there's this idea that everyone is using

them but I don't know that people are

using them successfully so the other

thing to really think about is that a

lot of this like stuff that you feel

comes fundamentally from the rejection

of a dating app and there may be some

dating apps in which this is better but

I've seen like I've seen plenty of

horror stories from all of the dating

apps because there's still some evidence

that up to 50 of people are using these

dating apps to fulfill other

psychological needs so one simple

example of this is sometimes you'll you

know match with people who are like

really condescending and will like just

unmatch you or tell you to go screw

yourself and then unmatch you within

like three minutes and then it's like

what what the hell why did you match me

in the first place people will like log

on and they'll say hey matched hey

you're you're a loser screw you you'll

never get late and then they'll matching

you're like why the hell did you match

me in the first place and that's because

they're using the dating app to sort of

like

support or get some other kinds of

emotional needs met in this case it's

sort of feeling Superior so when I feel

feel inferior or like when other people

crap on me and make me feel bad about

myself what I'm gonna do is find someone

else who's lower than me to crap on to

make myself feel better this is like

Bully psychology 101. and so really just

get the hell off of dating apps and the

more that you're on dating apps you've

really got to be careful because like

there may be sort of a 1 to 20 ratio of

like your chances of success of finding

like a partner who will like actually be

interested in you and then that relation

then you know that's just a chance like

that one out of 20 people may actually

be interested in you and then like that

could fall apart so things are super

lopsided and they really really

reinforce this cognitive bias and shame

and then you may be wondering but Dr K

you're just telling me to get the hell

off of dating apps and unsubscribe from

content oh my God how am I supposed to

exist on the internet because that's

what everyone's doing that's not what

everyone's doing that's what everyone

who isn't in a healthy relationship is

doing so thankfully there's like this

counter swing that's going on in our

society with things like meetup groups

or like board game cafes we're starting

to see the emergence of third spaces

Discord is exploding in popularity and

why is that it's because the existing

stuff out there sucks and some people

have figured figured out that oh crap

the internet is toxic and even though

it's hard I have to start like engaging

with people in the real world and the

problem is that once people like make

that shift they don't return to the

internet and they don't make content

about like dating right they're too busy

out there dating living their lives

getting married having kids which just

reinforces the cognitive bias of the

internet and so I know it's really

tricky but these are the three things

that you really have to do

work on your confidence and we have a

whole resource pack on confidence and

kind of how to do that because it's a

complicated and long-term process second

thing to really think about is really

like unsubscribe from some of that

content and the main thing there is

really ask yourself and pay attention to

the more of this stuff that I watch what

does it inspire me to do because for

most y'all there's a decent chance that

all it inspires you to do is watch more

of that content and sit around on your

ass or get distracted by video games or

whatever else or jerk off and the third

thing is really stop using dating apps

or at least take a break for them and

try to work on meeting people in other

ways now that's really hard because

dating apps are so damn convenient but

just because it's convenient doesn't

mean it's doesn't suck right like gum on

the bottom of chairs and desks is

conveniently accessible and free that

doesn't mean you should be eating it and

the same thing applies to dating apps so

at the end of the day I think that if

you feel like you're a low value male

you can absolutely stop being a low

value male and that will improve your

chances of success but it doesn't mean

that you need to buy all this BS about

becoming a high value male

[Music]