Why It's Your Fault You Got Ghosted
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores the challenges of forming healthy relationships, particularly for someone with a history of emotional trauma. The individual struggles with clinginess and self-blame when relationships falter, leading to self-imposed isolation. The speaker advises recognizing and addressing emotional needs and anxieties to prevent driving others away. They suggest introspection, understanding one's own emotions, and seeking professional help or group coaching to learn effective communication and build secure relationships.
Takeaways
- 😔 The individual has a history of childhood trauma and bullying, which has led to feelings of unworthiness and fear of rejection in relationships.
- 🔐 The person struggles with being overly clingy and anxious in relationships due to past experiences, which can drive others away.
- 🤔 There is a tendency to blame oneself when relationships fail, stemming from a pattern of self-blame and low self-esteem.
- 📲 The individual's behavior of sending frequent and lengthy texts when feeling anxious can be counterproductive and push others away.
- 💭 The person is encouraged to understand and take responsibility for their emotional needs and how these affect their behavior in relationships.
- 🧐 It's important to recognize when personal emotions and anxieties start to drive behavior, potentially leading to misunderstandings with others.
- 🗣️ Communication is key; the person should express their feelings and needs to the other party to avoid one-sided emotional investment.
- 🤝 Relationships require mutual understanding and effort; it's not healthy to carry the entire emotional burden alone.
- 🚶♀️ Learning to let go when a relationship ends is crucial, understanding that not all separations are a reflection of one's self-worth.
- 🛍️ The metaphor of 'luggage' is used to describe the emotional baggage from past experiences that can weigh down new relationships if not addressed.
- 🌟 Seeking professional help, such as therapy or group coaching, can provide tools to manage emotional baggage and foster healthier relationships.
Q & A
What is the main issue the original poster is facing in their relationships?
-The original poster is facing the issue of becoming overly clingy and invested in relationships, which eventually leads to driving the other person away.
What childhood experiences does the poster believe may be contributing to their current relationship issues?
-The poster believes that being bullied by their family and constantly being told they were an embarrassment and had the wrong personality has contributed to their current issues in forming healthy relationships.
How does the poster describe their experience of being ghosted?
-The poster describes feeling nervous and suspecting the other person is trying to break contact when they start to get busy and less responsive, leading to the poster texting more frequently out of fear, which ultimately results in being ghosted.
What is the poster's reaction when their friends reassure them that they are not at fault for being ghosted?
-The poster still feels like they drove the other person away and struggles with the idea of not blaming themselves, despite reassurances from friends.
What does the script suggest as the first step to understanding the poster's behavior in relationships?
-The first step suggested is to understand the evolution of the poster's needs throughout a relationship and how their past experiences influence their current behavior.
What role does the poster's anxiety play in their relationships according to the script?
-The poster's anxiety causes them to become clingy and send frequent, long texts, which adds an emotional need for reassurance that the other person may not be aware of or able to meet, leading to confusion and withdrawal from the relationship.
How does the script explain the connection between the poster's past and their current reaction to someone becoming less available in a relationship?
-The script explains that the poster's past experiences of being told they were unlovable and unwanted have created a deep-seated fear of abandonment, which triggers anxiety when someone becomes less available, causing them to act in ways that may push the other person away.
What advice does the script offer for dealing with the fear and anxiety that arise when a relationship changes?
-The script advises recognizing and understanding the emotions that arise, such as fear and anxiety, and how they influence behavior, suggesting that processing these feelings can help reduce the clingy behaviors that may be driving others away.
What does the script suggest is a potential solution for the poster's pattern of being ghosted?
-The script suggests that the poster take responsibility for their part in the relationship dynamics, understand their emotional needs, and work on communicating these needs effectively to avoid misunderstandings and ghosting.
How does the script address the poster's concern about being unable to make friends and the impact on their relationships?
-The script acknowledges the difficulty of the poster's situation and suggests that group coaching or therapy could be beneficial in learning how to interact with others, communicate feelings, and understand oneself and others in a structured and supportive environment.
Outlines
😔 Struggling with Clinginess in Relationships
The paragraph discusses a man's reflection on his inability to maintain healthy relationships due to a history of childhood bullying and emotional trauma. He describes how quickly forming connections leads to clinginess and eventual isolation when the other person pulls away. The man's self-blame and anxiety are highlighted, as well as his pattern of excessive texting when he feels neglected, which he believes led to a recent 'ghosting' incident. He seeks advice on how to have healthy relationships and overcome his guarded, obsessive behavior.
🤔 Understanding the Evolution of Emotional Needs
This section delves into the concept of evolving emotional needs within relationships. It examines the initial stage of connection and the subsequent anxiety that arises when the other person becomes less available. The paragraph explores how the individual's past trauma influences their current reactions, leading to clingy behavior as a means to seek reassurance and validation. The discussion emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing these emotional needs to prevent driving others away.
😣 The Impact of Unmet Emotional Needs on Relationships
The paragraph explores the internal struggle of feeling unimportant in a relationship and the desperate attempts to seek acknowledgment from the other person. It discusses how unmet emotional needs can manifest in anxious and clingy behaviors, leading to confusion and withdrawal from the other party. The text highlights the importance of communication and self-awareness in managing these emotions and preventing the deterioration of relationships.
🧐 Recognizing and Addressing Emotional Responses
This paragraph focuses on the importance of recognizing and understanding the emotions that arise when a relationship dynamic changes. It emphasizes the need to identify the root of these emotions and how they influence one's behavior. The discussion suggests that by processing these emotions and reducing their intensity, the resulting behaviors that may be off-putting to others can be naturally diminished.
😌 Accepting Change and Letting Go in Relationships
The final paragraph discusses the difficulty of accepting when a relationship is ending and the importance of letting go. It touches on the misconception that others' decisions to leave are always about us, when in reality, they may be due to various unrelated reasons. The text encourages self-compassion and understanding that it's okay to be incompatible with someone and that we deserve a relationship where both parties want to be there.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Healthy Relationship
💡Ghosting
💡Clingy
💡Self-Blame
💡Emotional Needs
💡Traumatic Upbringing
💡Anxiety
💡Introspection
💡Existential Anxiety
💡Letting Go
💡Group Coaching
Highlights
The post discusses the issue of forming a healthy relationship and becoming overly clingy, which leads to driving the other person away.
The author is a 30-year-old man who feels like he drives people away, stemming from childhood bullying and emotional trauma.
The author describes a pattern of self-blame when relationships don't go well, which may be a result of past experiences.
A detailed account of a relationship with a girl where the author's anxiety and clinginess led to being ghosted.
The author's realization of a pattern in his relationships where he becomes overly invested and anxious when the other person gets busy.
Friends reassure the author that he is not at fault, but he still questions his role in the relationship's failure.
The concept of taking responsibility for one's actions in a relationship while also recognizing the power to change.
Understanding the evolution of needs in a relationship and how anxiety can create clingy behavior.
The author's introspection about his role in the relationship and the impact of his childhood on his current behavior.
The importance of recognizing and addressing the emotional needs that arise in a relationship to prevent unhealthy behaviors.
The role of past trauma in shaping current relationship behaviors and the need for self-awareness.
The idea that relationships require communication and understanding from both parties to be successful.
The author's struggle with letting go and the difficulty of accepting when a relationship ends.
The suggestion that the author's clingy behavior may be a result of a deep-seated fear of abandonment.
The advice to let go of past emotional 'luggage' and work on personal growth to improve future relationships.
The recommendation of group coaching as a method to practice and improve interpersonal communication and relationship skills.
The emphasis on the importance of self-reflection and emotional processing to break the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns.
Transcripts
this is a post essentially about someone
who like starts to form a healthy
relationship gets overly clingy overly
invested and then ends up driving the
other person away
so why does this happen and how do we
get out of this right so
i got ghosted now i'm wondering if i
know how to be in a healthy relationship
so i'm a 30 year old guy who feels like
he drives people away
i can be while not wanting to be very
guarded and secretive i think this stems
from a childhood of being bullied by my
family for no apparent reason it was a
common occurrence to be told by family
member by family that i was an
embarrassment had the wrong personality
was an or a piece of
i remember things like being told as a
kid to list out loud the people that
would come to my hypothetical funeral is
a way of proving to me that no one will
mourn my death and be accused of
lying when i go to spend time with my
friends because it was unbelievable that
anyone would like me
it was hurtful and confusing it felt
like relationships were guessing games
where i was always the loser i became a
loner
now i work hard to connect with new
people i've noticed that when new
relationships don't go well or the way i
would like them to i blame myself
i think a good example of this is a girl
i like that i've been talking to since
march when we first started talking it
was amazing how quickly we clicked it
surprised me we eventually had less time
for me as she got busier in her personal
life
when she started to get busy i got
nervous a lot of people have ghosted me
so i fearfully and baselessly suspected
she was trying to break contact i never
addressed these feelings with her though
my response was to text her a lot almost
as if to remind her i still existed i
was stuck in a pattern of wanting to
talk to her but then worrying about
giving her space or doing something
wrong until i would convince myself to
text anyway
soon my texts grew longer hers shorter
this would continue until she suddenly
blocked me a couple of days ago
friends have been telling me not to
blame myself and that i did nothing
wrong but shouldn't i blame myself i
feel like i drove her away i genuinely
really liked her even loved her but i
feel like i was stuck in my head never
including her i also feel like this
relationship was burdened by my slowly
obsessing over her without paying enough
attention to her as an actual person i
feel like i ruined things
dr k how can i have healthy
relationships with myself and others
going forward why do i become guarded
and respond obsessive in relationships
how do i deal with my surprise when
women like me back let's upload this all
right so this is a great post
so i like this post for a number of
reasons
the first reason i like this post is
because the person who posted is an
absolute boss
okay
so
let me compose my thoughts
so this is a post about someone who
enters into relationships with people
is guarded generally speaking had a very
traumatic upbringing
and then something happens in the
relationship where they click right away
they get along really well
and then as circumstances in life cause
the person that they're talking to to
kind of pull back
they become very very clingy and then
like end up driving the other person to
block them okay
so like if you're if this is a post
essentially about someone who like
starts to form a healthy relationship
gets overly clingy overly invested and
then ends up driving the other person
away
so why does this happen and how do we
get out of this right so how do we stop
being creepy people that women have to
block
so the first thing to understand
is that this is all about understanding
the evolution of your needs throughout a
relationship
okay
so to begin with we have a history of a
traumatic upbringing and so like this is
one thing one question i would ask for
this person is when this person
was treated traumatically or abusively
what did you how did it make you feel
and what did you do
okay so this is really important because
sometimes when we're treated like
abusively like emotionally abusively
like my parents and other people
we feel responsible for making them feel
better and liking us
right so like if this person is being
mean to me that's not on them that's on
me and we see the current of self-blame
throughout this kind of thing
then something else is interesting is
happening is that this person's when
they go to their friends right they're
saying like hey this situation happened
i started texting this person more and
more stuff and they weren't responding
to me and they blocked me
is it my fault and then your friends do
what they reassure you and they say no
man of course it's not your fault she's
a total b word like it's totally like i
can't believe she was so cruel to you
like you're not doing anything wrong
you're doing everything great
and this is where i gotta say if people
if you find yourself in a in a pattern
of like people blocking you
maybe you need to take some
responsibility and this is why i think
this person is an absolute boss because
like they're asking this question in a
very authentic way right they don't want
to continue doing this they're
recognizing that there are things going
on and that maybe they need to change
them
so i would actually say that does this
blame lie with you at least 50
is what i would say because remember
that in any relationship you have a
contribution the good news is that the
blame does lie with you you also have
the power to change things right so you
can't have agency without responsibility
responsibility doesn't come without
agency if it's my respect if i have the
power to
win then i also have the power to lose
and so if i get credit for the win i
also have to take credit for the loss
so now let's try to understand what's
going on here
and i think the key thing to understand
here is the evolution of internal needs
as you get clean gear and cling gear
so in the first phase of the
relationship you meet someone you all
click right away so like you have some
emotional needs they're not very
powerful at that point because it's
early stage in the relationship and on
the other end of the relationship
they're not really powerful as well like
you know you guys are kind of like
you're kind of chilling you guys like
each other you hang out a little bit
it's a low investment relationship that
feels really natural
and then what starts to happen so like
things were fine until this person got
busy in their personal life right so the
girl that this person is talking to
starts to get busy so due to a
circumstance in this person's life they
start becoming less available now how
does the poster respond to this
this is where things get really
interesting because they start to get
anxious and they start to get clingy
right they start to like even though in
their head
they understand that like this person is
busier now so they can't text as much as
they used to that's not the way that you
respond emotionally right you start to
get really really anxious you start
texting more
okay so now you are adding another need
into this relationship and i don't know
if this is going to make sense but now
your anxiety you are actually looking to
the other person to fix
so when you send a text like a long text
what you're looking for is for them to
send an equally long text because now
you're worried you're like oh what if
this person doesn't like me what if
they're drifting away let me like do
something big in the relationship let me
send a big text and if they send a big
text back then i will be sued i'll be
like oh thank god
they really do care about me or if they
apologize or they say oh like i've been
really busy lately i'm sorry i haven't
had time for you like that's going to
make you feel good so now you're adding
a new
need an emotional need into the
relationship where you need this person
to tell you hey i still want to be your
friend hey don't worry about it you're
looking for reassurance from that
anxiety as this person is starting to
pull away and where does that anxiety
come from it comes from the fact that
people pulled away from you in the past
right it comes from the idea that like
you haven't you've been taught that
you're like not a worthy person that you
people don't want to be your friend and
so now what happens is when you like
grow up in a situation where like
literally your parents traumatize you by
saying who's going to be at your funeral
ain't no one going to be at your funeral
because no one wants to be your friend
so that some scar that psychological
trauma is is carried in your mind so
then when this person starts to pull
away because of like work-related stuff
or other things going on in her life
that fear in your mind activates and
it's like oh my god
i know in my head logically that this
person is just busier but what if what
my parents told me all along is true
that this person that they're i'm not
they really don't want to be my friend
so to alleviate that anxiety you send a
big text right you send a frequent text
and and this person i mean this is why i
think this person's done a lot of
introspection so i want you to look at
this
when she started to get busy i got
nervous so what is the nature of that
nervousness
a lot of people have ghosted me
so i fearfully and baselessly suspected
she was trying to break contact this is
important it wasn't baseless
this isn't baseless right because it's
happened to you before you need to often
like you need to validate that feeling
um and so here's the thing
uh
so
yeah so my response was to text her a
lot almost as if to remind her i still
existed and this is the key thing that
you need to work on
because at this point you feel
internally
that
you don't exist in the relationship so
you were trying to get her to tell you
like hey you exist in this relationship
you exist in this relationship right so
now your emotional needs are creating a
situation where you are asking something
of her without her realizing what you're
asking because you've never told her
so you're looking for a sign from her
that you still exist in the relationship
but she doesn't know that right so like
she now what's happening is you're
feeling all these emotional needs like
you're feeling like clingy and you're
feeling like don't pull away like hey
please remember i exist please remember
i'm your friend like say something to me
and as you put all of those needs into
your text messages
like empathically between the lines like
reading between the lines like there's
something like desperate in those text
messages she gets confused because she's
like what is going on here right and it
makes sense because you haven't actually
explained to her how you feel you're
just like sending these really long text
messages that she's not reciprocating
and so like then she starts to pull away
because she doesn't understand what's
going on here because now you've added a
layer of needs into the relationship
that she's unaware of
as she starts to pull away
it reinforces everything right so as she
pulls away more the anxiety increases
you need to remind her even more that
you exist because as her responses get
shorter you start to disappear in her
mind
and as you disappear in her mind the
anxiety gets worse
the need for some kind of response gets
worse the reassurance gets worse so then
you send even longer text messages and
you inject a even more powerful need
into the relationship
and she gets even more confused because
she's like what's going on here like
these guys sending me like 14 texts and
like
what's up with this
and so then what she does is send a
shorter response and as she sends a
shorter response you shrink
right
you become i you stop to start to fade
away out of existence even more
and as you feel that fading away the
desperation increases hey remember i'm
here remember i'm here i'm a person i'm
a person i have feelings don't forget
about me please please please don't
forget about me that's what your texts
start to say
don't forget about me i exist and she
doesn't know what to do with that
because that's not actually what you're
saying right she's just getting these
really long text messages and then she
has no choice but to block you
so then what happens when she blocks you
you get reinforced right oh what my
parents said all along is true
is that people don't want to be my
friend
that it's like it's not
that i don't deserve friends
now another person
i've ceased to exist in another person's
mind and then your mind will say this is
how it's been all along this is the
truth of the world you will never exist
in anyone's mind right that's what it
tells you in those dark moments it's
something it's the the voice in your
head that you carry with you
that now has been reinforced and then
you go to your friends and you say hey
what's going on here and your friends
say oh don't worry about it it's no big
deal it's on her it has nothing to do
with you you're great
you're an awesome person we like you
and so that can be very reassuring in
some way but you have to remember that
if this pattern is repeating in your
life there's a reason it's repeating
right like there's a reason there's
something going on that you're injecting
into these relationships where people
are ghosting you
and i suspect the main thing that you're
injecting is this
anxiety this fear that people are are
like going away and this person even
kind of says it where they kind of say
you know
um
i i get stuck in my own head and this is
where the relationship falls apart
because a relationship is between two
people
and if you get stuck in your own head
you're like playing your own tune
right it's like imagine you're like
trying to dance with someone and there's
like music playing but then you've got
headphones that's playing a different
song
and so you guys are trying to dance in
rhythm and they're playing to like the
music that's playing and like they're
listening to some waltz okay because
you're at a wedding
and then you've got like headphones on
and you're listening to tupac and like
the the kind of dancing that you're
going to be doing to the music in your
own head is something that they can't
dance to because they don't hear it so
the more you get stuck in your own head
like you're no longer in a relationship
right because you're you're engaging in
this relationship
with like
operating from your own thinking
and if you don't communicate with her
then the other person doesn't understand
what you're listening to they just see
you like convulsing on the dance floor
and they're like i don't know how to
dance with this person and so then they
step off the dance floor
so are there things that you can do
about it absolutely
the first thing is like understand when
the music starts playing in your head
because if you look at this relationship
they're saying at the beginning
everything's fine right so at the
beginning we're both dancing the same
music and then she starts to get busy at
work and then you're like ah your brain
is like i remember this she's busy at
work let me put the headphones on and
let me start listening to something else
okay
and then you get stuck in your own head
and then you're operating from that
space you're doing all this work and
then you separate from her right so
she's over here you guys are together
and then you start getting in your own
head but like she doesn't understand
what's going on here so like you start
to deviate off this way and then she's
kind of going this way and then it's
like then the relationship falls apart
so if you want to be successful in a
situation like this the first thing to
understand is what are the emotions that
arise
as this stuff happens and more
importantly as these emotions arise how
do they influence your behavior
because if you're being driven
by emotions to do particular things and
they are not on the same wavelength
they're going to be taken aback by what
you're doing and they're not going to
know how to interact with you because
now you're dancing to your own tune and
they're like trying to dance with you
and it's like hey we used to be dancing
and now you're kind of like dancing on
your own i'm confused how do i
participate in this relationship
and then since people don't know how to
have healthy conversations right so like
you know the right thing for her to do
in that situation is hey like
you're sending me all these text
messages like what's going on
like help me understand what's going on
like
you know like what like you seem
anxious to me
so ideally she would be able to prompt
the conversation
but instead what we do is we just ghost
people because that's like what happens
nowadays right
so are you somewhat responsible if
you're in this situation i'd say yes i
think it's time to take responsibility
are you to blame no so i don't blame you
for it i don't think you're a bad person
i don't think it's like in a sense or
i'd say it's is it your fault sort of
but i think it's absolutely excusable
because your brain has been programmed
in a particular way you have these
fundamental needs that have never been
met that allows you to be secure in a
relationship because this person can't
tolerate someone else pulling away from
the relationship even for things that
have nothing to do with the relationship
like real life getting in the way work
getting busy
so when someone else pulls away you
can't tolerate that anxiety you can't
tolerate that distance and when you
can't tolerate the anxiety it causes you
to change your behavior and when you
change your behavior now you're you're
dancing to your own tune so all the
messages are operating from like a place
inside your head which the other person
isn't aware of so they're like they get
freaked
f out and then they start to pull away
and then they end up ghosting
so i'd say first understand
as these feelings arise what are you
afraid of what's going on why do you
feel like you have to text her why do
you why does she need to know that you
exist because that's the key thing
what is it like to feel like you don't
exist anymore in this person's life and
process those feelings
because as you process those feelings
and you reduce the fuel in that fire
then the behaviors will naturally go
away
right you have to remove the emotional
energy that that leads to the clingy
behaviors
it's not sufficient to just not text
because then what'll happen is if you
force yourself to not not text you'll
force yourself to not text and then
it'll be a tension in you it'll start to
build up don't text don't text don't
text don't text don't text and then
it'll reach a cresting point and then
you won't be able to control it then
it's going to be like it's like a
release where you're like you have to
text you can't control it oh i have to
text
and then you feel like oh thank god okay
like notice me now notice me i can't
control myself notice me
and then she's like what's what's
happening here you're doing all this
you're dancing this whole opera in your
head and she doesn't know how to keep up
and so then she withdraws
so understand the emotions that arise
first and foremost and work on those
emotions
work on those needs understand what your
emotional needs are in the relationship
and how they evolve and the only way
that a successful relationship is going
to work is when
your emotional needs can be at least
understood by the other person and then
hopefully if you're lucky that person is
willing to meet you halfway and try to
do what they can for your emotional
needs
great post
so then someone else is saying how do
you handle when she is really leaving
you let her go
right
so this is hard but someone's asking how
do you handle when she's really leaving
the answer is simple you let her go
and this is the key thing
what makes it hard to let her go because
we assume that the reason she's leaving
is because of us
whereas the truth is is that most people
in life when they part ways they do so
because of a thousand reasons that have
nothing to do with you
right
if you think about like you know the
friends that i had in high school why am
i not friends with most of them anymore
it's because of circumstance
i went to high school then i went to
college in a different city and then i
went to medical school in a different
state
and then i did residency in the in the
same state but people went their
separate ways
and so i entered people's lives and then
i left people's lives and that has it
has nothing to do with them
because that's that's what life is
right life is like a meeting of like
different it's moments in time where you
connect with another human being and for
some people those moments are short and
for some people those moments are long
and you have to understand that like not
everything in the world people leaving
your life
may not have anything to do with you
and even in the sense if it does have to
something to do with you that's okay too
because even if someone says hey i don't
think we're compatible like that's okay
right you're not going to be compatible
with every person on the planet
you're not going to be compatible with
every person that you date that's the
reason that you date
and you let people go their way and you
go your way because at the end of the
day if someone wants to leave you let
them
what are you going to do like pin them
down and like force them into a
relationship with you you deserve a
better relationship with that
the relationship that you want is one
where someone wants to be with you and
feels comfortable being with you that's
what you really deserve is a real
relationship
so it's tough
yeah i like you on netflix i think it's
great i'm on season two right now
okay
so do we need shorter text messages
absolutely right so like don't i don't
know how like you can't expect someone
to keep up with all of the stuff that
you're doing in your head
no relationship is gonna work like that
right when you're like working through
bunches of anxiety there's tons of
anxieties floating out there you try to
communicate with someone over text like
they're not gonna like they're operating
with like 10 of the information where
your text is coming from so that's not
going to work
so you have to let people know like you
either have to process the crap in your
head so that you're kind of back on the
same page with them or you need to let
them know where you are so that you give
them the opportunity to like catch up to
you and the more you progress up here
like the more you build castles in the
sky or read into relationships or like
think that the relationship is more than
it is
check out only fans for example
the more blind side of the other person
is going to be
like how is someone supposed to
participate in a relationship where
you've advanced at 10 000 years in your
head
yeah so someone saying someone is saying
i can't avoid being so attached because
i can't make friends absolutely right so
that's the same as this post that's why
i shared and i thought it was a great
post because because it is the inability
to make friends that makes every
potential friend
so much more attached
you get so attached to everyone
and it's the fact that you get so
attached to them
that you kind of drive them away
and so you're kind of stuck in this loop
of like i have no friends and therefore
anytime i have the possibility of a
friend i put too much on them because
you take all that luggage from the past
and you dump it into this relationship
and when you dump it on then it's too
much for them to handle so then they
leave and then they when they leave they
leave you a piece of luggage too so now
you've got one more piece of luggage and
then the next person comes along and you
dump 10 pieces of luggage on them and
it's like too much for them to handle
they're like i can't carry all this
stuff and then they leave and then you
have 11 pieces of luggage
so it's really hard don't get me wrong
it's very hard
and so that's where i think the solution
is to like on like let go of the luggage
right like you have to work through that
stuff you have to work through what's it
like being alone
year after year after year what's it
like engaging in relationship after
relationship after a relationship
so it's an infinite loop only if that's
the loop that you keep
doing remember there are other things
that you can do you can offload the
luggage right you can see a therapist
you can work with a coach i think group
coaching is a really good avenue for
this kind of thing because it's like an
opportunity for people to form
relationships with each other that have
very good strict boundaries so it's like
a way to practice
talking to each other communicating your
feelings like it's like
how to make friends one-on-one because
in group we don't let you be friends
so we're gonna teach you all of these
skills and as you start to
as you bring luggage into the
relationship and you want to play games
with someone we're going to say no no
you're not allowed to do that
instead of playing games with them
because you feel connected talk about
how you want to play games with them
vocalize your feelings understand what's
going on on the inside
right bring all your luggage by all
means toss it our way we're ready to
take it but we're not going to give in
to it we're not going to give you the
relationship that you want to what we're
going to do is help you unburden
yourself of the luggage
so i think group coaching is very good
for this
so if you guys have this problem of
being lonely and like driving people
away and like having difficulty
interacting with other human beings
group coaching is literally it's like 12
weeks of training about like how to
interact with other human beings how to
listen how to be heard how to vocalize
your feelings how to connect with other
people how to understand yourself
how to understand other people
how to step aside from your own biases
and really listen to someone else
you
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