What Elvis Taught a Conversion Therapy Survivor About Love | Dev Cuny | TEDxOakland

Summary

The speaker shares a deeply personal journey of growing up as an Elvis Presley look-alike and facing the devastating impact of conversion therapy after coming out as gay. They recount the struggles of navigating familial rejection, emotional and spiritual turmoil, and finding eventual acceptance through reconciliation with their parents. Their story highlights the profound effects of unconditional love, the healing power of acceptance, and the importance of supporting LGBTQ+ youth. The speaker concludes with a powerful message of hope, emphasizing the need for acceptance to prevent suicide and promote well-being among young people.

Takeaways

• 😀 At the age of seven, the speaker had a career as an Elvis Presley look-alike, starting with a stack of bootleg Elvis records from their grandma.
• 😀 The speaker grew up embracing fantasy as a way to express themselves, often performing as Elvis Presley in front of their family.
• 😀 As the speaker reached high school, they began to realize the deeper connection they shared with Elvis beyond looks, including their desire for love and connection.
• 😀 The speaker's parents eventually confronted them about their sexuality, asking, 'Are you gay?' in a darkened room, leading to a period of immense emotional turmoil.
• 😀 Conversion therapy, which the speaker underwent, is a harmful and debunked practice aimed at changing someone's sexual orientation or gender identity.
• 😀 The speaker describes conversion therapy as a 'slow steady drip of poison' that reinforced feelings of shame and unworthiness.
• 😀 Despite external appearances, the speaker struggled deeply with internalized rejection, believing their true self was unworthy of God's love.
• 😀 Conversion therapy has led to severe consequences for many LGBTQ individuals, with a high suicide attempt rate among youth who face rejection from their families.
• 😀 The speaker's turning point came when they questioned the logic and abuse they faced in conversion therapy, leading to a rejection of those harmful beliefs.
• 😀 Over time, the speaker's relationship with their parents evolved, as they began to understand the harm of the ex-gay movement and learned to embrace their love for their child.
• 😀 The speaker emphasizes the importance of unconditional acceptance, sharing that when LGBTQ youth have at least one accepting adult, their suicide attempts decrease by 40%.
• 😀 The speaker's story highlights the transformative power of love, faith, and acceptance, leading to personal healing and reconciliation with their parents.

Q & A

How did the speaker's love for Elvis Presley influence their childhood?

The speaker developed a deep connection with Elvis Presley after receiving a stack of bootlegs from their grandmother. They began practicing Elvis's signature moves, such as raising their upper lip and saying 'thank you very much,' and even performed in front of their family, starting their journey as an Elvis impersonator at a young age.

What role did the speaker's family play in their early experiences of identity formation?

The speaker's family, particularly their parents, were initially unaware of their sexual identity and encouraged traditional gender norms, such as the idea that 'pretty girls wear their hair long.' Despite this, the speaker felt a strong desire to express themselves through playing dress-up and performing, reflecting an early exploration of identity.

How did the speaker's experience of conversion therapy affect their mental and emotional health?

Conversion therapy had a profound negative impact on the speaker. It led to feelings of shame, worthlessness, and emotional turmoil. They felt rejected by their community and family, leading to struggles with substance abuse and a deep sense of grief and confusion about their self-worth and spirituality.

What was the turning point for the speaker in rejecting the harmful effects of conversion therapy?

The turning point occurred during a session with three ministers who tried to make the speaker straight. This experience caused a shift in the speaker's thinking, leading them to reject the ideas presented during the therapy. They realized the tactics and beliefs used against them were damaging and incongruent with their true self.

How did the speaker's relationship with their parents evolve over time?

Initially, the speaker's parents were involved in the ex-gay movement and sought conversion therapy for their child. However, after years of emotional struggle, the speaker and their mother had a pivotal conversation in which the speaker expressed the pain caused by the rejection. This led to the mother reevaluating her stance, which ultimately helped heal their relationship and allowed for reconciliation.

What is the speaker's perspective on the connection between faith and LGBTQ+ acceptance?

The speaker emphasizes that faith can coexist with LGBTQ+ acceptance. Their mother's faith expanded beyond the church walls, allowing her to see that conversion therapy was not aligned with the love of Christ. This shift in understanding led to healing and a stronger relationship, showcasing that faith can be a source of love and acceptance rather than rejection.

What impact did the speaker's reconciliation with their parents have on their life?

Reconciliation with their parents was life-changing for the speaker. It provided the emotional support needed for the speaker to enter therapy, overcome substance abuse, and pursue personal growth. This renewed relationship also allowed the speaker to feel more secure in their identity and beliefs, ultimately leading them to a place of healing.

Why is the speaker passionate about advocating for unconditional acceptance?

The speaker is passionate about advocating for unconditional acceptance because of their own experiences with rejection and the lasting effects it had on their mental and emotional well-being. They believe that showing love and support, particularly for LGBTQ+ youth, can save lives and prevent the devastating effects of rejection and isolation.

What role does acceptance from at least one adult play in reducing suicide risks for LGBTQ+ youth?

Studies show that when an LGBTQ+ youth has at least one accepting adult in their life, their risk of attempting suicide decreases by 40%. The speaker underscores this statistic as vital, highlighting the life-saving power of having supportive and accepting individuals, especially within families or close communities.

How does the speaker relate their childhood experiences to their current advocacy?

The speaker draws on their childhood experiences, particularly their early connection with Elvis Presley and their struggles with rejection, to emphasize the importance of self-acceptance and unconditional love. Their advocacy is rooted in their journey of self-discovery, the impact of family support, and their desire to offer a different possibility for others facing similar challenges.