How To Know If Someone is Right For You | Jordan Peterson Relationship Advice

Summary

The speaker discusses the key elements to consider when deciding if a romantic partner is the right one for a lifelong commitment. They emphasize the importance of compatibility in personality traits such as conscientiousness, agreeableness, and extroversion, while also addressing the significance of sexual attraction and trust. A successful relationship is based on mutual trust, shared goals, and the ability to negotiate differences. The speaker concludes that relationships require ongoing effort, negotiation, and adaptation, rather than a simple ‘happily ever after’ scenario.

Takeaways

• 😀 You can't just discover the right person to be with for life; it's a decision you actively make.
• 😀 Personality compatibility is important, especially on traits like conscientiousness, agreeableness, and extroversion.
• 😀 Large differences in conscientiousness or agreeableness can lead to major friction in a relationship.
• 😀 If both partners are high in neuroticism, it often leads to unhappiness; ideally, one partner should be low in neuroticism.
• 😀 Sexual attraction is a crucial component of a successful relationship and can't be easily substituted by friendship.
• 😀 Trust is the most critical component in a relationship, followed closely by the ability to negotiate through conflicts.
• 😀 Shared life goals, especially regarding career and children, are essential for long-term compatibility.
• 😀 Negotiation is key to maintaining a healthy relationship; both partners need to be able to work through disagreements.
• 😀 The ability to trust and negotiate can help navigate differences in approach, leading to more diverse and effective solutions.
• 😀 Relationships require continuous effort and negotiation; you won’t find a perfect relationship where you live happily ever after without effort.

Q & A

What is the primary factor in deciding if a person is the right partner for a long-term relationship?

The primary factor is not discovering the right person but rather deciding to commit to a relationship. Compatibility in personality traits, trust, attraction, and the ability to negotiate through conflicts are key elements in making that decision.

Why is personality compatibility important in a relationship?

Personality compatibility ensures that both partners are able to relate to and understand each other’s behaviors and preferences. Large differences in traits like conscientiousness and agreeableness can lead to frustration, resentment, and difficulties in communication.

How does a difference in conscientiousness affect a relationship?

If one person is highly conscientious (rigid, orderly, work-oriented) and the other is not, it can lead to one partner feeling the other is too disciplined and demanding, while the more relaxed partner may be seen as disorganized and undisciplined.

What happens when there is a significant difference in agreeableness between partners?

A highly agreeable person might find a less agreeable person to be cruel or harsh, while the less agreeable person might view the more agreeable partner as weak or unable to stand up for themselves, leading to tension and potential dissatisfaction.

What role does neuroticism play in relationships?

Neuroticism, or the tendency to experience negative emotions, can negatively affect a relationship. It's suggested that someone high in neuroticism should seek a partner low in neuroticism because it can reduce unhappiness in the relationship and provide emotional stability.

How important is sexual attraction in a romantic relationship?

Sexual attraction is vital for maintaining a romantic relationship. Even if two people are objectively similar in attractiveness, there can be a deep, personal connection with one partner while the other may leave you indifferent, which plays a major role in relationship success.

What is necessary for building trust in a relationship?

Trust in a relationship is built on consistency, openness, and reliability. Being able to rely on each other and communicate openly about needs, desires, and boundaries is crucial to establishing and maintaining trust.

Why is it important for partners to have shared life goals?

Having shared life goals, such as those related to career, children, or values, creates a sense of unity and direction in the relationship. When partners are aligned in their major goals, they are more likely to work together to achieve them, strengthening their bond.

How does negotiation impact a relationship?

Negotiation is essential in relationships because conflicts are inevitable. Partners must be able to communicate and compromise on issues, find mutually agreeable solutions, and stick to their commitments to maintain harmony and resolve disagreements.

What does the speaker mean by 'constant negotiation' in relationships?

Constant negotiation refers to the ongoing process of communicating, compromising, and adjusting to each other's needs, preferences, and challenges throughout the relationship. It’s not about finding the perfect person, but about working through challenges together over time.