Cara Ta'aruf yang Benar dalam Islam | Buya Yahya

Summary

This video explains the Islamic practices of **ta'aruf** (getting to know a potential spouse) and **khitbah** (engagement). It emphasizes that **ta'aruf** is not the same as dating, as it focuses on understanding a partner's character and family background without romantic involvement. The process of **khitbah** is a formal commitment to marriage but does not constitute a lawful marriage yet. The video also touches on the importance of **istikharah** (prayer for guidance) when deciding on a partner, ensuring that the decision is made with sincerity and trust in God's will.

Takeaways

• 😀 Taaruf is the Islamic process of getting to know a potential spouse without romantic attachments.
• 😀 Taaruf is not the same as dating or *pacaran*; it focuses on understanding each other's background and character.
• 😀 The goal of taaruf is to learn about the other person and their family without engaging in overly personal interactions.
• 😀 Taaruf can involve speaking with family members and observing the potential spouse’s character through indirect interactions.
• 😀 Taaruf does not require physical contact or emotional attachment like dating does.
• 😀 The purpose of taaruf is to ensure compatibility without rushing into love or commitment.
• 😀 Khitbah (engagement) is a formal promise to marry, and can be done through simple means like a phone call, not necessarily requiring elaborate ceremonies.
• 😀 After a proposal, *istikharah* (prayer for guidance) should be performed to seek Allah's help in making the decision.
• 😀 Istikharah is about trusting Allah’s guidance, asking for clarity in choosing a good spouse without forcing personal desires.
• 😀 If an individual is not a good match (e.g., involved in harmful behaviors like drinking or gambling), it is not appropriate to perform *istikharah* for them.
• 😀 Once an engagement is accepted (khitbah), no other suitors should pursue the person, as it is considered haram (forbidden) in Islam until the engagement is broken.

Q & A

What is the concept of taaruf in Islamic marriage?

Taaruf is the process of getting to know a potential spouse with the intention of marriage. It involves understanding each other's character, family background, and personal qualities in a respectful manner, without romantic involvement or physical contact.

How is taaruf different from dating (pacaran)?

Taaruf is focused on getting to know someone for marriage, with a clear intention and purpose. Unlike dating, which often involves romantic gestures and emotional attachment before marriage, taaruf avoids such involvement and is done with respect for Islamic values.

Can two people engage in taaruf without physically meeting?

Yes, taaruf does not necessarily require direct physical interaction. It can involve getting to know each other's background and character through family members or other means, such as casual meetings or discussions.

What role does family play in the taaruf process?

Family plays an important role in taaruf as they can help in gathering information about the potential spouse. For example, a man might ask a female relative to observe the woman he is considering for marriage, and vice versa, to learn about the person's character and background.

What is khitbah and how does it differ from taaruf?

Khitbah, or engagement, is a formal promise to marry someone, made after taaruf. Unlike taaruf, which is for getting to know the person, khitbah is a commitment to marry, though it does not make the couple fully married.

Why is istikharah important in the marriage process?

Istikharah is a prayer for seeking guidance from Allah regarding important decisions, including marriage. It helps ensure that the decision to marry is in line with what is best for the individual, asking Allah to make the path clear and to guide them to what is good.

What should one do after performing istikharah and receiving no clear sign?

If no clear sign or feeling of unease arises after performing istikharah, one can proceed with the marriage decision. The absence of negative signs typically indicates that the decision is in line with what is good for the individual.

What is the significance of the phrase 'taaruf is not pacaran'?

The phrase emphasizes that taaruf is not about engaging in a romantic relationship before marriage. Unlike pacaran (dating), which may involve romantic affection and emotional attachment, taaruf focuses solely on understanding the potential spouse's character and suitability for marriage.

Is it permissible to engage in taaruf through modern communication methods like phone calls?

Yes, it is permissible to engage in taaruf through modern communication methods, such as phone calls. The key is maintaining respect and sincerity in the process without engaging in romantic or inappropriate behaviors.

What should someone do if they find themselves in a romantic relationship before marriage?

If someone finds themselves in a romantic relationship before marriage, they should carefully assess their feelings and intentions. The advice is to step back, avoid getting too emotionally involved, and focus on understanding the potential spouse through proper taaruf, without rushing into feelings of love or attachment prematurely.