Why Dating is Broken in 2024 - What Boomers don't understand

Summary

In this video, the speaker explores the challenges of dating in 2024, arguing that modern dating is broken due to a lack of familiarity and genuine connection. With the rise of dating apps, social media, and digital isolation, people are increasingly disconnected, making it harder to build meaningful relationships. The speaker contrasts the past, where communal spaces fostered natural interactions, with today's unfamiliar, superficial dating environments. He offers solutions, advocating for engaging in community-based activities to build familiarity, status, and competence, which are key to overcoming modern loneliness and forming lasting relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 The dating market has fundamentally changed, with fewer people getting married at younger ages compared to previous generations.
• 😀 Traditional dating dynamics, based on familiarity and community interaction, have been disrupted by technology, social media, and dating apps.
• 😀 In the past, people met through social settings like parks, gyms, and town squares, which fostered a natural sense of community and connection.
• 😀 Dating apps and social media are creating a superficial and unfamiliar dating environment, where connections are often short-term and based on physical appearance.
• 😀 Men often struggle to stand out on dating apps, where a small percentage of 'high-status' men dominate the attention, leaving most men with few opportunities.
• 😀 Women, due to the overwhelming attention they receive on dating apps and social media, often base their dating preferences on superficial qualities, leading to a cycle of short-term situationships.
• 😀 In unfamiliar dating scenarios (like clubs and online platforms), individuals often make choices based on superficial factors, which leads to unsustainable relationships.
• 😀 Building real-life familiarity through communal activities like dance, sports, or board games is key to establishing meaningful and long-term relationships.
• 😀 Men can increase their dating success by gaining competence and status within communities where they are known and respected, rather than relying on unfamiliar or superficial settings.
• 😀 Approach anxiety is minimized by treating social interactions as casual and regular, engaging with people in everyday settings (e.g., saying hi to someone at the gym or in a coffee shop).
• 😀 Modern loneliness and isolation can be overcome by actively participating in community-building activities and engaging with others face-to-face, fostering real-world connections over digital distractions.

Q & A

What is the main issue with dating in 2024, according to the speaker?

The main issue is the lack of familiarity and community interaction. People are no longer mingling in large, social settings where they can meet and get to know each other over time. This shift, primarily due to the rise of social media and smartphones, makes genuine connections more difficult.

How has technology, particularly social media and dating apps, changed the dating landscape?

Technology, especially dating apps, has created unfamiliar dating environments. Dating has shifted from natural, in-person social interactions to superficial, online encounters. This leads to short-term relationships based on external factors like looks, rather than deep, lasting connections built on familiarity.

What is the difference between 'familiar' and 'unfamiliar' dating worlds?

Familiar dating worlds are those where individuals interact with a known group of people over time, such as in high school or college, leading to long-term relationships. Unfamiliar dating worlds, like clubs or dating apps, involve interacting with strangers where connections tend to be more superficial and short-lived.

What role does 'community' play in successful dating, according to the speaker?

Community is crucial in successful dating. By participating in communal activities, people can build familiarity with a wide range of individuals, allowing them to connect with others on a deeper level. This helps create more meaningful relationships, as opposed to superficial encounters found in unfamiliar spaces.

Why does the speaker believe that dating apps like Hinge are optimized for a small percentage of men?

The speaker believes dating apps like Hinge cater to the top 1% of men—those who are highly attractive, have perfect profiles, and a polished online presence. These men receive the majority of attention, while the rest of the men, who might not meet these superficial standards, struggle to connect.

What advice does the speaker offer to men seeking success in the dating world?

Men should focus on building competence and status within a community. Whether it’s through dance, sports, or other activities, men should strive to become well-known in a space where they are respected and competent. This not only increases their chances of meeting potential partners but also helps them build deeper, more meaningful connections.

How does the speaker suggest women approach dating in 2024?

Women are encouraged to step away from the superficial aspects of dating and to focus on building familiarity with people in communal settings. This will allow them to evaluate potential partners beyond looks and surface-level traits, ultimately leading to more sustainable relationships.

What does the speaker mean by 'building status' within a community, and why is it important?

Building status refers to becoming known and respected within a specific community, like a dance group or sports team. It’s important because it allows individuals to connect with others on a deeper level, transcending superficial interactions and fostering more meaningful relationships.

Why does the speaker claim that dating in unfamiliar environments, like clubs, often leads to failed relationships?

In unfamiliar environments, such as clubs or dating apps, interactions are often based on physical attraction or superficial characteristics, leading to short-term relationships. These connections lack the depth and familiarity needed for long-term success, which is why they tend to fail.

What is the underlying problem with the modern dating culture, as discussed in the video?

The underlying problem is the rise of isolation and superficiality in the dating culture. People are no longer engaging in community-based, meaningful interactions, and instead, dating has become an individualistic, online-driven pursuit. This shift has led to increased loneliness, short-term flings, and a lack of genuine connection.