'Real friends are useless': Arthur Brooks on true happiness and goals for your tomorrow
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful conversation, Harvard Professor Arthur Brooks discusses his book 'Build a Life You Love' with Oprah Winfrey. Brooks challenges the misconception that happiness is a feeling, instead defining it as a combination of satisfaction, enjoyment, and meaning. He emphasizes that envy is detrimental to happiness and suggests that gratitude and peace are key components. Brooks outlines a roadmap for happiness, focusing on faith, family, friends, and work, and warns against the superficial pursuit of money, fame, and power. He also addresses the impact of social media on community and the importance of genuine human connections.
Takeaways
- 📚 Arthur Brooks and Oprah Winfrey co-authored a book titled 'Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier'.
- 🤔 The biggest misconception about happiness is that it's a feeling; instead, it's a combination of satisfaction, enjoyment, and meaning in life.
- 🚫 Envy is identified as the enemy of happiness, while gratitude and peace are components that contribute to it.
- 💰 Money, fame, and power are not sources of happiness, contrary to popular belief.
- 🧘♂️ Faith is described as a transcendent walk of life that helps individuals zoom out from their own personal dramas.
- 👨👩👧👦 The four pillars of happiness are faith, family, friends, and work, which should be invested in daily.
- 🏡 Harvard students, despite their success, are often unhappy because they fear failure and misunderstand what will bring them happiness.
- 💡 The concept of a 'bucket list' is criticized for promoting materialistic goals rather than a direction in life that leads to happiness.
- 📈 Social media is not a source of happiness; it's a substitute for real human connection and lacks the depth of personal relationships.
- 🌐 The pursuit of efficiency and remote work can lead to isolation and a loss of community, which is essential for happiness.
- 📈 To move closer to happiness, create a daily checklist that includes spiritual reading, contacting family, maintaining real friendships, and finding meaningful work.
Q & A
What is the main misconception about happiness that Arthur Brooks addresses?
-Arthur Brooks clarifies that the main misconception is that people think happiness is a feeling, when in fact it is something more tangible than just feelings.
According to Arthur Brooks, what are the components of happiness?
-Happiness is a combination of satisfaction (joy after accomplishment), enjoyment (pleasure), and meaning (the sense that life has coherence and direction).
Why does Arthur Brooks consider envy to be the enemy of happiness?
-Envy distracts from the true sources of happiness, which are not found by trying to emulate others or wishing for what they have.
What role does gratitude play in achieving happiness, as discussed by Arthur Brooks?
-Gratitude is part of what comes from happiness, contributing to a sense of satisfaction and meaning in life.
How does Arthur Brooks suggest we manage our happiness?
-He suggests managing happiness by understanding it as something more than just feelings and focusing on emotional self-management.
What does Arthur Brooks say about the relationship between money, fame, and power with happiness?
-Arthur Brooks states that money, fame, and power do not make you happy, and seeking these as the sole sources of happiness is misguided.
What does Arthur Brooks mean by a 'roadmap' to happiness, and how does it differ from a traditional bucket list?
-A 'roadmap' refers to a direction in life focused on faith, family, friends, and work, rather than a bucket list of material or status achievements.
How does Arthur Brooks define 'faith' in the context of happiness?
-In this context, 'faith' is not about organized religion but rather a transcendent walk of life that helps to zoom out from self-centeredness and find meaning.
What does Arthur Brooks suggest about the importance of failure in achieving happiness?
-He implies that being afraid of failure can prevent true happiness, and learning to embrace failure is part of the journey towards a more fulfilling life.
What advice does Arthur Brooks give for finding real friends and not just transactional ones?
-He advises making a list of real friends and putting in the effort to maintain contact with them, emphasizing that real friends are 'beautifully useless' in the sense that they are not there for utilitarian purposes but for genuine connection.
How does Arthur Brooks view the role of social media in achieving happiness?
-He views social media as a poor substitute for genuine human connection and suggests that it lacks the depth and nourishment that real relationships provide.
What is Arthur Brooks' advice for evaluating one's job in terms of happiness?
-He advises evaluating one's job based on whether it allows them to earn their success and serve others, rather than just focusing on title or prestige.
Outlines
📚 The Science of Happiness
In this segment, the host introduces Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor and author, discussing his book 'Build a Life You Love: The Art and Science of Getting Happier'. Brooks clarifies that happiness is not a feeling but a tangible state that can be managed. He emphasizes that feelings are indicators of happiness, similar to how the smell of turkey signals Thanksgiving dinner. Brooks also highlights that envy is detrimental to happiness and suggests that gratitude and peace contribute to it. Happiness, according to him, is a combination of satisfaction, enjoyment, and meaning in life. He argues against the pursuit of money, fame, and power as sources of happiness, stating they do not lead to true happiness. Instead, he advocates for emotional self-management and focusing on what truly matters in life.
🧠 Love, Neuroscience, and Social Connections
This paragraph delves into the neuroscience behind love and the importance of social connections. The discussion compares brain scans of people in love to those addicted to methamphetamines, highlighting the powerful effects of love on the human brain. The conversation also addresses the role of technology and social media in creating a sense of distance and the loss of genuine community. The speakers emphasize the need for real human connection and the importance of oxytocin, a hormone associated with social bonding. They argue against settling for superficial connections and advocate for seeking out diverse friendships and maintaining real, deep relationships. Practical advice is given on how to take steps towards happiness, including reading something profound, connecting with family daily, and differentiating between real friends and transactional ones.
💼 Prioritizing Life's Essentials for Happiness
The final paragraph focuses on the importance of having a balanced approach to life for achieving happiness. It discusses the need to invest in faith, family, friends, and work, emphasizing that these are not just aspects of life but sources of love and fulfillment. The conversation points out the value of having friends who are different from oneself and the importance of diversity in relationships. Practical steps are suggested, such as making a checklist to ensure daily deposits into one's spiritual life, family connections, and friendships. The speakers also stress the significance of finding meaningful work that creates value and serves others. The segment ends with a reflection on the importance of self-examination at the end of the day to ensure that one has met the criteria for a fulfilling life.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Happiness
💡Envy
💡Gratitude
💡Meaning
💡Emotional Self-Management
💡Faith
💡Social Media
💡Bucket List
💡Love
💡Failure
💡Diversity
Highlights
Arthur Brooks discusses his book 'Build a Life You Love' with Oprah Winfrey.
Happiness is not a feeling but a combination of satisfaction, enjoyment, and meaning.
Envy is considered the enemy of happiness.
Gratitude and peace are key components of happiness.
Social media is not a source of happiness; it is a substitute for real human connection.
Money, fame, and power do not equate to happiness.
The importance of emotional self-management in building happiness.
Happiness is a direction, not a destination, and requires daily investment.
The four secrets to happiness are faith, family, friends, and work.
Faith is not about organized religion but a transcendent walk of life.
Harvard students are afraid of failure and seek happiness in the wrong places.
Building a roadmap to happiness involves more than materialistic goals.
The difference between transactional friends and real friendships.
The importance of finding people in your life that are different from you.
Arthur Brooks suggests practical steps to walk closer to happiness daily.
Reading something heavy and wise for 15 minutes a day is recommended for spiritual growth.
Calling a family member every day is a simple act that contributes to happiness.
Differentiating between real friends and deal friends is crucial for emotional health.
Evaluating your job based on whether you believe you are creating value and serving others.
The end-of-day examination of whether one has fulfilled the four happiness pillars.
Transcripts
MY NEXT GUEST DOESN'T YOUR BOOK
MY NEXT GUEST DOESN'T YOUR BOOK
OUT WITH THE ONE AND ONLY OPRAH
WINFREY.
IT IS CALLED BUILD THE LIFE YOU
WANT.
ART AND SCIENCE OF GETTING
HAPPIER.
WELL, I AM VERY, VERY HAPPY TO
WELCOME MY FRIEND ARTHUR BROOKS,
OUR --
HARVARD PROFESSOR, PSG SOCIAL
SCIENCES, AND COLUMNIST FOR THE
ATLANTIC.
I'M SO, SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE AS
SOON AS I HEARD ABOUT THIS BOOK
I COULDN'T GET MY HANDS ON IT.
BECAUSE YOU STUDY THIS, RIGHT?
YOU HAVE SPENT ALL THIS TIME
AND EFFORTS ON THE SCIENCE OF
HAPPINESS.
>> WHAT IS THE TOP THING WE GET
WRONG?
THE >> NUMBER ONE THING THAT WE
GET WRONG IS THAT WE THINK THAT
HAPPINESS IS A FEELING.
I ASK MY STUDENTS, WHAT'S
HAPPINESS ON THE FIRST DAY OF
CLASS?
IT'S THE FEELING THAT I GET
WHEN I'M WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE
FOR DOING WHAT I ENJOY.
I SAY, WRONG.
HAPPINESS IS NOT A FEELING.
FEELINGS ARE EVIDENCE OF
HAPPINESS.
LIKE THE SMELL OF THE TURKEY
ISN'T EVIDENCE OF THANKSGIVING
DINNER.
ONCE YOU GET PAST THAT THEN,
WHILE, YOU COULD REALLY START
TO MANAGE YOUR HAPPINESS WHEN
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S
SOMETHING MORE TANGIBLE THAN
FEELINGS.
>> YOU SAY THAT ENVY IS THE
ENEMY OF HAPPINESS.
>> YEAH.
>> DOES THAT MEAN THAT
GRATITUDE AND PEACE ARE THE KEY
TO IT?
>> THAT'S A GOOD PART OF WHAT
ACTUALLY COMES FROM HAPPINESS.
HAPPINESS IS A COMBINATION OF
SATISFACTION, WHICH IS THE JOY
YOU GET AFTER --
AN ENJOYMENT WHICH IS PLEASURE
PLUS PEOPLE AND MEMORY.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IT IS
MEANING THE SENSE THAT LIFE HAS
COHERENCE TO IT.
IT HAS A DIRECTION TO.
IT AND THOSE THINGS YOU GET,
NOT FROM SEARCHING FOR SOME
FEELINGS, AND CERTAINLY NOT
FROM TRYING TO EMULATE OTHER
PEOPLE AND WISHING YOU HAD WHAT
THEY HAD.
NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT THE SECRET TO
ANYTHING THAT WE.
DO WE JUST WANTED THE RECENT
THAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT THE
SOURCE OF HAPPINESS.
>> BUT YOU SEE IN THE BOOK,
MONEY, FAME, POWER DO NOT MAKE
YOU HAPPY.
>> YEAH.
>> THEN WHEN OPRAH WINFREY
PICKED UP THE PHONE AND SAID,
ARTHUR YOU WANT TO WRITE THIS
BOOK WITH ME?
YOU DIDN'T FEEL HAPPY?
>> WELL I SAID, I DIDN'T
BELIEVE IT WAS OPRAH WINFREY
AND I SAID I'M BATMAN.
>> BUT IT CERTAINLY MADE YOU
HAPPY.
>> IT'S GREAT BECAUSE IT GETS
THIS INCREDIBLE PLATFORM TO
TALK TO MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
ABOUT HOW THEY CAN TAKE CONTROL
OF THEIR EMOTIONS AND TAKE
CONTROL OF THEIR LIVES.
THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT EMOTIONAL
SELF MANAGEMENT.
THIS IS AN OWNER'S MANUAL FOR
YOUR EMOTION.
SUCH THAT YOU COULD SET
YOURSELF, FREE PAY TENSION TO
WHAT REALLY MATTERS.
AS OPPOSED TO ALL THE DUMB
STUFF AROUND US THAT WE'RE
PAYING ATTENTION TO.
>> BUT IT'S CONFUSING, BECAUSE
YOU SAY YOU HAVE TO BUILD A
ROAD MAP.
AND, WHEN YOU SAY THAT, I OFTEN
THINK WELL, THAT'S LIKE THIS
DEFEATIST CHECKLIST OF I WOULD
BE HAPPY IF I HAD A NICE
APARTMENT.
IF I HAD A GOOD JOB.
IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND.
, AND THAT SOUNDS LIKE A
ROADMAP.
BUT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A
DIFFERENT.
>> YES, TOTALLY, THAT'S THE
WRONG KIND OF BUCKET LISTS.
YOU KNOW THE BUCKET LIST --
>> THE BUCKET LIST THAT WOMEN'S
MAGAZINES HAVE BEEN TELLING US.
>> THOSE ARE THE WORST.
AND THE REASON IS BECAUSE WHAT
THEY DO IS THEY MAKE YOU FEEL
LIKE A LOSER FOR NOT HAVING
THOSE THINGS IN THE FIRST
PLACE.
PLUS, THEY MAKE YOU THINK IF
YOU GET THESE ROYALLY THINGS
YOU'RE SOMEHOW GONNA FEEL SOME
WONDERFUL.
AND WE ALL KNOW THAT WHEN WE
GET THOSE THINGS WE DON'T.
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS WE
NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT
HAPPINESS IS A DIRECTION.
NOT A DESTINATION.
AND WE CAN MAKE PROGRESS BY
INVESTING IN FOUR THINGS EVERY
DAY.
>> WHAT ARE THEY?
>> NOT MONEY, NOT POWER, NO
PLEASURE, NOT THE OR INTERNET
FOLLOWERS.
>> WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING FOR
A LIVING?
>> THE FOUR SECRETS, THE
HAPPINESS 401K PLAN OUR FAITH,
FAMILY, FRIENDS AND WORK.
>> EXPLAIN FAITH.
BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE HEAR FAITH,
THEY THINK ORGANIZED RELIGION.
>> SURE, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE
MEAN AT ALL.
THAT'S A PLACE HOLDER FOR A
TRANSCENDENT WALK OF LIFE TO
MAKE YOURSELF SMELL.
THE PROBLEM, IS WE MAKE
OURSELVES HUGE.
AND THE CENTER OF MY OWN PSYCHO
DRAMA CONSTANTLY.
AND IT'S SO BORING.
MY LUNCH.
MY MONEY.
MY COMMUTE.
MY --
IT'S TERRIBLE.
I COULD JUST ZOOM.
OUT MAYBE THAT STUDYING THE
STORY PHILOSOPHERS.
MAYBE THAT MEDITATION PRACTICE,
MAYBE THAT'S WALKING IN NATURE
ABOUT DEVICES BEFORE DAWN.
A MAYBE THAT'S THE RELIGION OF
MY YOUTH.
BUT WE NEED SOMETHING.
AND WE'VE GOT TO DO IT EVERY
SINGLE DAY.
>> BUT HERE'S WHAT'S WORSE
ABOUT, THAT YOU TEACH THIS AT
HARVARD UNIVERSITY.
OKAY?
THE SCHOOL WHERE STUDENTS HAD
TO SACRIFICE ABSOLUTELY
EVERYTHING AND PLAY THE
LEFT-HANDED TUBA SINCE THE
THIRD GRADE AND GET A 50 90 AND
THE SATS WHILE TAKING THE SATS
IN MANDARIN TO GET THERE.
SO, THAT INSANE CHECKLIST THAT
IS THE OPPOSITE OF HAPPINESS.
THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR
CLASS SAYING, HOW DO I GET
HAPPY.
>> THAT'S THE REASON THEY'RE
CLASS, THEY'RE FIGURING OUT
THAT THEY'VE NEVER FAILED IN
THE HORRIBLY AFRAID OF FAILURE.
AND THEY'VE ALREADY FIGURED OUT
THAT WHAT THEY'RE DRIVING
TOWARDS IS NOT GONNA BRING THEM
THE HAPPINESS THAT THEY SEEK.
AND I'M THE LAST CHANCE TO
LEARN.
NOW WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, LOOK,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOME NEW --
LOOKS, EXCESSES.
FIND GOOD FOR.
YOU CREATE SOME VALUE.
BUT MAKE SURE THAT IT'S WORTH
THE SERVE.
AND DON'T LEAVE OUT THE FAMILY
RELATIONSHIPS THAT YOU NEED.
AND MAKE SURE YOU DO FALL IN
LOVE AND TRY TO FIND YOUR LIFE
MATE.
AND DO ACTUALLY HAVE REAL
FRIENDS AND NOT JUST DEAL
FRIENDS THAT WE KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN.
>> 100 PERCENT.
TRANSACTIONAL FRIENDS VERSUS
RELATIONSHIPS.
>> EXACTLY RIGHT.
LOOK, AEROSOL TALKED ABOUT THIS
A FEW THOUSAND YEARS AGO.
BUT NOW WE HAVE THE
NEUROSCIENCE, AND THE SOCIAL
PSYCHOLOGY TO BACKUP.
BUT IT'S NOT THE SCIENCE CLASS.
ONE OF THE THINGS I TEACH, FOR
EXAMPLE, IS WHAT'S GOING ON IN
YOUR BRAIN WHEN YOU'RE FALLING
IN LOVE.
I SHOW THEM BRAIN SCANS OF
PEOPLE IN LOVE.
AND I COMPARE THEM TO BRING
SCANS OF PEOPLE ADDICTED TO
METH AMPHETAMINES.
YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
AND I TALK ABOUT, OKAY, WHAT IS
GOING ON HERE?
WHAT CAN YOU ACTUALLY MANAGE IN
A WAY THAT MAKES YOU FEEL MORE
HUMAN?
AND THEN, MORE IN CONTROL?
THEN, HOW CAN YOU USE THIS KIND
OF A PROCESS WHEN YOUR DAY MAKE
ON AN APP, FOR EXAMPLE.
HOW TO USE.
THAT SO WE USE THE SCIENCE SO
THEY COULD DESIGN THEIR.
LIFE AND THAT, WAY ALL AROUND
LOVE IN A MORE EFFECTIVE WAY
THAT'S A LOT ABOUT WHAT OPRAH
AND I TALK ABOUT IN THE BOOK.
>> BUT YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THE
IMPORTANCE OF MAKING FRIENDSHIP
AT ANY AGE.
IS IT HARDER TO DO THAT NOW
THAN EVER BECAUSE WITH SOCIAL
MEDIA WE HAVE HAD A HUGE LOSS
OF ACTUAL COMMUNITY.
>> YES, MORE AND MORE AND MORE
WE ARE AT A DISTANCE.
BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN TAUGHT THAT
THE SUPER COMPLICATED
TECHNOLOGICAL SOLUTIONS TO LIFE
ARE GOING TO GIVE US THE LOVE
THAT WE ACTUALLY WANT.
ALL THEY ARE IS A SUBSTITUTE
FOR WHAT WE WANT.
YOU, KNOW WE WANT THE WARMTH
AND LOVE THAT ACTUALLY COMES
FROM EYE CONTACT IN TOUCH WITH
ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
AND THEN WE BINGE ON THE SOCIAL
MEDIA.
BECAUSE WE THINK IT CAN
ACTUALLY GIVE US THIS, BELIEVE
IT OR, NOT THERE'S A HORMONE
IT'S PRODUCED IN THE HUMAN
BRAIN CALLED OXYTOCIN.
WE WANTED.
WE WANTED.
AND WE CRAVE.
IT AND WE GET THE MONKEYS OFF
OUR BACK IF WE DON'T GET.
IT'S A WILL GO TO SOCIAL MEDIA
WHICH IS A SORT OF BURGERS AND
FRIES OF OUR SOCIAL LIFE.
IT FILLS YOU, UP BUT IT DOESN'T
GIVE YOU ANY NUTRITION.
AND THEN WE LOOK FOR MORE
SOLUTIONS LIKE THAT.
AND WE LOOK FOR ALL THE
SOLUTIONS THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER
HAS TOLD YOU.
THEY'RE ALL ABOUT THE LOVE
RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE NEED IN
OUR.
LIKE THE REAL HUMAN, ONE ON ONE
THAT IS THE NAME OF THE SHOW.
THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT WE NEED.
THIS IS THE RECENT BY THE WAY,
THIS ISN'T US GOOD IF I'M IN MY
HOUSE AND YOUR IN YOURS.
>> 100 PERCENT.
>> IT'S NOT AS GOOD.
AND THE SAME THING A STROKE IN
LIFE.
THIS IS A BETTER CONVERSATION
ON THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW, AND
PEOPLE THINK, THAT'S AUTHENTIC
CONVERSATION.
>> BECAUSE OF THE HUMAN
CONNECTION.
>> DON'T SETTLE FOR ZOOM.
DON'T SETTLE FOR THE SOCIAL
MEDIA.
DON'T SETTLE FOR MEETING
SOMEBODY AND TRYING TO FIND
YOUR COMPATIBILITY WITH
SOMEBODY ON A NAP.
>> THEN, IS A BUSINESS THAT'S
CONVINCED US, WELL, LET'S JUST
BE MORE EFFICIENT?
LET'S GO TELL A HELP?
LET'S GO REMOTE.
BUT, IN REALITY, WE'RE MISSING,
WE'RE SURVIVING, BUT WE'RE
LOSING THE ABILITY TO THRIVE
TOGETHER.
>> COMPLETELY.
LOOK, HAPPINESS IS LOVE FULL
STOP.
WE'RE NOT CONFRONTED.
WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT FAITH,
FAMILY, FRIENDS AND WORK.
BUT ALL OF THIS IS LOVE DIVINE.
LOVING YOUR FAMILY IN PERSON.
LOVING YOUR REAL FRIENDS.
AND THE LOVING YOUR EXPRESSING
FOR ALL HUMANITY AND THE WAY
THAT YOU --
>> BUT IN THIS BOOK, YOU TALK
ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO
FIND PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THAT
ARE DIFFERENT FROM YOU.
THAT DISAGREE WITH YOU.
>> YES.
TOTALLY.
THIS IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE
THINGS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IN
THIS MODERATE CULTURAL WORLD.
WE CAN CURE RADAR FRIENDSHIPS.
WE CAN CURE RADAR DATES BEFORE
WE MEET PEOPLE FOR THE
FIRST-TIME.
WE, THINK IF I FIND SOMEBODY
WHO IS EXACTLY LIKE ME A CARBON
COPY OF ME, IT'S GOING TO MAKE
ME SUPPOSEDLY HAPPY.
BUT THE FUNNY THING ABOUT
INTERNET DATING, BY THE WAY,
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE DATA ON
THAT PEOPLE HAVE MORE AND MORE
SELECTION WHEN THEY DID ON.
ON THE LESS AND LESS LIKELY TO
FIND THE PEOPLE ATTRACTIVE THAT
THEY'RE MEETING.
WHY IS THAT?
AND THE ANSWERS BECAUSE THEY'RE
CURATING THEIR PROFILES TO BE
COMPLETELY --
>> TO PRESENT THEMSELVES AS
SOMETHING OTHER THAN WHAT THEY
ARE.
>> MORE PARTLY, TO FIND PEOPLE
WHO ARE JUST LIKE THEM.
WHICH MAKES THEM MAKE SOMEBODY
LIKE THEIR SIBLING, WHICH AS MY
ADULT KIDS WOULD SAY IS NOT
HOT.
WE NEED MORE COMPLEMENTARITY,
WE NEED REAL DIVERSITY IS
ACTUALLY WHAT WE.
NEED THIS IS WHAT WE CRAVE.
>> SO, THESE ARE THE BIG THING
THAT WE NEED IN A GRANDSTAND.
BUT I WANT TO, BEFORE WE LEAVE,
JUST GET PRACTICAL WITH ME,
RIGHT?
PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THIS SHOW
BEFORE THE --
THIS IS THE LAST THING WE'RE
DOING BEFORE WE CLOSE OUR EYES.
WHAT CAN WE DO WHEN WE WAKE UP
TOMORROW TO WALK ONE STEP
CLOSER TO A PATH TO HAPPINESS?
>> TO BEGIN WITH, THAT'S
ACTUALLY MAKE A CHECKLIST OF
THE THINGS WE NEED TO PUT A
DEPOSIT INTO EVERY DAY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCHING US,
THEY'RE SUCCESSFUL, THEY WATCH
YOUR SHOW, IT'S ENRICHING,
THEY'RE GONNA GO TO WORK AND
THE WHOLE THING IS THE WORK
ASPECT OF.
IT BUT THEY'RE PROBABLY LEAVING
BEHIND A LITTLE BIT OF THEIR
TRANSCENDED LIFE.
SO TOMORROW.
>> WELL, NOBODY KNOWS WHAT
TRENDS AND THE LIFE.
MEANS >> LET'S TALK ABOUT THE
FATE.
SPIRITUAL LIFE, MEDITATION,
LET'S START BY MAKING A GOAL OF
READING SOMETHING REALLY HEAVY
AND WISE FOR 15 MINUTES
TOMORROW.
RIGHT?
READ A BOOK.
BY SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS MORE THAN
YOU KNOW.
ABOUT THE SPIRITUAL DEPTH.
THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE.
15 MINUTES.
THAT'S NUMBER ONE.
NUMBER, TO MAKE A GOAL OF
CALLING SOMEBODY IN YOUR FAMILY
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>> THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
>> NUMBER THREE, YOU KNOW YOUR
REAL FRIENDS AND YOU KNOW YOUR
DEAL.
FRIENDS MAKE THE LIST OF THE
PEOPLE YOU CAN MOST IN CONTACT
WITH AND PUT OURS AND D.C.
AFTER THEIR NAMES.
NOT REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS.
REAL, DEAL.
AND IT'S ALL DEAL.
>> AT THIS POINT, NOBODY HAS
BOTH OF THEIR LETTERS ON THEIR
FRIENDLESS.
THEY EITHER HAVE ONE OR THE
OTHER.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
>> AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH
OURS, ENOUGH REELS ON YOUR LIST
YOU NEED TO DO MORE WORK.
A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCHING THIS
HASN'T HAD REAL FRIENDS SINCE
COLLEGE.
THEY HAVE BEEN.
THEY HAVE ALL THESE DEAL
FRIENDS, TRANSACTIONAL FRIENDS,
PEOPLE TO HELP.
THEM YOU KNOW YOU FIND REAL
FRIENDS, BY THE WAY?
THEY'RE NOT USEFUL.
THEY'RE USELESS.
THEY'RE BEAUTIFULLY USELESS.
AND YOU NEED MORE USELESS
PEOPLE IN YOUR.
LIKE MAKE A LIST OF THEM AND DO
THE WORK TO KEEP IN TOUCH.
LOOK, WHEN I FIGURED OUT WHEN I
STARTED DOING THIS RESEARCH I
DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH REAL
FRIENDS.
NOW I'VE GOT MY REAL FRIENDS.
AND I SPENT AN HOUR ON THE
PHONE WITH EACH ONE OF THEM A
WEEK.
>> THAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
THING.
>> AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
HERE'S HOW YOU DID YOUR JOB,.
YOU DON'T JUDGE YOUR JOB IN
TERMS OF YOUR TITLE, YOUR
PRESTIGE --
>> WHAT IF I QUIT AT THE END OF
THE SEGMENT?
OH MY GOD!
>> IT'S NUMBER ONE.
ARE YOU EARNING YOUR SUCCESS DO
YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE CREATING
VALUE WITH YOUR LIFE?
VALUE WITH THE WAY THAT YOU'RE
EARNING A LIVING?
AND YOUR, LIFE AND LIVES OF
OTHER PEOPLE.
AND, DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR TRULY
SERVING OTHER PEOPLES SO YOU
CAN LOOK THEM UP AND BRING THEM
TOGETHER?
THOSE ARE THE TWO CRITERIA FOR
YOUR JOB.
THAT WILL BRING INTO.
AND, THAT'S ACTUALLY HOW YOU
STRUCTURE IT.
IT AND, THEN AT THE END OF THE
DAY THEY WILL EXAMINE YOUR
CONSCIOUS.
THEY'LL, SAY DID I DO ONE, TWO,
THREE, AND FOUR OR NOT?
DID I CALL MY MOM?
DID I CALL MY REAL FRIEND?
DID I ACTUALLY DO MY READING?
DID I ACTUALLY LOOK FOR THE JOB
IF I DON'T HAVE IT RIGHT NOW
WHERE I CAN EARN MY SUCCESS AND
SERVE OTHER PEOPLE?
>> YES OR NO?
>> I'M SO BLESSED AND HONORED
TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH
YOU.
I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU CAME
TONIGHT.
AND I WANT TO AUDIENCE TO KNOW,
IF YOU HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM,
AND AUTHOR SUTTER WITH ME FOR
45 MINUTES.
HE WAS SUBJECTED TO
CHITCHATTING WITH ME.
THAT IS A TRUE GENTLEMEN AND
FRIEND.
>> YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU MADE ME
HAPPY.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WHEN YOU GO THROUGH YOUR
CHECK LIST, BEFORE YOU GO IN
THE BED.
I'M GONNA BE IN THE POSITIVE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH, GOOD LUCK
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