'Real friends are useless': Arthur Brooks on true happiness and goals for your tomorrow

Summary

In this insightful conversation, Harvard Professor Arthur Brooks discusses his book 'Build a Life You Love' with Oprah Winfrey. Brooks challenges the misconception that happiness is a feeling, instead defining it as a combination of satisfaction, enjoyment, and meaning. He emphasizes that envy is detrimental to happiness and suggests that gratitude and peace are key components. Brooks outlines a roadmap for happiness, focusing on faith, family, friends, and work, and warns against the superficial pursuit of money, fame, and power. He also addresses the impact of social media on community and the importance of genuine human connections.

Takeaways

• 📚 Arthur Brooks and Oprah Winfrey co-authored a book titled 'Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier'.
• 🤔 The biggest misconception about happiness is that it's a feeling; instead, it's a combination of satisfaction, enjoyment, and meaning in life.
• 🚫 Envy is identified as the enemy of happiness, while gratitude and peace are components that contribute to it.
• 💰 Money, fame, and power are not sources of happiness, contrary to popular belief.
• 🧘‍♂️ Faith is described as a transcendent walk of life that helps individuals zoom out from their own personal dramas.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The four pillars of happiness are faith, family, friends, and work, which should be invested in daily.
• 🏡 Harvard students, despite their success, are often unhappy because they fear failure and misunderstand what will bring them happiness.
• 💡 The concept of a 'bucket list' is criticized for promoting materialistic goals rather than a direction in life that leads to happiness.
• 📈 Social media is not a source of happiness; it's a substitute for real human connection and lacks the depth of personal relationships.
• 🌐 The pursuit of efficiency and remote work can lead to isolation and a loss of community, which is essential for happiness.
• 📈 To move closer to happiness, create a daily checklist that includes spiritual reading, contacting family, maintaining real friendships, and finding meaningful work.

Q & A

What is the main misconception about happiness that Arthur Brooks addresses?

Arthur Brooks clarifies that the main misconception is that people think happiness is a feeling, when in fact it is something more tangible than just feelings.

According to Arthur Brooks, what are the components of happiness?

Happiness is a combination of satisfaction (joy after accomplishment), enjoyment (pleasure), and meaning (the sense that life has coherence and direction).

Why does Arthur Brooks consider envy to be the enemy of happiness?

Envy distracts from the true sources of happiness, which are not found by trying to emulate others or wishing for what they have.

What role does gratitude play in achieving happiness, as discussed by Arthur Brooks?

Gratitude is part of what comes from happiness, contributing to a sense of satisfaction and meaning in life.

How does Arthur Brooks suggest we manage our happiness?

He suggests managing happiness by understanding it as something more than just feelings and focusing on emotional self-management.

What does Arthur Brooks say about the relationship between money, fame, and power with happiness?

Arthur Brooks states that money, fame, and power do not make you happy, and seeking these as the sole sources of happiness is misguided.

What does Arthur Brooks mean by a 'roadmap' to happiness, and how does it differ from a traditional bucket list?

A 'roadmap' refers to a direction in life focused on faith, family, friends, and work, rather than a bucket list of material or status achievements.

How does Arthur Brooks define 'faith' in the context of happiness?

In this context, 'faith' is not about organized religion but rather a transcendent walk of life that helps to zoom out from self-centeredness and find meaning.

What does Arthur Brooks suggest about the importance of failure in achieving happiness?

He implies that being afraid of failure can prevent true happiness, and learning to embrace failure is part of the journey towards a more fulfilling life.

What advice does Arthur Brooks give for finding real friends and not just transactional ones?

He advises making a list of real friends and putting in the effort to maintain contact with them, emphasizing that real friends are 'beautifully useless' in the sense that they are not there for utilitarian purposes but for genuine connection.

How does Arthur Brooks view the role of social media in achieving happiness?

He views social media as a poor substitute for genuine human connection and suggests that it lacks the depth and nourishment that real relationships provide.

What is Arthur Brooks' advice for evaluating one's job in terms of happiness?

He advises evaluating one's job based on whether it allows them to earn their success and serve others, rather than just focusing on title or prestige.