How A Man Processes His Feelings And Realizes You're The One (Or Pulls Away).

Summary

Dating coach Elliot Scott debunks the myth that men pull away to process their feelings when they like someone. He explains that emotionally available men who desire a relationship won't retreat but will communicate openly. Pulling away is often a sign of emotional unavailability or fear of commitment. Scott advises that if a man truly likes a woman and wants a relationship, he will avoid risking losing her and will invest in the relationship rather than playing games.

Takeaways

• 😀 Attraction is crucial in relationships; without it, a man might not commit or invest in the relationship.
• 🔗 The link to an ebook is provided for maximizing attraction, which is essential for a man's commitment.
• 🚫 Contrary to a common myth, emotionally available men who want a relationship won't pull away to process their feelings.
• 🧠 It's counterintuitive for a man to pull away when he's emotionally available and wants a relationship; it's a risk to the connection.
• 🤔 Men are risk-averse, and pulling away when things are going well can create uncertainty and jeopardize the relationship.
• 🚷 When a man pulls away, it's often due to emotional unavailability rather than a lack of attraction.
• 💭 Men who are unsure about a relationship might pull away to avoid the risk of commitment.
• 🗣️ Communication is key; a man who is emotionally available and wants a relationship will communicate his intentions.
• 🚨 Pulling away can be a sign of uncertainty about the relationship, not necessarily about the person.
• 💔 If a man truly likes a woman and wants a relationship, he won't risk losing her by pulling away.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video transcript?

The main topic of the video transcript is how men process their feelings when they like someone and the relationship is potentially becoming more serious.

What does Elliot Scott, the dating coach, believe about men pulling away to process their feelings?

Elliot Scott believes that emotionally available men who want a relationship will not pull away to process their feelings. He suggests that it's counterintuitive for a man to pull away when he wants a relationship.

According to the transcript, what is the role of attraction in a relationship?

Attraction is described as the foundation of a relationship. Without enough attraction, a man might not invest, initiate, or maintain contact.

What does the dating coach suggest is the real reason men pull away in relationships?

The dating coach suggests that men pull away due to a lack of attraction or emotional unavailability rather than to process their feelings.

What does the term 'context' refer to in the transcript?

In the transcript, 'context' refers to the things a couple does and says over time that creates an atmosphere of seriousness or a relationship vibe.

Why does the dating coach say it's risky for a man to pull away when things are going well?

The dating coach says it's risky because the masculine energy is about providing, satisfying, and protecting. Pulling away can risk all of that and create uncertainty.

What does the dating coach mean when he says men are 'risk-averse'?

The dating coach means that men typically avoid situations that could lead to loss or harm, such as pulling away from a relationship that is progressing well.

What advice does Elliot Scott give for women who think a man is pulling away to process his feelings?

Elliot Scott advises that if a man truly likes a woman and wants a relationship, he won't put himself in a position to lose her. He suggests that women should consider that he might not want the relationship rather than assuming he is processing his feelings.

What does the dating coach suggest is the key to understanding a man's behavior in a relationship?

The dating coach suggests that communication is key to understanding a man's behavior in a relationship. If a man is emotionally available and wants a relationship, he will communicate his intentions.

What does the dating coach imply about high-value men and their approach to relationships?

The dating coach implies that high-value men are more likely to communicate openly and invest reciprocally in a relationship without playing games or pulling away unnecessarily.

What is the final message from the dating coach to women in the transcript?

The final message is that if a man truly likes a woman and wants a relationship, he will not put himself in a position to lose her. Women should be cautious of making excuses for men who pull away and consider that they might not want a relationship.

Outlines

00:00

💭 Understanding Men's Emotional Processing

Elliot Scott, a dating coach, discusses how men process their feelings when they like someone and consider a relationship. He refutes the common myth that men pull away to process their feelings, explaining that emotionally available men who want a relationship will not retreat. Instead, they will communicate openly. The coach emphasizes the importance of attraction and how it impacts a man's willingness to commit. He suggests that if a man pulls away, it's often due to a lack of attraction or emotional unavailability, not because he needs time to process his feelings. The key takeaway is that men who are certain about their feelings and desire a relationship will not create distance but will engage and communicate their intentions.

05:01

🚫 Debunking the Myth of 'Pulling Away'

In this paragraph, Elliot Scott continues to explain the behavior of men who are emotionally available and interested in a relationship. He argues that these men will not pull away because it's counterintuitive to their desires. They would rather process their thoughts during personal time rather than creating distance in a budding relationship. The coach also touches on the idea of 'context' and how it can lead to uncertainty for men who are unsure about commitment. He advises that if a man pulls away, it's a sign of risk avoidance regarding the relationship, not an attempt to process feelings. The summary highlights the importance of communication and the notion that a man who truly wants a relationship will not risk losing a high-value woman by creating uncertainty.

Keywords

💡Dating Coach

A dating coach is a professional who provides guidance and advice to individuals seeking to improve their romantic relationships or dating experiences. In the context of the video, Elliot Scott is a dating coach who offers insights on how men process their feelings in the context of dating and relationships. His role is to educate viewers on the dynamics of male behavior when they like someone and are considering a more serious commitment.

💡Attraction

Attraction in the context of dating and relationships refers to the feelings of fondness or desire one person has towards another. It is a fundamental aspect of romantic connections. In the video, the speaker emphasizes that without sufficient attraction, a relationship may not progress or may remain casual. Attraction is what motivates a person to invest time, resources, and emotional energy into a potential partner.

💡Emotional Availability

Emotional availability refers to a person's ability to openly express their emotions and engage in deep, meaningful relationships. In the video, it is suggested that emotionally available men who are interested in a relationship will not pull away to process their feelings. Instead, they will communicate openly and honestly about their intentions and desires.

💡Commitment

Commitment in a relationship context implies a decision to give oneself over to a course of action or to another person. The video discusses how a man's commitment is influenced by his attraction and emotional availability. It is portrayed as a serious step that requires certainty and a willingness to invest in the relationship.

💡Risk Avoidance

Risk avoidance is the tendency to avoid situations where one might face potential harm or loss. In the video, the concept is used to explain why men who are emotionally available and interested in a relationship would not pull away. Pulling away could risk losing a potential partner, which is counterproductive for someone who is seeking a committed relationship.

💡Emotional Unavailability

Emotional unavailability refers to a state where an individual is not open to forming deep emotional connections or is unable to fully engage in a relationship. The video suggests that when a man pulls away, it may be a sign of emotional unavailability rather than a temporary need to process feelings. This can create barriers to forming a healthy, committed relationship.

💡Context

In the video, context refers to the ongoing interactions and conversations that build the framework of a relationship. It includes the consistency of communication, shared experiences, and discussions about the future. The speaker argues that when a man pulls away, it may be because the context of the relationship is becoming too serious, and he is unsure about committing to a deeper relationship.

💡High Value Woman

A 'high value woman' is a term used in the video to describe a woman who is confident, self-assured, and not willing to settle for less than a fulfilling relationship. The video implies that high value women are sought after and do not tolerate being strung along or played with emotionally, thus a man interested in a serious relationship would be motivated to communicate openly to keep such a partner.

💡Processing Feelings

Processing feelings refers to the internal reflection and evaluation of one's emotions. In the video, the speaker refutes the idea that men pull away to process their feelings when they like someone. Instead, he suggests that if a man is emotionally available and interested in a relationship, he will not pull away but will communicate his feelings and intentions directly.

💡Reciprocal Investment

Reciprocal investment in a relationship means that both parties are equally contributing to the relationship's growth and maintenance. The video emphasizes that high value individuals, both men and women, understand the importance of mutual investment and pacing in a relationship. This concept is contrasted with the behavior of someone who might pull away, indicating a lack of willingness to invest equally.

Highlights

Men who are emotionally available and want a relationship will not pull away to process their feelings.

Attraction is key in relationships; without it, a man may not commit or invest in the relationship.

The idea that a man pulls away to process feelings is a misconception.

Men are risk-averse and pulling away when things are going well can create uncertainty and risk losing the relationship.

Men who are unsure about a relationship may pull away due to emotional unavailability, not necessarily a lack of attraction.

When a man pulls away, it's often a sign of uncertainty about the relationship, not just processing feelings.

Context, including actions and conversations over time, can lead a man to pull away if he's unsure about the relationship's future.

Men avoid risk and pulling away can be a way to avoid the risk of committing to a relationship.

If a man truly wants a relationship, he will not pull away as he is risk-averse and wants to maintain the connection.

Communication is key; an emotionally available man who wants a relationship will communicate his intentions.

Playing games is not beneficial with a high-value woman, as she is less likely to tolerate uncertainty.

A high-value man will communicate and invest reciprocally rather than pulling away.

If a man likes you but pulls away, it may be because he's uncertain about the cost or commitment of a relationship.

If a man could maintain a casual, no-strings-attached relationship, he would have no reason to pull away.

Men who truly like a woman and want a relationship will continue to pursue it without pulling away unnecessarily.

Transcripts

what's going on everybody it's your fave

dating coach elliot scott and as you can

see by the title below we're going to

talk about how a man processes his

feelings when he likes you and it's

going towards something a little more

serious now if you want to just avoid a

man processing his feelings and he

really likes you and wants to commit to

you long term because he sees you as a

high value woman and you know how to

maximize attraction link is down below

to my 275 page ebook

uh that's going to show you how to

maximize attraction attraction is

everything if you don't have enough

attraction your friends have benefits if

you don't have enough attraction a guy

pulls away he doesn't reach out he does

initiate he doesn't invest his resources

that's all based on attraction so if you

want to get a guy to do all that and see

you long term link is down in the

description so

this is coming from a comment i just

commented on

and she basically said this from my last

video or a couple videos ago she

basically said i heard that if a guy

starts to like you he pulls away to

process his feelings something along the

lines of that pulling away and

processing

okay and i told her no that's not how it

works where did where in hell did you

hear that from so i wanted to make a

video on kind of how it works with men

emotionally available men who want a

relationship will not pull away to

process their feelings there is no

reason to it is counterintuitive

right if i'm invest okay think like this

as a species think of it always as a

species think of it always as advantages

what is the advantage of me pulling away

when i have you right there i want that

relationship we both want the same thing

it's right there it's moving towards it

what's the point of me pulling away i

could process that [ __ ] when i'm sitting

on the toilet no pun intended i could

process that stuff when you're working

or i'm working or i'm at home or i'm in

bed or on my own my alone time like i

can process that and it's not hard to

process because i know what i want as an

emotionally available man right he will

want

um if he likes you and he wants a

relationship and it's going towards that

he wants a relationship with you there's

just no reason to pull away again it's

counterintuitive

men are risk avoided it would actually

be risky for him to when things are

going well okay things are going well

between you two oh my hair there and um

and and everything's going you know

again going well for maybe

weeks or months and then all of a sudden

he starts to pull away that's going to

leave you uncertain and that's going to

cause a lot of [ __ ] because the

masculine energy

is a provider a satisfier a protector he

leaves a woman certain he gives her

validation he makes her feel wanted and

beautiful when he pulls away he is

risking all that he is risking all that

it's not a good thing okay so when guys

do pull away

it is due to a lack of attraction to an

extent but i would argue that it's

mostly

emotional unavailability and that

doesn't mean a guy can't like you that

doesn't mean a guy can't have a

relationship it's a lot harder to have

that with those type of guys but it

means like there's a roadblock in the

guy's head there's something that's

preventing it from just hap things

the way he thinks the way he processes

things the way he acts reacts or just

goes about

it it just doesn't happen it's naturally

or the way it should be um

so when men do pull away

it's context it doesn't mean i don't

like you it means i'm unsure about a

relationship a relationship is a

lifestyle so yes when a guy does pull

away i would actually you know to

process his feelings i would actually

say

it's not a good sign i know this kind of

sounds like well yeah then a guy is

pulling away to process his feelings i

wouldn't say so much feelings because

it's obvious a guy might like you

and you know he might think i do like

the girl it's him processed again he's

mostly unavailable there's something in

his mind that just isn't working

correctly doesn't mean he's messed up

just because the guy doesn't want a

relationship doesn't mean he's

emotionally unavailable i'm saying when

a guy does like a girl and he keeps on

getting in his own way for whatever

reason um that's the problem and usually

guys will pull away when the context

starts to layer so for you guys who

don't know what context is it's the

things you guys do and say over a period

of time usually the period of time you

guys are talking that creates this

atmosphere of seriousness of this vibe

that feels more like a relationship so

the more you're talking texting the

consistency the hanging out the hooking

up

the uh meeting friendship family the

future talking the cut like all that

kind of stuff when

a guy's unsure about a relationship or

you guys did talk about what this is

going to be in the beginning you know so

there's uncertainty

and then you start doing all that stuff

it starts to paint this picture of a

little more

seri of a serious vibe and if he's

unsure about you

um he's going to think well

not unsure about you but

of a relationship because he can like

you but if he's unsure about a

relationship he's going to think well if

i keep on going along with this it's

telling her i'm on the same page when

i'm not so i'm pulling away and you can

see going back to the risk assessment

thing i said like men are risk avoidance

this is actually the opposite in he's

avoiding the risk of the relationship i

hate to say it like that but some guys

just don't see a relationship

especially when they're not ready for

one or they don't feel like you're the

right girl or they have the you know

fomo fear of missing out or

whatever it is um

you know they see jumping into a

relationship as a liability that's why i

say he's not really processing his

feelings he's just kind of looking for

more of a

um

not not an out but you like do you try

to justify what's going on not his

feelings but it's like do i actually

want a relationship and if he's if again

if he has to pull back and process it

it's probably the answer is probably no

because a guy who truly wants a

relationship i always say this is a guy

who truly likes you or if a guy truly

likes you won't put himself in a

position to lose you you know so if he

wants a relationship with you he's risk

avoidance there's no benefit for him to

pull back and you know by pull back for

i mean like days where it's like very

obvious something has changed um because

that's gonna leave uncertainty in your

mind and if you're a high value woman

you might walk away from that high value

men know that because high value woman

women who he can actually attract and

keep um don't put up with it so

communication is key he will communicate

it if he likes you he's emotionally

available and he wants a relationship he

will follow through there's no reason

for him to pull away he's not going to

play [ __ ] games everyone's like well

what if he's playing games it's not

beneficial to play games with a high

value woman if you're a high value man

and you guys are on the same page

looking for the same thing

that is not a thing

it's reciprocal investment with a a good

amount of pacing like the pace is normal

it's not too fast it's not too slow um

and things like that but i think a high

value man would probably communicate

this kind of stuff with you instead of

pulling away and stuff like that because

again when he's pulling away it's

because of avoidance i'm not saying

avoidant personality types you know none

of those attachment types i just mean

avoiding like he's avoiding something

it's a risk he's avoiding risk whatever

that is in his head okay ladies so that

being said if a guy truly likes you he

won't put himself in a position to lose

you especially if he wants a

relationship he's going to continue it

if he's uncertain and you are making

these excuses like he's pulling away

because he's trying to process things no

no no

he likes you he just doesn't want to pay

the cost of the of the benefits he

doesn't want to pay the cost of the

relationship if he could keep it think

of it like this if he could keep it the

way it is right now where you're just

like hey i just want to get banged and i

don't want a relationship i don't want

any strings attached um it's just

you and i having fun don't worry about

me ever wanting a relationship why would

he pull away it's a win-win for him

think of it like that okay um so that

being said ladies i love you all take

care and peace