Does NO Contact work when Your EX is in a New Relationship

Summary

In this video, Coach Black addresses the common concern of whether no contact works when an ex starts dating someone new. He explains that the key is to focus on self-improvement and not to panic over the new relationship. Coach Black emphasizes the importance of not reinforcing the perceived value difference that led to the breakup. He advises viewers to avoid contact with their ex to increase their own value and let the new relationship naturally run its course. He predicts that most rebounds will falter within three to six months, and when they do, the ex may reach out. Coach Black stresses the importance of maintaining high standards and only engaging if it's genuinely worth it.

Takeaways

• 😢 No contact is crucial when your ex is dating someone new to avoid reinforcing a perceived value difference.
• 🔍 The underlying cause of breakups often lies in a perceived mismatch of value between partners.
• 🚫 Desperate behaviors like constant calling or begging after a breakup can lower your perceived value.
• 💡 To increase your value, focus on self-improvement in areas like fitness, career, and finances.
• 🌟 High-value individuals do not chase or beg for attention from those who are not interested.
• 📉 The initial excitement in a rebound relationship typically fades within three to six months.
• 🤔 Your ex may reach out during their new relationship's struggles, possibly due to unresolved issues from your past relationship.
• 🆚 At around three to six months, ex-partners often compare their new relationship's lows with the past relationship's highs.
• ❌ If your ex contacts you while in a new relationship, maintain your value by pushing them away.
• 🔄 Rebound relationships often fail due to lack of healing and reflection post-breakup, making the original partner more appealing.
• 📋 When your ex's new relationship ends, assess them honestly to determine if they are a good match for you.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the video?

The main topic is whether no contact will work if your ex is dating someone new.

Why do people often fear when their ex starts dating someone new?

People fear because they worry that their ex will move on forever and fall in love with a new person who can provide everything they once promised.

What is the underlying issue in a breakup according to Coach Black?

The underlying issue in a breakup is usually a mismatch in perceived value, where one person feels they are more attractive and valuable than the other.

How does Coach Black suggest improving one's value after a breakup?

Coach Black suggests improving one's value by focusing on self-improvement in areas like fitness, career, and finances, and by not engaging in behaviors that reinforce a lower value.

What is the typical duration of the initial excitement phase in a new relationship?

The initial excitement phase in a new relationship typically lasts around three to six months.

Why does Coach Black advise against interfering with an ex's new relationship?

Interfering can push the ex closer to their new partner, creating a mutual enemy that they must fight against.

What happens around the three to six month mark in a rebound relationship?

At this stage, the excitement wears off, issues start to arise, and the ex may begin to compare the new partner unfavorably to their past relationship.

Why might an ex reach out during their new relationship?

An ex might reach out because their new relationship is not going well, and they are testing the waters to see if the previous partner is still an option.

What should one do if their ex reaches out while they are in a new relationship?

One should push the ex away and maintain a high-value stance, not engaging with someone who is in a relationship or talking to other people.

How does Coach Black recommend assessing the situation when an ex reaches out after their new relationship ends?

Coach Black recommends honestly assessing whether the ex is a good enough match, considering both the ex's actions and one's own desires.

What is the significance of the 'no contact' rule according to the video?

The 'no contact' rule is significant because it allows one's value to grow in the ex's eyes, and it gives space for the ex's new relationship to naturally fail without interference.

Outlines

00:00

🔄 No Contact and Ex's New Relationship

This paragraph discusses the common concern of whether the no contact rule works when an ex starts dating someone new. It emphasizes that the focus should be on personal growth and self-improvement rather than the ex's new partner. The speaker explains that breakups often stem from a perceived value mismatch, where one person feels they can find a better match. The advice is to avoid behaviors that reinforce this perceived lower value, such as constant communication or begging for attention, and instead to focus on improving oneself in areas like fitness, career, and finances. The speaker suggests that by increasing one's own value, the chances of the ex reconsidering the relationship can improve.

05:01

🌟 Understanding the 'Newness' of Ex's Relationship

The second paragraph delves into the initial excitement phase of a new relationship that an ex might be experiencing, often referred to as 'puppy dog love.' It acknowledges that this phase is natural and that interference from the person who has been left behind is counterproductive, as it can strengthen the new couple's bond. The speaker predicts that the honeymoon phase will typically fade within three to six months, leading to potential issues in the new relationship. They suggest that during this time, the ex may start to compare their new partner unfavorably to their ex-partner, especially if they haven't resolved their previous issues. The advice is to maintain no contact to allow the natural progression and potential failure of the new relationship to unfold without interference.

10:03

📞 Ex's Reevaluation Post-Breakup

The final paragraph advises on how to handle the situation if the ex reaches out after their new relationship has ended. It stresses the importance of self-assessment and determining whether the ex is a suitable match, given the lessons learned from the breakup. The speaker encourages viewers to engage with the content by liking, commenting, and subscribing, and offers one-on-one coaching for those with unique situations. The paragraph concludes with an appreciation for the viewers' time and engagement with the channel.

Keywords

💡No Contact

No Contact refers to the strategy of cutting off all communication with an ex-partner as a means to facilitate healing and potentially rekindle a relationship. In the video, Coach Black discusses how no contact can be effective even when an ex is dating someone new, emphasizing that it's crucial to avoid reinforcing a perceived value difference by not reaching out or begging for attention.

💡Value Mismatch

Value Mismatch is the concept that a breakup can occur when one partner perceives themselves as more valuable or attractive than the other. Coach Black explains that this perceived difference can lead to a breakup, as the 'higher value' partner seeks someone they believe is on their level. The script illustrates this with the metaphor of one partner being at the top and the other at the bottom, which can lead to feelings of discomfort and the desire to end the relationship.

💡Rebound Relationship

A Rebound Relationship is a new romantic relationship that begins shortly after the end of a previous one, often as a way to cope with the emotional fallout from the breakup. The video suggests that rebounds are common after a breakup and typically face challenges around the three to six-month mark, where initial excitement fades and real issues begin to surface.

💡Puppy Dog Love

Puppy Dog Love is a term used to describe the initial, intense period of excitement and infatuation at the beginning of a new relationship. Coach Black mentions this phase to contrast the temporary happiness an ex might feel with a new partner against the long-term value and stability of the original relationship.

💡Self-Improvement

Self-Improvement is the process of working on oneself to enhance personal attributes, such as fitness, career, and finances. In the context of the video, Coach Black advises focusing on self-improvement to increase one's own value and attractiveness, which can help in moving on or potentially winning back an ex.

💡Neediness

Neediness in a relationship is characterized by an excessive desire for attention and validation from a partner. Coach Black warns against behaviors that demonstrate neediness, such as constantly calling or texting an ex, as these actions can lower one's perceived value in the eyes of the ex and reinforce the decision to breakup.

💡High Value Behavior

High Value Behavior refers to actions and attitudes that convey self-assurance, independence, and self-worth. The video emphasizes the importance of exhibiting high value behavior, such as not chasing after an ex or begging for a second chance, to increase one's attractiveness and to maintain a sense of self-respect.

💡Comparison

Comparison, in the context of the video, is the act of an ex-partner evaluating their new relationship against their past one. Coach Black notes that around the three to six-month mark of a rebound, exes may start comparing their new partner's worst traits to the old partner's best, often leading to a realization of the original relationship's value.

💡Healing

Healing, in the context of a breakup, involves the process of emotional recovery and personal growth following the end of a relationship. The video suggests that without proper healing and reflection, rebounds are likely to fail, as the underlying issues that led to the initial breakup remain unresolved.

💡Interference

Interference, as discussed in the video, refers to the act of trying to influence or disrupt an ex-partner's new relationship. Coach Black advises against interference, arguing that it can push the ex closer to their new partner and further away from the person trying to interfere, thus undermining any chance of reconciliation.

Highlights

No contact can be effective even if your ex is dating someone new.

Fear of your ex moving on permanently with a new partner is common.

The breakup often stems from a perceived value mismatch.

Your ex may feel they can find a better match due to the perceived value difference.

Behaviors post-breakup can reinforce the value difference.

High-value individuals don't chase or beg for attention.

Improving yourself can raise your perceived value.

The excitement in a new relationship typically fades within three to six months.

Interfering with your ex's new relationship can push them closer to their new partner.

Exes often reach out during the instability of their new relationship.

Rebound relationships often fail due to unresolved issues from the previous relationship.

Your ex may compare you favorably to their new partner as their new relationship struggles.

It's important to maintain a high-value stance and not engage with your ex while they're in a relationship.

When your ex reaches out, assess if they are a good match for you.

The video offers one-on-one coaching for unique breakup situations.

Encouragement to like, comment, and subscribe for more relationship advice.

Transcripts

what's going on YouTube Welcome Back to

the channel I'm coach black your

internet relationship and breakup coach

today's topic will no contact work if

your ex is dating someone new

now this here is one of the most popular

questions that I get on this channel but

in the comment section or in an email or

even when I'm on coaching call with paid

clients and I understand this because

when someone leaves you and you start

doing no contact especially if you just

found out about no contact online you're

trying to do whatever you can to get

your ex to come back to you

and so when you hear that they're dating

someone else or they're starting to go

on dates on their own dating apps

you start to get fearful you start to

get fearful that they're probably going

to move on from you forever they're

going to need this perfect person fall

in love with them and give them all of

the things that they once promised to

you

I understand that mindset I want to

share with you in this video why it

doesn't matter who your ex is dating

truly doesn't and here's the thing

first you must understand that

underneath the surface of this whole

breakup has to do with a mismatch and

value

when your ex broke up with you at least

in their mind they are up here they are

a lot more attractive they are a better

partner and they are a lot more valuable

than you and you on the other hand are

still over here at the bottom so because

of that value difference

they felt like they can go out meet

someone better someone who is on their

level or higher and they can go be in a

relationship with that person this is

usually depressiveness of most breakups

that value indifference it's not

sustainable now people can be in a

relationship where there's a little bit

of a value difference a little bit and

sometimes it may vary in the

relationship sometimes one person's

adding more value and sometimes it's the

other way around but one step value

indifference

excuse to widely the person at the top

is going to be extremely uncomfortable

and they are going to want to break up

with you

so all of the behaviors everything that

you're doing around the breakup become

extremely critical because if you do

things that reinforce this value

Difference by blowing up your ex calling

them all the time begging them for

attention trying to talk with them or

text them remember you are lessening

your own value

and most times you're boosting theirs at

least in their mind

see I tell people this all the time

let's just give an example you might be

a tan to everyone else in the world you

might be one of the most attractive

people that when you're outside when you

go to the bar when you go out to dinner

with friends people are constantly

approaching you trying to talk to you

trying to get to know you you're

extremely attractive

if in the confines of your relationship

you are needy you are desperate always

begging for attention your ex is

disrespecting you and you accept it

then your value in the confines of your

relationship is extremely low and that's

the problem for most people this is why

I need you to understand before we worry

about this new person and we'll talk

about them in just a second

you must raise your value that's the

bottom line if in your ex's mind they

are an eight and you're a five you need

to become a 10 in their mind so how do

you do this how would someone who's

extremely attractive behave

they wouldn't Chase they wouldn't call

or beg to be with someone who doesn't

want to be with them they wouldn't be

begging for a second chance when they

did nothing wrong they would accept the

breakup knowing fully well that as soon

as they walk outside they will have

multiple uh offers from other attractive

people this needs to be your mindset and

even if that's not your reality today

you can get there if you start to work

on the things that I constantly talk

about on this channel improving yourself

your Fitness your career your finances

all of those things must be top priority

and the less you interact with your ex

the less you call or text them your

value not only to other people but

especially in the confines of the

relationship you have with your ex

starts to grow

now let's look at this new person

usually at the beginning of a

relationship there's that let's call it

puppy dog love or whatever you want to

call it there's a lot of excitement

all right there's a lot of joy and so

your ex is likely happy about this and

there's nothing you can do about that

you have to accept this

but that new phase of the relationship

usually wears out within three to six

months this is natural it happens all

the time and when you're trying to rush

the process by calling your ex and

trying to interfere with the romance

that they're building with this new

person most times you just push them

away and you actually make them closer

to this other new person because they

have a mutual enemy they must fight

against the person trying to ruin their

special bond or their special

relationship this is why you must let go

completely no contact is the only answer

if there's any chance of fixing things

now here's the thing that happens in

most rebounds

right around the three to six month Mark

things are going to start to change

they're no longer going to be as

exciting as they once were maybe you're

asking this new person has their first

fight or their first issue where they

actually have to deal with it as two

grown adults and if there was never any

work done prior to getting into the

relationship to actually heal from your

breakup now they're going to start to

clash there's going to be more issues

this happens so much and this is when

you might see your ex start to reach out

to you just being curious even though

they're still with this person and

you're like why is my ex contacting me

when they're in a whole new relationship

it's likely because things aren't going

well for them in that relationship and

they're trying to test the waters and

see if you're still an option

but also what's beautiful about

the three to six month Mark of rebound

relationships is that your ex will start

to compare you to this person

and most times it's it's human nature to

reflect on the past in a positive light

think about it for one minute think

about all of the things that you are

going through right now in your life

paying bills going to work whatever your

day-to-day life struggles are like

and now I want you to think back to your

childhood

for most of us we likely didn't have a

perfect childhood but when you think

about your childhood you usually think

about positive things you reminisce

about the good times the fun you had

with your friends watching your favorite

TV shows going to the movies going to

the mall whatever it is that you did in

your childhood for most people you would

trade a large amount of time days or

money to go back and just experience

those times again as a young kid growing

up in whatever city or country that you

grew up in we tend to reflect on the

past in a positive light and a lot of

times we don't tend to appreciate the

present like we should so this is what

happens your ex Compares you at your

best

to this new person at their worst

because that's who they're with and I

told you they're still having those

day-to-day issues and your ex is likely

not happy this is why you must not be

worried about new people they don't have

the past the history and attraction

that you likely had with your ex and

most importantly if there was no healing

there was no time taking after the

separation with you most times these

rebounds just tend to fail and crumble

but you have to let that happen on its

own so when your ex is reaching out to

you or trying to talk to you when

they're with someone else you should

push them away it's very important that

you do you still have to carry yourself

as a high value person so if you are a

10 why would you deal with someone who's

in a relationship or talking to other

people you just wouldn't you would have

higher expectations for yourself and for

the people that you choose to date so

don't interact with them push them away

let them deal with this new person that

they're dating and allow the

relationship to fail on its own

and when it does

the first person your ex will think

about or would consider reaching out to

especially if they haven't heard from

you or if you haven't been so available

to them and you made it clear that

you're not interested in being their

friend only if their relationship is

over should they reach out to you

usually you would be the first person on

their call list as soon as this

relationship ends now when that happens

you definitely need to assess them

honestly and truly figure out if they

are a good enough match for you because

like I always say this is not just about

your ex it's also about you and what you

want

anyway

if you enjoyed this video make sure you

go ahead and like it right now if you

have any thoughts or comments or

questions go ahead and drop them Below

in the comment section if you want to

talk to me one-on-one about your breakup

situation if you feel it's Unique or it

takes a different turn and you have

questions about it you can book a

one-on-one coaching call it's going to

be the first link in description and we

can talk about what you're dealing with

and what you're going through

truly do appreciate you for watching you

could have been doing anything

but you chose to spend a few moments

with me and I do appreciate it

go ahead and subscribe if you haven't

already and I will catch you in the next

video peace