Hidden Secrets: Eating Disorders | Rayo Cole | TEDxCrenshaw

Summary

The speaker shares a deeply personal journey with eating disorders, beginning at the age of 5 and spanning through various forms such as binge eating, bulimia, orthorexia, and anorexia. They recount experiences of bullying, feelings of invisibility, and the comfort found in food. A pivotal moment of attempted suicide is recounted, followed by a life-changing car accident that led to a realization of the desire to live. The narrative concludes with the speaker's recovery, newfound self-love, and a call to action for those struggling with eating disorders to seek help and for others to offer support without judgment.

Takeaways

• 🍔 The speaker has experienced multiple eating disorders, including binge eating, bulimia, orthorexia, and anorexia.
• 🏫 The struggle with food began at a young age due to feelings of invisibility and insecurity in school.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The speaker's Nigerian immigrant parents did not understand the cultural transition and its impact on their child.
• 📚 Bullying at school exacerbated the speaker's feelings of worthlessness and contributed to disordered eating behaviors.
• 🚫 The speaker felt trapped and considered suicide multiple times, with food acting as a temporary escape.
• 🚗 A near-fatal car accident led to a realization of the desire to live and prompted a change in the speaker's perspective on life.
• 🏥 The speaker sought help and entered a recovery home, which was a turning point in learning to eat healthily and value oneself.
• 💪 Recovery involved relearning self-worth, making positive friendships, and pursuing genuine passions.
• 🙅‍♀️ The speaker encourages others to ignore the negative voice and seek help for eating disorders, emphasizing that they are deadly.
• 🤝 Support and understanding are crucial when someone is dealing with an eating disorder, as it's a serious health issue.

Q & A

What types of eating disorders has the speaker experienced?

The speaker has experienced binge eating, bulimia, orthorexia, and phases of anorexia.

How did the speaker's early childhood experiences contribute to the development of her eating disorders?

The speaker's early childhood experiences, including feeling invisible and bullied at school, and the emotional transition of being an immigrant child, contributed to her developing eating disorders as a coping mechanism.

Why did the speaker feel different and isolated during her school years?

The speaker felt different and isolated because she looked different from her peers, having darker skin and hair, and was subjected to bullying.

What was the turning point for the speaker that led her to seek help for her eating disorders?

The turning point was when the speaker attempted suicide by overdosing on pills and later survived a car accident, realizing she wanted to live.

How did the speaker's relationship with food change over time?

Initially, food provided comfort for the speaker. Over time, it became a means to cope with emotional pain, leading to disordered eating behaviors.

What was the role of the speaker's parents in her journey with eating disorders?

The speaker's parents, being immigrants and entrepreneurs, did not fully understand her struggles and initially did not support her desire to change schools or pursue an arts education, which contributed to her feelings of isolation.

How did the speaker's pursuit of an arts education influence her mental health?

The promise of an arts education provided a goal for the speaker to work towards and helped her endure the bullying and negative experiences at her school.

What was the significance of the speaker naming her negative voice 'Chanita'?

Naming her negative voice 'Chanita' was a way for the speaker to personify and confront her self-destructive thoughts, recognizing them as lies.

How did the speaker's recovery process help her rediscover her self-worth?

The speaker's recovery process involved learning to eat healthily, understanding her self-worth, and developing a support system, which collectively helped her rediscover her value and beauty.

What advice does the speaker give to those who might be struggling with eating disorders?

The speaker advises those struggling with eating disorders to seek help and not to listen to the negative voice, emphasizing that everyone deserves to live their best life.

Outlines

00:00

🍽️ Struggles with Eating Disorders

The speaker shares her personal journey with multiple eating disorders, including binge eating, bulimia, orthorexia, and anorexia. She explains how these disorders began at a young age and were exacerbated by feelings of invisibility and bullying at school. The speaker's Nigerian immigrant parents, despite their success, did not understand the emotional turmoil she was experiencing. Her relationship with food became a coping mechanism for her feelings of inadequacy and isolation. The narrative also touches on her attempts at self-harm and the impact of her eating disorders on her mental health.

05:01

🛑 Turning Point and Recovery

The speaker recounts her decision to seek help and move to Los Angeles to pursue her dreams. She describes a near-fatal car accident that served as a wake-up call, leading her to realize the importance of living. After the accident, she entered a recovery home where she learned to rediscover her self-worth and the value of a healthy relationship with food. The speaker emphasizes the importance of seeking help for eating disorders and not listening to the negative inner voice. She concludes with a message of hope, sharing her current happiness, upcoming marriage, and successful career, all of which are a result of her journey through recovery.

Keywords

💡Eating Disorder

An eating disorder is a mental health condition characterized by abnormal eating habits that negatively affect a person's physical health or psychosocial functioning. In the video, the speaker shares her personal experiences with multiple eating disorders, including binge eating, bulimia, and orthorexia. These disorders are central to the narrative as they represent the struggles she faced and overcame, highlighting the theme of resilience and recovery.

💡Binge Eating

Binge eating refers to the consumption of large quantities of food in a short period, often accompanied by a feeling of loss of control. The speaker mentions binge eating as one of her struggles, where she would eat entire boxes of chocolates, illustrating the compulsive nature of the disorder and its impact on her life.

💡Bulimia

Bulimia is an eating disorder characterized by episodes of binge eating followed by purging, which can involve self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives. The speaker's experience with bulimia, where she chose to use laxatives to purge, is a significant part of her story, showcasing the extreme measures individuals may take in the grip of an eating disorder.

💡Orthorexia

Orthorexia is an obsession with eating healthy foods to the point where it becomes an unhealthy fixation. The speaker describes her orthorexia by detailing her avoidance of certain food groups and her strict adherence to 'clean' and 'natural' foods, which underscores the video's theme of the complex relationship between food and mental health.

💡Anorexia

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted body image, leading to self-starvation. The speaker briefly mentions phases of anorexia in her narrative, where she stopped eating completely, further emphasizing the severity of her struggles with food and body image.

💡Invisibility

In the context of the video, 'invisibility' refers to the feeling of being unseen or unnoticed by others, which the speaker experienced during her school years. This sense of invisibility is tied to her feelings of isolation and contributed to her turning to food for comfort, highlighting the role of social and emotional factors in the development of eating disorders.

💡Bullying

Bullying is a repeated, intentional hurtful act, word, or gesture towards someone who is perceived as vulnerable. The speaker recounts the bullying she faced in school, which exacerbated her feelings of worthlessness and contributed to her mental health struggles. This keyword is crucial as it ties into the broader themes of the video, which include the impact of external factors on mental health and the search for self-worth.

💡Recovery

Recovery in the context of the video refers to the process of healing and regaining control over one's life after struggling with an eating disorder. The speaker's journey to recovery is a central theme, as she describes moving to Los Angeles, entering a recovery home, and learning to re-engage with food in a healthy way, illustrating the possibility of overcoming even the most challenging of circumstances.

💡Self-worth

Self-worth is the value or esteem that a person places on themselves. Throughout the video, the speaker grapples with feelings of worthlessness, which are contrasted with her eventual realization of her own value and beauty. This concept is integral to the video's message of self-acceptance and the importance of recognizing one's inherent worth.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of resentment or anger, often towards oneself or others. The speaker mentions learning forgiveness as part of her recovery, which signifies the importance of releasing past hurts and moving forward with compassion, both for oneself and others.

💡Support System

A support system refers to the network of people who provide emotional, psychological, or practical help. The video emphasizes the importance of having a support system, as the speaker found help through a recovery home and the kindness of strangers, which is a testament to the role of community in the recovery process from mental health issues.

Highlights

Personal experience with multiple eating disorders including binge eating, bulimia, and orthorexia.

Binge eating disorder characterized by consuming large amounts of food without stopping.

Bulimia involved purging food intake with laxatives or inducing vomiting, with a personal choice of laxatives.

Orthorexia described as an obsession with 'perfect' and 'clean' eating, leading to restrictive food choices.

Anorexia phase involved a complete cessation of eating.

The speaker's eating disorder origins traced back to childhood, influenced by emotional attachment to food.

Feelings of invisibility and bullying in school contributed to the reliance on food for comfort.

A pivotal moment of eating an entire box of chocolates during a school fundraiser, highlighting the speaker's early struggles.

The worst year of bullying in eighth grade led to feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts.

A near-death experience with a car accident led to a realization of the desire to live and prompted a change.

The decision to move to Los Angeles to pursue dreams and the subsequent recovery process.

Entering a recovery home and learning to re-engage with food in a healthy way.

The importance of recognizing one's self-worth and the journey towards self-love and acceptance.

Learning to choose positive friendships and pursue genuine passions as part of the recovery.

The concept of a negative inner voice, named 'Chanita', and the process of learning to ignore its lies.

A call to action for those struggling with eating disorders to seek help and for others to offer understanding and support.

The transformation from a life of disordered eating to one of happiness, love, and fulfillment of childhood dreams.

The message that everyone deserves to live their best life, unencumbered by the constraints of disordered eating.

Transcripts

so how many of you guys have heard of an

eating disorder how many of you

personally have had an eating disorder

you can be honest well I've had multiple

eating disorders I've had binge eating

which is when you eat large amounts of

food without stopping I've had bulimia

where you purged out your food with

laxatives or you make yourself throw up

I chose laxatives I've had orthorexia

which is when you're obsessed with

perfect eating and clean eating I didn't

want to eat certain foods within certain

food groups because it made me I would

get nervous that I mess up my diet so I

eat strictly really clean natural foods

I've also had phases of anorexia where I

stopped eating completely and it started

when I was 5 years old

eating fried chicken skin out of a trash

can and that didn't happen because I

lived in poverty my parents are

successful Nigerian entrepreneurs I had

an abundance of food my mom would remove

the skin and it made me so mad because I

loved the skin at that age I saw that

food gave me such a comfort it just it

felled my soul and my parents being

immigrants they didn't understand what

the transition in a country in America

would be like my mother dropped me off

at a private a Catholic private school

in Arlington Virginia when I was 5 years

old and I stayed there all the way to

the end of eighth grade I felt very

invisible

I felt unnoticed I felt stupid I felt

ugly and I felt very insecure the kids

were nasty I looked the most different

everybody else had blue eyes and and

blonde hair and I felt that I just

didn't fit in so from that age food gave

me the comfort it gave me the comfort to

fill that void that I wasn't able to do

on my own

I remember having school sales where we

had to sell chocolates for a fundraiser

and I ate the entire box it was like 36

chocolates all by myself now to call my

parent I dad from at the offices again

dad can you please pay for this food I

ate all the chocolate and I and I feel

ashamed and so don't worry about it I'll

pay for it so

so those were kind of the early memories

I had with food eighth grade was the

worst year I went in a new teenager

wanting to revamp myself and I started

getting into makeup and I loved doing

music and singing and and doing hair and

when I got to school that year the

bullying got even worse and there was

nowhere for me to go I had my parents

wanted me to stay there because they

said I had to get a good education and

they negotiated with me that if I

finished school at this at this school

that I can go to an arts high school and

pursue music so I sucked it up and I

just kept going back and I would hide at

the library at lunchtime because that's

how bad the bullying got and one day

there wasn't a voice in my head that

told me that I should kill myself and at

that time there was no cyberbullying at

that time but I and it breaks my heart

cuz I look back at that little girl to

have those thoughts it was so painful

because she didn't know what was on the

other side for her but what saved my

life that day was going downstairs and

eating the doughnuts that actually

helped me forget about my plan that day

I end up going to another Catholic High

School my parents told me they were not

gonna let me go to the music school so I

went off to a Catholic High School the

bullying continued there and and now I

find myself 50 pounds heavier and now

I'm obsessed with losing weight and

diets and now I can't control my food

even more and I'm and I'm I'm obsessed

with eating perfect I'm obsessed with

just trying to find the perfect balance

to dealing with my crazy thoughts and

feeling that hole in my heart so after

high school or right before high school

sees me at my senior year of high school

I decided to attempt committing suicide

and I took a bottle of pills and I was

working at a gym at that time that was

how big my obsession was I had to lose

weight for prom so I was working at a

gym and my parents came to pick me up in

a brand new car that they bought me as a

graduation gift and when I walked out I

let them know that I had taken a bottle

of pills and I asked him to take me to

the hospital

and of course my parents were upset they

were angry obviously because that was

not what they envisioned for their child

they came to this country for a new life

a new vision and now their child wants

to kill themselves I go to the hospital

I get my stomach pumped and then I get

ready to go off to college after

graduation now I'm in college like a

good Nigerian girl and I'm I start going

I start going to school and I'm studying

and my eating got worse and worse it

kept progressing and progressing and

progressing and progressing and at that

point I decided that I was going to kill

myself again yeah three times but this

time something was different because at

this point the diet's didn't help the

food plans it in help it didn't matter

how many people were my friends are not

my friends I knew that something was

wrong and I had to get help so I moved

to Los Angeles to go out for after my

dreams and I woke up at 5:00 a.m. one

morning to go to the gym with only

sleeping for two hours got in the car

and fell asleep on the road yes and I

woke up to honking loud honking on my

left and that's what woke me up so I

turned my wheel really hard to the right

and flew past two lanes and then just

sort of flying down a Burbank and

rolling and rolling and rolling and

rolling and rolling and holding on the

wheel so hard at that point I said God I

do not want to die I do I want to live I

do not want to die please don't let me

die I cannot come out here and die like

this so at that point I landed at the

behind a gas station the car was blowing

flames and and I was able to crawl out

through my car window and at that point

I knew that I wanted to live again and I

asked God to help me so I went into a

recovery home after that meeting a

wonderful woman just in random and she

took me into a recovery home where I was

able to relearn how to eat I was able to

realize that the woman and the girl that

little girl inside of me that felt so

helpless and so useless

it was untrue I got to learn that I was

valuable I was beautiful and I was

deserving of

good life I learned to pick friends that

were good

I learned to go after my dreams and to

pursue things that really made me happy

and I learned forgiveness I learnt the

Spirit of God was within me and I

deserve to live a good life and today

I'm so happy to say that at this point

I'm still in recovery and what that

looks like is I don't binge anymore

I don't purge and of course there's

times where I have the negative voice

which I've named chanita by the way and

what that means is she needs to shut up

because she's a hot mess and she lies

and she lies that she lies and we all

have that negative voice we all do and

we don't have to listen to that negative

voice so today I enjoy my life I'm in

love with an amazing man he'll be

marrying soon I get to work with people

that that little girl used to dream of

when she was a little kid I get to work

with these people now so my pain through

the journey of recovery got me to my

true self which we all deserve to have

that so what I asked you guys to do

today is that if you have an eating

disorder or if you have some type of

disordered eating maybe might not be

fully and eating so maybe you notice

yourself emotionally eating when you

feel bad to get help because it is

deadly either you're gonna take yourself

out or it's gonna kill you it's deadly

if you know someone that has an eating

disorder

don't judge them be loving the

understanding and support them and

getting help and that negative voice

tell it to shut up we all deserve to

live our best life and not because of a

spoon fork and a knife

[Applause]