How to Disagree with Respect — Not Hate | Spencer J. Cox | TED

Summary

In this inspiring speech, the speaker reflects on the fragility of freedom and the importance of civility in politics. Recounting personal experiences, including a joint campaign ad with his political opponent to promote respectful disagreement, the speaker emphasizes the need for depolarization. He suggests practical steps for individuals to bridge divides, such as engaging with diverse perspectives, serving others, and cultivating political virtues like humility. The message is one of hope and action, urging each generation to actively secure and maintain freedom.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ 'Freedom is a fragile thing, and it's never more than one generation away from extinction.' - This quote by Ronald Reagan, initially dismissed by the speaker, now resonates deeply as a reality.
• 😳 The speaker's faith in the stability of democratic processes was shaken by witnessing angry protesters during a routine electoral certification in 2016, demanding illegal changes to election results.
• 🤝 In an effort to combat political divisiveness, the speaker and his opponent, Chris Peterson, created a bipartisan campaign ad that unexpectedly went viral, demonstrating a public appetite for unity.
• 🌟 The ad's success was validated by its participation in a depolarization experiment, where it showed a measurable effect in reducing political polarization and urges towards violence.
• 📊 70% of Americans, according to polling from More in Common, express their dislike for the divisiveness in politics, indicating a widespread desire for a more civil discourse.
• 🤔 The perception gap between political parties is largely driven by media and political conflict entrepreneurs, who exaggerate the extremism of the opposition.
• 📺 The speaker suggests reducing exposure to conflict-driven media as a way to improve mental health and reduce anxiety caused by constant exposure to negative news.
• 💬 Engaging with people of differing political views, especially in person, can help bridge divides and foster understanding, as it's harder to hate someone when you know them personally.
• 🙏 Service and volunteering not only benefit communities but also improve individual well-being and promote a more positive outlook on others.
• 🧘‍♂️ Developing political virtues such as humility, patience, and moderation is essential for disagreeing without hate, which is crucial for maintaining a healthy democracy.

Q & A

In what year did Ronald Reagan become the governor of California?

Ronald Reagan became the governor of California in 1967.

What iconic phrase did Ronald Reagan use in his inaugural address that was repeated by politicians for decades?

Ronald Reagan used the iconic phrase 'Freedom is a fragile thing, and it's never more than one generation away from extinction.'

What event caused the speaker to lose confidence in the peaceful transfer of power in the United States?

The speaker's confidence was shaken when he witnessed angry protesters demanding the violation of state law to change the votes of the electors during a routine meeting to certify the votes for the presidential election in 2016.

Who were the protesters supporting in the 2016 incident described by the speaker?

The protesters in the 2016 incident were supporting Hillary Clinton.

What unusual campaign strategy did the speaker and his opponent, Chris Peterson, employ during their gubernatorial race?

The speaker and his opponent, Chris Peterson, filmed a campaign ad together, promoting a message of unity and respectful disagreement, despite being political rivals.

How did the public respond to the joint campaign ad by the speaker and Chris Peterson?

The public response to the joint campaign ad was instantaneous and overwhelming, with the ad going viral, garnering millions of views and shares.

What was the outcome of the ad's submission to the Stanford Polarization and Social Change Lab?

The ad was part of a depolarization experiment and had a measurable depolarization effect, including a reduction in urges towards violence.

According to the speaker, what percentage of Americans hate the divisiveness in politics?

According to polling from More in Common, 70 percent of Americans hate the divisiveness in politics.

What is the main issue the speaker identifies with the perception of political differences in the United States?

The main issue is that both sides overestimate the extremism on the other side by about 30 percent, leading to a perception gap that is strongest among progressive activists and extreme conservatives.

What practical steps does the speaker suggest to help heal the divides in the United States?

The speaker suggests turning off conflict-driven media, spending time with people different from us, serving others through volunteering, and developing political virtues like humility, patience, and moderation.

How does the speaker conclude the importance of securing freedom in the current generation?

The speaker concludes that securing freedom is a solemn duty that requires work from each individual, emphasizing the need to disagree without hate and to love even our political opponents.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ The Fragility of Freedom and Unity in Politics

The speaker begins by reflecting on Ronald Reagan's 1967 inaugural address as the governor of California, where he emphasized the peaceful transfer of power and the fragility of freedom. Initially skeptical of Reagan's assertion that freedom could be lost within a generation, the speaker recounts their change of heart after witnessing angry protesters in 2016 demanding electoral vote changes. This experience led to a collaboration with their political opponent, Chris Peterson, to create a campaign ad promoting civility and unity in politics. The ad's viral success and its subsequent positive impact on depolarization and reducing violent urges among viewers restored the speaker's faith in the American idea of respectful disagreement and the potential for political leaders to model these values.

05:04

🌟 Bridging the Divide: Practical Steps Towards Depolarization

The speaker discusses the widespread desire for depolarization in American politics, citing data that 70% of Americans dislike the divisiveness. They highlight that the perception gap between Republicans and Democrats is often exaggerated by conflict entrepreneurs in media and politics, leading to an overestimation of extremism. The speaker suggests practical steps for individuals to bridge divides: turning off conflict-driven media, engaging with people of different views, serving others through volunteering, and cultivating political virtues like humility, patience, and moderation. These actions are aimed at fostering a more united and respectful political climate.

10:06

🕊️ The Call to Love and Serve: Restoring Freedom and Unity

In the final paragraph, the speaker calls for a return to the principles of humility, patience, and moderation in political discourse, emphasizing the importance of disagreeing without hate. They quote Judge Learned Hand and Ronald Reagan to underscore the need for each generation to actively secure and defend freedom. The speaker concludes by urging the audience to change the world by changing their own hearts, advocating for love towards political opponents and the importance of each individual's role in preserving freedom and unity.

Keywords

💡Freedom

Freedom, as mentioned in the script, is described as a fragile thing that requires constant defense and is never more than one generation away from extinction. This concept is central to the video's theme, emphasizing the responsibility each generation has to protect and preserve democratic values. The speaker reflects on this idea, initially skeptical but eventually coming to a realization of its truth, especially in the face of political unrest and protests.

💡Peaceful transfer of power

The peaceful transfer of power is a fundamental democratic principle highlighted by Ronald Reagan in the script, which the speaker references. It refers to the process by which power is transferred from one elected official or administration to another without violence or coercion. The speaker uses this concept to contrast the ideal with the reality of political protests and the threat to democratic processes, as witnessed during the certification of electoral votes.

💡Depolarization

Depolarization is the reduction of political polarization and the fostering of more moderate and cooperative political environments. The script discusses an ad that had a measurable depolarization effect, suggesting that it's possible to bridge the gap between opposing political views. This concept is crucial to the video's message, advocating for unity and respect in political discourse.

💡Conflict entrepreneurs

Conflict entrepreneurs are individuals or entities that profit from or exacerbate social or political conflicts. In the script, the speaker points to these entrepreneurs in media and politics as a significant factor in the perception gap between political parties. This term is used to critique those who benefit from division and to call for a change in the way political discourse is conducted.

💡Political polarization

Political polarization refers to the divergence of political attitudes and beliefs, often leading to increased animosity between opposing groups. The script discusses how the perception of polarization is often greater than the actual differences between average Republicans and Democrats, indicating a need for more nuanced understanding and dialogue.

💡Humility

Humility, in the context of the script, is presented as a classical political virtue necessary for disagreeing without hate or contempt. The speaker suggests that humility is essential for political discourse, allowing for the understanding and respect of differing viewpoints. This concept is tied to the broader theme of civility and the need for a more empathetic approach to political differences.

💡Service

Service, as discussed in the script, refers to the act of volunteering and helping others, which can build community and improve individual well-being. The speaker advocates for service as a means to heal divides and foster a more positive outlook on life and others, emphasizing the personal and societal benefits of giving back.

💡Media saturation overload

Media saturation overload is a term used to describe the negative effects of constant exposure to news and media, which can lead to stress and anxiety. The script suggests that reducing consumption of conflict-driven news can improve mental health and relationships, advocating for a more balanced approach to media consumption.

💡Political tribes

Political tribes refer to groups of people who identify strongly with a particular political party or ideology. The script encourages looking beyond these tribes to find shared identities and friendships, suggesting that focusing on commonalities rather than differences can help unite people and reduce divisiveness.

💡Classical political virtues

Classical political virtues are timeless qualities that contribute to effective and ethical governance, such as humility, patience, and moderation. The speaker in the script calls for the development of these virtues to counteract the 'beasts of prey' mentality that can emerge in the absence of such qualities, emphasizing the importance of these virtues for maintaining a healthy democracy.

💡Love of enemies

The concept of loving one's enemies, particularly political opponents, is presented as a radical call to action in the script. It is suggested as a means to rise above divisiveness and to foster a more compassionate and understanding political climate. This idea is tied to the broader message of the video, which is about changing hearts and minds to achieve a more harmonious society.

Highlights

Ronald Reagan's 1967 inaugural address emphasized the peaceful transfer of power as a near miracle.

Reagan's quote on freedom being fragile and one generation away from extinction has been influential.

The speaker initially doubted Reagan's quote but later came to believe in its significance.

The speaker's confidence in the democratic process was shaken by witnessing angry protesters during a routine vote certification in 2016.

The 2016 incident involved Hillary Clinton supporters who believed the election was stolen.

The speaker's experience led to a collaboration with a political opponent to promote respectful political discourse.

A joint campaign ad with the speaker's opponent went viral, demonstrating a desire for unity.

The ad had a measurable depolarization effect, reducing urges towards violence.

20 governors have since filmed similar ads, indicating a widespread hunger for less divisive politics.

Polling suggests 70% of Americans dislike the divisiveness in politics.

Americans are not as ideologically far apart as they perceive themselves to be.

Conflict entrepreneurs in media and politics contribute to the perception gap between political sides.

Progressive activists and extreme conservatives have the most inaccurate views of the other side.

Practical steps can be taken by individuals to heal political divides, such as reducing exposure to conflict-driven media.

Spending time with people different from oneself can reduce animosity.

Volunteering and serving others can improve community and personal well-being.

Developing political virtues like humility, patience, and moderation is crucial for respectful disagreement.

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the duty of each generation to secure freedom and the importance of disagreeing without hate.

Transcripts

In 1967,

Ronald Reagan became the governor of the State of California.

In his inaugural address,

he talked about the peaceful transfer of power,

something he described as “the simple magic

of the commonplace routine,

which makes it a near miracle to many of the world’s inhabitants.”

He then went on to utter an iconic phrase that would be repeated by politicians

for decades to come.

"Freedom is a fragile thing," he said,

"And it's never more than one generation away from extinction."

Now like countless others, I have used that quote many times,

but I have a confession to make.

I never really believed it.

Surely, after 250 years of this stuff,

we no longer have to worry about losing it.

I'm not pleased to report that I actually believe it now.

The first cracks in my confidence

came during one of those commonplace routines of transferring power

as Lieutenant Governor of the State of Utah.

It was my duty to certify the votes of the electors

for the presidential election.

While the meeting to do so was open to the public,

it was so commonplace and routine that no one ever showed up.

As I walked into the room,

I was stunned to see dozens of angry protesters

screaming that the election had been stolen

and demanding that we violate state law

and change the votes of the electors.

Now I know what you’re all thinking,

and you're probably wrong.

This was not 2020.

This was 2016,

and the protesters were Hillary Clinton supporters.

Now it got far worse

somehow, four years later.

With the election less than two months away,

a friend and I were talking and lamenting

about the state of our our country

following a summer of destructive protests

by the extreme left and an extreme right

that was already undermining the validity of an election

that hadn't even happened yet.

"Isn't there something you can do," she asked.

Well, that question haunted me all weekend,

so I picked up the phone and called my opponent.

By the way, I was running for governor at the same time

that Trump and Biden were battling for the presidency.

I called my opponent,

a Democrat named Chris Peterson, whom I respected,

and I said, "Hey, Chris, this is Spencer Cox.

I have a crazy idea.

What if we filmed a campaign ad together?"

I could almost hear the confused look forming on his face.

To his credit, he agreed,

and one week later, we were in a studio together.

Let's watch.

(Video) I'm Chris Peterson.

And I'm Spencer Cox.

CP: We are currently in the final days of campaigning against each other

to be your next governor.

SC: And while I think you should vote for me --

CP: Yeah, but really, you should vote for me.

SC: There are some things we both agree on.

CP: We can debate issues without degrading each other's character.

SC: We can disagree without hating each other.

CP: And win or lose, in Utah, we work together.

SC: So let's show the country that there's a better way.

CP: My name is Chris Peterson.

SC: And I'm Spencer Cox.

(Together) And we approve this message.

(Applause)

Well, the response was instantaneous and overwhelming.

The ad went viral.

Neither of us saw it coming.

There were media requests from all over the world,

millions of views and shares.

Perhaps there really is an exhausted majority,

I remember thinking to myself,

and maybe this is the message they want to hear.

I could actually feel my faith in the American idea start to rekindle.

The popularity of the ad validated my hope

that most people really do want their political leaders

to uphold the values that we teach our kids.

That we can disagree without hate and contempt,

even that we can find ways to treat each other with respect

even when we disagree.

It seemed like there was a hunger

for architects instead of arsonists.

My hunch was confirmed one year later,

when a professor submitted a version of our ad

to the Stanford Polarization and Social Change Lab

as part of a huge depolarization experiment.

It was chosen as one of 25 interventions

to be tested on over 30,000 people.

The result?

Our ad actually had a measurable depolarization effect,

including a reduction in urges towards violence.

It turns out there really are things that we can do

to alter the trajectory of the United States.

Now look, I get it.

It's easy to feel a little hopeless

as Americans once again barrel towards an election

with unsatisfying candidates and campaigns.

But there is good news.

Over the past six months,

20 governors from all across the country

have filmed similar ads,

most of them with a public servant from the opposing party.

And the data continues to show that people really are hungry

for something different.

According to polling from More in Common,

70 percent of Americans

hate the divisiveness in politics.

And it also turns out that ...

Americans aren't as far apart as we think we are.

The problem isn't how far apart the average Republican

and the average Democrat is on the actual issues.

In fact, we're not much different than other Western democracies.

The problem is how far apart we think we are.

Due in large part to conflict entrepreneurs

in both the media and politics,

both sides overestimate the extremism on the other side

by about 30 percent.

Now interestingly,

this perception gap is actually strongest

amongst progressive activists on the left

and amongst extreme conservatives on the right.

So the people most engaged in the political process

also have the most inaccurate views of the other side.

But perhaps the best news of all

is that there are very practical things

that every one of us can do every day

to help heal the divides in our nations and our neighborhoods.

First, we can start by turning off and tuning out

some of those conflict entrepreneurs.

My wife and I,

we stopped watching cable news 11 years ago

and immediately saw an improvement in our marriage, our family,

and our mental health.

(Laughter and applause)

Now that always elicits a laugh, but we’re not alone.

Studies have found that more time spent on the latest headlines,

whether through social media or traditional media outlets,

is really bad for our mental health.

Psychologists refer to this phenomenon in different ways,

like media saturation overload

or doomscrolling or headline anxiety.

You see, more news, on all the time, isn’t making us smarter,

it's just stressing us out.

Second, we can spend more time, preferably offline,

with real people who are different than us.

In the words of Bryan Stevenson, proximity will empower you.

You see, it's just harder to hate up close.

"Tell me more about why you feel that way" is a magical request.

Twenty years ago,

we rarely identified each other by our political identities first.

As for me, I'm a father.

I'm an NBA fan.

I'm a terrible aspiring bassist in a band.

I'm a Utahn.

I'm an American.

How about you?

You see, if we look beyond our political tribes,

we can actually find shared identities and friendships

that unite instead of divide.

Now third, we can serve others.

Service and volunteering help build up communities

and improve our outlook on life and the people around us.

Some forms of regular volunteering

have even been associated with lower blood pressure.

There is nothing better for the soul or society than giving back.

Aristotle really was on to something

when he described and summed up the essence of life as:

“Serve others

and do good.”

Fourth, and finally,

we can work to develop the classical political virtues

of humility, patience and moderation,

without which, as John Adams explained,

we all become ravenous beasts of prey.

Now look, I know it’s almost laughable

to talk about words like humility in political discourse,

but I truly believe that it is the only way for us

to remember how to disagree without hate and contempt.

In the words of Judge Learned Hand, who so eloquently stated,

“The true spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure it is right.

The spirit of liberty is the spirit which seeks to understand

the minds of other men and women.”

And I started with a quote from Ronald Reagan.

He went on to say that freedom is not ours by way of inheritance.

It must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation,

for it comes only once to a people

and those in history who have known freedom

and then lost it

have never known it again.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it is our solemn duty in our generation

to once again secure the freedoms

endowed to all of us from on high.

We cannot wait for politicians or the media to do it.

It will take real work,

hard work by each of us.

But we must remember how to disagree without hate.

We must rise up

and meet that radical call to love our enemies --

even, especially,

our political opponents.

It's ...

It's not an ...

It's not an easy answer, but it is a simple one.

If we really want to change the world,

we have to start by changing our own hearts.

Thank you.

(Applause)