How to Forgive & Forget If Someone Betrays You? | Sadhguru

Summary

This video script explores the concept of memory and its impact on our lives. It suggests that people often suffer not from life itself, but from their own memories, especially painful ones. The story of a woman with memory loss illustrates the possibility of living without the burden of past wounds. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not forgetting unpleasant experiences but rather learning from them to avoid repeating mistakes. The message encourages acceptance of people's differences and the wisdom that comes from dealing with life's challenges rather than seeking to forget them.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The script emphasizes that suffering is often a result of one's own memory rather than life itself, suggesting that people suffer from their memories of past events.
• 🔍 It highlights the idea that forgetfulness, such as in Alzheimer's disease, might seem like a solution but it's not a desirable state of being for everyone.
• 🤔 The speaker questions the desire to forget painful memories, suggesting that people should instead learn from their experiences rather than trying to erase them.
• 👵 The story of the elderly lady with memory loss illustrates that while she may seem happy, others with memory burdens may not be as fortunate.
• 💡 The importance of not forgetting negative experiences is stressed, as they can serve as lessons to avoid repeating mistakes.
• 🚫 Forgetting is portrayed as a double-edged sword; while it might alleviate pain, it can also lead to the repetition of past errors.
• 🤹‍♂️ The speaker uses humor to point out the irony of people wishing to forget, yet being unable to do so, while trying to remember things can slip away.
• 🧩 The script suggests that memory is not just a simple storage mechanism but a complex part of our identity and experience.
• 🔄 It discusses the idea that memory should be used wisely, not as a source of torment but as a tool for growth and understanding.
• 🧘 The speaker encourages acceptance of people as they are, rather than labeling them and holding onto grievances, which can lead to a more peaceful existence.
• 🌟 The final takeaway is the challenge of life: to make the best out of every situation, including dealing with difficult people, as part of the journey towards enlightenment.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the video transcript?

The main theme of the video transcript is the impact of memory on our lives, the choice between becoming wounded or wise in the face of unpleasant experiences, and the concept of forgetfulness as a coping mechanism.

What does the speaker suggest about the nature of suffering in life?

The speaker suggests that suffering in life is not due to life itself, but rather our own memories and how we choose to react to them, either by becoming wounded or by gaining wisdom.

Why does the speaker mention the possibility of removing a part of the brain that holds memory?

The speaker uses the hypothetical scenario of removing a part of the brain that holds memory to illustrate the idea that forgetfulness might not be the best solution to life's problems, as it could lead to a lack of learning and growth.

What is the story of the petite elderly lady in the apartment building meant to convey?

The story of the petite elderly lady is used to demonstrate that losing memory does not necessarily equate to happiness or peace, and that the way we perceive and deal with our memories is more important than the memories themselves.

What is the speaker's opinion on the idea of forgetting unpleasant experiences?

The speaker believes that forgetting unpleasant experiences is not a solution, as it prevents us from learning and growing from those experiences. Instead, one should aim to become wise and understand the nature of their own mind.

What is the significance of the 'stone column' analogy used in the transcript?

The 'stone column' analogy is used to illustrate that if we forget our mistakes or negative experiences, we are likely to repeat them, whereas remembering them can help us avoid similar situations in the future.

How does the speaker relate the concept of memory to technology?

The speaker compares the human memory to a sophisticated technology, suggesting that if not properly managed, it can lead to negative outcomes such as bitterness and suffering.

What does the speaker mean by saying 'you're not organized' in the context of memory?

The speaker implies that if we do not manage our memories properly, we may end up remembering what we want to forget and forgetting what we want to remember, leading to confusion and suffering.

What is the speaker's view on the idea of forgiving others?

The speaker suggests that forgiveness may not be necessary if we do not label others' actions as 'horrible' in the first place. Accepting people for who they are can eliminate the need for forgiveness.

What advice does the speaker give regarding working with difficult people?

The speaker advises that in order to do significant work, one must be willing to work with all kinds of people, including those who may be difficult or 'horrible,' as ideal people are not always available.

What is the final message of the transcript regarding life and its challenges?

The final message is that life's challenges, including dealing with difficult people and situations, are opportunities for growth and learning. It is not about forgetting but understanding and accepting the nature of life and our own minds.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 The Burden of Memory and Forgetfulness

This paragraph explores the concept that suffering is not a result of life's events but of our own memories. It suggests that forgetfulness could be a solution to life's troubles, proposing the hypothetical removal of brain parts responsible for memory. The narrative uses the story of an elderly lady with a cheerful demeanor, who despite her memory loss, appears content. It contrasts her state with those who are burdened by their memories, implying that we should not wish for forgetfulness but rather learn to manage our memories to avoid self-torture. It humorously uses the term 'Mr. Alzheimer' to illustrate the point that forgetting isn't always desirable, as it could lead to repeating past mistakes.

05:02

💡 Memory Management and the Path to Wisdom

The second paragraph delves into the complexity of human memory, comparing it to a sophisticated technology that, if not managed properly, can lead to intoxication or poisoning of the mind. It emphasizes the importance of not forgetting unpleasant experiences, as they are lessons meant to guide us. The speaker uses humor to point out the irony of people wanting to forget negative experiences but being unable to forget them, while positive memories fade away. The paragraph encourages acceptance of people as they are, suggesting that working with 'horrible' people is part of life's challenge. It concludes with the idea that understanding and managing our memories is crucial for personal growth and navigating life's complexities.

Keywords

💡Suffering

Suffering in the context of this video refers to the emotional and mental distress one experiences due to negative life events or memories. It is central to the theme as the speaker discusses how suffering is often a result of one's own memory and perception rather than the external events themselves. For example, the script mentions 'you're not suffering life, you're suffering your own memory,' illustrating the idea that our internal response to events is what causes suffering.

💡Forgetfulness

Forgetfulness is presented as a potential escape from suffering by suggesting the removal of brain parts responsible for memory. It is related to the video's theme as it explores the idea of forgetting painful memories as a solution to suffering. The script uses the concept to provoke thought about the value of memory and the consequences of forgetting, such as the potential of repeatedly running into the same problems if one forgets past mistakes.

💡Wounded vs. Wise

This concept contrasts two responses to unpleasant experiences: becoming wounded, which implies being negatively affected and possibly remaining in a state of suffering, versus becoming wise, which suggests learning and growing from the experience. The video emphasizes the importance of choosing the latter, as it relates to the main message of not letting memories of past hurts define one's present and future.

💡Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's disease is mentioned in the script as a metaphor for forgetfulness. The speaker uses it to illustrate a point about how people with memory loss can appear happy, suggesting that perhaps the loss of memory could be a form of liberation from suffering. However, it also humorously highlights the complexity of human desires, as people typically do not wish for such a condition.

💡Memory

Memory is a key concept in the video, as it is the medium through which we experience both joy and suffering. The speaker discusses the role of memory in our lives, how it can be a source of torment if not managed properly, and how it is integral to our identity and learning. The script uses the metaphor of a 'chip' to describe the sophisticated mechanism of memory storage in the brain.

💡Bitterness

Bitterness is depicted as a negative emotional state resulting from unresolved memories and experiences. It is tied to the video's theme as it represents the suffering that can arise from holding onto negative memories. The speaker warns against allowing memories to ferment into bitterness, which can poison one's life.

💡Enlightenment

Enlightenment is mentioned in contrast to a state of forgetfulness. While one might think that forgetting everything would lead to enlightenment, the speaker suggests that true enlightenment involves understanding and acceptance rather than mere forgetfulness. It is used to highlight the importance of inner work and growth over simply erasing memories.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness is presented as a process of letting go of negative emotions associated with past events or actions by others. It is related to the video's theme as it offers a way to deal with painful memories without forgetting them. The speaker argues that if one does not label others based on their actions, there is less need for forgiveness, as acceptance replaces judgment.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance is the act of embracing the reality of people and situations as they are, without judgment or resistance. It is central to the video's message as it suggests that accepting others and circumstances can lead to a more peaceful and less suffering-filled life. The script uses the concept to encourage viewers to work with 'horrible' people, implying that acceptance is key to navigating challenging relationships.

💡Life Challenges

Life challenges refer to the difficulties and obstacles one encounters in life. The video uses this concept to discuss the importance of learning from these challenges rather than seeking to forget them. It suggests that life's challenges are opportunities for growth and that avoiding them through forgetfulness is not a solution.

💡Understanding

Understanding oneself and one's experiences is a key theme in the video. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and understanding the nature of the mind to navigate life effectively. It is suggested that without understanding, one is likely to make mistakes and suffer unnecessarily, highlighting the need for introspection and learning from life's experiences.

Highlights

The concept that suffering is a result of one's own memory, not life itself.

The idea that forgetfulness can be a solution to life's troubles by removing the part of the brain that holds memory.

The choice between becoming wounded or wise when faced with unpleasant events.

A personal anecdote about meeting a lady with memory loss and the philosophical implications of her condition.

The observation that people who carry their memory can torture themselves, while the memory-impaired may be at peace.

The humorous play on words with 'Mr. Alimer' as a metaphor for forgetfulness.

The suggestion that forgetfulness is not always desirable, as it can lead to repeating mistakes.

The importance of not forgetting painful experiences, as they can serve as lessons.

The analogy of hitting a stone column to illustrate the consequences of forgetting.

The concept that memory is not simply a storage chip but a complex chemical process.

The advice against allowing memory to ferment and poison one's emotions.

The hypothetical scenario of removing the memory part of the brain and its implications.

The notion that memory from many lifetimes is with us, not just one.

The distinction between becoming wounded and choosing to become wise after an unpleasant event.

The difficulty of forgetting what one wants to and the ease of remembering what one wants to forget.

The nature of the mind and its tendency to remember what it's told to forget and vice versa.

The importance of understanding oneself to navigate life effectively, rather than blundering through without knowledge.

The challenge of accepting people as they are and learning to work with different personalities.

The humorous observation that the ideal people are often the deceased, as they are remembered fondly.

The final thought on the challenge of life being to make the best out of the mix of people and situations one encounters.

Transcripts

[Music]

you're not suffering life you're

suffering your own memory if

forgetfulness is an answer for life we

can just remove a part of your brain

which holds memory

[Music]

largely when unpleasant things happen to

you it's your choice either to become

wounded or wise you choose to become

wounded and then try to forget the

[Music]

wound how can I forget someone who Hur

hurt and betrayed me and move on with my

[Music]

life I was visiting myour

City and I was going into an apartment

building to meet

someone a very petite lady who must be

over 75 years of age with a big smile on

fa on her face she just came to me in a

very familiar way and said how are you

doing I said M I'm doing well but uh you

know I normally I don't forget faces but

you know it's been long time since I

left my I'm just wondering who is this

is it somebody that I know I couldn't

figure then I did namaskar and went

on then I was coming

down with the people who are living in

the apartment along with them I'm coming

down when I came into the corridor again

the same lady comes and hello how are

you

doing I thought this is little just now

she asked me 10 15 minutes ago and again

she's asking me then these people come

and say poor lady she's lost her

memory I said she seems to be doing fine

with without

memory people who are carrying their

memory

are torturing themselves this woman

seems to be fine with Mr alimer

you may couple up well with Alzheimer

hello he's a man's name you know I'm

just

[Laughter]

saying

see if you're forgetful you don't have

to forgive

anybody so when you say forget

essentially you

wishing Mr alimer to visit you and he

may don't wish for such things hello you

say I want to forget this I want to

forget that you may be

granted your wish may be

fulfilled why should you forget

anything you're trying to forget because

you don't know the simple sense that you

are suffering your memory you're not

suffering

life you're suffering your own

memory if you lose this memory what will

happen let's

say yesterday we had somebody running

into a uh stone column in the

asham okay running full speed and

boom

uh so suppose you forget it maybe every

day you will run into

it once you get hit by a stone column

which is not coming after you it's just

standing there

if you forget it every day you'll smash

your

face if you hit a stone column you

should never ever forget it that stone

column may be actually stone column or

your mother-in-law I don't know

[Laughter]

who see mother-in-law is not coming

after you she's just standing in the

same position she was standing when your

husband was born

hello she's standing in the same place

and you think she's in the way no she's

standing in the same place my son my son

my son all

right she's not coming after

you but you are running into

[Laughter]

it so whatever you're running into in

your life if you

forget you will keep running into it so

so don't forget one damn thing in your

life especially if they unpleasant

things you should never forget but now

youment memory is there for your use but

youment the memory and now the Brewing

happens and it biles up within you and

creates bitterness no no memory is

supposed to be stored in a in a chip

not even a stick anymore it's a

chip but here the mechanism is so

sophisticated the technology it is not

even a chip it is simply somewhere a

little bit of chemistry holding it so

let it be there if you allow it to

ferment of course it will intoxicate you

it will poison you in different ways you

don't know how to keep your memory so

you're thinking let me forget what if

they Grant you a visit from Mr alimer

will you be happy that you forgot all

your bitterness if forgetfulness is an

answer for life we can just remove a

part of your brain which holds memory

largely you don't remember a damn

thing you can be

like unaffected by what happened

yesterday is that what you want if you

become like that we call you

we don't call you

enlightened all the memory of lifetimes

are there there with you not just one

life of many lifetimes in this there are

many many unpleasant things

many but when unpleasant things happen

to you it's your choice either to become

wounded or

wise you choose to become wounded and

then try to forget the wound do one

thing see something that you want to

remember you cannot remember

something that you want to forget you

cannot forget is that so

hello try to forget something it stays

with you all the time try to remember

something 2 minutes later it seems to be

gone so I'm saying you not organized

this

properly you not programmed your

computer properly if you say remember it

forgets if you say forget it remembers

all the time even in your dreams the

same people will come just look at this

one person and say I want to forget this

face this face will wherever you look

from the trees it will come at you from

the sky it will come at

you so this is the nature of the mind

you without understanding a damn thing

about yourself you're trying to blunder

through life that is the

problem the problem is not with your

life situations the problem is without

even reading the basic B users manual

you're trying to go through

life there is a price to pay if you

don't pay any price I will be

disappointed because it took lifetimes

to observe and figure out how it works

without knowing anything if you can also

live like me I will be very

disappointed I will think it's very

unfair

hello yes or no you strive to get

somewhere somebody was just pushed there

don't you feel it's

unfair same thing so one thing is there

is no need to Forget You must remember

everything another thing is forgive if

you first of all think that this person

has done something

horrible then you try to

forgive if you don't label them like

that where is the need to

forgive hello

if you accept people for what they are

different people are made differently if

you accept them the way they are right

now you will learn to operate to what

extent if you think you should work and

live only with very good

people I'll tell you even here in The

Yoga Center it happens many of the

volunteers every other day somebody's

coming to me and say he's so horrible I

can't work with him she's like this he's

like that I can't work with these people

I say see in this world there are only

horrible people like this this one this

one this one this one only this kind of

horrible

people if you think what you're doing is

significant you have to work with all

these horrible people if you want to

work with ideal people you must go to

heaven and

today ideal people usually IDE people

are all dead people isn't it do you see

has it happened to you somebody that you

had so many problems with the moment

they died

oh how wonderful they

were dead are always

wonderful the living who come with a mix

package what you can get out of it how

can you make the best out of it that is

the whole challenge of life

[Music]