Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness | Michele L. Sullivan

Summary

In this inspiring talk, the speaker reflects on the challenges faced due to her size and how early experiences of being different led to a life of feeling exposed and judged. She emphasizes the importance of not judging others by their appearances and the need to support each other without trying to walk in each other's shoes. The speaker shares personal stories of overcoming obstacles, the value of education, and the power of human connection, ultimately advocating for a society that looks beyond surface-level judgments and embraces compassion and understanding.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker's first milestone was entering kindergarten, which was a moment of excitement and self-assurance.
• 👦 The encounter with a boy questioning the speaker's height marked the beginning of a series of challenges related to physical appearance.
• 🤔 The speaker learned early on that they stood out and faced questions and stares due to their size, which affected their confidence and comfort in public.
• 🏫 Despite feeling different, the speaker found an equal footing in the classroom and excelled academically, realizing the importance of education for their future.
• 🎓 The speaker pursued higher education, obtaining a university degree and then an advanced degree to increase their employability.
• 👔 The speaker's first job interview was a pivotal moment, where they had to overcome physical barriers to participate equally in the process.
• 🛫 Travel presents unique challenges for the speaker, requiring extra planning and adaptability, such as dealing with airport security and navigating transportation.
• 🤝 The speaker emphasizes the importance of support systems and the strength in asking for help, as they have received assistance from family, friends, and strangers.
• 🌐 International travel can be particularly challenging, but it also offers opportunities for cultural exchange and changing perspectives.
• 💬 The speaker uses humor and personal stories to connect with others and to turn potentially embarrassing situations into positive interactions.
• 👣 The speaker concludes with the message that everyone has their own challenges and that living without judgment allows for deeper understanding and mutual support.

Q & A

What was the speaker's first milestone in life?

The speaker's first milestone was entering kindergarten, which was a significant and exciting event for them.

How did the speaker feel when they first arrived at the classroom door?

The speaker felt very excited, almost to the point of wetting themselves, indicating a high level of anticipation and eagerness.

What was the speaker's reaction when a boy asked why they were so short?

The speaker initially ignored the question, thinking the boy wasn't talking to them, and then responded by suggesting they continue playing, showing a desire to not let the comment affect their experience.

How did the speaker's confidence change after the incident in the circle?

The speaker's confidence withered away as they faced questions about their appearance, leading to a feeling of being different and out of place.

Why did the speaker feel uncomfortable going out in public over the next few years?

The speaker felt every stare, giggle, and pointed finger, which made them feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about their size and appearance.

What did the speaker learn about the real world in relation to their size?

The speaker learned that the real world was not built for someone of their size, both literally and figuratively, indicating a lack of accessibility and understanding.

Why did the speaker decide to pursue an advanced university degree?

The speaker felt that to be one step ahead of everyone for employment, they needed an advanced university degree, recognizing the importance of education for their career.

What was the speaker's biggest challenge on the day of their job interview?

The speaker's biggest challenge was not the interview itself but getting through the loading dock without getting run over, highlighting the physical accessibility issues they face.

How does the speaker handle the challenges of traveling, such as at airports?

The speaker uses their communication skills to navigate challenges, such as discussing their needs with gate agents and ensuring their scooter is accommodated, while also being prepared for personal patdowns and other unique situations.

What was the outcome of the embarrassing incident on the plane with the flight attendant and the open door?

The outcome was positive, as the speaker and the embarrassed passenger ended up having a meaningful conversation for the rest of the flight, turning an awkward moment into a connection.

What message does the speaker convey about walking in someone else's shoes?

The speaker conveys that one cannot truly walk in someone else's shoes due to the unique experiences and challenges each person faces, emphasizing the importance of compassion, courage, and understanding instead.

Why is it important to ask for help according to the speaker?

Asking for help is important because it is a sign of strength, not weakness, and it allows individuals to rely on their support systems, which are crucial for overcoming life's challenges.

What role do others play in the speaker's life, and why is it significant?

Others play a significant role in the speaker's life by providing help and support every day, which is crucial for their independence and success, highlighting the importance of community and interconnectedness.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Embracing Childhood Challenges

The speaker recounts their first milestone, entering kindergarten, with excitement and the initial sense of belonging. However, this quickly shifts as they face questions about their height from peers, leading to a loss of confidence and a period of self-consciousness in public. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing that everyone has visible and invisible challenges, and the need for empathy and understanding rather than judgment.

05:02

🚶‍♂️ Navigating Life's Obstacles with Resilience

The speaker discusses the unique challenges they face due to their physical size, such as difficulties with mobility and the need for accommodations in various settings like job interviews and travel. They highlight the importance of support systems, the strength in asking for help, and the value of personal experiences in fostering understanding and connection with others. The anecdotes shared illustrate the speaker's resilience and ability to turn potentially embarrassing situations into opportunities for growth and connection.

10:04

🤝 The Power of Support and Empathy in Society

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the role each individual plays in supporting others' successes and the importance of being part of a support system. They advocate for a society that looks beyond surface-level judgments and encourages compassion, courage, and understanding. The speaker calls for a collective effort to walk side by side, supporting one another, and changing society for the better by focusing on the shared human experience rather than superficial differences.

Keywords

💡Milestones

Milestones refer to significant events or achievements that mark one's life. In the video, the speaker's first milestone is entering kindergarten, which sets the stage for their personal narrative. The concept of milestones is central to the theme of personal growth and overcoming challenges.

💡Curiosity

Curiosity is the desire to learn or know more about something or someone. The children's questions about the speaker's height stem from curiosity, which the speaker initially misunderstands as an attack. This highlights the theme of misunderstanding and the need for empathy in understanding others' perspectives.

💡Ignorance

Ignorance in this context refers to a lack of understanding or awareness in social situations. The speaker mentions not being able to understand another child's curiosity or an adult's ignorance, indicating the challenges of navigating a world that may not accommodate or understand one's differences.

💡Anonymity

Anonymity is the state of being unidentified or unknown. The speaker states they have no anonymity due to their physical appearance, which is a central theme in the video about the visibility of one's challenges and the impact this has on their life experiences.

💡Support

Support is the act of giving assistance or encouragement. The speaker emphasizes the importance of being supportive of each other, rather than trying to walk in each other's shoes. This concept is integral to the video's message of mutual understanding and assistance.

💡Education

Education is the process of acquiring knowledge, skills, values, and habits. The speaker mentions the importance of education in their life, as it provided a level playing field and a path to a career. Education is portrayed as a key to overcoming physical limitations and achieving personal success.

💡Challenges

Challenges are difficult tasks or obstacles that one must overcome. The video discusses various challenges the speaker faces, such as entering a building with steps or navigating an airplane. These examples illustrate the theme of resilience and the need to adapt to different situations.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability refers to a state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, both physically and emotionally. The speaker describes being vulnerable in certain situations, such as airports or parking lots, which underscores the theme of needing assistance and understanding from others.

💡Perspective

Perspective is a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something. The video emphasizes the importance of changing one's perspective to understand and support others. The speaker's interactions with others, such as the flight attendant or the man at the airport, demonstrate how shifting perspectives can lead to more meaningful connections.

💡Judgment

Judgment is the process of forming an opinion or making a decision about something or someone. The speaker encourages living a life free of judgment, which is a central theme of the video. By avoiding judgment, individuals can share experiences and gain new insights, as illustrated by the speaker's various encounters.

💡Compassion

Compassion is a feeling of sympathy and concern for others' sufferings or misfortunes. The video concludes with a call for compassion, courage, and understanding as a means to support one another. Compassion is presented as a fundamental value in fostering a more inclusive and empathetic society.

Highlights

The speaker vividly recalls the milestone of entering kindergarten and the excitement of joining the classroom.

A memorable encounter with a boy who pointed out the speaker's height, marking the beginning of a life of feeling different.

The realization that the world is not built for someone of the speaker's size, both literally and figuratively.

The importance of education as a means to overcome physical limitations and the pursuit of an advanced university degree.

The challenges faced during job interviews, including accessibility issues and the need to adapt and be prepared.

The vulnerability and need for caution in certain situations like airports, hallways, and parking lots due to the speaker's physical condition.

The speaker's experience of a humorous and embarrassing moment on an airplane, turning it into a positive interaction.

The significance of having a support system and the strength found in asking for help.

The role of compassion, courage, and understanding in walking side by side with others and supporting one another.

The myth debunked that one can walk in another person's shoes, emphasizing the uniqueness of individual experiences.

The impact of societal biases and ideologies that place people in silos, and the need to look beyond appearances.

The speaker's advocacy for a life free of judgment, allowing for shared experiences and different perspectives.

The importance of being part of other people's support systems and giving back to society.

The story of a meaningful encounter in Zanzibar, highlighting the power of conversation and changing perspectives.

The speaker's emphasis on the importance of not judging people based solely on what you can see.

A call to action for society to change by supporting each other with compassion and understanding.

Transcripts

We all have milestones in life that we remember so vividly.

The first one for me was when I was entering kindergarten.

My big brother was in school, and by golly, it was my time.

And I went trottin' down that hallway.

I was so excited, I almost wet myself.

And I go to the door,

and there was the teacher with a warm welcome,

and she took me into the classroom,

showed me my little cubbyhole --

we all remember those little cubbyholes, don't we --

and we put our stuff in there.

And then she said, "Go over to the circle

and play with the kids until class starts."

So I went over there and plopped down like I owned the place,

and I'm playing,

and all of a sudden, the boy next to me,

he was wearing a white shirt with blue shorts.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Suddenly he stopped playing and he said,

"Why are you so short?"

And I just kept playing. I didn't think he was talking to me.

(Laughter)

And in a louder voice, he said,

"Hey, why are you so short?"

So I looked up and I said,

"What are you talking about? Let's just play. We're happy.

I've been waiting for this."

And so we played, and about a minute later,

the girl next to him, in a white shirt and a pink skirt,

stood up, put her hands on her hips,

and said, "Yeah, why do you look so different?"

And I went, "What are you talking about?

I don't look different. I'm not short. Again, let's just play."

About this time, I looked all around the circle I was in,

and all the kids had stopped playing and they were all looking at me.

And I'm thinking --

in today's language, it would be "OMG" or "WTF."

(Laughter)

What just happened?

So all the confidence that I went in with that morning

was withering away as the morning went on

and the questions kept coming.

And at the end of the morning, before I went home,

the teacher had us in a circle,

and I actually found myself outside of the circle.

I couldn't look at anybody.

I could not understand what just happened.

And over the next few years,

I hated to go out in public.

I felt every stare, every giggle,

every pointed finger,

not the finger,

but every pointed finger,

and I hated it.

I would hide behind my parents' legs like nobody could see me.

And as a child,

you can't understand another child's curiosity,

nor an adult's ignorance.

It became very apparent to me that the real world was not built

for someone of my size, both literally or figuratively.

And so I have no anonymity, as you can probably tell,

and while you can see my size,

we all go through many challenges through our lifetime.

And some you can see, like mine.

Most you can't.

You can't tell if someone's dealing with a mental illness,

or they're struggling with their gender identity,

they're caring for an aging parent,

they're having financial difficulty.

You can't see that kind of stuff.

So while you can see

one of my challenges is my size,

seeing does not mean you understand

what it's truly to be me on a daily basis, or what I go through.

And so I'm here to debunk a myth.

I do not believe you can walk in someone else's shoes,

and because of that, we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves.

Simply stated, I will never know what it's like to be you

and you will never know what it's like to be me.

I cannot face your fears or chase your dreams,

and you can't do that for me,

but we can be supportive of each other.

Instead of trying to walk in each other's shoes,

we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves.

I learned at an early age

that I did have to do some things different than most people,

but I also learned there were things I was on equal footing with,

and one of those was the classroom.

Heh, heh, heh. I was equal.

As a matter of fact, I excelled in the classroom.

This was vitally important, I discovered as I grew older

and realized I wasn't going to be able to do a physical job.

I needed an education.

So I went on and got a university degree,

but I felt to be one step ahead of everyone for employment,

I needed to have an advanced university degree,

so I went ahead and got that.

Now I'm ready for my interview.

Remember your first interview? What am I going to wear?

What questions?

And don't forget that firm handshake.

I was right there with you.

So 24 hours before my interview,

a friend of mine who I've known all my life

called and said, "Michele, the building you're going in has steps."

And she knew I couldn't climb steps.

So suddenly, my focus changed.

In my shoes, I was worried about how am I going to get there?

So I went early and found a loading dock and got in and had a great interview.

They had no idea what I went through for the day and that's OK.

You're probably thinking my greatest challenge that day was the interview,

or getting in the building.

In reality, my biggest challenge that day

was getting through the loading dock without getting run over.

I am very vulnerable in certain situations:

airports, hallways, parking lots,

loading docks.

And so I have to be very careful.

I have to anticipate and be flexible

and move as quickly as I can sometimes.

So I got the job,

and in my current role I travel quite a bit.

And travel is a challenge for all of us these days.

And so you probably get to the airport, run through security, get to the gate.

Did I get my aisle seat or my window seat? Did I get my upgrade?

Me, first of all, I don't run through anything.

(Laughter)

And I especially don't run through the TSA

because I get to experience the personal patdown.

I won't comment on that.

And then I make my way to the gate,

and with my gift of gab that my parents said I was born with,

I talk to the gate agent, and then I say, "By the way, my scooter weighs this much,

I have a dry cell battery,

and I can drive it down to the door of the plane."

Also, the day before, I had called the city where I'm traveling to

to find out where I could rent a scooter in case mine gets broken on the way.

So in my shoes, it's a little bit different.

When I get onto the plane,

I use my gift of gab to ask the lady to put my bag up, and they graciously do.

I try not to eat or drink on a plane

because I don't want to have to get up and walk on the plane,

but nature has its own schedule,

and not long ago, it knocked and I answered.

So I walked up to the front of the plane

and gabbed with the flight attendant,

and said, "Can you watch the door? I can't reach the lock."

So I'm in there doing my business, and the door flies open.

And there's a gentleman there

with a look of horror on his face.

I'm sure I had the same look.

As I came out, I noticed that he was sitting right across from me,

and he's in total, complete embarrassment.

So I walk up to him and I quietly go,

"Are you going to remember this as much as I am?"

(Laughter)

And he goes, "I think so."

(Laughter)

Now, while he's probably not talking about it publicly, I am.

(Laughter)

But we talked for the rest of the flight,

and we got to know each other, our families, sports, work,

and when we landed, he said,

"Michele, I noticed someone put your bag up.

Can I get that for you?"

And I said, "Of course, thank you."

And we wished each other well,

and the most important thing that day

was that he was not going to leave with that embarrassment,

that experience of embarrassment.

He won't forget it, and neither will I,

but I think he will remember more

our chat and our different perspectives.

When you travel internationally,

it can be even more challenging in certain ways.

A few years ago, I was in Zanzibar,

and I come wheeling in,

and think about that.

Short, white, blond woman in a chair.

That doesn't probably happen every day.

So I go up, and with my gift of gab, I start to talk to the agent.

So friendly, and I ask about their culture and so forth,

and I notice there wasn't a jet bridge.

So I had to kind of say,

"Not only do you have to lift my chair,

I could use some help getting up the steps."

So we got to spend about an hour together while we waited for the flight,

and it was the most magnificent hour.

Our perspective changed for both of us that day.

And once I got on the flight,

he patted me on the back and wished me well,

and I thanked him so much.

And again, I think he's going to remember that experience more

than when I first came in, and there was a bit of hesitation.

And as you notice, I get a lot of help.

I would not be where I am today

if it was not for my family, my friends, my colleagues

and the many strangers

that help me every single day of my life.

And it's important that we all have a support system.

Asking for help is a strength,

not a weakness.

(Applause)

We all need help throughout our lifetime,

but it is just as important

that we are part of other people's support systems.

We must adopt that way of giving back.

We all obviously have a role to play in our own successes,

but think about the role we have to play in other people's successes,

just like people do for me every single day.

It's vitally important that we help each other,

because society is increasingly placing people in silos

based on biases and ideologies.

And we must look past the surface

and be confronted with the truth

that none of us are what you can see.

There's more to us than that,

and we're all dealing with things that you cannot see.

So living a life free of judgment

allows all of us to share those experiences together

and have a totally different perspective,

just like the couple of people I mentioned earlier in my stories.

So remember, the only shoes

you truly can walk in are your own.

I cannot walk in yours.

I know you can't walk in my size 1s --

(Laughter)

but you can try.

But we can do something better than that.

With compassion, courage and understanding,

we can walk side by side

and support one another,

and think about how society can change

if we all do that

instead of judging on only what you can see.

Thank you.

(Applause)

Thank you.