A guide to believing in yourself (but for real this time) | Catherine Reitman | TEDxToronto

Summary

In this inspiring talk, the speaker reflects on her journey from feeling powerless as an actor to becoming a showrunner, emphasizing the importance of stepping out of one's comfort zone. She shares her initial hesitations in pursuing her ideas due to self-doubt and societal expectations but ultimately encourages embracing one's unique voice. The speaker's personal anecdotes, including her father's dismissive comment about her show idea, highlight the challenges faced and the courage needed to persist. She advocates for the empowerment that comes with making the choice to pursue one's creative passions, even when met with skepticism, and the necessity of staying true to one's vision.

Takeaways

• 😌 The speaker emphasizes the importance of stepping out of one's comfort zone and embracing the choice to grow.
• 🎭 She shares her personal journey from feeling powerless as an actor to becoming a showrunner, highlighting the transformative power of choice.
• 🤔 The speaker discusses the struggle of creative types, including her own, who often face rejection and the feeling of not having control over their careers.
• 📝 She admits to starting to write as a way to take control of her career, despite feeling inadequate or unqualified at first.
• 👨 Her father's advice to 'leave that to Aaron Sorkin' initially discouraged her, but later became a catalyst for self-reflection and determination.
• 🔄 The speaker explores the idea that saying 'no' to the choice to step outside one's comfort zone is a common but potentially regrettable decision.
• 🛌 She references Bronnie Ware's book, highlighting the top regret of people on their deathbeds: not living a life true to themselves.
• 🚫 The speaker challenges the notion that certain opportunities are only for certain people, using Aaron Sorkin as an example of someone who didn't let others' achievements limit his own.
• 👶 The birth of her son and her experience with postpartum depression led to a pivotal moment where she chose to write about her personal struggles.
• 🎬 The creation of 'Workin' Moms' was a direct result of her saying 'yes' to her own voice and experiences, despite the challenges and skepticism from others.
• 🏆 The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to consider their own unique voice and to have the courage to use it, regardless of the obstacles.

Q & A

What does the term 'showrunner' refer to in the context of the entertainment industry?

In the entertainment industry, 'showrunner' refers to the person who has the ultimate authority over a television series, typically the creator or head writer and producer.

How does the speaker describe her initial feelings about her career in acting?

The speaker describes her initial feelings about her acting career as feeling powerless, unqualified, and constantly rejected, with no control over her own career.

What was the speaker's father's profession, and what is one of his notable works?

The speaker's father, Ivan Reitman, is a filmmaker known for his work in comedy, with one of his notable works being 'Ghostbusters'.

What advice did the speaker's father give her regarding her idea for a medical dramedy?

The speaker's father advised her to leave the idea of a medical dramedy to Aaron Sorkin, implying that she should not pursue it.

What is the significance of the phrase 'Leave that to Aaron Sorkin' in the speaker's narrative?

The phrase 'Leave that to Aaron Sorkin' signifies the speaker's internalized doubt and the pressure to conform to expectations, which initially deterred her from pursuing her creative ideas.

How does the speaker describe the importance of listening to one's inner voice?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of listening to one's inner voice as a means to live a life true to oneself, drawing on the regret of people on their deathbeds who wished they had been more authentic.

What personal experience did the speaker use as inspiration for her series 'Workin' Moms'?

The speaker used her experience with postpartum depression and the challenges of balancing motherhood and work as inspiration for her series 'Workin' Moms'.

What was the speaker's response to the network's suggestion to make her show more relatable by removing specific scenes?

The speaker initially complied with the network's suggestion, removing specific scenes, but when the network passed on her show, she realized the importance of sticking to her vision.

What lesson did the speaker learn from her experience with the US network?

The speaker learned that even when faced with the possibility of rejection, it's crucial to have the courage to stick to one's vision and be true to one's unique voice.

How does the speaker encourage others to approach their own creative endeavors?

The speaker encourages others to consider saying 'yes' to their own creative choices, to be specific and authentic in their work, and to enter the arena despite the challenges and potential for failure.

Outlines

00:00

🎬 The Journey to Showrunner

The speaker begins by expressing gratitude for being present and immediately clarifies that she is not an academic and barely has a university diploma. Despite this, she has become a showrunner, a term she humorously equates to 'boss lady,' and attributes her success to being in a fortunate position. She reflects on her past feelings of powerlessness and unqualification, particularly in her acting career where she faced constant rejection. The speaker shares her frustration with not having control over her career and how she decided to challenge this by starting to write, despite feeling inadequate for the task. She pitches a medical dramedy idea to her father, a respected figure in the comedy industry, who advises her to leave such projects to professionals like Aaron Sorkin. This advice initially discourages her, but she later realizes that this is a necessary moment to recognize the choice to step out of her comfort zone.

05:00

🌱 Embracing the Choice to Grow

The speaker delves into the fear of failure and the inner voice that often suppresses our potential. She questions the audience about their own experiences with self-doubt and the fear of stepping outside their comfort zones. She then contrasts the fear of failure with the regret of not trying, citing a book by Bronnie Ware that details the common regrets of people on their deathbeds. The top regret is not living a life true to oneself, which the speaker uses to emphasize the importance of listening to one's inner voice. She acknowledges the challenges faced by women in the entertainment industry and her own commitment to hiring women, even if they lack experience. The speaker shares her personal story of postpartum depression and the identity crisis it caused, which led to her writing about her experiences. This writing eventually became the basis for her series 'Workin' Moms,' highlighting the importance of being specific and authentic in one's work.

10:01

🎉 The Triumph of Authenticity

The speaker discusses the challenges of staying true to one's vision when faced with external pressures to conform. She shares her experience of selling her series to a US network that wanted her to make it more relatable by removing elements that made it unique. Despite the network's rejection, she remained committed to her vision and eventually found a champion in Sally Cato at the CBC, who green-lit her series. The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to consider saying 'yes' to the choice of pursuing their own unique path, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and the courage to enter one's own arena. She ends with a personal commitment to continue saying 'yes' to new challenges and a call to action for the audience to do the same.

Keywords

💡Showrunner

A 'showrunner' is the person in charge of the production of a television series, often having creative control over the show's content. In the context of the video, the speaker identifies as a showrunner, which signifies her role as the boss lady or the main creative force behind her own series. This term is central to understanding her journey from feeling powerless to taking control of her career.

💡Comfort Zone

The 'comfort zone' refers to a state within which an individual feels at ease, in control, and unafraid, as opposed to being outside it, where they may feel stressed or anxious. The video emphasizes the importance of stepping outside one's comfort zone to achieve growth and fulfill one's potential. The speaker shares her personal experiences of feeling trapped within her comfort zone and the pivotal decision to step out of it.

💡Rejection

Rejection is the act of refusing to accept, or the state of being refused. In the script, the speaker discusses her career as an actor, where she faced constant rejection, which led to feelings of powerlessness. This concept is integral to the narrative as it sets the stage for her transformation and the decision to take control of her career by becoming a showrunner.

💡Aaron Sorkin

Aaron Sorkin is a renowned screenwriter known for his work on 'The West Wing' and 'The Social Network'. In the video, the speaker's father advises her to 'leave that to Aaron Sorkin' when she pitches a medical dramedy idea, implying that such a genre is beyond her reach. This serves as a turning point, highlighting the struggle between self-doubt and the pursuit of one's creative vision.

💡Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a type of mood disorder that can affect women after childbirth. The speaker shares her experience with postpartum depression, which led to an identity crisis and was a catalyst for her to write about her struggles. This keyword is significant as it illustrates the personal challenges faced by the speaker and how they influenced her creative decisions.

💡Inner Voice

The 'inner voice' refers to one's intuition or the subconscious promptings that guide decision-making. The video encourages listening to one's inner voice to make choices that align with one's true self. The speaker's journey is punctuated by moments where she chose to heed or ignore her inner voice, which significantly impacted her path.

💡Workin' Moms

'Workin' Moms' is the title of the series created by the speaker, which is based on her personal experiences as a working mother. The show's specificity and authenticity are highlighted as key factors in its success, demonstrating the importance of creating work that is deeply personal and resonates with a broader audience.

💡Challenger

A 'challenger' is someone who seeks to compete against an established authority or norm. In the context of the video, the speaker positions herself as a challenger in the entertainment industry, advocating for the importance of taking on challenges and not being deterred by established figures like Aaron Sorkin.

💡Specificity

Specificity in this context refers to the unique and detailed aspects of the speaker's experiences that she incorporates into her work. The video argues that being specific in one's creative work can make it more relatable, contrary to the common advice to make content broadly appealing. The speaker's show 'Workin' Moms' is an example of specificity that resonated with audiences.

💡Courage

Courage is the ability to face difficulty, danger, or opposition with bravery. The video repeatedly emphasizes the need for courage to step outside one's comfort zone, to pursue one's creative vision, and to face potential failure. The speaker's narrative is one of building courage to take on the role of a showrunner and to create a series that reflects her authentic experiences.

💡Identity Crisis

An 'identity crisis' is a period of uncertainty and confusion in an individual's sense of self. The speaker describes feeling an identity crisis after giving birth, not feeling like herself in her roles as a mother and a professional. This keyword is crucial as it underscores the personal turmoil that led her to create 'Workin' Moms' and to explore themes of motherhood and career in her work.

Highlights

Peter van de Ven shares his journey from feeling powerless to becoming a showrunner of his own series.

He discusses the importance of stepping outside of your comfort zone and embracing the choice to grow.

Van de Ven's candid account of his struggles with rejection and self-doubt in the acting industry.

The moment he decided to start writing, despite feeling unqualified and intimidated by the idea.

His father, Ivan Reitman's, blunt advice to leave medical dramedy to Aaron Sorkin, which initially discouraged him.

Van de Ven's realization that suppressing one's own creativity and devaluing oneself is a common but necessary moment to recognize.

The powerful message from Bronnie Ware's book about the biggest regret of people on their deathbeds.

His decision to write about his personal experience with postpartum depression and the challenges of being a working mother.

The importance of being specific and authentic in one's work, as demonstrated by the creation of 'Workin' Moms'.

The challenges of sticking to one's vision when faced with external pressures to make a show more relatable.

Van de Ven's experience with a US network that passed on his show, leading to a valuable lesson about staying true to his vision.

The role of Sally Cato at CBC in green-lighting 'Workin' Moms' and recognizing the show's specificity.

His encouragement for everyone to consider saying 'yes' to their own unique voice and enter the arena of self-expression.

Van de Ven's personal commitment to continue saying 'yes' to new challenges, even if they are outside his comfort zone.

The call to action for the audience to consider their own potential and the power of their unique voice.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Mirjana Čutura Reviewer: Peter van de Ven

I feel so fortunate to be here, you guys.

I should let you know I'm not an academic -

hell, I barely have a university diploma -

but I have found myself in a very fortunate seat.

I'm the showrunner of my own series.

"Showrunner" is industry talk for a boss lady, hence the blazer.

And even as I say it to you, it feels strange

because it wasn't so long ago - four years now -

that I felt completely powerless, and unqualified,

and specifically like I didn't have a choice.

Have you ever felt a tingle inside?

That you were meant for more,

that something outside of your prescribed life

was calling to you,

but you didn't feel entitled to it?

If so,

don't sweat.

I want to talk to you

about the choice you have to grow outside of your comfort zone.

See, I spent the majority of my adult life feeling like I had no choice.

I lived in a constant state of rejection.

I'm an actor.

I spent my career going into rooms desperately trying to convince someone

that I was the perfect version of that character,

only to be told "no."

I'm sure you're all thinking that acting is a very glamorous career.

And the irony is the majority of creative types

work a very small percentage of the time -

if at all.

So I got fed up.

I mean, look, if I was trying to sell you this jumper and you said "no,"

I could blame the jumper.

But when the product is yourself,

it becomes harder and harder to sleep at night.

As passionate as I was about acting,

I was so sick of feeling like I didn't have a say in my own career.

So I did something that felt a little bit illegal.

I started writing, not very well.

And it felt like, I don't know,

it felt like writing was meant for someone smarter than me,

or more special than me.

But I get these ideas, one in particular -

little morsel.

I had an idea for a medical dramedy

that took place in a pediatric children's hospital.

I know, hilarious.

(Laughter)

And instead of giving it time to develop past its infancy stage,

I pitched it to an industry veteran.

And this guy - smart, hell of a resume -

I really trust him.

He's also a very good father.

For those of you who know my dad, Ivan Reitman,

you know he's considered one of the forefathers of comedy.

He's the dude who made Ghostbusters.

Yes.

And he's also here today.

Happy birthday, Dad.

(Cheers)

(Applause)

And I am so sorry for the story I'm about to tell you.

(Laughter)

You see, if you know my dad at all, he is beyond blunt.

Yeah.

I'll never forget his face.

He looked at me, right in the eyes, and said,

"Catherine, a medical dramedy? Leave that to Aaron Sorkin."

Those words on a loop reverberated through my brain for weeks:

"Leave that to Aaron, leave that to Aaron, leave that to Aaron Sorkin."

Ah, every time I went to brush my teeth: "Leave that to Aaron Sorkin."

(Laughter)

Tried to parallel park my car: "Leave that to Aaron Sorkin."

(Laughter)

Everything should be left to Aaron Sorkin,

who, of course, is responsible for writing The Newsroom, and The West Wing,

and more notably won an Oscar for The Social Network.

Smart guy.

But yeah, that shut me down.

I released the idea back into the wild

and felt shame for even stepping outside of my comfort zone.

Now, if that moment is something you can relate to,

where you suppressed your magic and you devalued yourself,

I've got awesome news.

That is an absolutely required moment in identifying the choice.

I keep harping on about the choice

because I find it very important to notice that there is one;

I find that empowering.

But before we take that step, let's just, for a second,

examine what happens if you say "no" to the choice,

because we do it all the time, right?

You don't have to say "yes."

You can ignore your inner voice

and listen to that more critical voice that's always running, right?

"You're not smart enough. You're not special enough."

Remember that teacher who didn't think much of you?

That ex-boyfriend who thought you were a hack?

He wasn't always wrong.

And what if you fail? What would that feel like?

Would it be that different

than your current state of creative passivity?

For me those two states were the same.

The idea of writing something and not going anywhere - failing -

and not writing

because I was too afraid of failing

was about equal.

If you do fail, can you survive it?

I think you can.

Talk to someone on their deathbed.

In 2011, Bronnie Ware published a book about her time as a palliative care nurse.

She documented the five biggest regrets of people on their deathbed.

The number one regret of people about to pass away:

"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life more true to myself

and didn't worry so much about what others expected of me."

So look, you can unpack that in a bunch of different ways,

but for me the takeaway

is that it is our duty to listen to our inner voice

in order to be our truest self.

So let's take a step to the edge for a second;

let's just consider the uncomfortable.

Now look, my Aaron Sorkin idea, Dad,

wasn't there yet.

But Aaron Sorkin didn't become Aaron Sorkin

by allowing anyone who did something before him halt his development.

Right?

Granted, he's a white male,

and that gave him opportunity, you bet.

And that's not just my opinion; that's a statistical fact.

As a female showrunner, I frequently find myself in these conversations,

talking about how key roles in the entertainment industry

aren't going to women.

It's why I make a practice of hiring predominantly women

even if their resumes don't support it yet.

But guys, Aaron Sorkin is not the problem.

He's merely the incumbent.

He's currently holding office,

which means you get to be the challenger.

And yes - your path into the arena must be a challenge.

And in order to do that, you got to enter the arena.

That's where the choice comes into play.

My path as the challenger started

after I gave birth to my first son, Jackson.

I went back to work too early.

I say that because I had postpartum depression.

And a few years ago,

no one was really talking about postpartum depression,

because a lot of people associated it with the stigma that you were broken.

Well, I was not broken,

but I was experiencing a hormonal imbalance.

I felt like I was having an identity crisis.

I didn't feel like myself when I was with my son;

I didn't feel like myself when I was at work,

which made my first job back -

shooting an independent film in Philadelphia -

hard.

You see, it also happened to fall on my first Mother's Day.

I was away from my six-week-old son,

surrounded by male comedians, and they started giving me hell, right?

They are teasing me,

saying that they'll send my son a Mother's Day card on my behalf.

Would it be more intimate if they signed it "From the nanny"?

Was my son calling ...

(Sighs)

(Puffs)

Was my son calling the nanny "mom" yet?

As you can guess, I cried.

I broke down right there.

I still remember their faces, you know?

It was so awkward, and painful, and silent,

but there was also something really funny about it,

but I didn't know it in the moment.

I went back to my hotel room, and I called my husband -

who's also my producing partner,

smart guy -

and he said, "You got to write this down.

We watch TV all the time. When's the last time you saw this story?

You can't be the only one experiencing this."

There it was, right?

The choice.

And this time, god damn it, I said "yes."

I wrote it; it fumbled out me.

It was awkward and not perfect.

And for those of you who are familiar with my series, Workin' Moms,

you know that it is the finale of the pilot episode,

followed by my character personifying that moment

by battle crying at a 900-pound grizzly bear.

If you're now flirting with the idea of saying "yes" to the choice,

I got two things for you.

One - it's a lot of work. I don't want to downplay that.

You're going to work.

Two - that work has to be specific to you.

You must cut your voice so sharply

that it can be mistaken for nobody but you.

Workin' Moms is that for me.

I felt confident writing about what it was to be a working mother

because I know how hard it is, I know how humiliating it is.

I also know how luxurious it is.

I get to leave my kid, kids now, and do something that's just for me.

If you are considering saying "yes" to the choice,

I don't want to burst your bubble, but others will too.

You're not the only one who's going to take a whack at it.

When I first sold my series, it was actually to a US network.

And because my resume had nothing on it, they attached another showrunner.

And this guy, who by the way is still a friend of mine,

really funny guy,

his number one job was to make sure that my show, Workin' Moms,

was as relatable to as many people as possible.

And in what world was a mother battle crying at a bear relatable?

Was my show targeting mountaineer women?

There it was again - that choice.

I could stick to my guns and be deemed difficult,

or I could trust his experience.

I turned in the pilot to the network

without the bear scene

and a few other scenes that weren't so obviously funny.

The network passed.

Turns out, they had another working mother show in development,

that was very specific, very good,

and also produced by Louis C.K.,

ironically, the incumbent or Aaron Sorkin of my actual genre.

That lesson was a hard one but an important one.

You see,

if you're going to be brave enough to say "yes" to the choice,

you must also have the courage to stick to your vision

because it will be tested.

The silver lining is the rights reverted back to me,

and after several more passes,

my show happened to cross the desk of the tastemaker and serious risk-taker,

Sally Cato at the CBC.

She green-lit the pilot to series.

I remember siting down with her the first time

because she commented on how the show's specificity

was so relatable to her.

So perhaps being specific is actually very relatable.

Look, you might watch this and still not be ready

to say "yes" to the choice.

That is a very worthy part of the journey.

Only you know when it's time to enter the arena.

I just finished saying "yes" to my second season of the show.

(Sighs)

And I'm about to start this process with a whole lot new show

that is completely outside of my comfort zone.

Dare I say it's outside of Aaron Sorkin's too?

(Laughter)

Who, for the record, is a genius and doing just fine.

Guys, whatever voice you've been gifted with -

and it is a gift -

I'm here not to encourage but to demand that you at least consider it.

Because why not you, baby?

Enter the arena.

Thank you.

(Applause)