"They Are Envious" - Robert Greene Explains "Frenemies" And The Phenomenon Of Envy
Summary
TLDRنص النص المقدم يناقش أهمية التواجد في مجموعة مناسبة من الأشخاص لتحقيق النجاح في الحياة، وتأثير المشاعر السلبية التي يمكن أن ينقلها الأصدقاء الغير المرغوب فيها. يناقش أيضاً ظاهرة الغيرة وكيف يمكن أن تؤدي إلى تحول الأصدقاء إلى "صديقان داعمين"، وتشير إلى أن الغيرة يمكن أن تأتي من التغيير الذي يمكن أن يحدث به الأفراد. ينصح بمعرفة الشخصيات التي تحاول الدخول في حياتك من الغيرة وأن تكون حذرًا في التعامل معهم.
Takeaways
- 🤝 الأهمية الكبير للناس الصحيحة في نجاحنا الشخصي والمحترف، يجب أن نكون م定向ين في اختيار الأصدقاء والأعضاء في الفريق.
- 😷 يجب تجنب الأشخاص الذين ينقلون السلبية، لأنهم يمكن أن يؤثرون سلباً على حياتنا ويصيبنا بأمراضهم العاطفية.
- 📚 في كتاب '48 قواعد القوة'، يُناقش مفهوم الإصابة ويتم التركيز على التأثير السلبي الذي يمكن أن يسببه الأشخاص السلبيين.
- 🧐 يجب أن نكون حذرين من الأشخاص الذين يحاولون أن يدخلوا حياتنا بشكل سريع، حيث يمكن أن يكون هذا علامة على حساسية أو حساد.
- 🤔 يجب أن نفهم أن الغيرة هي عادة بشرية، لكن يجب أن نتعامل معها بشكل إيجابي و نتجنب أن نكون فرنيديمز.
- 👥 يمكن أن يشعر الأشخاص بالغيرة من الأصدقاء القدامى عندما ينجحون، مما يمكن أن يؤدي إلى تغيير في العلاقات.
- 💔 الغيرة يمكن أن تؤدي إلى التصرفات السلبية من قبل الأصدقاء، مثل التعليق السلبي أو الاستغلال.
- 🌟 يجب أن نحاول أن نكون متفائلين و نشعر بالسعادة لنجاح الآخرين، بدلاً من أن نشعر بالغيرة.
- 🚫 يجب تجنب الأشخاص الذين يشعرون بالضعف ال内向، لأن ذلك يمكن أن يؤثر سلباً على الثقة الذاتية.
- 💡 يجب أن نكون على دراية بطبيعة البشر و العواطف السلبية التي يمكن أن تظهر في العلاقات، مثل الغيرة والحسادة.
- 🔄 التغيير في الوضعية الشخصية قد يؤدي إلى تغير في العلاقات، وينبغي أن نكون على استعداد لمعالجة هذه التغييرات بشكل إيجابي.
Q & A
ما أهمية الشخص الذي يصاحبك في نجاح حياتك؟
-الشخص الذي يصاحبك يلعب دورًا مهمًا في نجاح حياتك، سواء كان هذا الشخص من زملائك أو أعضاء فريقك. يجب أن تكون مبتكرة في اختيار من يصاحبك.
لماذا يسمى الناس 'ملوثين'؟
-يسمى الناس 'ملوثين' لأن المشاعر والتصرفات يمكن أن تتعطف من شخص إلى آخر، مما يمكن أن يؤثر على الشخص الذي يصاحبهم إيجابيًا أو سلبيًا.
ما هي القصة التي ذكرها في '48 قانون للقوة' حول الإصابة؟
-في '48 قانون للقوة'، تحدثت عن تجربة مشتركة حيث يصبح شخص مثيرة للاهتمام في البداية، ثم يصبح صديقًا، ويظهر أنهم مجانين قليلاً، وينقلون إليك طاقتهم السلبية.
كيف يمكننا التعرف على أن شخص ما يلعب دورًا سلبي في حياتنا؟
-يمكننا التعرف على أن شخص ما يلعب دورًا سلبي في حياتنا من خلال ملاحظة تصرفاتهم السلبية، مثل التحدث دائمًا عن الآخرين بشكل سلبي أو اللعب بالضحية.
لماذا يجب أن نتجنب الأشخاص الذين يشعرون بالغيرة؟
-يجب أن نتجنب الأشخاص الذين يشعرون بالغيرة لأنهم يمكن أن يضرنا بطرقهم السلبية ويحاولون إزعاجنا أو تخريب أحلامنا.
ما هي الغيرة وكيف يمكن أن تؤثر على العلاقات؟
-الغيرة هو شعور يشعر به الشخص عندما يقارن نفسه بغيره ويشعر بالنقص، ويؤدي هذا الشعور في بعض الأحيان إلى إجراءات سلبية تضر الآخرين.
ما هي الفرق بين الغيرة الفعالة والغيرة السلبية؟
-الغيرة الفعالة هي عندما يتصرف الشخص على الغيرة بطريقة تضر الآخرين، مثل التدبير أو التدخين. الغيرة السلبية هي عندما يشعر الشخص بالغيرة لكنه لا يتصرف عليها.
كيف يمكننا التعرف على فريميندز (صديقين معينين)؟
-يمكننا التعرف على فريميندز من خلال ملاحظة تصرفاتهم التي تجعلنا نشعر بالإحباط أو الإهانة، أو عندما يظهرون بشكل سريع جدًا في حياتنا.
ماذا تعني الكلمات 'شا فريد' و 'مفتا' في سياق العلاقات؟
-'شا فريد' تعني الشعور بالفرح من مصيبة الآخرين، بينما 'مفتا' تعني الشعور بالفرح من النجاح الآخرين. يجب أن نسعى لتنمية مفتا لتكون العلاقات أكثر إيجابية.
ماذا يحدث عندما يتغير الوضع في الحياة ويصبح صديقنا فريميند؟
-عندما يتغير الوضع في الحياة، قد يشعر بعض الأصدقاء بالغيرة ويصبحوا فريميندز. يجب علينا التعرف على هذه المشاعر ومعالجةها بشكل إيجابي.
Outlines
🤝 The Impact of Surrounding Yourself with the Right People
The speaker emphasizes the importance of being intentional about the company we keep, both personally and professionally. They discuss how people can be 'contagious' and influence our success. Drawing from 'The 48 Laws of Power,' they illustrate the concept of 'infection' where engaging with a negative individual can lead to their drama and negativity affecting us. The speaker advises recognizing and avoiding 'drama queens' or 'kings' who may bring their problems into our lives. They distinguish between those who are genuinely unfortunate and those who attract misfortune due to their insecurities, suggesting that the latter can be detrimental to our well-being. The paragraph concludes with the advice to seek out confident, action-oriented individuals who can inspire us with their positive energy.
😔 Understanding and Identifying Frenemies and Envy
This paragraph delves into the phenomenon of 'Frenemies,' individuals who may befriend you out of envy and then act in ways that are hurtful or sabotage your success. The speaker explains that envy is a deep-rooted human emotion with ancient origins, evident even in animal behavior. They discuss how envy can manifest in friendships, with friends who may feel a sense of entitlement to your success and act out in negative ways. The speaker identifies signs of such behavior, such as friends rushing to establish a close relationship, which may indicate an underlying envy. They also touch on the concept of 'Schadenfreude' and its opposite, 'Mitfreude,' urging the cultivation of joy for others' successes as a higher quality in life. The paragraph concludes with personal insights on how the speaker has experienced envy from long-time acquaintances and the importance of confronting and overcoming such negative emotions.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡contagious
💡48 Laws of Power
💡infection
💡drama queen/drama king
💡emotional attachment
💡negative energy
💡insecure
💡Envy
💡Frenemies
💡rituals
💡hierarchical
Highlights
The importance of surrounding oneself with the right group of people for personal and professional success.
The concept of 'infection' in relationships, where negative energy from others can affect one's own well-being.
The idea that people can be 'dramatically' interesting initially but may bring negative influences into one's life.
The need to be cautious of individuals who constantly talk about being wronged by others, potentially indicating their own issues.
The distinction between people who are genuinely unfortunate and those who bring misfortune upon themselves due to their nature.
The advice to avoid insecure people as their insecurity can negatively impact one's own confidence.
The recommendation to seek out confident and accomplished individuals to benefit from their positive energy and drive.
The discussion on 'Frenemies', individuals who befriend you out of envy but may act against your interests.
The historical and primal roots of envy, including its presence in hunter-gatherer societies and among chimpanzees.
The explanation of how envy can manifest in 'Frenemies' who rush to befriend you and may sabotage you later.
The importance of recognizing and managing one's own feelings of envy to avoid negative behaviors.
The phenomenon of 'Schadenfreude', taking pleasure in others' misfortunes, and its contrast with 'Mithridatism', feeling joy for others' success.
The challenge of dealing with long-time friends who may feel envy towards your success and act out negatively.
The personal account of how the speaker has experienced envy from people who knew him before his success.
The observation that strangers often give more compliments and recognition than those who knew the speaker before his achievements.
The suggestion to confront and overcome negative emotions such as envy to foster healthier relationships.
The emphasis on the need for intentionality in choosing the company one keeps for personal and professional growth.
Transcripts
how important is it you know you're
talking about colleagues and team
members there and earlier you said that
people are contagious how important do
you think it is to
the success of our lives and I paus
there because success means it's a
personal thing it's a professional thing
to surround ourselves with the right
group of people and to be intentional
about that it's very important
um I have a chapter in excuse me in the
48 Laws of Power about
infection and um I think it's an
experience many of us have had where
you're around
somebody who seems at first glance to be
very
interesting and they they they become
your friend maybe they're very dramatic
and they have all these stories to tell
and they seem almost slightly larger
than life and you engage with them and
then you become friends and then slowly
slowly slowly
it becomes clear that that they're a
little bit nuts right they're always
talking about how this person screwed
them how that person screwed them how
this boyfriend or girlfriend was so
awful and so nasty you to re you begin
to realize is this true or is it maybe
they that the pro they are the problem
but now they're your friend and now
you're emotionally attached to them and
now they have room to play all these
kind of games on you and all of their
drama starts infecting you and it's like
God damn it I want to get away from this
person but I can't they've infected you
with their negative energy and it gets
under your skin and so uh you have to
avoid people like that you have to read
before you get involved with them that
they are a drama queen or a drama King
because there just as many men out there
who have this quality you have to see
that they are that they play the victim
of of everybody else but actually they
kind of Bring It On to themselves some
people are genu wiely unfortunate bad
things have happened to them and it's
not their fault I'm never saying it's a
misconception about that chapter that
you should avoid everybody who's
unfortunate there are people and a lot
of people out there whose circumstances
have put made them you know in there
what what's going on it's not their
fault right but there are other people
you have to recognize that the bad
things that happened to them are things
that they have brought on because they
have this infecting power it comes from
Deep insecurity you don't want them in
your life being around insecure people
will make you insecure being around
confident people who kind of know what
they're doing who've got their act
together who are trying to make things
and accomplish things because there's so
many people out there who talk and talk
and talk but never do anything being
around people who do things who get
things done who've made a business
who've made this that or the other their
goal to be around because they infect
you with their positive energy
Frenemies
yeah do we all have Frenemies and how do
we spot
Frenemies well hopefully we all don't
have them but um in the laws of human
nature and in in several of my books I
talk about the phenomenon of Envy which
is very very powerful human trait it has
roots very ancient Roots we know that in
hunter gatherers
societies from thousands of years ago
Envy was a real problem and so they
create all kinds of rituals to avoid
Envy where the moment somebody in a
tribe received a gift they had to give
it to other members so they wouldn't
face Envy because facing Envy you could
be murdered for it so you learned all of
these rituals and we've noticed that
chimpanzees feel Envy you give some one
of the higher up chimps because they're
very hierarchical a grape and all all
the other chimps are very wanting that
grape as well and they feel envy and etc
etc so it's an extremely human
emotion the thing that we don't realize
though that the people most likely to
feel Envy first of all we all feel Envy
we're all comparing ourselves to other
people I feel it all the time right now
I envy ran holiday because he's you know
so 30 years younger he's sold so many
books you know he's got all this great
stuff I I know I know what Envy is like
I feel it we all feel small degrees of
Envy but there are people I call it
passive Envy but active Envy means
people act on it they do something to
hurt you they sabotage you in some way
Frenemies are the classic scenario so
somebody who feels envious of you ends
up befriending you and consciously they
may not be even aware of that they think
well I would do want to like them but
unconsciously they feel Envy they think
you have success that you don't
necessarily deserve that you have what
they want right they become your friend
and they they charm you etc etc and then
lo and behold you start noticing all
kinds of behavior that's very ugly that
you weren't expecting because you're
they're your friend they start saying
comments that get under your skin
that make you feel insecure they take
things from you they act in ways that
are hurtful but because they're your
friend your first instinct is to blame
yourself well maybe it's my fault that
they've done this maybe I'm actually to
blame for what for what they're saying
etc etc so I believe behind the frines
phenomenon is this this phenomena of
Envy where the person secretly wants
what you have and they're becoming your
friends so that they can wound you and
what's best to do is to recognize that
and one common sign sign of a friend of
me of somebody who's befriending you out
of Envy is they're in a rush to be your
friend normally we like to take it a
little bit slow we just don't let
anybody into our lives we like to vet
them a little bit forehand right we
don't trust everybody but the person who
feels Envy is like I love you you're
fantastic I want to be your friend we
got to hang out let's go out for dinner
the next night ET they're in a hurry
that's a sign that something else is
going going on because that's not
natural what about when friends become
Frenemies because sometimes through the
process of US changing yes we might
Inspire that Envy yes like your status
changes we've all had to deal with that
I've had to deal with that as well you
have
success and you you came from a
background where with where you weren't
so successful and your friends are still
there and they Envy you and they're not
very nice to you and uh you know it's
it's not a good quality and I've I've
I've I've understand the quality I
understand where it comes from and I've
I wrote about it in human nature where
we're all aware of the of this of the
what we call sha Freud Shan Freud means
you take pleasure in other people's pain
so you hear a friend didn't get the job
that they wanted to get and you go oh
I'm sorry but deep down inside you kind
of kind of happy you know and we all go
through that right the opposite is mitfa
it's an expression that n coin which
means you feel Joy for other people I
like to try and cultivate some of the
higher qualities in life so if something
good happens to
somebody I my first thing is I might
feel a twinge of Envy but then I go it's
great for them I'm actually very happy
I'm excited I share their joy in what
has happened right but it's not natural
so when somebody that you know and
you've known for a long time has success
in life your first thing is to be they
didn't deserve it they kind of cheated
their way to it okay as we talked about
in the very beginning you confront that
ugly emotion yourself and you go that's
not who I want to be and you go I'm
going to make myself feel the opposite
I'm going to make myself feel happy for
their
success it's not natural and most people
don't go through that and I know
personally from people I knew before I
had any success in
life they're the ones that give me the
fewest amount of compliments for my
books they never read my books in the
first place they're very spare with
their with what they say they've got a
pinched look on their face whereas
people I've never met before in my life
give me all kinds of compliments why is
that because they're envious they're
upset
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