Why we make choices that don't make sense | Steve Quayle | TEDxDoncaster

Summary

Steve C delivers an insightful TED Talk exploring the dynamics of conscious awareness and personal paradigms, particularly in relation to money. He shares his journey through the four levels of mastery, from unconscious incompetence to mastery, using martial arts as a metaphor. Steve also delves into the four states of being, from victim to 'as me', highlighting the importance of a positive outlook. His talk is a call to action for personal growth, encouraging optimism and the pursuit of knowledge to transcend limiting beliefs.

Takeaways

• 🤔 The script discusses the concept of behavior that is opposite to what we consciously know or believe, highlighting the gap between awareness and action.
• 🧠 It introduces the idea of 'paradigm' as a mental program that controls our habitual behavior, often formed from early life experiences.
• 🏠 The speaker shares personal anecdotes from his upbringing, illustrating how family dynamics and conversations can shape our financial beliefs.
• 💪 The four levels of mastery or conscious awareness are presented: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and mastery.
• 👶 The first level, unconscious incompetence, is described as a state of ignorance where we are unaware of what we don't know.
• 📚 The second level, conscious incompetence, is the stage where we become aware of our lack of knowledge and seek to learn more.
• 🎓 The third level, conscious competence, is reached when we are knowledgeable but still need to consciously apply what we've learned.
• 🚀 The fourth level, mastery, is characterized by unconscious competence, where skills are performed without conscious thought, like breathing.
• 🥋 A personal story about martial arts training and a fight illustrates the difference between theoretical knowledge and practical, unconscious competence.
• 💰 The script touches on the influence of family discussions about money and wealth, and how these can instill a sense of lack or abundance.
• 🌱 Four states of being are mentioned: 'to me' (victim mentality), 'by me' (self-reliance), 'through me' (delegation and trust), and 'as me' (a state of spiritual connection rarely achieved).
• 📚 The importance of personal development and seeking knowledge through various resources like YouTube, books, and seminars is emphasized.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's TED Talk?

The main theme of the speaker's TED Talk is exploring the concept of conscious awareness and mastery levels, as well as the different states of being that individuals live in, with a focus on personal development and growth.

What does the speaker mean by 'paradigm' in the context of the TED Talk?

In the context of the TED Talk, 'paradigm' refers to a mental program that has almost exclusive control over our habitual behavior, which is often formed by our upbringing and experiences, and can significantly influence our beliefs and actions.

Can you explain the four levels of mastery or conscious awareness as mentioned in the script?

The four levels of mastery or conscious awareness are: 1) Unconscious incompetence, where one is unaware of what they don't know; 2) Conscious incompetence, where one becomes aware of their lack of knowledge and seeks to learn; 3) Conscious competence, where one knows and understands but still has to consciously think about it; 4) Mastery or unconscious competence, where one can perform without conscious thought, like breathing.

What personal anecdote does the speaker share about his experience with martial arts?

The speaker shares an anecdote about being almost a black belt in karate but losing a physical altercation to someone who had no formal martial arts training. This experience highlights the difference between theoretical knowledge and practical, unconscious competence.

How does the speaker's upbringing influence his perspective on money and belief systems?

The speaker's upbringing, particularly the conversations around family finances and the stress associated with money, shaped his paradigm about money. His family's discussions about financial struggles and the belief that wealth was associated with dishonesty influenced his subconscious beliefs about money.

What are the four states of being that the speaker refers to in the script?

The four states of being are: 1) To me (victim state), where one feels everything happens to them; 2) By me, where one takes control and responsibility for their life; 3) Through me, where one works and trusts the process, delegating and allowing things to unfold; 4) As me, a state of deep connection with the universe, often associated with spiritual masters.

What is the significance of the story about the pessimist, the optimist, and the opportunist?

The story illustrates the idea that while the pessimist and optimist are focused on arguing about the state of the glass (half full or half empty), the opportunist takes action and drinks the water, rendering the argument moot. It suggests that action can be more important than endless debate.

How does the speaker's grandmother's behavior contribute to the speaker's understanding of money and lack?

The speaker's grandmother's focus on the rising costs of goods and her discussions about money during horse racing advertisements instilled a sense of lack and limitation in the speaker, which is a common theme in conversations about money in his family.

What advice does the speaker give for personal growth and development?

The speaker advises exploring personal growth and development with a positive and optimistic outlook. He suggests using resources like YouTube, books, and seminars to learn more about these topics and encourages expecting the good to find it.

What is the speaker's final message to the audience?

The speaker's final message is to maintain a positive and optimistic attitude, to take action, and to trust in the process, as most of the things people worry about never actually happen.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Conflicting Actions and Unconscious Beliefs

The speaker begins by discussing the paradox of knowing something intellectually yet acting against it, highlighting the gap between conscious awareness and habitual behavior. He shares a personal anecdote about a rehearsal, where his actions were deemed potentially frightening for children, setting a tone for exploring models of consciousness and mastery. The speaker also provides background about his upbringing in Doncaster, using it as a segue into the discussion of money and how our belief systems and paradigms are formed. He mentions being mentored by Bob Proctor, who defined a paradigm as a mental program controlling habitual behavior, and relates this to the speaker's own family experiences and their impact on his beliefs about money.

05:03

🧠 The Four Levels of Conscious Awareness

The speaker delves into the four stages of conscious awareness, starting with 'unconscious incompetence,' where one is unaware of their ignorance. He then describes 'conscious incompetence,' the stage of recognizing one's lack of knowledge and beginning to learn. 'Conscious competence' is the next level, where one has knowledge but must consciously apply it. The final stage is 'unconscious competence,' or mastery, where skills are second nature. The speaker illustrates these stages with a personal story about his experience with martial arts, emphasizing the difference between theoretical knowledge and practical competence in real-life situations.

10:03

🏡 Childhood Influences on Financial Beliefs

The speaker recounts his childhood experiences that shaped his views on money. He talks about his family's financial discussions, which were often centered around lack and limitation, and how these conversations influenced his subconscious beliefs. He also describes the contrast between his family's financial situation and the wealth he observed in other parts of Doncaster, and the narratives his family created to explain wealth, often associating it with dishonesty. This paragraph explores the deep roots of financial paradigms and how early life experiences can impact one's relationship with money.

15:06

🌟 The Four States of Being

The speaker introduces a model of four states of being, learned from his friend Peter Sage. The first state is the 'victim' state, characterized by a sense of helplessness and external blame for one's circumstances. The second state is 'bu me,' where individuals take charge and responsibility for their outcomes. The third state, 'through me,' involves a balance of personal effort and trust in the universe to bring results. The final state, 'as me,' is a realm of spiritual masters who are deeply connected with the universe. The speaker encourages listeners to adopt a positive and optimistic outlook, suggesting that expectation shapes reality.

🥂 The Optimist and Pessimist Parable

In the concluding paragraph, the speaker tells a parable about an argument between an optimist and a pessimist over whether a glass is half full or half empty. The story illustrates the futility of focusing on perspectives that don't lead to action. An 'opportunist' character enters, drinks the water, and leaves, showing that while the two argue, the real opportunity is missed. The speaker uses this story to emphasize the importance of action over inaction and to leave the audience with a humorous yet poignant message about the power of positivity and seizing the moment.

Keywords

💡Conscious Awareness

Conscious awareness refers to the state of being aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. In the video, it is linked to the concept of personal growth and understanding one's habitual behaviors. The speaker uses the term to describe the journey of self-improvement and the different levels of mastery, starting from 'unconscious incompetence' where one is unaware of their lack of knowledge to 'mastery' where actions become second nature.

💡Paradigm

A paradigm is a framework containing the basic assumptions, concepts, and practices that constitute a particular perspective. The speaker mentions that a paradigm is a mental program controlling habitual behavior, shaped by early life experiences such as family discussions about money, which can influence one's beliefs and attitudes towards financial matters.

💡Habitual Behavior

Habitual behavior is the tendency to perform actions automatically, often without conscious thought. The speaker discusses how most of our behaviors are habitual, and these habits are formed by our paradigms. This concept is integral to understanding how we can change our behaviors by altering our underlying beliefs.

💡Levels of Mastery

The levels of mastery are a framework for understanding the progression from unawareness to expertise in a skill or knowledge area. The speaker outlines four levels: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence. This concept is used to illustrate the personal development journey, particularly in the context of learning martial arts.

💡Unconscious Competence

Unconscious competence is the highest level of mastery where skills are performed effortlessly and without conscious thought. The speaker uses the example of breathing to illustrate this concept, suggesting that we are all unconsciously competent at certain fundamental tasks, and this level of mastery can be achieved with practice and experience.

💡Belief Systems

Belief systems are the set of beliefs that guide an individual's actions and decisions. In the video, the speaker discusses how belief systems, particularly those related to money, are formed in early life and can significantly impact one's financial behaviors and attitudes later in life.

💡Personal Development

Personal development refers to the process of improving one's skills, abilities, and knowledge to enhance personal growth. The speaker's narrative is centered around personal development, using his own experiences and the models of conscious awareness and states of being to encourage the audience to explore their own potential.

💡States of Being

States of being refer to the different mental and emotional conditions that individuals can experience. The speaker introduces four states: 'to me' (victim), 'by me' (self-reliant), 'through me' (delegate and trust), and 'as me' (spiritually connected). These states are used to describe the progression from feeling like a victim to achieving a state of spiritual enlightenment.

💡Optimism

Optimism is a positive mental attitude reflecting hope and confidence about the future. The speaker ends the video with a story about a pessimist and an optimist arguing over whether a glass is half full or half empty, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a positive outlook as an optimist.

💡Opportunist

An opportunist is someone who takes advantage of opportunities as they arise. In the video's concluding story, the opportunist represents the idea of seizing the moment, as he drinks the water while the pessimist and optimist are distracted by their argument, highlighting the importance of action over indecision.

Highlights

The concept of intellectual and verbal knowledge versus habitual behavior is discussed, emphasizing the gap between what we know and how we act.

The speaker shares a personal anecdote to illustrate the impact of early life experiences on shaping our beliefs and behaviors.

The idea of 'paradigm' is introduced as a mental program that governs habitual behavior, affecting our relationship with various aspects of life.

A personal story about the speaker's upbringing in Doncaster and the influence of family dynamics on his perception of money.

The four levels of Mastery or conscious awareness are introduced: Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence, and Mastery.

A personal martial arts story illustrates the transition from theoretical knowledge to practical unconscious competence.

The impact of family conversations on financial beliefs, suggesting that early exposure to discussions about money can shape one's financial paradigm.

The four states of being are presented: Victim, 'Bu Me', 'Through Me', and 'As Me', each representing different levels of personal empowerment and stress.

The speaker encourages a shift from a 'Victim' state to a more proactive 'Bu Me' state for personal growth and success.

The importance of delegation and trust in the 'Through Me' state to achieve a balanced and less stressful life.

A description of the 'As Me' state as an ideal but rare level of spiritual and mental connection, often associated with Zen Buddhist Masters.

The speaker's recommendation to maintain a balance between 'Bu Me' and 'Through Me' for effective personal and professional development.

The value of exploring personal development resources such as YouTube, books, and seminars for self-improvement.

A motivational message to approach life with a positive and optimistic outlook, expecting good outcomes to attract them.

The story of the Pessimist and the Optimist arguing over a glass of water, with the Opportunist intervening to make a point about seizing opportunities.

The conclusion emphasizes the importance of action and not getting caught up in endless debates or inaction.

Transcripts

why did you do

that I don't

know well you know better than to do

that don't you I know so why did you do

it I don't know is that familiar to

anybody we know things intellectually

and verbally and consciously we have

conscious awareness around things yet we

sometimes behave in a completely

opposite way but doesn't always serve

our best interests it was interesting

actually we did a rehearsal here two

weeks ago and um when I said uh why did

you do that Marcus said to me make sure

there's no kids sat down there you you

terrify them so what we're going to do

today is just really explore two four

stage models around one is around

conscious awareness levels of masteries

and the other one is around various

states that we all live in but first let

me just give you a little bit of

background about myself I was born and

raised in

Doncaster sounds like one of two of you

one of two of you were as well so I was

brought up uh right opposite a

pub called called the wheelie Hotel on

Thorn Road anybody know it anyone got

drunk in

there I know I certainly did very handy

place to be when I got into my mid to

18s uh but my formative years were spent

around the corner in wheatle Hills on

Grove Hill Road if anyone knows that

yeah just behind there and the reason

that we moved to Thorn Road is after

when I was seven is because uh my mom

was expecting a sist my my sister and we

needed another bedroom so what I'm going

to do is just take you a little insight

into my upbringing and I'm going to use

this segue very nicely the subject of

money because we all use it right on a

daily basis we can all relate to it to

see how our belief systems and our

paradigms are formed anyone know what a

paradigm is yes well I was I had the

privilege to be mentored and to work

with Bob Proctor if anyone's familiar

with him and he used to say a paradigm

is a mental program which has almost

exclusive

control over our habitual behavior and

here's the thing almost all our behavior

is guess what habitual right so I want

you to picture little Steve in Grove

Hill Road in the late 1960s or early'

70s sat around the dinner table with Mom

and Dad now we were just an ordinary

family we weren't rich but we weren't

poor my dad worked at um International

Harvesters does anybody remember that on

whe Hall Road it's not there anymore

it's full of housing Estates or

something like that and my mom worked at

pegler's down at the bottom of car Hill

and her best friend at work was one of

donc Caster's favorite Sons moms Kevin

Keegan footballer Mrs Keegan was the

cleaner there at pegas so she was a good

mate of my mom's there so there we are

sat around the table having dinner but

if anything came up on the fin family

finances side of things like the car

failed its mot or there was a need for

extra money then this was a big deal can

anyone relate to that yeah and my mom

got really stressed about this really

worried about it she'd have a head in

her hands and she'd be like how are we

going to pay the mortgage you know oh my

God Paul can you get any overtime to my

dad that sort of thing and when you grow

up listening to that sort of thing for 5

years 10 years 15 years it tends to form

your core belief system or your Paradigm

your unconscious belief system around

money and by the way this relates to

absolutely everything so we all have a

relationship with money we all have a

relationship with relationships we have

a relationship with our health and

nutrition in fact just about everything

that you can think about we have a

relationship and a belief system around

which operates subconsciously a bit like

a cybernetic system which which operates

the autopilot on a plane you all with me

so far good okay how we doing by the way

today all good it's been fantastic

absolutely fantastic and I'm really

privileged and honored to share the

stage with the speakers that have been

here before me absolutely amazing so

what we're going to get into is two

models of four the first one is what we

call the four levels of Mastery or

conscious awareness and the first one of

those is what we call unconscious

incompetence what's an unconscious

incompetent apart from something a bit

of a tongue twister for me to say Well

it simply means we don't know what we

don't know you're not aware of something

so you got awareness over here and

you've got its polar opposite which is

ignorance you're not aware of the fact

polar opposite of awareness is ignorance

and contrary to that Great British

phrase which phe ignorance is bliss I'm

here to tell you it's

not it really isn't ignorance is another

word beginning with b bondage not that

type of

bondage the type of bondage which keeps

you stuck where you are spinning your

wheels but if we move up to the second

stage of awareness called unconscious

sorry conscious

incompetence this is now where we become

aware of something and we might might

want to study it a little bit we might

want to broaden our Horizons take some

classes read some books do some seminars

spend a year or two getting into it and

really getting to know what that topic

is what that subject is and then we can

move up to the third level of awareness

which is called conscious competence now

we're really aware of something we know

what's going on we're educated on it

we're more knowledgeable we're not in

that state of ignorance or anywhere near

it but we still have to think about it

so we are

consciously

competent but the fourth

level is what we call

Mastery this is where we become an

unconscious competent an unconscious

competent this is where we do it on

autopilot I'd like to suggest to you

that we're all unconsciously competent

at breathing right we don't think about

it the only time we actually think about

breathing is if we get out of breath

medically or we exert ourselves running

up a flight of stairs yeah so I'd like

to give you a personal

um little personal uh story about

graduating the four levels of

consciousness it relates to me

personally so back when I was about 12 I

was unconsciously incompetent in other

words ignorant about martial arts and

then I saw a film you might have seen

called Enter the Dragon Bruce Lee

all about karate and Kung Fu and I

wanted to be Bruce Lee so I took karate

classes down in Becket Road I went three

four times a week I went at weekends

when I could and within about two years

two and a half years I was almost a

black belt almost that's quite quick

time to do that and anyway one night I

went out into to Doncaster in my sort of

mid to 18 teens and I got involved in a

bit of a kafuffle and I came second

in this kle now I'm pretty certain that

the guy who uh who I came second to who

took me from black belt to almost black

eye well definitely a black eye um he

had never ever been near to a Karate

Dojo but I'm sure he'd had more than his

fair share of little kathal right and so

he was operating from a level of

unconscious competence where I was still

thinking well if you does this do that

and and and don't

work so this is where we're at and by

the way I just wanted to tell you

something I meant to say this earlier

before we go into the next model is

around this thing of money and building

the belief systems Grandma used to come

to our house when we lived at Thorn Road

every Saturday afternoon she'd get off

the bus at the weekly hotel she's come

from rossington anyone from

rossington that worked didn't it

she'd come from rossington she' got off

the bus and she'd watch the horse racing

every afternoon with my mom the itv7 I

think it was yeah and well be tied you

if you spoke when that horse racing was

on yeah but in between all of the the

races during the adverts all they talked

about was money all they talked about

was how everything's gone up spuds have

gone up on Donnie

Market cauliflowers have gone up Meats

gone up so was this constant talk of

lack and limitation you with me so far

and then Saturday evenings we used to

take Grandma back to rossington so of

course for those of you who know the

geography of Doncaster you've got to go

from Thorn Road to rossington you've got

to go up borry Road past all the big

houses where all the rich folks live a

little 10-year-old Steve in the back of

a car sometimes I'd go oh Mom look at

that house is that rolls rce on the

driveway my mom would invariably say

something like it'll be like my dad said

they'll be bloody

Crooks so looking back and joining the

dots up like Steve Jobs says which is

the only way you can you can probably a

bit like a remote viewer see what the

talk was around money successful wealthy

people around my mom's dinner table in

the 1930s and only early 1940s she was

born in 35 same year as Alish

throw away facts there the ne the next

model four states that we all live in

this is something that I learned from a

very close friend of mine Peter Sage who

teaches this in in huge detail we

haven't got time for that now but I'm

going to quickly run through it for you

the first state is what we call to me

anybody read The Celestine

Prophecy amazing book you have great

congratulations amazing book mid90s

spiritual book by a guy called James

Redfield he refers to the Tumi State as

a victim drama so when we live here guys

this is where everything happens to us

we are the victims everything happens to

me the whole world is against me there's

a great big Global conspiracy on to do

me down anybody know anyone like

that a friend of course yeah when we

have an awareness around this we can say

you know what screw this I'm going to

I'm going to make things happen and we

move into a state called by me now a lot

of entrepreneurs a lot of successful go

getting people live in the state called

bu me and bu me means very simply if

it's to be it's up to me I'm going to

make it happen regardless the whole

world is going to stop if I stop these

people work 28 hours a day they're not

very good at delegating typically

they work eight days a week and they

feel guilty when they have holidays

often times they become very successful

but guys when they get to the top of

success Mountain sometimes they don't

like the

view sometimes they've sacrificed

relationships

marriages uh

friendships Health even just to get

there because they've been living in a

very high state of stress anybody know

anyone like that yes or yes

the third state little bit more chill

little bit more relaxed it's called

through me this is where we still do the

work because to get heat out of the fire

we got to put the wood in first but we

do the work we delegate and then we

trust in the process we trust that the

universe will bring us back what we've

put out there you with

me and we live a lot more relaxed less

stressful life I would recommend

something like around about 50 60% buy

me let's get it done and then just put

it out there and Trust in the process

that things will work because they

invariably do work out 99% of the things

we get stressed and worried about never

happen

agreed the fourth state which I will

probably never get to is called

asme this is the state where Zen

Buddhist Masters and people like that

they're totally connected to the mind

body and spirit totally connected to the

universe they can make things

levitate they're a bit like Yoda from

Star Wars these people yeah so I'll

probably never get there but that's

those four states of being so in sort of

leaving you with a few thoughts today

I'd really like to encourage you if you

found this interesting thought-provoking

you may be on this sort of Journey of

personal development personal growth

yourself but if you if you find it

interesting there's so many great

resources on YouTube hell I've even got

a YouTube channel and you can read books

take seminars there a lot of good free

resources but explore it with a positive

and

optimistic Outlook expect the good and

you'll find it because everybody in this

room is positive and optimistic aren't

we

yeah

yes so I'm going to leave you with a

famous story this is a story about two

people one of them is called a pessimist

and the other one is called The Optimist

and there they were sat there one

day having the argument as to

whether you know what's coming don't you

as to whether the glass was half full or

half empty can I ask you is the glass

half full or half

empty sorry I can't hear you half full

of course it is cuz we're all positive

optimistic people anyway they were

having a proper old dingdong this day

about whether this glass is half full

The Optimist is saying look it's half

full can't you see it and the pessimist

saying no it's half empty are you mad

and they were really getting into a

heated argument they were almost coming

to physical blows that black eye we

talked about earlier yeah but on this

day which was a hot daylight we've had

recently there was another guy who

entered the four and this guy was called

called the

opportunist and the opportunist saw what

was going on and he' just come in from

outside and he was really thirsty and so

he came up to the table while these two

were having their dingdong and they

didn't even notice him and he picked up

the glass of water

and he drank the whole lot and off he

went and you know what they carried on

arguing almost coming to blows they' not

even noticed that they were now emptying

sorry they were we're now speaking about

a glass which was neither half full or

half empty it was most definitely empty

I'm Steve C thanks for listening to my

TED Talk