Parenting SA: What parenting style works best for children?

Summary

Psychologist Jodie Benveniste explores parenting styles in this insightful video, highlighting four main categories: authoritarian, permissive, disengaged, and supportive. She emphasizes the negative impacts of the first three styles on children's development, while advocating for the supportive style, which combines warmth, structure, and guidance. Benveniste stresses the importance of nurturing self-confident, emotionally mature children with good social skills, underlining that a strong, loving relationship is the cornerstone of effective parenting.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Parenting styles significantly impact children's outcomes, with neuroscience showing the importance of relationships and environment in their growth and development.
• 🏛️ Authoritarian parenting provides structure and discipline but can lead to a lack of self-worth and wellbeing due to its harsh and unloving nature.
• 🚫 Authoritarian parents often focus on punishment rather than teaching, which can result in children obeying out of fear rather than understanding.
• 🌱 Permissive parenting offers warmth and love but lacks the necessary guidance, structure, and boundaries, potentially leading to children lacking self-discipline and social skills.
• 🍪 Permissive parents might give in to children's demands, not setting consequences, which can lead to a lack of discipline and understanding of social impacts.
• 🏡 Disengaged parenting combines the worst of authoritarian and permissive styles, showing little interest in children and failing to provide necessary guidance, structure, and affection.
• 🚶‍♂️ Children of disengaged parents can become socially withdrawn, anxious, and insecure, and may engage in risky behaviors due to lack of supervision and guidance.
• 🌟 The supportive parenting style is considered the best for children, combining warmth, love, structure, and guidance to help children learn and grow.
• 🤝 Supportive parents listen, discuss, and involve children in decision-making, fostering independence and learning from mistakes.
• 🔗 Consistency in setting boundaries and following through with consequences is crucial in the supportive parenting style, teaching children about consequences and responsibility.
• 💖 The ultimate goal of parenting is to develop a strong, loving relationship with children, which sets the foundation for their emotional maturity, social skills, and overall wellbeing.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video script by Jodie Benveniste?

The main focus of the video script is to discuss different parenting styles and identify which style is most beneficial for children's development and wellbeing.

According to the script, how does neuroscience literature relate to parenting?

The neuroscience literature indicates that the relationships and environment children have during their upbringing significantly impact their growth and development.

What are the four main categories of parenting styles mentioned in the script?

The four main categories of parenting styles are authoritarian, permissive, disengaged, and supportive.

How does the authoritarian parenting style affect children's self-worth and wellbeing?

Children raised with the authoritarian parenting style may be obedient but can lack self-worth and wellbeing due to the harshness and lack of warmth and love in this style.

What is a common characteristic of permissive parents?

Permissive parents are warm, loving, and responsive but often fail to provide the necessary guidance, structure, and boundaries for their children to learn discipline and good behavior.

Why might children of disengaged parents struggle socially and academically?

Children of disengaged parents struggle because these parents show little interest, provide insufficient guidance, boundaries, and structure, and may be neglectful, leading to social withdrawal, anxiety, and poor academic performance.

What is the key difference between the supportive parenting style and the other styles mentioned?

The supportive parenting style combines warmth, love, and affection with the establishment of structure and boundaries, focusing on guiding and teaching children rather than punishment.

How do supportive parents involve their children in decision-making?

Supportive parents involve their children in decision-making by listening to them, asking questions, discussing, and allowing them to have a say in certain matters, fostering independence and learning.

What is the impact of consistent boundaries and consequences on children's learning?

Consistent boundaries and consequences help children learn more effectively, as they understand the expectations and repercussions of their actions, leading to better behavior and development.

How do supportive parents encourage children to learn from their mistakes?

Supportive parents encourage learning from mistakes by discussing what happened, exploring how things could be done better, and identifying lessons learned from the situation.

What are the long-term benefits for children who grow up with supportive parents?

Children with supportive parents tend to be self-confident, capable, emotionally mature, have good social skills, and enjoy better happiness and wellbeing, setting them up for successful adulthood.

Outlines

00:00

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Understanding Parenting Styles

Jodie Benveniste, a psychologist and parenting author, introduces the concept of parenting styles and their impact on children's development. She outlines four main parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, disengaged, and supportive. The authoritarian style is characterized by strict rules and punishments, potentially leading to obedient but self-worth deficient children. Permissive parenting offers warmth but lacks the necessary structure and discipline, which can result in children lacking self-discipline and social skills. Disengaged parenting combines the negative aspects of both authoritarian and permissive styles, showing little interest in the child's life and failing to provide essential guidance and warmth. The supportive style, which is considered the most beneficial for children, combines warmth, love, and boundaries with guidance and teaching, fostering self-confidence, emotional maturity, and good social skills in children.

05:00

🌟 The Optimal Parenting Approach

This paragraph delves into the specifics of the supportive parenting style, which is deemed the best for children. It emphasizes the importance of being warm, loving, and affectionate while also establishing clear boundaries and guiding children's behavior. Supportive parents are attentive listeners who involve their children in decision-making and discussions, allowing them to learn from mistakes and grow independently. Consistency in setting and following through with consequences is highlighted as a key learning tool for children. The paragraph also notes the flexibility of supportive parents in considering the child's temperament and developmental stage when making parenting decisions. The result of this approach is children who are self-confident, emotionally mature, and well-prepared for adulthood, both socially and academically. The supportive style encourages a strong, loving relationship between parent and child, which is the essence of successful parenting.

Keywords

💡Parenting Styles

Parenting styles refer to the methods and attitudes parents use to raise their children. In the video, the concept is central as it categorizes different approaches into four main types, each having distinct impacts on a child's development. The script discusses how certain styles may foster obedience but lack self-worth, while others might instill self-discipline and emotional maturity.

💡Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parenting is characterized by strict rules, high expectations, and a focus on obedience. The script describes this style as potentially leading to children who are obedient but may lack self-worth due to the harsh and less warm nature of this approach. An example given is the expectation of obedience without allowing children to make their own decisions.

💡Permissive Parenting

Permissive parenting is depicted as a style where parents are warm and loving but may lack the provision of necessary structure and discipline. The script illustrates this with the scenario of a parent giving in to a child's demands for more sweets, reflecting a lack of boundaries and discipline.

💡Disengaged Parenting

Disengaged parenting is described as a style where parents show minimal interest in their children's lives, providing little guidance, structure, or emotional warmth. The script mentions that children of disengaged parents may become socially withdrawn and insecure due to the lack of boundaries and attention.

💡Supportive Parenting

Supportive parenting is presented as the optimal style, combining warmth, love, structure, and guidance. The script emphasizes that this approach encourages children to be self-confident and emotionally mature, with examples including parents listening to their children and allowing them to learn from their mistakes.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth in the context of the video refers to the intrinsic value and confidence a child develops. The script associates authoritarian parenting with children potentially lacking self-worth due to the strict and less nurturing environment.

💡Wellbeing

Wellbeing is discussed in relation to the impact of parenting styles on a child's emotional and psychological health. The script suggests that certain parenting styles may negatively affect a child's wellbeing, while supportive parenting is linked to better happiness and emotional maturity.

💡Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to control one's impulses and make decisions that align with long-term goals. The script contrasts permissive parenting, which may not teach discipline, with supportive parenting, which fosters self-discipline in children.

💡Social Skills

Social skills are the abilities to interact effectively with others. The script points out that permissive and disengaged parenting may result in children lacking these skills, as they are not taught appropriate behaviors or how to play well with others.

💡Developmental Stages

Developmental stages refer to the various phases of growth that children go through. The script criticizes authoritarian and permissive parenting for not taking into account a child's developmental stage, which can lead to unrealistic expectations and ineffective parenting.

💡Consistency

Consistency in parenting is the practice of applying rules and consequences in a predictable manner. The script highlights the importance of consistency in teaching children, as it helps them learn more effectively and understand boundaries.

Highlights

Parenting is crucial for children's outcomes and impacts their growth and development.

Parenting styles can be categorized into four main types.

Authoritarian parenting offers structure but can lack warmth, leading to obedient but possibly low self-worth children.

Authoritarian parents focus on punishment rather than teaching good behavior.

Permissive parenting is warm but lacks necessary guidance and boundaries for discipline.

Permissive parents may not enforce consequences consistently, affecting children's self-discipline.

Disengaged parenting lacks both warmth and structure, leading to potential neglect and socially withdrawn children.

Disengaged parents' lack of involvement can result in children with low academic expectations and achievement.

Supportive parenting balances warmth, love, structure, and guidance for optimal child development.

Supportive parents listen, discuss, and involve children in decision-making, fostering independence.

Consistent boundaries and consequences are key in supportive parenting for effective learning.

Supportive parents encourage risk-taking and learning from mistakes, building resilience in children.

Children of supportive parents tend to be self-confident, emotionally mature, and have better social skills.

Supportive parenting contributes to children's happiness, well-being, and preparation for adulthood.

The importance of a strong, loving relationship in parenting for positive child outcomes.

A summary of the best parenting approach combining warmth, boundaries, and behavior guidance.

Transcripts

Hello, I am Jodie Benveniste, psychologist and a parenting author and I help parents get

to the true heart of parenting.

In this vide we're going to talk about parenting styles

and which parenting styles works best for children.

We know from research that parenting is really important for children’s outcomes.

In fact the neuroscience literature really shows us that the relationships our children

have when they are growing up, and their environment, have a big impact on their

growth and development.

We also know from research that there is a parenting style that is best for children.

We can actually divide parenting styles into 4 main categories.

It might be that you use one or more of these different parenting styles at different times,

but you also might have a dominant parenting style that you rely on, particularly if

you are tired or stressed.

The authoritarian parenting style offers children lots of structure and boundaries and discipline.

Children who grow up with the authoritarian parenting style can be quite obedient but

they can also lack self-worth and not necessarily have great wellbeing, and that’s because

this parenting style can be a little bit too harsh and lack a bit of warmth and love.

The authoritarian parenting style doesn't allow children to make their own decisions.

Parents really want them to obey, to 'do what I say because I told you so'.

They tend to focus more on punishment than guiding and teaching their children good behaviour.

They can also parent based on their mood and can fly off the handle, rather than parenting

based on the situation of what their child's done.

And at school they can really have high expectations of their children, but sometimes they don’t

offer the love and support that children need to really do well at school.

With the authoritarian parenting style children might be obedient and they might do what you say

but they also might fear you which creates a disconnect between you and your child.

And is that based on the loving relationship that we really want to have with them?

Authoritarian parents do not take into account

their child’s temperament or their child’s stage of development

so they might have unrealistic expectations of their behaviour.

They might expect a 5 year old to do something they're not capable of doing until they are

at least 12.

Then they may punish the child because they haven't done what they've asked them to do, but

really that child does not have the development skills they need to be able to do what their

parents asked them.

With the permissive parenting style it's almost the opposite of the authoritarian style.

So parents who are permissive are very warm and loving, affectionate, very responsive

to their children but they don’t always provide the guidance and the structure and the

boundaries that kids really need to learn discipline and good behaviour.

Permissive parents might give in to their children, so if their child gets upset because

they want another chocolate biscuit, a permissive parent will just give them another biscuit.

Permissive parents aren't always great at setting consequences and following through

with actions.

So they may say that a child is only allowed to have an hour of screen time but then when it

comes to the end of that hour they don’t follow through.

Permissive parents don't always teach their child about how their own

behaviour, their child's behaviour, might be impacting others.

So their child might hit and snatch or bite another child and they don’t intervene and

then teach their child how to behave in a more appropriate way.

Permissive parents don’t always take into account their child’s temperament or their

stage of development.

And they don’t necessarily realise that children really do need those boundaries and structures

at every developmental stage so that they can progress through those milestones and help their

growth and development.

Children who grow up with permissive parents can feel loved but they can also lack self-discipline

because they have never been taught discipline.

They can lack those social skills about how to play well with others, and they can sometimes also be

a bit anxious and insecure because parents haven't set those boundaries for them.

When it comes to school they may lack the structure and the focus and the boundaries

that kids really need to be able to do well in their education.

The disengaged parenting style combines the lack of love and warmth of the authoritarian

parent and also the lack of discipline and structure of the permissive parent.

Disengaged parents take little interest in their children and they don’t really provide

guidance and boundaries and structure that children need to learn.

Disengaged parents might attend to their children’s basic needs but they won’t necessarily meet

their child’s deeper needs.

They tend to be a little more engrossed in their own life and their own needs and they can

sometimes be neglectful.

They don’t always provide the structure that children really need.

Like 'It's time to go to bed now', and 'It's time to do your homework', and

'It's time to cook a good meal and sit down together'.

They don’t always provide the love and warmth, the affection, the cuddles that kids really

need to thrive.

Children who grow up with disengaged parents will be socially withdrawn because they haven't

learnt those social skills.

They can be quite anxious and insecure because they haven’t had the boundaries they need.

They can also be out and about, getting into trouble, hanging around with the wrong crowds,

and skipping school because they don’t have someone looking out for them and supervising

them, providing the guidance they really need.

At school their parents probably have very low expectations

of them achieving, but also even attending

which means that the kids may be at school or they may not be.

Disengaged parents aren't always there to help children with their homework, supervising

how they going and really helping them to succeed at school.

The parenting style that is best for children is the supportive style.

It’s a style where you are warm and loving and you’re affectionate but you also create

structure and boundaries for your children, and you guide their behaviour.

You don’t focus on punishment, you focus on guiding and teaching and helping them to

learn good behaviour.

Supportive parents really listen to their children.

They ask them questions, they look at life from their point of view.

They explain things, they have discussions.

They allow their children into decision making.

Supportive parents also allow their kids to grow and learn themselves.

They let them gain independence and skills.

They don’t do everything for their children

we need to actually help our children to learn for themselves, rather than

being over protective and doing everything for them.

Supportive parents set boundaries, they follow through with consequences and they do it pretty

consistently or as consistently as possible.

Because that's how children learn, they learn much more quickly the more consistent we are.

Supportive parents are flexible and when they are parenting they really take into account

the situation, their child’s temperament, the child’s state of development, so that they

can really guide their children’s behaviour and make the right decisions at the time.

Supportive parents really encourage children to have a go, take risks, and even make mistakes.

The best thing to do to help is to let children learn from those mistakes, so go through what

happened, how could you do things better and what they learn from the situation.

Children who grow up with supportive parents are self-confident, they feel capable, they're

emotionally mature, they've got good social skills, and they enjoy better happiness and

wellbeing which really sets them well up for adulthood.

At school they are really well supported, loved and have a structures in place to try

their best and to really achieve.

Our parenting does really matter.

We can have a really strong, positive, wonderful influence on our children’s outcomes.

So what's best for children?

It’s about being warm and loving, setting those boundaries and guiding their behaviour.

And most of all, enjoying your relationship because really that’s what parenting is

all about.

Developing a strong, loving relationship with your child.