love without attachment
Summary
TLDRThis video script explores the concept of loving without attachment, addressing the possessiveness often rooted in modern relationship dynamics. It delves into the neurotic lover's desire for love without reciprocation, the societal expectations placed on men and women in romantic roles, and the resulting narcissism that hinders true love. The script advocates for overcoming self-centeredness, embracing vulnerability, and fostering a love that is unconditional and grounded in mutual growth and understanding.
Takeaways
- 🌟 The concept of 'love as teamwork' is critiqued for its naivety, suggesting that it overlooks the deeper reasons why people enter relationships.
- 😔 Possessiveness is linked to a form of love that is childlike and narcissistic, where one seeks to be loved without truly loving back.
- 👤 The neurotic lover is described as someone who wants to be loved but is unwilling to reciprocate love, leading to unrealistic expectations and eventual disappointment.
- 🚫 Possessiveness can manifest as a misuse of boundaries, used to control and police the behavior of one's partner.
- 🚹 Gender roles play a significant part in how love is perceived, with men often being taught that love is a reward and women being socialized to be the givers of love.
- 💔 The idea that love is a project where women are the architects and planners can lead to an imbalance in relationships, with men feeling entitled to love and women sacrificing their agency.
- 🔒 Narcissism in relationships stems from a lack of self-security, leading individuals to attempt to own and dominate others to regain a sense of control.
- 💭 To love without attachment involves overcoming one's narcissism and recognizing the need for self-psychological well-being that is not dependent on another.
- 🌱 True love involves seeing people for their potentialities and not just the images we have of them, which requires a level of objectivity and humility.
- 🔄 Love without attachment necessitates vulnerability and an acceptance of the impermanence of relationships, including the possibility of change and loss.
- 🌱 Passion in love is suggested to arise from learning and curiosity about the other, rather than from desire or gratification alone.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the video script about Jonah Hill's controversy?
-The main theme of the video script is exploring the concept of loving without attachment, particularly in the context of possessiveness and the dynamics of modern relationships.
What does the script suggest as the root of possessiveness in relationships?
-The script suggests that possessiveness is rooted in a person's self-image and a lack of security, leading to an attempt to own and dominate another to regain a sense of security.
How does the script describe the modern concept of love as teamwork?
-The script describes love as teamwork where everyone adjusts their behavior to the expressed needs of the other person in pursuit of common aims, modeled after collaborative groups such as those found in an office space.
What is the script's view on the naivety of centering collaboration as the essence of a relationship?
-The script views this as naive because it fails to account for the reasons why people enter relationships in the first place and overlooks the potential for possessiveness and narcissism.
What does the script say about the 'neurotic lover' and their expectations of love?
-The 'neurotic lover' is described as someone who wants to be loved without having to reciprocate, often leading to unrealistic and grandiose expectations of their partner, which can result in feelings of hurt and possessiveness when those expectations are not met.
How does bell Hooks' observation on romance relate to the concept of possessiveness?
-Bell Hooks' observation that romance is often depicted as a project where women are the architects and planners suggests that women are socialized to be the givers of love and to sacrifice their agency, which can contribute to possessiveness in relationships.
What role does gender play in the script's discussion of love and possessiveness?
-The script discusses how societal expectations and gender roles can contribute to possessiveness, with men often taught that love is a reward and women socialized to be the providers of love, leading to an imbalance in the dynamics of relationships.
What does the script suggest is the main condition for achieving love without attachment?
-The script suggests that overcoming one's narcissism is the main condition for achieving love without attachment, which involves seeing and respecting the other person's agency and potentialities.
How does the script define true love in the context of the discussion?
-True love, according to the script, involves objectivity, humility, and an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change. It requires seeing people for their own potentialities and nurturing those, rather than creating and imprisoning them in fantasies.
What is the script's stance on the role of boundaries in a relationship?
-The script acknowledges the existence of boundaries but emphasizes that they should come about through education and communication, rather than manipulation or control.
How does the script relate the idea of love without attachment to vulnerability and fear?
-The script suggests that to love without attachment, one must be vulnerable to the uncertainties and fears associated with relationships, such as the possibility of things not lasting or feelings changing.
Outlines
🔒 The Paradox of Possessiveness in Love
This paragraph delves into the concept of possessiveness in romantic relationships, exploring its roots in modern perceptions of love as a collaborative effort. It contrasts the 'neurotic lover' who seeks to be loved without reciprocating, with the societal expectations placed on men and women regarding love and power dynamics. The narrative discusses how possessiveness is a reflection of one's self-image and insecurity, leading to attempts to control and dominate others for a sense of security. It also touches on the idea of love without attachment, as proposed by Jiddu Krishnamurti, emphasizing the importance of overcoming narcissism and allowing for genuine connection and growth within a relationship.
💖 Unconditional Love and Constructive Struggle
The second paragraph builds on the theme of unconditional love as introduced by bell hooks, suggesting that for love to truly thrive, it requires a continuous commitment to overcoming challenges and embracing change. It implies that love is not a static state but a dynamic process that involves growth and adaptation. The inclusion of a musical element hints at the emotional depth and transformative power of love when it is approached with an open heart and a willingness to engage in the struggle for mutual understanding and development.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Loving without attachment
💡Possessiveness
💡Narcissism
💡Agency
💡Boundaries
💡Collaboration
💡Self-image
💡Vulnerability
💡Humility
💡Passion
💡Constructive struggle
Highlights
Jonah Hill's recent controversy prompts a discussion on loving without attachment.
Love as teamwork is a modern concept where individuals adjust to meet each other's needs for common goals.
This collaborative love concept overlooks the fundamental reasons why people enter relationships.
The neurotic lover seeks to be loved without reciprocating, leading to unrealistic romantic expectations.
When fantasies are not met, the lover may feel hurt and perceive their partner as selfish.
Bell Hooks notes that women are often socialized to be the givers and planners of love, sacrificing their own agency.
Men are conditioned to view love as a reward, passively received for meeting patriarchal standards.
The idea of love as teamwork appears lopsided for men, tying possessiveness to their identity.
Possessiveness stems from a lack of self-security and an attempt to dominate another for reassurance.
Narcissism in relationships disrespects the agency of others and is driven by personal desires and fears.
Dependencies in relationships can lead to fear, sorrow, and resistance to change, according to Jiddu Krishnamurti.
Loving without attachment involves overcoming narcissism and self-centeredness.
True love requires seeing people for their potentialities, not the images we create of them.
Humility and recognizing, trusting, and nurturing each other's potentialities allow love to flourish.
Boundaries in love without attachment come from education, not manipulation.
Love without attachment demands vulnerability and acceptance of the impermanence of relationships.
Jiddu Krishnamurti argues that passion arises from learning, not desire or gratification.
True love is unconditional and requires ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change, as per bell hooks.
Listening without judgment and loving without attachment are key to experiencing true love.
Transcripts
in light of the recent Jonah Hill
controversy and in following a request
from a viewer I decided to make a short
video on loving without attachment as
recognized Hill is engaging in a sort of
therapy speak surrounding boundaries
this appears to come from a place of
possessiveness why does possessiveness
occur
Eric from notes a sort of love that is
developed in modernity love as teamwork
where everybody adjusts his behavior to
the expressed needs of the other person
in the pursuit of common aims modeled
after the sort of groups you might
encounter in an office space there isn't
anything apparently wrong in centering
collaboration as the essence of a
relationship but this is a naive concept
as it fails to account for why we end up
in relationships to begin with the
neurotic Lover from notes is usually a
man who wants to be loved while never
having to actually love this sort of
childlike State encourages grandiose and
romantic visions of their partner they
may feel so good about their partner
that at first they will display a great
deal of charm and affection but there's
a significant failure in seeing their
partner as a human being with their own
agency when they realize that their
partner cannot live up to their fantasy
their idea of gratification the man may
feel deeply hurt and pain in his pain on
the idea that his partner is selfish and
does not love him
pair this with bell Hook's observation
that romance is often depicted as a
project women are The Architects and the
planners namely women are socialized
early on to be the givers of love to
sacrifice their agency in the hopes of
this collaborative project men are
generally taught that love is this
reward this immediate and sustained high
that is received passively that is
guaranteed for them if they achieve
certain patriarchal standards any extra
effort afterwards is taken as a failure
on the part of their partner suddenly
this love as teamwork idea seems kind of
lopsided for men this possessiveness is
deeply tied to their identity to be a
man is to be loved by a woman and to be
loved is to have some sort of power over
them boundaries then can be misused as
forms of policing and correcting the
ways in which their partner is supposed
to love them to back up from gender
roles in general this possessiveness is
deeply tied to our own self-image we do
not feel secure in ourselves and so we
attempt to own and dominate another in
order to regain some security this sort
of narcissism does not respect the
agency of others and is motivated by
one's own desire and fear
so long as we depend on another for our
psychological well-being intellectually
or emotionally that dependents must
inevitably create fear from which arises
sorrow writes krishnamurti and
furthermore any alteration of these
dependencies we violently oppose because
we depend on them for psychological
security
to love without attachment is above all
else to get over oneself in fact from
recognizes the overcoming of one's
narcissism as the main condition for the
achievement of love in attempting to
secure our own self-image through
another we create an image or fantasy of
that other we imprison them there
through manipulation deception and
control this is our attempt to possess
and we also imprison ourselves in our
own narcissism we cut ourselves off from
being able to experience true love to
abandon the present in order to look for
things in the future is to throw away
the substance and hold on to the shadow
rights tiknot Han what is true love
firstly love involves some level of
objectivity you need to see people for
their own potentialities and your own
potentialities rather than the images
you have of them this in itself means
abandoning oneself prioritization it
involves humility and this humility is
informed by a significant second face
that through recognizing trusting and
nurturing you and your partner's
potentialities love will flourish
yes boundaries still exist in this state
but this comes about through education
rather than manipulation by telling them
your boundaries you hope that this will
also teach you about them and their
boundaries and needs and they might not
be compatible with yours and here is the
crucial and scary part about love
without attachment you must be
vulnerable to the things you feared that
things might not last that people die
that feelings change all you can do is
have some humility and faith that the
learning process itself which is
reciprocal will bring love to both
notably krishnamurti argues that passion
comes through learning rather than
through desire or gratification it is
within this intense curiosity we have
for the other where love emerges and how
could we truly know those who we
supposedly love if we limit them for our
own gratification we must listen without
judgment we must love without attachment
true love is unconditional write spell
hooks but to truly flourish it requires
an ongoing commitment to constructive
struggle and change
foreign
[Music]
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