How to Help a Child With Anxiety: A Parent-Centered Approach to Managing Children’s Anxiety Part 1/4

Summary

In this video, licensed therapist Emma McAdam guides parents on helping children manage anxiety by focusing on mindset rather than solely teaching skills to the child. She emphasizes four key principles: parents should model calm and confident behavior, view anxiety as a neutral emotion rather than a threat, recognize sensitivity as a valuable trait, and avoid reinforcing anxiety through avoidance. By shifting language, validating emotions, and encouraging gradual exposure to challenges, parents can build their child’s resilience and self-efficacy. Emma also highlights resources for deeper learning and practical strategies to support children in navigating fear and uncertainty confidently.

Takeaways

• 😀 Parents' mindset is more influential than direct interventions with children; modeling healthy responses to anxiety shapes how kids manage their emotions.
• 😀 Anxiety in children is not the child’s or parent’s fault; genetics, personality, and other factors play a role.
• 😀 Intervening with parents rather than just children provides hundreds of weekly opportunities to teach emotional regulation.
• 😀 Children look to parents to interpret situations; how a parent reacts informs whether a child perceives an event as safe or dangerous.
• 😀 Anxiety is a normal and useful emotion, serving as a signal to evaluate safety and take appropriate action, not something inherently harmful.
• 😀 Avoidance of anxiety-provoking situations worsens anxiety over time; facing fears gradually helps children learn resilience and self-efficacy.
• 😀 Sensitivity and high emotional awareness in children are traits, not weaknesses; they can be strengths when guided appropriately.
• 😀 Parents’ own unprocessed emotions can impact how they respond to their child’s anxiety; self-reflection and personal growth improve parenting effectiveness.
• 😀 The anxiety spiral occurs when avoidance reinforces perceived danger, shrinking a child’s world and increasing long-term anxiety.
• 😀 Practical skills for children should focus on developing a healthy relationship with emotions, rather than attempting to eliminate anxiety entirely.
• 😀 Using positive language like 'tricky,' 'difficult,' or 'uncomfortable' instead of 'bad' or 'terrible' helps children reframe and normalize anxious feelings.
• 😀 Encouraging children to face challenges and return safely reinforces their confidence and demonstrates that emotions are manageable.

Q & A

Why is it more effective to focus on changing parents' mindset rather than directly teaching children anxiety management skills?

Children spend far more time with their parents than with therapists, so parents model how to respond to anxiety 168 hours per week. By changing the parent's mindset and behavior, children learn healthy ways to relate to anxiety through observation and experience.

Is a child's anxiety typically the fault of the parent?

No, a child's anxiety is usually not the parent's fault. Anxiety is influenced by multiple factors, including genetics, personality, and environmental factors. Parents can, however, help by modeling healthy emotional responses.

How can parents model healthy ways to respond to anxiety?

Parents can acknowledge emotions without panic, demonstrate calm coping strategies, encourage facing fears, and reinforce their child's ability to handle anxiety. For example, confidently walking away while leaving a child at school shows trust in the child's ability to cope.

Why is anxiety considered a useful emotion?

Anxiety functions as a protective mechanism by prompting attention to potential danger and encouraging cautious decision-making. It helps children assess safety and make intentional choices about risky or uncertain situations.

How can labeling anxiety as dangerous harm a child?

When parents treat anxiety itself as harmful, children learn to fear their own emotions. This can lead to avoidance behaviors, decreased confidence, and a stronger, long-term experience of anxiety.

What role does sensitivity play in a child's personality?

Sensitivity is a natural personality trait and not inherently negative. Highly sensitive children may be more empathetic, observant, and thoughtful. When guided well, sensitivity can be a strength, contributing to resilience and positive contributions to society.

Can avoiding anxiety-inducing situations actually increase anxiety?

Yes. Avoidance provides temporary relief but reinforces the brain's perception of danger, causing the child to experience heightened anxiety over time. Facing fears gradually helps retrain the brain to perceive situations as safe.

What is neuroplasticity and how does it relate to managing anxiety?

Neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to rewire itself based on experiences and behaviors. By gradually facing fears and practicing coping skills, both children and parents can change their brain's response to anxiety and reduce overall anxiety levels.

How can parents reframe the way they talk about their child's sensitivity?

Instead of using negative terms like 'dramatic' or 'needy,' parents can use positive descriptors like 'deeply feeling,' 'intense,' 'observant,' or 'caring.' This helps recognize the child's strengths and fosters a healthier self-image.

What practical mindset shifts should parents adopt to help their children with anxiety?

Parents should recognize that anxiety is just an emotion, not dangerous; model calm and confident responses; acknowledge and value sensitivity; and encourage facing fears instead of avoiding them. A helpful mantra is: 'It's okay to feel anxious, but we can choose our actions.'

Why is parental anxiety particularly impactful on children?

Children scan their parents' facial expressions and reactions to interpret safety and appropriate responses. If a parent displays fear or anxiety, the child is likely to mirror that emotion and perceive situations as dangerous.

How can parents support their child's emotional growth without eliminating anxiety?

Parents can provide guidance, emotional support, and tools to cope with anxiety rather than trying to remove it. This includes validating feelings, discussing strategies, and encouraging gradual exposure to anxiety-inducing situations to build resilience.