What women want: the answer to the question

Summary

In this thought-provoking video, Dr. Orion Taban explores the age-old question of 'What do women want?' He argues that women tend to desire what other women want, influenced by social norms and cultural trends. Taban delves into the psychology behind female behavior, including the impact of fashion, safety, and risk. In modern times, women are motivated by FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), striving to experience everything they see others doing on social media. He explains that this desire to ‘do all the things’ often leads women to delay traditional life choices, such as starting a family, in order to fulfill personal goals and experiences.

Takeaways

• 😀 Women often want what other women want, which is an emergent social phenomenon influenced by time and place.
• 😀 Women's desires are typically more normative and less varied than men's, as the majority of women tend to follow social trends and norms.
• 😀 Men are more likely to take risks and stand out, while women tend to value safety and security in their decisions and behaviors.
• 😀 Women's behaviors, including fashion choices, reflect a desire for social safety by aligning with the broader group or societal norm.
• 😀 Historically, women have been conditioned by cultural and societal expectations to prioritize roles like motherhood and housewifery, even if these don't fully align with their biological inclinations.
• 😀 Modern women, especially due to social media, often seek to do 'everything'—from having careers to traveling, pursuing personal growth, and experiencing all sorts of social and emotional events.
• 😀 FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is a central motivator for modern women, driven by social media portrayals of the 'ideal' or 'complete' lifestyle.
• 😀 The pressure to experience everything leads many women to delay or forgo traditional life milestones like starting a family to ensure they don't miss out on other life experiences.
• 😀 Many modern women prioritize their 20s for career and personal development over early family life, which is often seen as a trade-off for completing other life goals first.
• 😀 The desire to do 'everything' can be seen as an expression of following the crowd—women aren't necessarily looking to experience all things for personal fulfillment but to match the experiences that other women are having in society.

Q & A

What is the central thesis of Dr. Orion Taban's talk?

Dr. Orion Taban argues that women, in general, want what other women want, particularly in terms of social and relational experiences. He also explores how modern women, influenced by social media and the fear of missing out (FOMO), strive to experience a wide range of activities and accomplishments.

How does Dr. Taban explain the emergence of female desire?

Dr. Taban suggests that female desire emerges as a normative phenomenon that is rooted in the specific time and place, influenced by the behaviors and choices of other women. He compares it to fashion trends, which evolve out of a collective of individual preferences.

What does Dr. Taban mean by 'the fattest part of the distribution curve'?

The 'fattest part of the distribution curve' refers to the majority behavior of women that is deemed 'safe' and socially acceptable. Women tend to align with what most others are doing, as this alignment ensures social safety and minimizes risk.

Why does Dr. Taban suggest that women avoid risk compared to men?

Dr. Taban notes that evolutionary pressures have favored women who avoid risks, as their role in reproduction involves less risk-taking. Unlike men, who can gain reproductive advantages through high-risk behaviors, women are typically incentivized to ensure security and stability.

How does Dr. Taban view the historical role of women as housewives?

Dr. Taban acknowledges that while many women historically aspired to be housewives, this role cannot be purely explained by biology. Social norms and expectations, shaped by the behavior of other women, played a significant role in women’s choices to become housewives.

What is the influence of social media on the desires of modern women?

Social media amplifies the fear of missing out (FOMO), making women feel like they need to experience everything that other women are doing. This influences their choices, leading them to pursue a wide range of experiences, from career achievements to travel and social recognition.

How does FOMO influence modern women’s decision-making?

FOMO leads women to avoid making choices that might foreclose other possibilities. They often delay life decisions, such as starting a family, in order to accumulate as many experiences as possible, driven by the perception that they need to 'do everything' to be fulfilled.

What does Dr. Taban mean by saying women today are like 'completionist gamers'?

Dr. Taban compares modern women to 'completionist gamers' because they aim to check off all the experiences available to them, similar to how gamers try to complete every challenge in a game. This drive to experience everything comes from the belief that doing so is the safest and most fulfilling path.

What role does the 20s decade play in women’s life choices according to Dr. Taban?

Dr. Taban explains that women often use their 20s to focus on education and career advancement rather than starting a family. This is because they are trying to experience everything possible before settling down, driven by the desire to avoid missing out on key opportunities.

How does Dr. Taban view the idea that modern women’s behavior is wasteful or misguided?

Dr. Taban acknowledges that some might view women’s focus on experiences over starting a family as wasteful, particularly because it can decrease their sexual marketplace value over time. However, he argues that this behavior makes sense from the perspective of modern women, who are influenced by social media and the desire to live a wide variety of experiences.