How to win the negotiation EVERY TIME by building rapport with Chris Voss

Summary

In this insightful conversation, Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator, shares powerful negotiation techniques that can be applied both professionally and personally. Key strategies discussed include using tactical empathy, labeling, mirroring, and the power of dynamic silence. Voss emphasizes the importance of making others feel understood, avoiding the use of 'but,' and creating rapport without common ground. He also explores how to manage negotiation steps and avoid common pitfalls by focusing on understanding the other party's perspective. These strategies can help enhance both business deals and personal relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Recognize the power dynamics in negotiation: people who claim they don't have decision-making power may actually be the key decision-makers trying to offload responsibility.
• 😀 The more someone emphasizes singular pronouns like 'I, me, my,' the less powerful they likely are in a negotiation.
• 😀 People who use plural pronouns like 'we, they, us' are often in positions of greater power and influence.
• 😀 Dynamic silence, or allowing pauses in conversations, can be an effective tool in negotiations. It gives the other party space to offer solutions themselves.
• 😀 Paraphrasing is a key technique to show understanding. Reflect back what the other person says before presenting your own viewpoint.
• 😀 When you’re stuck in an old way of thinking during negotiations, practicing dynamic silence and paraphrasing can help shift the process forward.
• 😀 Ask open-ended questions like, 'What are the next steps?' to encourage the other party to provide solutions and move the conversation forward.
• 😀 Understand that common ground is not always necessary to build rapport. What matters more is making the other person feel heard and understood.
• 😀 Focus on making the other party feel understood, rather than finding shared interests, to build trust and influence in negotiations.
• 😀 Avoid using the word 'but' in negotiations. It can undermine what was previously said and close down further discussion. Instead, focus on dynamic silence and acknowledgment.

Q & A

What does it indicate if someone claims they don't have the power to make a decision?

It may indicate that they are, in fact, the decision maker, but they are trying to shift responsibility to others in order to retain more power in the situation.

How can the use of pronouns reveal someone's influence in a negotiation?

The more someone uses singular pronouns like 'I', 'me', or 'my', the less influence they likely have. On the other hand, the use of plural pronouns like 'we', 'us', or 'they' suggests that the person is more important and influential in the negotiation.

How does dynamic silence play a role in effective negotiation?

Dynamic silence allows the other party to fill the silence, often leading to them revealing more information or moving the negotiation forward, thus making deals more likely to happen without you having to say much.

What is the value of paraphrasing in negotiation?

Paraphrasing shows that you are actively listening and ensures that the other party feels heard and understood. It's an important first step before making your point, as it can help build rapport and facilitate a smoother negotiation.

What role do next steps play in a negotiation?

Asking 'What are the next steps?' helps move the negotiation forward by prompting the other side to propose solutions. This tactic forces them to take action and can create a sense of ownership over the process, even if they are not fully aware of it.

Why is common ground not always essential in negotiations?

While common ground can feel good and establish rapport, it isn't always necessary for a successful negotiation. What really matters is ensuring the other party feels understood and addressing their interests, regardless of shared backgrounds or experiences.

How can you build rapport with someone you have little in common with?

To build rapport, focus on understanding the other person's perspective, even if you don't share common interests. Acknowledge their views and repeat back what they've said to demonstrate empathy and active listening.

Why is it important to avoid using the word 'but' in negotiations?

The word 'but' tends to negate the previous statement and can interrupt the flow of a positive conversation. It's better to use 'and' or stop speaking altogether to let the other person process your words and keep the discussion moving forward.

What is the concept of 'letting the other side have your way' in negotiation?

'Letting the other side have your way' means strategically guiding the conversation to a point where they think the next steps or solutions are their own ideas, even though they align with your objectives.

How does understanding the other side contribute to trust in a negotiation?

Understanding the other side helps build trust because it shows that you are genuinely interested in their position. This creates a solid foundation for influence and increases the likelihood of reaching a favorable outcome for both parties.