What Every Woman Is Hiding From You (It's Not What You Think!)
Summary
TLDRThe video script delves into the complexities of human behavior when forming new relationships. It highlights the tendency for individuals to initially present their best selves, often hiding emotional vulnerabilities and negative traits. As time passes and the 'facade' cracks, the true nature of a person emerges, often under the influence of time and pressure. The speaker warns against the 'halo effect' and the quick judgment that can lead to deception and manipulation. Instead, they encourage viewers to pay close attention to subtle cues and 'leaks' of true character, which can reveal more about a person's consistency and reliability. The video serves as a cautionary guide to understanding and navigating the dynamics of human relationships, urging viewers to be vigilant and emotionally resilient.
Takeaways
- 🧩 People often compartmentalize themselves and show only their 'good' side when first meeting others.
- 🕰️ Over time, the facade that individuals put up tends to crack due to time and pressure, revealing their true selves.
- 🌟 The 'halo effect' can deceive us into assuming that one positive trait means all other traits are equally positive.
- 🤔 We naturally seek to create a fixed image of people to simplify the process of getting to know them, which can lead to confusion and misjudgment.
- 💤 Many individuals are 'lazy socialites' who prefer quick judgments over paying attention to details and observing others' true nature.
- 😡 Emotional vulnerabilities are often hidden but can manifest as impatience, poor impulse control, and other negative behaviors.
- 🗣️ People have a subconscious need to reveal their true selves, which can be detected through verbal or nonverbal 'leaks' if one pays attention.
- 📉 The initial high of new relationships can blind us to a person's negative traits, creating a false sense of compatibility.
- 🔍 It's crucial to continually update our perception of people based on their actions and not just rely on first impressions.
- 🚫 Be aware of individuals who use their vulnerabilities to manipulate and control others, as this can lead to toxic relationships.
- 💔 Sometimes, despite emotional investment, it's necessary to detach from relationships that are harmful or unhealthy.
Q & A
Why do people often show only a part of themselves when first meeting others?
-People tend to compartmentalize themselves and show only their good and happy side to create a positive first impression. This is often referred to as a facade.
What typically causes the facade that people put up to break over time?
-The facade usually breaks due to two factors: time and pressure, which reveal the person's true nature and emotional vulnerabilities.
Why do people often fall for the 'halo effect' when meeting new individuals?
-People fall for the halo effect because they focus more on the positive traits that are presented, assuming that these traits reflect the person's overall personality.
What is the 'halo effect' and how does it lead to deception or manipulation?
-The halo effect is a cognitive bias where the positive perception of one trait influences the perception of other traits of a person. This can lead to deception or manipulation because people overlook negative traits or behaviors.
Why do people have a natural compulsion to find a fixed image of others when first meeting them?
-People have a natural compulsion to find a fixed image to simplify the process of understanding others, reduce cognitive load, and avoid confusion that comes with getting to know someone new.
What is the term used to describe people who make quick judgments about others without paying much attention to details?
-Such people are referred to as 'lazy socialites' or 'lazy humans' in the script, indicating their tendency to form superficial impressions rather than taking the time to truly understand others.
How do emotional vulnerabilities manifest in people's behavior over time?
-Emotional vulnerabilities can manifest as impatience, lack of impulse control, and compulsive behaviors, which become more evident as time passes and the individual feels more comfortable.
What is the significance of the two to three-month period in getting to know someone new?
-The two to three-month period is significant because it is often when people start to show their true selves, including their flaws and compulsions, as they become more comfortable with the new person.
Why do people hide their emotional vulnerabilities when meeting new people?
-People hide their emotional vulnerabilities to avoid appearing weak or flawed, and to create a more favorable impression of themselves.
What advice does the speaker give for dealing with individuals who reveal their true, potentially negative, nature after a few months of getting to know them?
-The speaker advises to continually update one's perception of people, to be willing to 'eject' or end the relationship if their true nature is revealed to be toxic or harmful, and to develop emotional resilience to detach from such individuals.
What does the speaker suggest as a method to avoid getting entangled with emotionally manipulative people?
-The speaker suggests developing a meditation practice and emotional resilience to help stay away from manipulative people and to break off relationships before becoming more emotionally entangled.
Outlines
🧐 The Facade of First Impressions
This paragraph discusses the tendency of people to present a curated version of themselves when first meeting others, focusing on their best traits to create a positive first impression. It highlights the 'halo effect' where one positive trait can lead to assumptions about overall character. The speaker emphasizes the importance of observing beyond these initial displays to avoid deception and manipulation. They point out that people are often more contradictory and hypocritical than they realize, and that true observation involves recognizing these inconsistencies. The paragraph concludes by noting that people's natural inclination is to seek patterns and create a fixed image of others to simplify the complex process of getting to know someone new.
🕵️♂️ Unmasking Hidden Emotional Vulnerabilities
The second paragraph delves into the concept of emotional vulnerabilities, which people often hide behind a facade. It talks about how over time, under the influence of time and pressure, these facades can crack, revealing the true nature of the individual. The speaker advises paying attention to 'leaks' of information that people unconsciously reveal about their true selves, such as impulsive spending, excessive drinking, or aggressive behavior. They caution against falling in love with the wrong version of someone, which often happens after the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship. The speaker stresses the importance of continually updating one's perception of others based on new information and being willing to walk away from relationships that become toxic.
🤔 The Challenge of Detecting Emotional Weaknesses
In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the challenge of detecting emotional weaknesses and vulnerabilities in others, which they may try to hide due to social acceptability. They argue that it's crucial to be aware of these traits, such as impulse control issues, as they can lead to negative outcomes like infidelity, dishonesty, and poor decision-making. The speaker shares personal experiences where they've had to make tough decisions after discovering the true nature of someone they thought they knew. They also mention the tactic some people use to get others emotionally invested before revealing their darker sides, making it harder to leave the relationship. The speaker concludes by suggesting the development of emotional resilience and a meditation practice to help avoid such toxic individuals.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Compartmentalize
💡Facade
💡Halo Effect
💡Impulsiveness
💡Emotional Vulnerabilities
💡Self-Absorption
💡Consistency
💡Gaslighting
💡Detachment
💡Emotional Resilience
💡Dark Side
Highlights
People often show only their best side initially when meeting new individuals.
Over time, the facade of perfection cracks due to time and pressure.
The halo effect leads to deception and manipulation by focusing on one positive trait.
People tend to be more hypocritical than they realize, with contradictions over consistencies.
The natural human compulsion is to find a fixed image of people to avoid confusion.
Many are lazy socialites, making quick judgments to avoid paying attention to details.
People often hide their emotional vulnerabilities, which can be underdeveloped parts of themselves.
Impatience and poor impulse control are often hidden but manifest over time.
Humans have a compulsion to reveal their true nature, despite initial attempts to hide it.
Attention to detail is crucial to detect emotional vulnerabilities and patterns.
People become more comfortable and reveal their true selves after a few months.
The initial impression can be misleading; people's true nature often reveals later.
Toxic people use their vulnerabilities to manipulate and control others.
It's important to continually update your perception of people as more is revealed.
Detaching from emotionally entangled relationships is a necessary skill.
Developing emotional resilience can help avoid toxic relationships.
The bundle offer includes courses on assertiveness, dating, social mastery, and understanding human nature.
The bundle provides a comprehensive learning experience at a discounted price.
There is a 30-day money-back guarantee for the bundle.
Transcripts
when you first meet people people never
really show you their whole selves right
they only compartmentalize themselves
and choose to show you their their
representative their good side their
happy side and what tends to happen is
that over time this facade cracks this
facad breaks and it and it breaks into
in because of two things time and
pressure all right and unfortunately
when we are meeting people we take on we
we tend to focus on a p es a lot more
than on what they're actually showing us
and as a result we tend to get deceived
we tend to get manipulated because we
fall for the halo effect if they are
pretty if they have one positive trait
here if they're Buddhists if they're
religious and then it means that all the
other personality traits are aligned
when in reality when you really observe
yourself and others you tend to notice
you have a lot more contradictions than
consistencies you you you are a lot more
hypocritical than you really think you
are if you really observe what you value
versus what you do so when you first
meet people um we naturally your natural
compulsion is to find a find a fixed
image we're all trying to find patterns
and we're all trying to create a
consistent fixed FL um um version of
people so that we can stop thinking too
much so that we can stop analyzing too
much so that we don't have to be
confused because when we're first
getting to know people it's more of a
it's more of a fuzzy confusing
experience because we're trying to we
we're trying to um we're trying to solve
the puzzle right and a lot of people
just don't like that a lot of people
don't like to observe a lot of people
don't like to pay attention and the
reason why is because they're just so
lazy they're lazy socialites they're
lazy humans they're so self-absorbed
that they just want to qu they just want
to make a quick Judgment of people so
that they could go back and pay
attention to them and as a result they
tend to get played they tend to get
manipulated they tend to be shitty
people to be around with because they
rarely pay attention to you they're
rarely noticing details of you and you
tend to resent that and we're all making
that mistake most people are rarely
interested in other people rarely pay
attention so let's talk about what are
those things that you have to pay
attention to because people rely on your
laziness to hide these things they rely
on it right so these are the things
right the first one is that they well
it's not even the first one it's
actually the the it's it's it's one
thing that comes with a lot of things
people hide their emotional
vulnerabilities emotional
vulnerabilities are parts of of yourself
and themselves that are underdeveloped
are parts that they have they have no
control over their compulsion there are
some parts that they have developed that
they have some control over and they use
that as a facade and they use that as a
mask that fuses with their real selves
right but what tends to happen is that
time and pressure breaks that and the
problem when that happens is that rather
than just assume rather than rather than
understand that what you were seeing was
a facade rather than understanding that
that you're actually getting to know the
person and this is a side of their
personality we tend to ignore it we tend
to just not update them in our minds we
we we don't use what they give us as a
way to add on to how we see them in
their minds why because one they I they
either they tell us not to pay attention
don't notice the fact that I hate you
don't notice the fact that I lied to you
don't notice the fact that I slept with
your friend don't notice none of that
stuff because I'm sorry because I was
actually going through a lot of things I
usually don't act this way I am more
faithful I don't play those types of
game I am different and as a result
rather than take up what they did to you
and understand that this is part of a
pattern and that you have to judge them
in the context of what they did we
ignore it and we all just focus on the
first impression or we just focus on the
halo effect where we we get deep into um
into our own um denial and we start
assuming things about them that we never
really have any evidence for so people
tend to
hide those emotional vul vulnerabilities
and these are things are they're
impatient right they try to hide their
impatience they try to hide their
impulse control at the end of the day
people with shitty impulse control will
manifest themselves over time they'll
cheat on you they'll lie to you they'll
be addicted to things that you didn't
know before they'll have shitty finances
they make shitty long-term decisions
when they have no impulse control and
you'll see and and these are some of the
things that you may not see initially
because they hide it you don't see how
much money they owe you don't see how
much how many um Broken Bridges they
consistently do because of their
impulses they hide those negative flaws
but the beauty about humans is that
people have a compulsion to tell you who
they are people have a compulsion to to
show people their true nature because
they don't want to they feel isolated
having to hide their true selves so what
tends to happen as a way to release the
pent up tension humans tends to leak out
information either verbally or
nonverbally and if you're notay if you
if you are paying attention you're going
to notice those leaks because they want
you to pay attention unconsciously so
they might you might notice that they
when they when they go out with you they
spend a lot of money compulsively and
you're like okay or they when you go out
with them they get really drunk with you
and they just say it was just a one-time
thing or they they they go to Raves
consistently and they just say oh I'm
just that's just you know I play hard
and work hard right or they get really
aggressive at you cing a date or they
get really aggressive at you um um um um
criticizing them those are emotional
vulnerabilities where they can't control
those emotions and they tend to act out
their real selves when those when those
things happen and what they hope that
you do is that you ignore what just
happened that you look the other way and
that you assume this is just a one-time
thing I'm not like that this is I'm
actually more calm this was a bad moment
when in reality you shouldn't just say
you know judge them and say [ __ ] you but
understand hold that puzzle and always
look at it so that you could use that
information to to create more contacts
based on the information they give
you what tends to happen is that we tend
to fall in love with the wrong version
of them after two or three months is
when people actually start to show you
who they are when you're first getting
to meet them after two or three months
they show you their their compulsions
they show you their Dark Side they show
you the the the their flaws and the way
that it comes out is because they just
get comfortable with you you see people
are polite to strangers but the more
they get to know you the more the more
comfortable they get the more rude they
become they become more comfortable
around you so that's why after two or
three months is when you start to see
how psychotic they are how inconsistent
they are like time will tell you their
story the problem is that do not be
fooled by how they look do not be fooled
by the impression that you initially had
of them like some people come across as
they're not manipulative they come
across as weak and and and and and
incapable of taking care of themselves
you try to help them and then they use
that emotional vulnerability as a way to
manipulate you as a way to gain power
over you and if you just keep assuming
that they're weak and helpless you're
not going to notice how much power and
control they have over you through their
weakness you should continually update
that people genuinely and and I think
these are the most toxic
people people who use their problems
their D their their vulnerabilities as a
way to Gaslight you and control you and
guilt you into
submission that's why even even when you
get into know people within the first
two or three months you have to be
willing to eject because a lot of the
times after a month or two or three or
after they know how much you like them
that's when they start showing their
real side after they know that you
emotionally depend on them after they
know that you have invested a lot of
emotions on them and that you're not
willing to leave that's when they begin
to show you their true selves once they
know you are dependent on them and what
does that say it shows you how they deal
with power unfortunately with people you
could fall in love with someone and and
they'll just and once you do that
they'll start showing you another side
and unfortunately for you you have no
other choice but to walk away if you
stay in that situation you're asking to
get [ __ ] you're asking to get played
you have to learn the art of detaching
yourself like almost as though you're
detaching a limb that's that that that's
cancerous even though it's your limb
even though it's going to hurt you have
to detach it some people are literal
liter literally create cancer cells
within
us and that's the tricky part is that
you could know someone for two or three
months I mean for two
months and something magical happens
after like like two or three months that
you just start seeing another side or
maybe you know initially when you get
into know people the high of the
chemistry the high of the newness tends
to Blind us with tends to Blind us from
their from their Nega from their
negative traits
right and we all can assume we all can
sense how that makes sense right like
that makes a lot of sense to feel their
NE to ignore their negative trait
evolutionarily that's perfect right
that's how humans um um that's how
humans sort of get together right it's
it's it's not a logical thing but this
creates blind spots and this is the part
that like I was talking to a client and
she told me that everything was perfect
but after like four months the guy just
started um being inconsistent he started
cancelling he started being an [ __ ]
to her started having Arguments for no
reason and it she was like I don't know
why she why he's acting this way it's
not him I'm like no it's him you're just
getting to know him now finally and
that's the part that confuses people
it's like they want to believe in what
they saw initially you you as a human
being have a need to believe but you got
to understand they also have a need to
hire certain parts right they know that
they there are parts of them that are
not socially acceptable so they try
their hardest to hide it from
you you know and it's your job to detect
it it's their job to hide it and it's
your job to be able to to detect the
[ __ ] and if you're if you're not
good good at detecting other people's
dark side at detecting other people's
emotional weaknesses and emotional
vulnerabilities and I don't mean
emotional weakness as a way to
manipulate them but if you understand
that this person has no impulse control
that's an emotional weakness that you
don't want to be close to that you want
to stay away from them those are the
types of things you want to be aware of
those emotional vulnerabilities because
those emotional vulnerabilities will
eventually end up attacking you and
hurting you in the long run it's best to
stay away from people like that because
nothing good happens
all
right anyways people um this happened to
me this happened to me many times um and
it sucks when you work so hard with
someone to work it out for like a month
or
so and they don't really and and and you
end up finding out that they're
narcissist or that they're selfish or
that they're like emotionally stupid or
even like IQ wise they're like really
really not there like like you know I
don't I hate to judge people who are
have low IQs you know what I'm saying I
sound the leadest but it's true like if
you have low IQ like that's problematic
that that really is
problematic you know they forget like
anyways man it's crazy man um because I
met people and I thought they were a
certain way and after I got to know them
I realized they weren't and I was faced
with a tough decision and
that's that's what we had that's why
people try to hide it because they know
once you emotionally invest it's hard to
it's hard to be honest with yourself
about their nature so they take
advantage of that it's like guys with
small dicks right they try to get you
fing love so that once they show you
their minim me you have no other choice
but to stay right and so they try to get
you to emotionally invest in their Light
Side so that when they show you their
dark sides you can't leave because
you're already addicted to them [ __ ]
that [ __ ] develop a meditation practice
develop emotional resilience and this
will help you stay away from people like
that and break it
off before you start to get more
emotionally entangled and anyways
hopefully you guys enjoyed this video if
you guys want to work with me oneone go
to mindfulattraction.org and I'll see
you guys later bye-bye all right guys
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