What is the ESTJ and INFJ Relationship Like? | CS Joseph Responds

Summary

In this episode of the CS Joseph Podcast, the host dives into the INFJ-ESTJ relationship, focusing on how these two personality types complement each other. He addresses common INFJ insecurities, particularly around projecting strength and vulnerability, encouraging INFJs to embrace their authentic selves rather than seeking perfection. The discussion highlights the importance of investment in the relationship and maintaining outside support systems to avoid enabling. Additionally, the host stresses the importance of letting relationships evolve naturally, warning against idealizing personality pairings and forcing expectations. The episode offers valuable advice for INFJs navigating relationships, urging them to be real, vulnerable, and open to growth.

Takeaways

• 😀 INFJs should stop trying to make a perfect first impression in relationships, as it often comes off as fake and insecure.
• 😀 INFJs with an ESTJ partner should embrace vulnerability and authenticity rather than trying to appear flawless or strong.
• 😀 The INFJ-ESTJ relationship is based on mutual learning: INFJs admire the ESTJ's intelligence and systematic approach, while ESTJs appreciate the INFJ's insights and intelligence.
• 😀 INFJs should invest more into the relationship, as relationships with ESTJs can stagnate if the INFJ isn't putting in enough effort or nurturing the connection.
• 😀 Appearance can be deceptive; even though INFJs may have SC inferior traits (which can seem weak), their potential to improve makes them valuable partners.
• 😀 The SI pessimism of the ESTJ can sometimes cause them to want to relive past experiences in the relationship, which can help create emotional depth.
• 😀 INFJs and ESTJs can experience personal growth over time, but they must be mindful of not enabling each other or staying in an isolated bubble.
• 😀 Being overly focused on monogamy or finding the perfect partner can limit INFJs in their romantic possibilities. Relationships often unfold naturally and cannot be planned or forced.
• 😀 INFJs are advised to avoid focusing too much on specific personality pairings (like 'bronze pair') and instead be open to organic connection.
• 😀 The fear of rejection should be overcome in relationships to allow for genuine personal development and connection with an ESTJ.
• 😀 The idea of soulmates or perfect matches is unrealistic. INFJs and other personality types should embrace the unpredictability of relationships and let them evolve naturally.

Q & A

What is the relationship between INFJs and ESTJs, and why do they often get into relationships?

INFJs and ESTJs are naturally attracted to each other because they have complementary strengths. INFJs admire the systematic, organized, and smart nature of ESTJs, while ESTJs appreciate the intelligence and depth of INFJs. Both are driven by a desire to improve and achieve, and this mutual respect fosters a natural learning environment in their relationship.

What is the INFJ's concern about appearing weak in an ESTJ-INFJ relationship?

The INFJ worries about appearing weak due to their inferior Se (Extraverted Sensing) function, which may cause them to struggle with actions that are seen as outwardly strong or assertive, such as speaking loudly or being confident in public. They fear that ESTJs may perceive this as a lack of strength.

How should INFJs deal with their inferior Se function in relationships, according to CS Joseph?

INFJs should embrace their inferior Se function rather than hide it. CS Joseph advises INFJs to stop trying to make a perfect first impression and be vulnerable, authentic, and real. By embracing their flaws and showing their true selves, they will appear more attractive to an ESTJ, who values authenticity.

What is the significance of vulnerability in INFJ-ESTJ relationships?

Vulnerability is crucial because it allows INFJs to drop the facade of perfection and show their true selves. ESTJs are drawn to authenticity, and by embracing vulnerability, INFJs can foster a deeper, more genuine connection. Trying to be perfect only reveals insecurity, which is unattractive.

Why does CS Joseph suggest INFJs stop trying to make a good first impression?

CS Joseph believes that INFJs, due to their ISTJ superego, often focus too much on making a good first impression, which comes across as fake. Instead of trying to impress, INFJs should focus on being real and authentic, which is more appealing to ESTJs and other types who value genuineness.

What does the concept of 'sc inferior' mean, and why is it considered a gift?

The 'sc inferior' refers to an INFJ's inferior Se function. Despite being seen as a weakness, it is considered a gift because it allows INFJs to step back and not feel overly pressured by external expectations. It also avoids causing conflict with types who have strong Si functions, such as ESTJs, and allows them to grow without excessive judgment.

What is the importance of shared experiences in INFJ-ESTJ relationships?

Shared experiences are essential for building a strong relationship between INFJs and ESTJs. Both types need to consistently create new and meaningful experiences together, with ESTJs appreciating the stability of repeating experiences that hold sentimental value. Variety and consistency in experiences help maintain the emotional connection and foster growth.

How does the concept of 'enablement' affect INFJ-ESTJ relationships?

Enablement in a relationship occurs when one partner, like an INFJ, relies too much on the other (an ESTJ), which can hinder personal growth. CS Joseph warns that couples should not isolate themselves in a bubble but maintain a balance of external friendships and interactions to avoid stagnation and ensure both partners continue growing.

Why is it unreasonable for young people to expect to choose their ideal partner based on personality types?

CS Joseph argues that it is unrealistic for young people to try to control who they love based on personality types, such as aiming for a 'golden pair' relationship. Love is not something that can be planned or customized; it happens organically, and expecting it to follow a set formula can lead to disappointment and missed opportunities.

What role does masculine idealism play in the INFJ-ESTJ dynamic?

Masculine idealism can influence INFJs, especially men, to think they can dictate the type of partner they should have. However, CS Joseph emphasizes that love and attraction cannot be controlled or preordained by type. The ideal partner often emerges unexpectedly, and INFJs should focus on letting relationships develop naturally without forcing them into predefined molds.