Make her work for it: don't just hand it over

Summary

In this talk, Dr. Orion Terban explores the dynamics of relationships, emphasizing that many women do not feel compelled to invest in relationships due to men readily offering commitment and resources. He argues that for a woman to value a relationship, she needs to put in genuine effort. By practicing a 'Catch and Release' approach, men can encourage women to invest before commitment, ensuring both parties find intrinsic value in the relationship. Terban highlights that the best relationships stem from mutual investment, where both partners actively choose and work for one another, leading to deeper, more fulfilling connections.

Takeaways

• 😀 Women often end relationships more frequently than men, and this may be due to a lack of investment in the relationship.
• 😌 Men typically offer relationships and commitment without requiring sufficient effort from women.
• 🧗‍♀️ When women have to work for a relationship, they are more likely to value it and stick with it through challenges.
• 🎲 The concept of 'pot committed' from poker illustrates how investment leads to perseverance in relationships.
• 💔 A woman is less likely to end a relationship if she has put significant effort and cost into securing it.
• 💵 Perception of value is linked to effort; the more a woman has to invest, the more she values the relationship.
• 🚫 Men should avoid making relationships too easy to obtain; encouraging effort creates a sense of worth.
• 🎣 The analogy of fishing highlights that men should choose partners who show genuine interest and make efforts to connect.
• 🌊 Women should demonstrate their commitment before men offer theirs, as commitment is the more valuable commodity.
• 🔄 Using the 'Catch and Release' strategy allows men to focus on attracting multiple women and not just one.

Q & A

Why do women tend to end relationships at higher rates than men?

Women often end relationships more frequently because they may not have to invest much effort to secure a relationship, leading to less perceived value.

What does it mean for a woman to 'work for' a relationship?

For a woman to 'work for' a relationship means that she must put in effort, emotional investment, and time to secure and maintain the relationship, which increases its perceived value.

How do men's behaviors contribute to women's investment in relationships?

Men often offer relationships and commitment without requiring women to demonstrate their interest or effort, which can result in women not valuing those relationships as highly.

What is the concept of 'pot committed' in the context of relationships?

'Pot committed' refers to being so invested in a relationship that it becomes necessary to try to make it work, which typically happens when a woman has made significant sacrifices to secure it.

What advice does Dr. Orion Terban give to men seeking fulfilling relationships?

Men should focus on being attractive and creating an emotionally compelling lifestyle, encouraging women to invest in the relationship to increase its perceived value.

What role does perceived value play in relationships according to the transcript?

Perceived value is crucial; things that are freely given are often seen as less valuable. If a woman perceives her relationship as costly, she is likely to value it more.

What does the 'Catch and Release' strategy entail?

'Catch and Release' means that men should engage with multiple women rather than focusing solely on one, allowing women to demonstrate their interest and investment in the relationship.

How does Dr. Terban use the fishing analogy in the transcript?

He compares relationships to fishing, suggesting that just as fish may jump back into the boat after being caught, women should demonstrate their commitment by showing effort to secure a relationship.

What is the significance of women demonstrating investment before commitment?

Women need to show investment before commitment because commitment is a more valuable commodity than sex in today's dating landscape, and this helps ensure the relationship's stability.

What is the overall message of Dr. Terban's talk?

The overall message emphasizes the importance of mutual investment in relationships, encouraging men to create a dynamic where women feel motivated to put in the effort to value the relationship.