Comedians on Dating Apps

Summary

The speaker humorously recounts her experiences with modern dating, particularly through apps like Tinder, which she finds superficial and confidence-draining. She pokes fun at the unrealistic profiles and the absurdity of expecting to find meaningful connections through swiping. Despite her conservative views on dating, she humorously navigates the world of online dating, sharing anecdotes about her own lack of matches and the oddities of meeting people through apps. She also touches on the pressure to appear fun and interesting on dates and the challenges of dating in the digital age.

Takeaways

• 😅 The speaker humorously describes their experience with modern dating apps, particularly Tinder, as being frustrating and confidence-destroying.
• 📱 The speaker highlights the superficial nature of dating apps where people are judged primarily based on their photos.
• 🤔 The speaker expresses a preference for more traditional dating methods and is critical of the casual approach to relationships that apps seem to promote.
• 🏞️ The speaker mocks the clichéd profiles on dating apps, where people claim to enjoy activities like rock climbing, kayaking, or meditating on cliffs.
• 🐶 The speaker's own dating profile is self-deprecating, mentioning a love for their dog, weed, and Cheetos, and receives zero matches.
• 👎 The speaker criticizes the expectation to be 'fun' on dates and the pressure to appear perfect, finding it unreasonable.
• 😅 The speaker recounts a bizarre first date experience with a man who used a Santa emoji as his profile picture and claimed to be 'big on honesty'.
• 😳 The speaker shares a creepy and inappropriate message received on OkCupid, illustrating the strange and sometimes disturbing experiences people can have online dating.
• 🤷‍♀️ The speaker questions the honesty of online profiles, suggesting that people often present an idealized version of themselves that may not be accurate.
• 💬 The speaker suggests a new first date question to gauge a potential partner's behavior in public, indicating a desire for more meaningful dating interactions.
• 😐 The speaker reflects on their overall experience with online dating, considering themselves fortunate to have avoided the worst pitfalls that others have encountered.

Q & A

What is the speaker's current relationship status?

The speaker is currently in a great relationship with a wonderful boyfriend.

What was the speaker's opinion on dating before entering her current relationship?

The speaker found dating to be awful, describing it as 'stupid as hell' and particularly criticizing modern dating apps.

Which dating app did the speaker try and what was her experience with it?

The speaker tried Tinder and found it to be a confidence killer, describing the experience as horrible and addictive.

What does the speaker find challenging about modern dating apps?

The speaker finds it challenging to get people from dating apps to take safety measures like wearing a condom, comparing it to convincing a child to wear a jacket over a Halloween costume.

How does the speaker feel about the profiles she encounters on Tinder?

The speaker feels that the profiles on Tinder are unrealistic and do not match with people she meets in real life, often showing women engaging in activities like rock climbing or meditating on cliffs.

What does the speaker's own Tinder profile consist of?

The speaker's Tinder profile consists of clear selfies of her at home with Cheetos dust on her face, and a bio that says she loves her dog, weed, and Cheetos.

What is the speaker's view on the superficial nature of Tinder?

The speaker views Tinder as a superficial app where people reject others based on their photos without knowing their hopes, feelings, or dreams.

What was the unusual profile picture of the man the speaker went on a date with from Facebook?

The man's profile picture was a Santa emoji, which the speaker found unusual and concerning.

What was the speaker's reaction to the man's statement about being big on honesty during their first date?

The speaker found it to be a red flag and thought it was strange for someone to start a first date with such a statement.

What is the speaker's new first date question and why does she ask it?

The speaker's new first date question is 'How likely are you to yell at me in public?' She asks this to gauge the potential for public outbursts in a relationship.

What was the奇葩 and offensive message the speaker received on OkCupid?

The speaker received a message offering to be her errand boy or human dog, and listing services like content writing, website designing, photography, video editing, house cleaning, and light cooking, along with an offer for 'racial humiliation, et cetera.'

Outlines

00:00

😅 Tinder Experience: A Comedy of Horrors

The speaker humorously recounts their frustrating experiences with Tinder, a modern dating app. They express their disdain for the superficial nature of dating apps and the challenges of finding meaningful connections. The speaker pokes fun at the profiles they encounter, which often boast unrealistic hobbies and interests, and shares their own lack of matches due to their honest, unappealing profile. They also touch on the difficulty of promoting safe sex and the addictive nature of swiping, even during mundane activities.

05:04

😳 The Trials of Traditional Dating

The speaker discusses their difficulties with traditional dating, highlighting the pressure to be entertaining and the mismatch between their online persona and real-life self. They recount trying various dating sites, including Match and OkCupid, and an unusual experience of being asked out via Facebook by a stranger. The speaker humorously describes their cautious approach to online dating, including their reluctance to Google dates before meeting them and the awkwardness of first dates, where they prefer to gauge compatibility based on potential for public conflict rather than shared interests.

10:04

😡 The Dark Side of Online Dating

The speaker shares their less-than-pleasant experiences with online dating, emphasizing that while they escaped relatively unscathed, others may not be so lucky. They recount a bizarre and offensive message received on OkCupid, which included an offer for racial humiliation among other services. The speaker satirically critiques the message, pointing out the absurdity and inappropriateness of the offer, and reflects on the broader issues of online dating safety and the types of people one might encounter.

15:05

😂 A Bizarre Online Dating Proposal

In a twist of events, the speaker responds to the bizarre message from a previous paragraph with a humorous and sarcastic acceptance. This section captures the absurdity of the situation and the speaker's witty approach to dealing with such an unusual and uncomfortable proposition.

Keywords

💡Dating Apps

Dating apps are smartphone applications designed to help individuals find potential romantic partners. They operate by allowing users to swipe through profiles and match with others based on mutual interest. In the video, the speaker expresses frustration with dating apps like Tinder, describing them as superficial and a confidence killer, highlighting the disconnect between the app experience and real-life connections.

💡Swipe Culture

Swipe culture refers to the practice of making quick decisions, often based on limited information, facilitated by the interface of dating apps where users swipe right to 'like' or left to 'dislike' a profile. The speaker humorously describes being addicted to swiping, even in inappropriate moments, to illustrate the pervasiveness of this culture in modern dating.

💡Tinder

Tinder is one of the most popular dating apps that allows users to swipe through profiles to find potential matches. The speaker uses Tinder as a primary example to criticize dating apps, mentioning the app's focus on appearance and the demoralizing experience of receiving zero matches.

💡Modern Dating

Modern dating encompasses the current practices and trends in seeking romantic relationships, often characterized by the use of technology and dating apps. The video critiques modern dating for its superficiality and the challenges it presents, such as the difficulty of finding genuine connections through apps.

💡Sexual Conservatism

Sexual conservatism refers to the adherence to traditional values and behaviors regarding sex and relationships, often advocating for caution and restraint. The speaker identifies as sexually conservative, contrasting this with the casual nature of encounters facilitated by dating apps.

💡Casual Sex

Casual sex is sexual activity outside of a committed relationship, often characterized by a lack of emotional involvement. The speaker criticizes dating apps for facilitating casual sex, expressing a desire for more meaningful connections rather than the superficial encounters the apps seem to promote.

💡OkCupid

OkCupid is another popular dating website and app that uses a series of questions to match users based on compatibility. The speaker shares a bizarre message received on OkCupid to illustrate the strange and sometimes disturbing experiences people can have on dating platforms.

💡Profile

A profile on a dating app or site is a user's personal page where they present information about themselves to potential matches. The speaker discusses the challenge of creating an appealing profile, mentioning the pressure to appear attractive and interesting, and the superficiality of judging others based on their profiles.

💡First Date

A first date is the initial meeting between two people who are considering a romantic relationship. The speaker discusses the pressure and expectations associated with first dates, including the need to be 'fun' and the importance of honesty, as illustrated by the speaker's experience with a date who emphasized this quality.

💡Honesty

Honesty refers to the quality of being truthful and straightforward. In the context of the video, the speaker reacts negatively to a date who prioritizes honesty, suggesting that such directness is not always appreciated, especially on a first encounter. The speaker humorously compares dating to health insurance, suggesting that one should wait until a relationship is more established before revealing personal issues.

💡YODO (You Only Date Occasionally)

YODO is a humorous acronym the speaker uses to describe a dating philosophy where one takes opportunities for dating as they come, rather than actively seeking them out. This concept reflects the speaker's approach to dating, as exemplified by agreeing to a date with someone who messaged them after seeing their stand-up comedy show.

Highlights

The speaker reflects on the frustrations of modern dating and how apps like Tinder have made dating even more superficial.

A comedic take on how Tinder profiles often feature group photos, and the struggle of identifying which person you're actually interested in.

The speaker humorously describes the difficulties of getting young men from dating apps to use condoms, likening it to convincing a child to wear a jacket over a Halloween costume.

A personal experience of how Tinder became an addictive but demoralizing app, especially for those fresh out of a relationship.

The speaker jokes about the types of women encountered on Tinder, who seem to all enjoy activities like rock climbing and meditating on cliffs.

The speaker shares a humorous Tinder bio, describing himself with clear selfies covered in Cheeto dust and emphasizing his love for dogs, weed, and Cheetos.

The speaker jokes about the superficiality of Tinder, where people judge others based on pictures and short taglines without any deep knowledge of them.

The comedic notion that dating is an online experience for most people in their twenties, leading to awkward and shallow social interactions.

A story about being asked out on Facebook by a stranger and the humorous concerns that arise from someone whose profile picture is just a Santa emoji.

The speaker reflects on the oddities of online dating and how people sometimes reveal too much too soon, especially when someone starts by saying they're 'big on honesty.'

A new first-date question proposed by the speaker: 'How likely are you to yell at me in public?' as a better metric for compatibility than music tastes.

A reflection on how social media distorts the reality of who people are, leading to misrepresentations in online dating profiles.

A humorous real-life example of a strange message received on OkCupid, where a man offers to be an 'errand boy or human dog,' and lists skills like web design and racial humiliation.

The speaker questions the bizarre nature of the message, pointing out that none of the tasks offered are what a 'human dog' would do.

A hilarious twist where the speaker claims to have written back to the strange OkCupid message with 'Hey man, I’m in,' showcasing a witty response to an absurd situation.

Transcripts

- Right now I'm in a great relationship,

I have a wonderful boyfriend.

Before that I was single, 'cause that's how that works.

And that was awful, 'cause dating is stupid as hell.

It's dumb as hell all across the boards,

especially now with modern dating, we have the apps.

Like I tried Tinder, 'cause I've always wanted to date

the ugliest person in a group photo.

We know which one you are, okay?

- Now I'm just like, I'm very sexually conservative

as a person and nobody's really like that anymore.

Like everybody meets on apps.

You talk to anyone in their twenties like, where'd you meet?

They're like, well we met on this app.

It's called Just the Nips, hear me out, like.

It's always something horrifying.

And I don't know if you guys have tried

to get a 20 something dude from a dating app

to wear a condom lately, but it's sort of like

trying to convince a five year old to put a jacket on

over his Halloween costume.

Here put this on for me.

No!

You're gonna ruin it!

You can't even see it!

- But years ago I made the mistake of signing up for Tinder

and what a confidence killer that shit has been.

Wow, holy shit.

That app should be called Reality Check

is what it should be called. When you download it today,

if you are not hot, get the hell outta here.

This is not for you.

I hated the whole experience.

I signed up for that app fresh out of a relationship

which is the worst time to upload photos

of your fat fuckin' face to the internet

and just lie about yourself in a bio

hoping someone will fall for it.

I was addicted to the app. I was addicted to swiping.

Everywhere I was going,

I was just swiping and swiping,

at one point I was just like, wow,

I am looking for my soulmate while I'm taking a shit.

The future is now. This is true love.

It's crazy.

Zero matches too.

And I was like swiping,

and the worst part is like when Tinder stops you

from swiping, that's the worst feeling.

That's like Tinder saying like,

"Hey man, we're fuckin' working on it.

All right, holy shit. Go for a walk.

Help us out.

We had to fly in specialists for this account.

We've never had to do that before."

Hated it, and all the women on Tinder,

I've never met anybody like that in my real life.

Like if I knew I was gonna be on Tinder years ago

I would've started rock climbing,

I would've started kayaking,

or meditating on a cliff somewhere.

That's all I see, like I've lived in Austin for 10 years

and I have never seen a cliff.

All right, but these women are finding them

and they are meditating on them with their dogs and shit.

It's crazy.

And my profile's nothing to write home about either,

all my photos are like clear selfies of me

at home, chilling on a bean bag,

Cheeto dust all over my face.

Bio just says, I love my dog. I love weed. I love Cheetos.

It is what it is, let's fuck.

That's just all I have on that bio.

And again, zero matches.

- I'm alive and in my twenties, which is really

just an elaborate way of saying I'm on Tinder.

Tinder you know this cool dating app where you can,

where people who are just looking for casual sex

can meet up with people who are looking

for serious long-term relationships.

I like it, if you're not familiar,

it's this very superficial app for your phone

where you just swipe through pictures of other real people

with hopes and feelings and dreams

and you reject them based on absolutely nothing.

Feels really good.

It's cool, it's not like any website,

you know, there's very little reading involved.

You're not constantly second guessing yourself.

Like, well they're not really my type

but we both love adventure, you know?

Instead you're just like, "Weird hat, see ya in hell."

You can have a little like tagline about yourself on there.

Most people don't bother, they just do all pictures.

They're like either you want it or you don't, you know?

Which is my strategy, but.

I saw somebody recently, their tagline was,

"You can't take me anywhere, but I'm going places."

You know that's,

that is really one way to live your life.

I think I'm going places is a good attitude to have,

you need that to motivate you in life or whatever.

But I think it's just a level of confidence

that I am not familiar with.

You know, I wanna meet somebody who's more like me,

who's like, hi! Shit...

I'm Chris, uh, I'm sorry? I don't know. I'm gonna go.

I tried, you know, I did my best. Shut up.

- My problem with dating is like,

you have to show up and be fun?

It's like, what are you a king?

You should just be glad that I'm real.

It's just a lot to ask.

And you know, I've tried internet dating, that's big now.

I've tried a couple sites. I've tried Match.

I've tried "OkCuppid."

I spend a good month on Yelp.

You know, like I feel like I've gone the distance,

but I even had to think outside of the box this past year

like I got asked out over Facebook,

which in and of itself isn't that interesting.

But the thing is, it was someone I didn't know.

And they sent me a message,

they were just like, oh, I saw you do stand up at a show.

I thought you were really funny, let's go out.

And normally I would be like, no,

but I was at a vulnerable point in my life.

And I was also like, you know what? He didn't even ask.

He just decided like, I respect that decisiveness in a man.

And it's also like, what is that expression?

YODO? You know, You Only Date Occasionally.

So you have to take the opportunities

when they present themselves.

The one thing that was weird about him right off the bat

was that his profile picture was just a Santa emoji.

I know, it's the right reaction.

It's like right away there's a slight chance

he doesn't have a face

or that his face is in fact a Santa emoji.

And it's like, you know, I'm open-minded

but it's gonna be a discussion eventually.

So I had my friend Google him

and she was like, no, he checks out.

He has a face, you're good to go.

Yeah, I don't like to Google people before the first date.

I'm kind of old fashioned.

I feel like some things you should save for marriage.

But she was like, no, he checks out, go on the date.

So we made plans.

I believe I picked the place.

Like I tried to pick a bar where it was like,

if I go missing people would be like,

at least she had a good time before she left.

Yeah, at least four stars.

So we met up and first impressions I have to say were great.

He was tall, he smelled good, he had a face, triple threat.

Everything matched up, and then we sat down,

he bought us drinks, we started talking,

and then one of the first things he said

where it was just like, red flag meter alerted.

One of the first things that of his mouth,

he's just like, something you should know about me,

I'm really big on honesty, I just like telling it how it is.

It's like, okay, who opens with that as a human?

Who like right outta the gate is just like,

listen, you're gonna hear some stuff.

And it's also like, honesty on a first date? No, thanks.

Like call me old fashioned,

but I feel like dating is like health insurance.

Like you wait until you're accepted in as a member

before you start revealing all your preexisting conditions.

Yes, feel free.

Like, it feels like, you wait until year five

before you're like, oh, by the way

I have diabetes and another family, happy anniversary!

- They made it harder, I think like the dating websites

made it harder for how we communicate.

'Cause you go on first date and I was like,

what kind of music do you like?

But it doesn't really matter, right?

You can coexist with someone

that has different musical tastes.

This is my new first date question,

this is what I ask on every first date.

How likely are you to yell at me in public?

That one's gonna come in handy.

You don't wanna be in that relationship eight months in

and you're getting screamed in from the strangers.

Like it's cool, we both like Chance the Rapper.

- So for me, dating is like directly an online experience.

Just kind of fresh, direct style, straight to the point,

(bleep) no browsing and like dating online these days

post you've got mail, I feel like everyone dabbles.

Whatever it's safe, or well, okay.

And like you walk these social situations

and all you know about each other is what you've been like

willing to publish about yourselves online,

which I think we can all agree is never true.

Like I know it's rude, but if you did pull out your phone

right now and looked me up on Facebook,

it probably says that I like a couple books, but.

You guys, I don't like any books. Any books!

- Now, I don't want you guys leaving here thinking

I hate men, I want you leaving here knowing it for sure.

I don't, usually feel like I need to justify that further

but you read the news, you get it.

But the truth is, I actually, I feel like I escaped

from online dating relatively unscathed

compared to other people, you know?

Like I never got harassed, I never got assaulted,

only one guy I went out with ended up being a DJ, like.

I know you guys believe me,

but sometimes there are people who don't.

And so I always feel the need to back up what I'm saying

with some evidence.

So I did bring a little bit of an exhibit A,

just in case you were wondering

what we're really up against out there.

I'm gonna read to you a real message

that I got on the dating website, OkCupid.

Yeah, the women know it's coming.

I'm not gonna preface it because I don't know how to.

I'm just going to tell you that this is real.

I know I have to say that

because people have come up to me after shows and been like,

oh my God, how did you come up with that?

Nah.

I wish this didn't happen to me.

This is a real message that a human being sent to me,

another human being, on the dating website OkCupid.

"Hello, ma'am."

Okay, so I feel like, I feel like we're all in agreement

about that being, like a rough start, yeah?

It's somehow both polite and so rude.

"Hello, ma'am. Great pics, I love it.

Can I be your errand boy or human dog?

I am good with content writing, designing basic websites,

doing a bit of photography, video editing,

house cleaning, doing errands, light cooking,

and I am also fine with racial humiliation, et cetera."

Okay, so I don't know about you guys, but for me personally

racial humiliation is the only item on that list

where I don't know what an et cetera means after it.

And it's the only one that got one.

He could have put that "et cetera"

anywhere else in that paragraph, I would've been fine.

"Designing basic websites, et cetera."

Okay, he knows HTML, maybe a little bit of Photoshop,

I get that.

But racial humili-- by the way,

I'm not okay with racial humiliation.

There is no way I'm cool with the et cetera

that comes after it.

Unless it stands for apologizing for the racial humiliation.

I don't like the way he phrased that either,

"I am also fine with racial humiliation,"

like I brought it up.

Like that's my deal breaker we're negotiating on.

I'd also just like to point out,

none of these are things a human dog would do.

Right, he promised me human dog,

why is he offering to write me content?

He should drink out of a bowl with this tongue,

that's all I'm saying.

The next paragraph is just a marvel of the English language.

"I have lived in LA for two years

but now I am back and want to move back to LA."

Where do you live, bro?

I mean, I know it's a van, but where is it parked?

"I can probably get a job."

Women love confidence, he knows this.

"I can probably get a job

and you can control my paychecks and money.

Please consider, GK."

So I wrote him back.

What am I not gonna write him back?

Do you guys wanna hear what I wrote him back?

Do you guys wanna hear what I wrote him back?

(crowd cheering)

Okay.

"Hey man, I'm in."