Acting more rational - changing our automatic behavior | Ashley Zahabian | TEDxStanleyPark

Summary

The speaker shares a personal journey, emphasizing the difference between intelligence and emotional intelligence (EQ). Despite high IQ, the speaker faced emotional struggles, particularly during adolescence, battling with body image and anorexia. Over time, they learned the importance of emotional intelligence—becoming aware of one’s emotions and controlling reactions for better outcomes. The speaker advocates for meditation as a tool to develop EQ, offering practical steps to manage emotions in charged situations. By gaining emotional intelligence, the speaker transformed their life, unlocking opportunities in relationships and career, and encourages others to do the same.

Takeaways

• 💡 Intelligence and emotional intelligence are different; being intelligent doesn't guarantee acting intelligently.
• 🧠 Emotional intelligence involves awareness of your own emotions and the emotions of others, guiding actions and behaviors effectively.
• 👤 Emotional responses often overshadow rational thinking, which can lead to impulsive reactions.
• 🚫 Personal challenges, such as the speaker's struggle with anorexia, highlight the importance of emotional intelligence in overcoming inner demons.
• 💪 Developing emotional intelligence can lead to better outcomes in life, such as improved relationships and career opportunities.
• 🧘 Meditation is a useful tool for training the mind to handle emotionally charged situations with rational responses.
• 🐴 The analogy of training a horse is used to explain how meditation helps to gradually control emotional impulses.
• 🔎 In emotionally intense situations, it's important to recognize how you and others feel, label the emotions, and act for the best possible outcome.
• 📈 Practicing emotional intelligence daily can transform your life by allowing you to behave intelligently regardless of how you feel.
• 🌍 Emotional intelligence opens up a world of opportunities in personal and professional areas by helping manage emotions more effectively.

Q & A

What is the difference between being intelligent and acting intelligent, according to the speaker?

The speaker explains that being intelligent is having cognitive abilities or high IQ, while acting intelligent is using emotional intelligence to guide actions. Emotional intelligence involves being aware of one's emotions and the emotions of others, and using this awareness to make better decisions.

How does the speaker define emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to become aware of one's own feelings and the feelings of others, and using that awareness to guide thoughts, actions, and behaviors for better outcomes.

What example does the speaker give to illustrate a lack of emotional intelligence?

The speaker gives the example of John, who missed a bus, got frustrated, and then took his anger out on his son by denying him permission to visit a friend. John's frustration had nothing to do with his son, but he let his emotions control his actions instead of acting intelligently.

What personal story does the speaker share to highlight the importance of emotional intelligence?

The speaker shares a personal story about developing an eating disorder at age 14, driven by negative emotions and distorted self-image. Over time, she learned how to use emotional intelligence to control her emotions, which eventually helped her recover.

How did the speaker's experience with an eating disorder influence her understanding of emotional intelligence?

The speaker realized that her inability to control her emotions was driving her unhealthy behaviors. After years of rehab and therapy, she learned how to manage her emotions and make rational decisions, which helped her overcome her disorder and open up new opportunities in life.

Why does the speaker say people under 25 may struggle with emotional control?

The speaker points out that the rational part of the brain is not fully developed until around age 25, making it harder for younger people to control their emotions and make rational decisions.

What does the speaker suggest as one way to improve emotional intelligence?

The speaker suggests practicing meditation as a way to improve emotional intelligence. Meditation helps train the mind to control thoughts and emotions, making it easier to act rationally in emotionally charged situations.

What is the significance of the horse-training metaphor in the speaker's explanation of meditation?

The speaker compares meditation to training a horse, explaining that just as one needs to gradually build trust with a horse, one must train the emotional mind through consistent meditation to improve control over emotions.

What are the three steps the speaker recommends for handling emotionally charged situations?

The speaker recommends: 1) becoming aware of your own and others' emotions, 2) harnessing those emotions to think about the best possible action for the best outcome, and 3) acting on that decision, regardless of how you feel.

How has emotional intelligence impacted the speaker's life after her recovery?

The speaker shares that developing emotional intelligence has opened up numerous opportunities for her, including improved relationships, academic success, and business opportunities, all because she learned to control her emotions and act thoughtfully.