WHY ARE FRIENDSHIPS SO FLUID ? - My thoughts on American Friendship as a Single Woman
Summary
TLDRIn this video, Catherine reflects on the transient nature of American friendships, influenced by factors like social media and life changes. She discusses how friendships can be easily formed and lost, especially in a society where people frequently move and change social circles. Catherine shares her personal experiences, including losing touch with friends during the pandemic and the impact of social media on maintaining relationships. She encourages viewers to cultivate meaningful friendships while accepting the natural ebb and flow of social connections.
Takeaways
- 🌐 The video discusses the nature of American friendships, particularly in a transient area like North Jersey.
- 🏡 People often move away after living in a place for a few years, which affects the longevity of friendships.
- 🤔 The speaker reflects on how friendships evolve from childhood through college and into the workforce, noting the ease of making and losing friends.
- 😲 The pandemic has led to the loss of some friendships, with people drifting apart due to differing views on safety measures.
- 💬 Social media plays a significant role in maintaining friendships, but it also makes it easy to lose touch with people.
- 💍 The speaker was surprised not to be invited to a close friend's wedding, leading to a reevaluation of what constitutes a 'true' friend.
- 🤝 True friendships are rare and can withstand major life changes, whereas more casual friendships may not.
- 👥 As people go through life, their social circles change, with friends coming and going based on life stages and circumstances.
- 📱 The ease of making friends is contrasted with the ease of losing them, suggesting a 'cheap' nature to some American friendships.
- 🌱 The video serves as a call to action to cultivate friendships, while also acknowledging that it's okay for some friendships to end.
Q & A
What is the main topic of Catherine's video?
-The main topic of Catherine's video is her observation on American friendship and her perspective on how it can be perceived as 'cheap'.
Why does Catherine describe American friendships as 'cheap'?
-Catherine describes American friendships as 'cheap' because she believes they are easily formed and just as easily lost, often due to life changes or lack of communication.
What is Catherine's geographical context for her observations?
-Catherine lives in North Jersey near the city, which she describes as a transient area where people often move in and out, influencing her view on friendships.
How does Catherine reflect on her friendships during the pandemic?
-Catherine mentions losing a significant number of friends during the pandemic, including a close college friend whose wedding she was surprised to miss, leading her to question the depth of their friendship.
What role does social media play in Catherine's perception of friendships?
-Catherine discusses how social media can lead to both the formation and dissolution of friendships easily, as it provides a superficial level of connection without the need for deeper engagement.
How does Catherine feel about the ease of losing friendships?
-Catherine expresses that it's sad how easily friendships can be lost, but she also acknowledges that it's a part of modern life and that the barrier to both making and losing friends is wide.
What does Catherine suggest about the rarity of true friendships?
-Catherine suggests that true friendships are rare and can stand the test of time, even through significant life changes, referencing Father Mike Schmidt's discussion on the topic.
How does Catherine's marital status affect her friendships?
-As a single unmarried person, Catherine notes that most of her friends are also single, and she suggests that life-altering changes like marriage and having children can lead to losing friends.
What advice does Catherine give about cultivating friendships?
-Catherine encourages viewers to actively cultivate their friendships, but also to accept that some friendships may naturally end, and that's okay.
What is Catherine's call to action at the end of her video?
-Catherine's call to action is for viewers to seriously reach out to someone they want to be friends with and invite them for a drink or coffee, especially if they are single.
How does Catherine view the constant change in friendships?
-Catherine views the constant change in friendships as a natural part of life, especially for single people, and she encourages acceptance of this fluidity.
Outlines
🤔 Observations on the Transience of American Friendships
Catherine begins the video by expressing her excitement to discuss her observations on American friendships, which she perceives as 'cheap'. She acknowledges the limitations of her perspective, being based on her experiences living in North Jersey, a transient area. She reflects on how friendships are formed throughout life, from childhood to college and the workforce, where age diversity becomes more common. Catherine shares her personal experience of losing friends during the pandemic, especially one close friend whose wedding she was surprised to miss. She questions the depth of friendships maintained through social media and the ease with which they can be lost, suggesting that the barriers to both forming and losing friendships are low. She concludes by contemplating the impact of life changes on friendships and the rarity of true, enduring friendships.
📈 The Ebb and Flow of Friendships Over Time
In the second paragraph, Catherine delves deeper into the dynamics of friendships, using her own life as an example. She discusses how friendships can be lost and gained over time, especially with significant life events like moving or changing jobs. She acknowledges the effort required to maintain friendships and the role social media plays in both connecting and disconnecting people. Catherine suggests that the transient nature of friendships might be more pronounced among singles, who may experience more frequent changes in their social circles compared to those who are married or have families. She encourages viewers to cultivate their friendships but also to accept the natural ebb and flow of these relationships. She ends by inviting viewers to share their thoughts on American friendships and their personal experiences with the constant change in their social lives.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡American friendship
💡Transient area
💡Social media
💡Life-altering changes
💡Cultivate friendships
💡Barrier to entry
💡True friendships
💡Loneliness
💡Catholic
💡Call to action
Highlights
The video discusses the perception of American friendships as 'cheap' and the speaker's personal observations.
The speaker, Catherine, acknowledges the transient nature of North Jersey and its impact on friendships.
Catherine reflects on how friendships evolve from childhood through different life stages.
The pandemic's effect on friendships is discussed, with personal anecdotes of lost connections.
The role of social media in maintaining friendships is questioned, with concerns about superficial connections.
Catherine shares her experience of losing friends due to differing views on the pandemic.
The ease of making and losing friends in different social settings is highlighted.
The concept of 'true friendships' that withstand life changes is explored.
The idea that friendships are cyclical and not permanent is presented.
Catherine's personal journey of making and losing friends throughout her life is shared.
The challenge of maintaining friendships when life stages change, such as marriage and parenthood, is discussed.
The video serves as a call to action to cultivate friendships, despite their impermanence.
Catherine invites viewers to share their thoughts on American friendships and their own experiences.
The video concludes with a reflection on the nature of friendships and the importance of social media's role.
Transcripts
today's video is going to be a little
bit different it's going to be more of
an observation of how I see our society
and I'm kind of excited about it all
right
let's go hello everybody and welcome
back to my channel my name is Catherine
and today we're going to be talking
about American friendship and how I kind
of see it as cheap I see American
friendships to be cheap and I can only
judge granted like I live in North
Jersey near the city people it's a
little bit of a transient area people
come here live here for a few years and
then they move back home it's a
different different kind of place really
to live and I respect that and I don't
know if what I'm about to say
encompasses all of America I don't know
all I know is my name is Catholic
Catherine and I don't speak for the
Catholic church I just speak for myself
so let's dive into it let's consider
friendships right so you grow up
theoretically you don't move your whole
life you go through kindergarten all the
way to high school
meeting new friends along the way I'm
sure your high school is uh All County
all towns absorbed together you're
making new friends the whole time after
that you theoretically either move away
or you do like what I did which was
commute to school and you make a whole
bunch of new friends or you don't go to
college and you make new friends that
way and
all of a sudden you go from
being with people your own age to
college where you start to get it's a
lot easier to be friends with people of
different ages in college I have found
through non-traditional students who are
older than you through clubs and
activities things like that and then you
enter the workforce
and everybody's different ages and you
have work friends who you're eating
lunch with and everything and then you
have your home friends you have your
college friends you have all these
different friends when I realized during
the pandemic I lost a decent amount of
friends and I did move during the
pandemic to a new city but it's only 30
minutes from where I grew up it's not
that far but I was on Instagram the
other day and I saw someone whom I was
super close with in college and very
close with after college she lived
nearby we spent a lot of time together
went to a lot of activities together got
one-on-one dinners together and the
pandemic happened and she was very
coveted concerned and I was not very
coveted concerned and not that we had a
fight or anything but we just kind of
stopped being friends and I saw on
Instagram this week she got married
and I was stunned stunned I was not
invited to that wedding and it did look
like a smaller wedding and everything
but I could not
believe it that I was not invited to
this wedding and I realized well was she
really my friend
I was getting few updates on her from
social media but is that enough a big
problem I have is the fact that a lot of
our friendships are on social media and
I still consider myself to be friends
with people that I haven't seen in years
and
that's
fine it's great I get to see they're
engaged and get having babies and being
happy but do I really care I've noticed
this but for me personally
you can literally just be walking around
going to the gym you see someone at the
gym more often you talk to them you
become friends with them and then you
can lose those friendships so easily I
think that's a big part of like the
texting and the social media is that
it's so easy for us to make friends with
people but then it's also easy for us to
lose them because I literally met
someone for our young adult group here
at my local parish and I sent her I
think like three texts in a row asking
her to come to three different events
she said no each time but please include
me on the next one I'm away I'm out of
town what have you I stopped texting her
because I forgot she existed I just
realized this the other day I'm like Oh
that girl never ended up coming to any
young adult events but I stopped texting
her granted she could just check the
Facebook and come to an event but
whatever so friendship's just very very
cheap and that you meet people so easily
but they can also leave your life so
easily and it's really sad the barrier
to entry to become a friend is very very
wide and the barrier to lose a friend is
also very wide
I think this also has to do a lot with
your social status and life for me as a
single unmarried person 99 of my friends
are also single and unmarried you start
to lose them obviously when there's big
life altering changes like getting
married and having babies that being
said
true friendships will stand the test of
time how many true friendships do you
really have I remember father Mike
Schmidt's talking about this in his
Bible in your podcast with Jonathan and
David in the Old Testament how they were
really true friends and something like
that only comes around once or twice in
a lifetime
so these really true friends they will
stand the test of time whether they'll
go through marriages or babies or moves
or transitions in life and careers they
will stand the test of time except those
are very exceedingly rare and I think
this is okay because we have friends
that come and go out of our Lives
constantly I mean I was looking at my
mom's wedding book the other day and you
can see like the people who are her
friends then are not necessarily her
friends now and she's extreme like my
parents are extremely close with certain
other couples right now that they've met
within the last 10 15 years that they
didn't know you know 30 something years
ago when they got married it's very
interesting
how
would we choose to celebrate certain
things in our lives such as birthdays or
weddings or or anything like that the
people that show up are the people that
you're close with
now
and the people you want to see are the
people you're close with now
this video is really just me like a
diary entry for me getting my thoughts
out on this subject that
I grew up not having a lot of friends
besides the childhood friends I talked
about in this video here and I did not
really retain any friendships from the
first 18 years of my life
and then in college I made some really
really amazing friends then I made
some really great friends from work from
different jobs I've had and I've kind of
lost touch with some of them but some of
them I actually became closer with when
I lived here in this city where they
also live
I made friends through my church and
everything and it's it's just
fascinating to me that you grow close to
these people
and then through moving or what have you
they they leave your lives
because it's just a lot of work to be a
friend and I'm and I'm wondering if
social media
plays a big role in this because it's
like I don't have to call my friend so
and so who moved away because I can just
see her life on Instagram
but am I really her friend if I'm just
getting the surface level Instagram
stuff
I'm asking you in this video this is a
call to action cultivate your
friendships
but if they if you have some friends
that leave your life
it's okay because the barrier at entry
to be friends is very wide and I talk
about this with loneliness in that we
it's it's very interesting in that we're
constantly going through friends and so
if you met someone at church or the gym
or what have you that's you know of the
same sex as you that you want to be
friends with seriously reach out to him
or her and ask them to get a drink or
coffee or what have you because they'll
probably say yes
especially if they're unmarried they'll
probably say yes because this is what
we're doing in our culture right now
it's just friends are coming and going
constantly
and I really think it's okay I don't
necessarily think it's a bad thing I do
think social media is evil but that's
another topic for another day
but
I'm finally starting to realize the fact
that I've cycled through so many friends
over the past 28 years of my life
I really think it's okay but let me know
in the comments below just your thoughts
on American friendships do you think
they're cheap do you have friends
constantly in and out of your life
again if you do
specify whether or not you're married or
single when you're talking about the
friendships because it's I really do
think this is something more for single
people and that we are not settled down
so we're going to go through friends
more whereas someone who's married with
kids is going to cling more to someone
else who is also married with kids and
you will be in that married with kids
stage of your life theoretically for the
rest of your life
whereas single you know I will hopefully
if I do get married I will change my
lifestyle so I will change my friends
more with that so it's it's just it's an
interesting concept
um if you could give this video a thumbs
up hit subscribe and hit the Bell so you
never miss one of my videos I will
definitely be returning to more Catholic
and dating content after this uh follow
me on Instagram if you have not already
and I'll see you next time bye
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