How to Stand Up for Yourself
Summary
TLDRIn the Jefferson Fisher podcast episode, the focus is on the importance of self-advocacy and assertiveness. The host emphasizes the need to know when to stand up for oneself, suggesting a 'know your worth' mentality. He advises eliminating verbal disclaimers and stopping the habit of justifying oneself to others. The episode also tackles the challenge of saying 'no' and provides strategies for doing so without feeling the need to explain or justify one's decisions. The host encourages listeners to conserve their energy for meaningful interactions and to let go of the need to respond to every opinion or request, fostering a sense of self-worth and peace in communication.
Takeaways
- 🗣️ Advocating for oneself is crucial as no one else will do it if you don't.
- 🕴️ Knowing when to stand up for yourself is essential; not everyone is worth your time or energy.
- 🚫 Eliminate verbal disclaimers that weaken your statements and assertiveness.
- 💬 Stop justifying yourself excessively; it diminishes self-confidence.
- 🎯 Understand that you don't have to respond to every opinion or request; some can be ignored.
- 👑 Develop a 'know your worth' mentality to decide when to engage in conversations.
- 🏋️♂️ Be bold and direct when asserting your needs; don't hesitate or soften your message.
- 🚫 Saying 'no' should be clear and concise, without unnecessary justifications.
- 🤔 When faced with a request for justification after saying 'no', respond with confidence and maintain your boundaries.
- 📢 Practice and be prepared to assert yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable initially.
Q & A
What is the main message of the Jefferson Fisher podcast episode on standing up for yourself?
-The main message is the importance of advocating for oneself, knowing when to stand up, eliminating verbal disclaimers, and not justifying oneself to others unnecessarily. It emphasizes the need to assert one's needs and understand one's worth to effectively communicate and protect one's peace.
Why is it suggested not to use verbal disclaimers when standing up for oneself?
-Verbal disclaimers, such as 'I'm sorry, but' or 'I feel like maybe,' can weaken one's message and make it seem less assertive. They can also undermine self-confidence by creating a sense of hesitancy or apology, which is not necessary when asserting one's needs.
What is the 'know your worth mentality' mentioned in the podcast?
-The 'know your worth mentality' refers to the mindset of understanding one's own value and not wasting time or energy on people or situations that do not align with one's priorities. It's about recognizing that not everyone is worth the effort to stand up for oneself.
How does the podcast suggest handling situations where someone expects a response from you?
-The podcast suggests that not every comment or opinion from others requires a response. It's about choosing when to engage and when to let things go, understanding that one is not obligated to respond to every statement made by others.
What is the analogy used in the podcast to describe the act of asserting oneself?
-The podcast uses the analogy of a cold swimming pool or a plunge into cold water to describe the act of asserting oneself. It suggests that it's better to be direct and upfront (like a 'cannonball') rather than hesitating or tiptoeing into the conversation.
Why is it important to conserve one's energy when standing up for oneself?
-Conserving energy is important because it allows one to focus on what truly matters and protect one's peace. It's about not expending energy on arguments or people that do not rank high in one's priority list.
How does the podcast advise handling situations where someone asks 'why' after you've said 'no'?
-The podcast suggests using responses like 'because it's not what's best for me right now' or 'it's outside my focus right now' to assert one's decision without feeling the need to provide a detailed justification.
What is the significance of the phrase 'no is a complete sentence' in the context of the podcast?
-The phrase 'no is a complete sentence' emphasizes the power and sufficiency of a simple 'no' when declining something. It encourages individuals to stand firm in their decisions without feeling the need to add explanations or justifications.
How can one maintain respect while disagreeing or saying no, as discussed in the podcast?
-One can maintain respect by being clear, direct, and polite in their communication. It's about stating one's position without attacking the other person, and using phrases that assert one's needs without being aggressive or dismissive.
What is the purpose of the weekly newsletter mentioned in the podcast?
-The purpose of the weekly newsletter is to provide subscribers with communication tips and tools to improve their interactions. It also offers a platform for subscribers to ask questions, which are then answered in the podcast.
How does the podcast help listeners apply the discussed concepts in real-life scenarios?
-The podcast provides practical advice and examples of how to apply the discussed concepts in real-life scenarios. It offers specific phrases and strategies for standing up for oneself, declining invitations, and asserting one's needs in various social and professional contexts.
Outlines
🗣️ Advocating for Yourself
The paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy, suggesting that if you don't assert your needs, you may be overlooked or taken advantage of. It introduces the topic of the Jefferson Fisher podcast, which aims to equip listeners with communication tools to positively influence their interactions. The speaker outlines strategies for standing up for oneself, such as recognizing when it's necessary, eliminating verbal disclaimers that weaken one's message, and avoiding the need to justify oneself excessively. The key message is to know your worth and conserve your energy for interactions that truly matter.
🚫 Saying No Assertively
This paragraph discusses the art of assertively saying no without feeling the need to justify one's decision. It draws an analogy between asserting oneself and the act of jumping into a cold pool, suggesting that being direct is less painful than hesitating. The speaker advises against using verbal disclaimers and over-explaining when declining something, as it dilutes the strength of one's stance. The focus is on being confident and straightforward when saying no, without feeling compelled to provide reasons or engage in unnecessary justifications.
📢 Handling Nos and Justifications
The final paragraph of the script addresses the common challenge of responding to the question 'why not?' after saying no. It provides strategies for responding without coming across as rude or disrespectful. The speaker suggests using phrases like 'it's not what's best for me right now' or 'it's outside my focus right now' to convey one's decision firmly yet politely. The advice is to avoid over-justifying and to practice assertiveness in a way that feels authentic and comfortable. The segment concludes with an invitation to join the podcast's newsletter for more communication tips and to engage with the host, Jefferson Fisher.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Advocate
💡Assert
💡Verbal Disclaimers
💡Justify
💡Self-Confidence
💡Prioritize
💡Peace
💡Trash
💡No
💡Respectful Disagreement
Highlights
The importance of advocating for oneself and asserting personal needs.
Knowing when to stand up for yourself is crucial, not everyone is worth the effort.
Developing a 'know your worth' mentality to guide your interactions.
Eliminating verbal disclaimers to assert yourself more effectively.
Stopping the habit of justifying your decisions to maintain self-confidence.
Understanding that not all opinions require a response.
The analogy of chess pieces to illustrate the value of different conversations.
Choosing not to engage in every argument or debate.
The concept of 'knowing your worth' before engaging in any confrontation.
The idea that not all garbage thrown at you requires you to pick it up.
How to mentally handle negative comments by 'throwing them in the trash'.
The necessity of being direct and bold when asserting your needs.
The importance of not hesitating when saying what you need to say.
The difference between saying 'no' and justifying it with reasons.
Empowerment in saying 'no' without feeling the need to explain yourself.
Strategies for saying 'no' without feeling compelled to justify your decision.
The value of being at peace with your decisions in communication.
Answering a listener's question about how to respond to 'why not' after saying 'no'.
Suggestions for responding to 'why not' questions without being rude.
Encouragement to sign up for the newsletter to get communication tips and ask questions.
The call to action for listeners to follow the podcast and leave reviews.
Transcripts
here's a hard truth if you don't
advocate for yourself nobody will and if
you don't assert your needs let's face
it you will get walked over every single
time at the end of today's episode
you're not going to have to worry about
it we're talking how to stand up for
yourself welcome to the Jefferson Fisher
podcast where I'm on a mission to make
your next conversation the one that
changes everything if you enjoy learning
tools to improve your communication I'm
going to ask you to please follow this
podcast and if you would leave a review
if you have any topic suggestions or
feedback just throw them in the comments
the first thing to know about standing
up for yourself is knowing when to do it
because number one not everybody's worth
getting out of your chair for it is a
know your worth mentality and we're
going to talk exactly where you need to
go in your mind leading up to these
conversations number two get rid of the
verbal disclaimers these are little
statements you say before you say what
you need to say like hey I'm I'm sorry
but I I I just feel like maybe we're
going to talk about getting rid of those
and how to do it number three stop
justifying the nose stop having to feel
like you need to explain yourself on and
on just because you turn somebody down
when you do that it takes away slowly
from your self-confidence and I don't
want to see that now maybe nobody's told
you this but just because somebody has
said something does not mean that it
requires a response from from you just
because they throw a pitch doesn't mean
you have to swing You Just Let It Go by
there's this idea in our head that
because somebody gave us an opinion we
have to give an opinion back that's just
not true when it comes to standing up
for yourself it is often the person that
is not worth your time that you don't
need to give attention to and often
that's the exact opposite of what we do
we find ourselves trying to justify and
explain to people that do not matter in
our life the people that that rank low
in our priority list but yet we we feel
like we have to prove something to them
every single time that we talk eliminate
that
concern when people play chess it's
expected that you're going to take a
pawn nobody freaks out about it nobody
loses their mind when somebody takes a
pawn because they know the value is not
the PA they can take a rook okay they
want to take a queen that's different
understand that there's going to be lots
of different conflicts in your in your
life lots of different conversations
they are not all the
same the the feeling you get by talking
with certain people those friendships uh
where they rank in relationship to you
they're not all the same so what I want
you to understand is stop attending
every argument that you're invited to
just because that somebody gave an
opinion and said something to you you
had the choice of just letting it go
saying that is not require any response
from me that is not worth my time that's
why I say it's a no your worth mentality
before you stand up for yourself and
feel like you have to say something ask
the question is this person worth
getting out of my chair for is this
somebody that actually needs part of my
energy because there is a strength and a
wisdom in conserving your energy in
protecting your peace so the next time
that happens I want you to go through
that filter and ask yourself is this
person worth getting out of my chair for
because I I know my worth and please
understand that goes for anything that
they say just because they spew out
garbage does not mean we're in the
business of picking up trash let me say
that again just because they spew out
garbage does not mean that you're in the
business of picking up trash you can
politely tell them where it should go
and it's not going to be on you so
understand that part of protecting your
peace is understanding I know what
they're saying is not worth my time I'm
going to take it and set it aside
personally what I do in my my own life
is I have a waste basket all right I
have a trash um bag right next to me in
my mind and if somebody says something I
don't like rather than me feeling like I
have to throw it back to them I have to
pick up that trash that gross nasty
thing that they said and give it right
back to them I just take it and I move
it over and put it in the trash you can
say say like a at a computer or a laptop
you just get it you drag it over and you
put it in in the recycling bin and then
you delete it you don't have to worry
about it you don't have to carry it so
understand just because they throw out
garbage at you does not mean that you're
in the business of picking up trash when
you have to advocate for yourself part
of that mindset is knowing how to go
into it too often there is the hesitancy
to say what you need to say we treat
like it's a I don't know what do they
have like the coal plunge or a pool
that's filled with cold water if you
tiptoe into it it's much worse when you
don't say what you need to say right out
of the gate and instead you slowly walk
into it with these little disclaimers
what I call them this sounds like hey um
you know I've just been I I just feel
like I need to say this I guess it's and
maybe I'm talking out of pocket here but
you heard that youever said that before
where you say ah yeah I mean listen I'm
I'm sorry but but maybe you know I I'm
just feeling more like you are trying to
hesitate saying what you need to say
like you want to smooth it over you want
to hedge to make sure nobody feels like
you're being too direct with it but when
it comes to asserting yourself when it
comes to stating your needs nobody's
going to do it for you remember you're
the one that has to be bold and out in
the open with it so think of it as
that cold swimming pool if you walk
right into it it's going to not feel
great it's not going to look smooth it's
not going to feel smooth you either have
two choices you don't say it at all or
you jump right in when you see people
doing that coal plunge they don't walk
right into it they don't slowly go into
it they put their whole body into it so
I want you to get used to that idea of
I'm going to put my whole body into this
thing if I have something to say I'm
going to say it I'm not going to feel
like I have to apolog olog for it I'm
not going to feel like I have to be
hesitant and hedged the whole time if it
is something that is on your heart and
it is something that is truly asserting
your needs in your life you have one
chance one life and this is it right
here for you to be able to State your
peace assert your needs and say what you
need to say now another part of this is
often when it comes to standing up for
yourself it happens in moments where you
need to say no to something you need to
turn something down maybe somebody's
invited you to something you got offered
something and you need to say no but you
don't know how to say it and you're just
not sure you can Advocate that you need
to say no now we're going to talk later
in this podcast about how to say no to
certain things how to decline something
and still be respectful uh how to
disagree and still be respectful about
it and those little bitty specific
scenarios here this is the point I'm
making of that there are times when you
have to say something
and they need to hear you say no and
there's a difference between saying no
because after the end of it using that
word because to justify it and just
saying no for example let's say you ask
me a
question and I just said
no no versus no because you know I have
that thing that we talked about and you
know I I got to make sure that I take
care of this and it's just been really
busy lately I've just been so stressed
you know and so well I have that other
thing you know you see how it's much
weaker all of a sudden I I've added
three more sentences after the no and
I've slowly watered down the place that
I need to assert my needs if I need to
say no to something I need to say no so
eliminate that habit of always saying no
because it's just know and if they need
to ask other questions they're free to
ask other questions and you're free to
say no again I want you to feel
empowered all right on this idea of just
because they ask me something does not
mean I have to give them something just
because they told me something does not
mean I have to have an answer for
something standing up for yourself means
that you are in complete peace with who
you are and your presence in the
conversation and you know your worth
wherever you are in that conversation or
if there should be a conversation at all
so when you need to say no to something
step into that don't go with these
little verbal disclaimers you say no to
it you don't say because an add-on a
verbal um it's like the opposite of a
verbal disclaimer you add in everything
afterwards no because I'm just feeling X
Y and Z you don't need that the word is
no period what lots of people like to
say and what I support is no is a
complete sentence all right we're my
favorite part of the podcast and that is
when I get to answer a question from a
follower I have a Weekly Newsletter
where I send a communication tip right
to your inbox once a week and for those
that are on the newsletter they're able
to ask me questions and I'm able to
answer them and I find a lot of joy in
that if you want to sign up there is a
link there in the show notes so I'm
going to grab this real quick this one I
have this is from Carly Carly's in New
York now I have been to New York City
like twice but mostly The Tourist stuff
I don't really know New York all that
well and geography isn't my strong suit
but that's for another podcast episode
Carly says Hey jeffon thank you so much
for your content thanks Carly I have a
scenario that I need help with whenever
I say no to things I always get the
question why or why not and I don't know
how to respond to it I don't want to be
rude thank you so much Carly that's a
very good question and I understand that
idea of not wanting to sound rude or
disrespect respectful when somebody's
asking for a justification right
sometimes when you say no they first
question out of their mouth is why why
not and they're really not entitled to
that information right they they uh they
don't need that information that's
personal that you don't want to give
that you just know you want to say no to
it here's some responses that I like to
use and I encourage you to try some out
on your own the first one would be I
like to say because it's not what's best
for me right
now pure and simple because it's not
what's best for me right now the reason
I like that response so much is because
I'm using the keyword what's best for me
and nobody can really argue with that
because they want if they like you and
they mean something to you they should
want the best for you too Carly so if I
use the phrase and you use the phrase
that you say no to somebody and they go
why not you go ah because it's not
what's best for me right now boom done
end another one that I like to use is
it's outside my focus right now it's
outside my focus in other words it's me
telling them it's not really on my radar
right now it's not high up on my
priority list it's outside my focus
another that I like to use I know I'm
just kind of uh rolling with these is I
need to make another choice because I
need to make another choice I need to
make a different Choice easy as that as
long as you say it light-hearted and you
stay step into it rather than going uh I
mean I guess uh I just um you know maybe
it's just not what's best for me right
now you know what I mean whenever you go
that way uh it's going to tank it it's
going to make it you see how you're
watering it down like we talked about in
the
podcast step out in front of
it I need to make another choice I need
to make a different choice because it's
not what's best for me right now so try
those out Carly and I think the next
time you use them you're get you're
going to feel like a thousand times
better and you're going to feel like you
can stand up for yourself and I'm really
excited about it thank you for listening
to the Jefferson Fisher podcast if you
enjoy learning tools to improve your
communication and if you enjoyed this
podcast I'm going to ask you to please
follow it and as always if you would
just leave a review it really does
matter I read them I look at them I'm
the one that likes them and hearts them
so I really uh take them personally I
really really appreciate you listening
and and as I always in the podcast you
should try that or follow me
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