Speaking Up Without Freaking Out | Matt Abrahams | TEDxPaloAlto

Summary

In this inspiring speech, the speaker recounts his anxiety-ridden first public speaking experience and how it led to a lifelong mission to help others conquer their fear of communication. He shares insights on the evolutionary roots of anxiety and offers practical techniques to manage its physiological and cognitive symptoms. The speaker emphasizes the importance of reframing communication as a conversation rather than a performance, encouraging audience engagement and reducing stress. The story of a 72-year-old woman overcoming her fear to give a wedding toast exemplifies the power of persistence and the potential for anyone to manage anxiety and communicate effectively.

Takeaways

• 😳 The speaker experienced intense anxiety as a teenager during a speech contest, which led to a wardrobe malfunction and a profound understanding of the impact of anxiety on communication.
• 🗣️ Anxiety is common in high-stakes speaking situations, with 85% of people reportedly feeling anxious, suggesting that managing anxiety is crucial for effective communication.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The speaker advocates for managing, not overcoming, anxiety, as it can be a source of energy and focus, indicating that anxiety has a functional role in our lives.
• 🧠 Anxiety is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history, linked to our concern for status within social groups, which is essential for understanding its pervasiveness.
• 🤝 To manage anxiety, a two-pronged approach is needed: addressing both the symptoms (physiological and psychological) and the sources that exacerbate anxiety.
• 🌡️ Physiological symptoms of anxiety can be managed through deep breathing, making broad gestures, and using cold objects to reduce perspiration and blushing.
• 🧠 Cognitive symptoms can be mitigated by acknowledging anxiety and giving oneself permission to feel it, which can provide a sense of control and reduce its intensity.
• 🗺️ Having a communication 'map' or structure, such as the 'what, so what, now what' framework, can help manage anxiety by providing a clear plan and reducing the likelihood of forgetting key points.
• 👀 Redirecting the audience's attention through interactive elements like videos, polls, or handouts can alleviate the pressure on the speaker and increase audience engagement.
• 💬 Reframing communication as a conversation rather than a performance can reduce anxiety by focusing on the audience's needs and using more inclusive and conversational language.

Q & A

What was the speaker's embarrassing experience on the first day of high school?

The speaker's embarrassing experience was ripping his pants while performing a karate kick as part of his introduction in front of a large audience, including his friends, parents, and a girl he had a crush on.

How did the speaker's experience with anxiety lead to a life dedicated to helping others?

The speaker's experience with anxiety during his presentation led him to understand the impact of anxiety on communication. This realization motivated him to dedicate his life to assisting others in overcoming their fear of public speaking and communication.

What percentage of people, according to the speaker, feel anxious in high-stakes speaking situations?

The speaker states that 85% of people feel anxious in high-stakes speaking situations, suggesting that the remaining 15% might not be entirely truthful about their feelings.

Why does the speaker believe anxiety is helpful and should not be completely overcome?

The speaker believes anxiety is helpful because it provides energy, helps focus, and indicates the importance of the task at hand. However, it should be managed so that it does not control the individual.

What is the 'second-hand anxiety' mentioned by the speaker?

Second-hand anxiety refers to the discomfort and nervousness that audience members may feel when they see a speaker who is visibly anxious. This can distract them and make it difficult to focus on the message being communicated.

What evolutionary basis does the speaker give for anxiety in communication?

The speaker suggests that anxiety in communication is hardwired in us based on evolution, where our concern for relative status within a group was crucial for survival, as it affected access to resources, food, shelter, and reproduction.

What are the two-pronged approach strategies the speaker suggests to manage anxiety?

The two-pronged approach strategies to manage anxiety are addressing both the symptoms, which involve physiological and psychological aspects, and the sources, which are factors that exacerbate anxiety.

How can one manage the physiological symptoms of anxiety during communication?

To manage physiological symptoms of anxiety, one can take deep breaths, make broad gestures, hold something cold to reduce perspiration and blushing, and focus on calming the body.

What cognitive strategy does the speaker recommend to short-circuit the cycle of increasing anxiety?

The speaker recommends acknowledging the anxiety by giving oneself permission to feel nervous and recognizing the importance of the task at hand, which can help create a sense of agency and reduce the spiraling effect of anxiety.

What is the 'what so what now what' structure mentioned by the speaker, and how does it help manage anxiety?

The 'what so what now what' structure is a communication plan that starts with what is being communicated, explains why it is important (so what), and concludes with what comes next (now what). This structure helps manage anxiety by providing a clear map to follow, reducing the likelihood of forgetting key points and aiding audience retention.

How does the speaker suggest redirecting the audience's attention to manage anxiety?

The speaker suggests redirecting the audience's attention by showing a video clip, taking a poll, asking a question, or passing around a handout during a presentation. These activities distract the audience from focusing solely on the speaker, allowing the speaker to calm down and engage the audience more effectively.

What reframing does the speaker propose for communication to reduce anxiety?

The speaker proposes reframing communication not as a performance but as a conversation. This involves focusing on the audience's needs, using conversational language, and asking questions to create a more engaging and less stressful interaction.