You are not your body: Janine Shepherd at TEDxKC

Summary

Janine Shepherd, an Australian cross-country skier, faced a life-altering accident that left her partially paralyzed. Despite the prognosis that she would never walk again, she embraced a new dream of flying. Through determination and resilience, she became a pilot and aerobatic flying instructor, demonstrating that true strength lies in the spirit, not the body, and inspiring others to transcend physical limitations.

Takeaways

• 🏆 Janine's Olympic dream as a cross-country skier was shattered by a tragic accident that left her with severe injuries, including a broken neck and back.
• 🚑 She was airlifted to a spinal unit in Sydney and underwent extensive surgeries to address her life-threatening injuries.
• 🛌 After waking from a 10-day coma, Janine grappled with the reality of her body being severely broken and the decision to either return to her body or leave this world.
• 💪 Choosing to fight, she faced the challenge of potential paralysis and the daunting prospect of a life with significant physical limitations.
• 🏥 During her recovery, Janine formed deep, judgement-free friendships in the spinal ward, learning the value of authentic connections.
• 🌟 Despite being told she would likely never walk again, Janine's determination led her to regain some movement and eventually pursue a new dream of becoming a pilot.
• 🛫 Janine's journey to becoming a pilot was filled with challenges, but she persevered, earning multiple飞行 certifications and even teaching others to fly.
• 🎓 Her story is a testament to the power of letting go of past identities and embracing new possibilities, even in the face of adversity.
• 🌱 Janine's experience taught her that true strength comes from within and that our spirit is unstoppable, regardless of physical limitations.
• 🌐 She encourages everyone to connect with their inner light and to live life as a creative expression of their true selves, focusing on the virtues of the heart.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial dream and how did it define her?

The speaker's initial dream was to be a cross-country skier and a member of the Australian ski team, heading toward the Winter Olympics. This dream defined her as it represented her bliss and was a significant part of her identity.

What tragic event occurred during the speaker's bike ride in the Blue Mountains?

The speaker was hit by a speeding utility truck while on a bike ride in the Blue Mountains, which resulted in extensive and life-threatening injuries.

What were the severe injuries the speaker sustained in the accident?

The speaker broke her neck and back in six places, five ribs on her left side, her right arm, collarbone, and some bones in her feet. Her right side was ripped open filled with gravel, and her head was cut open exposing the skull underneath. She also had head injuries, internal injuries, and massive blood loss.

How did the speaker describe her experience of being between life and death after the accident?

The speaker described drifting between two dimensions, having an awareness of being in her body and also being out of her body, watching from above as if it was happening to someone else.

What was the turning point for the speaker in deciding to return to her body after the accident?

The turning point was when she was at a crossroads, realizing that if she didn't return to her body, she would have to leave this world forever. It was the fight of her life, and after 10 days, she decided to return to her body.

What was the medical prognosis given to the speaker regarding her ability to walk again?

The medical prognosis was that she was a partial paraplegic with permanent damage to her central nervous system. She had no feeling from the waist down and at most might get 10 or 20% return. She would have internal injuries for the rest of her life and would need to use a catheter.

How did the speaker's experience in the spinal ward influence her perspective on life?

The speaker's experience in the spinal ward allowed her to form friendships based on spirit rather than appearance, and it gave her a sense of connection and authenticity. It also made her realize that life's challenges are universal and that she had a choice in how to respond to her situation.

What significant decision did the speaker make after being told she would never walk again?

The speaker decided to learn how to fly, which led her to become a pilot and eventually an aerobatics flying instructor, despite her physical limitations.

How did the speaker's mindset change from asking 'Why me?' to 'Why not me?'

The speaker's mindset changed when she realized that her pain and challenges were not unique but part of the human experience. She chose to accept her circumstances and saw being at rock bottom as the perfect place to start rebuilding her life.

What philosophical insight did the speaker gain from her journey?

The speaker gained the insight that her real strength never came from her body but from her spirit, which remained unchanged despite her physical limitations. She learned that it's not until we let go of our preconceived notions of ourselves that we can embrace new possibilities.

What message does the speaker convey about the human spirit and collective connection?

The speaker conveys that the human spirit is unstoppable and that we are all connected. She encourages embracing the virtues of the heart and living our lives as a creative expression of who we truly are, beyond physical limitations.

Outlines

00:00

🏂 Life's Crossroads: From Athlete to Accident

Amira Moreno, a cross-country skier and member of the Australian ski team, was on the path to the Winter Olympics when a tragic accident occurred during a bike ride. She was hit by a truck, resulting in extensive injuries including a broken neck and back, and being paralyzed from the waist down. Airlifted to a hospital, she faced life-threatening conditions and underwent a series of surgeries to rebuild her back. The paragraph encapsulates the sudden shift from an active athlete's life to a critical health crisis, highlighting the resilience and initial struggles after a severe accident.

05:03

🏥 The Road to Recovery: Reflections in the Spinal Ward

In the aftermath of her accident, Amira found herself in the spinal ward, grappling with the reality of her new situation. She shared her experiences with other patients, forming deep connections based on shared adversity. Despite the physical challenges and the emotional toll, she found moments of connection and authenticity. The narrative also touches on the initial stages of depression and the struggle to accept her new life, contrasting her former identity as an athlete with the daunting prospect of life as a paraplegic.

10:05

🚁 Embracing a New Dream: The Journey to Becoming a Pilot

After a period of introspection and acceptance, Amira decided to redefine her life by pursuing a new passion: flying. Despite her physical limitations, she enrolled in flying school and began her journey to become a pilot. This section of the narrative details her first flying lesson, the challenges she faced, and the exhilarating sense of freedom she experienced as she took to the skies. It underscores the transformative power of embracing new dreams and the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity.

15:07

🌟 Soaring to Success: Overcoming Odds and Inspiring Others

Amira's determination led her to not only earn her pilot's license but also to become an aerobatics flying instructor. She returned to the flight school as an instructor, teaching others to fly, all within 18 months of leaving the spinal ward. This part of the story emphasizes her transformation from a patient to a teacher, and from a victim of circumstances to a beacon of inspiration. It concludes with a philosophical reflection on the power of the human spirit, the importance of letting go of past identities to embrace new possibilities, and the collective human connection that transcends physical limitations.

Keywords

💡Opportunity

Opportunity refers to a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something or a favorable juncture for action. In the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of creating and embracing opportunities, as exemplified by her pursuit of the Olympic dream. This concept is central to the theme of seizing chances to define one's life path.

💡Bliss

Bliss is a state of perfect happiness or great joy. The speaker uses the term to describe the profound happiness and fulfillment she experiences in pursuing her Olympic dream. It underscores the emotional significance of one's passion and how it can bring about a sense of bliss.

💡Accident

An accident is an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury. The video script details a life-altering accident where the speaker was hit by a truck, which serves as a turning point in her narrative, highlighting the fragility of life and the resilience required to overcome adversity.

💡Paralysis

Paralysis is the loss or impairment of the ability to move some or all of one's body. The speaker describes being paralyzed from the waist down, which is a critical element of her story. It represents a significant challenge that she must confront and overcome, symbolizing the physical limitations that can impact one's identity and life goals.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. The speaker's journey after her accident is a testament to resilience, as she battles through physical and emotional pain to regain some movement and redefine her life's purpose. It is a key theme in the video, illustrating the human ability to bounce back from setbacks.

💡Crossroads

A crossroads is a point where a decision must be made that will have a significant impact on the future. The speaker mentions being at a crossroads, deciding whether to return to her body or leave the world. This metaphor is used to depict a pivotal moment in her life, emphasizing the importance of choice in shaping one's destiny.

💡Rebuild

To rebuild is to construct or establish something again after it has been destroyed or broken down. The speaker talks about rebuilding her life, which is a central theme of the video. It encapsulates the process of recovery and the creation of a new identity after a life-altering event.

💡Freedom

Freedom in this context refers to the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. The speaker experiences a sense of freedom when she takes to the skies, despite her physical limitations. This keyword is tied to the theme of liberation from constraints and the pursuit of one's passions.

💡Pilot

A pilot is a person who operates the flight controls of an aircraft. The speaker's decision to learn to fly and eventually become a pilot is a significant part of her story. It represents a new path she chooses after her accident, symbolizing the pursuit of new dreams and the overcoming of perceived limitations.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance is the act of accepting or agreeing to something, such as the reality of a situation. The speaker's journey includes learning to accept her body and circumstances, which is a crucial step in her healing process. It is a key concept in the video, illustrating the importance of embracing reality to move forward.

💡Humanity

Humanity refers to the human race or the qualities that make us human, such as compassion, empathy, and creativity. The speaker calls for embracing the virtues of the heart and living as a creative expression of who we are, tying this back to our shared humanity. This keyword is used to convey the interconnectedness of people and the importance of our collective actions.

Highlights

The speaker's Olympic dream and how it defined her identity as a cross-country skier.

The tragic accident during a bike ride that left her with life-threatening injuries.

The extensive injuries including a broken neck and back, and the immediate medical response.

The experience of being in a state between life and death, and the internal struggle to return to her body.

The revelation of being a partial paraplegic and the emotional impact of this news.

The physical and emotional journey of recovery, including the challenges of adapting to a new body and life.

The importance of the support system in the spinal ward and the deep connections formed there.

The moment of realization about the fragility of life and the gratitude for simple pleasures after leaving the hospital.

The struggle with depression and the realization of the significant life changes post-accident.

The transformative thought process from asking 'Why me?' to 'Why not me?' and embracing the new life.

The decision to learn to fly as a new challenge and the excitement of the first flying lesson.

The process of obtaining a pilot's license despite physical limitations and the joy of flying.

The progression from private pilot to commercial pilot and then to an aerobatics flying instructor.

The philosophical insight that true strength comes from within and is not defined by physical capabilities.

The call to embrace the virtues of the heart and the collective human connection.

The final message of hope and inspiration to live life as a creative expression of one's true self.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Amira Moreno Reviewer: Diba Szamosi

Life is about opportunities, creating them, and embracing them

and for me that was the Olympic dream,

that's what defined me, that was my bliss.

As a cross-country skier and a member of the Australian ski team

headed toward the Winter Olympics,

I was on a training bike ride with my fellow teammates.

As we made our way up towards the spectacular

Blue Mountains west of Sydney

it was the perfect autumn day:

sunshine, the smell of eucalypt, and a dream.

Life was good.

We'd been on our bikes around five and a half hours

when we got to the part of the ride that I loved,

and that was the hills, because I loved the hills.

And I got up off the seat of my bike

and I started pumping my legs and as I sucked in the cold mountain air,

I could feel it burning my lungs

and I looked up to see the sun shining in my face.

And then everything went black.

Where was I?

What was happening?

My body was consumed by pain.

I'd been hit by a speeding utility truck

with only 10 minutes to go on the bike ride.

I was airlifted from the scene of the accident

by a rescue helicopter to a large spinal unit in Sydney.

I had extensive and life threatening injuries.

I'd broken my neck and my back in six places.

I broke five ribs on my left side, I broke my right arm,

I broke my collarbone, I broke some bones in my feet.

My whole right side was ripped open filled with gravel.

My head was cut open across the front,

lifted back, exposing the skull underneath.

I had head injuries, internal injuries, I had massive blood loss.

In fact, I lost about 5 liters of blood

which is all someone my size would actually hold.

By the time the helicopter arrived to Prince Henry Hospital in Sydney,

my blood pressure was forty over nothing.

I was having a really bad day.

(Laughter)

For over 10 days, I drifted between two dimensions.

I had an awareness of being in my body,

but also being out of my body

somewhere else watching from above,

as if it was happening to someone else.

Why would I want to go back to a body that was so broken?

But this voice kept calling me, "Come on, stay with me."

"No, it's too hard."

"Come on, this is our opportunity."

"No! That body is broken. It can no longer serve me!"

"Come on, stay with me. We can do it! We can do it together."

I was at a crossroads.

I knew if I didn't return to my body, I'd have to leave this world forever.

It was the fight of my life.

After 10 days, I made the decision to return to my body,

and the internal bleeding stopped.

The next concern was weather I would walk again

because I was paralyzed from the waist down.

They said to my parents, the neck break was a stable fracture,

but the back was completely crushed.

The vertebra at L1 was like you'd dropped a peanut,

stepped on it, and smashed it into thousands of pieces.

They'd have to operate.

They went in, they put me on a bean bag,

they cut me, literally cut me in half.

I have a scar that wraps around my entire body.

They picked as much broken bone as they could

that had lodged in my spinal cord.

They took out two of my broken ribs, and they rebuilt my back, L1.

They rebuilt it.

They took out another broken rib.

They fused T12, L1, and L2 together, then they stitched me up.

They took an entire hour to stitch me up.

I woke up in intensive care

and the doctors were really excited that the operation had been a success

because at that stage, I had a little bit of movement in one of my big toes

and I thought, "Great! Because I'm going to the Olympics!"

(Laughter)

I had no idea.

That's the sort of thing that happens to someone else!

Not me, surely.

But then the doctor came over to me and she said,

"Janine, the operation was a success,

and we've picked as much bone out of your spinal cord as we could,

but the damage is permanent."

The central nervous system nerves, there is no cure.

You're what we call a partial paraplegic

and you'll have all of the injuries that go along with that.

You have no feeling from the waist down

and at most you might get 10 or 20% return.

You'll have internal injures for the rest of your life.

You'll have to use a catheter for the rest of your life

and if you walk again, it will be with calipers and a walking frame."

And then she said, "Janine, you'll have to rethink everything you do in your life

because you're never going to be able to do the things you did before."

I tried to grasp what she was saying.

I was an athlete. That's all I knew, that's all I'd done,

if I couldn't do that, then what could I do?

And the question I asked myself is: if I couldn't do that, then who was I?

They moved me from intensive care to acute spinal.

I was lying on a thin, hard spinal bed. I had no movement in my legs.

I had tight stocking on to protect from blood clots.

I had one arm in plaster, one arm tied down by drips.

I had a neck brace and sand bags on either side of my head,

and I saw my world through a mirror

that was suspended above my head.

I shared the ward with five other people

and the amazing thing is that

because we were all lying paralyzed in the spinal ward

we didn't know what each other looked like.

How amazing is that?

How often in life do you get to make friendships judgement free,

purely based on spirit?

And there no superficial conversations,

as we shared our innermost thoughts, our fears,

and our hopes for life after the spinal ward.

I remember one night, one of the nurses came in, Jonathan,

with a whole lot of plastic straws.

He put a pile on top of each of us, and he said,

"Start threading them together."

Well, there wasn't much else to do in the spinal ward, so we did.

And when we'd finished, he went around silently

and he joined all of the straws up

till it looped around the whole ward

and then he said, "Okay everybody, hold on to your straws."

And we did.

And he said, "Right. Now we are all connected."

And as we held on and we breathed as one,

we knew we weren't on this journey alone.

And even lying paralyzed in the spinal ward,

there were moments of incredible depth

and richness, of authenticity and connection,

that I had never experienced before.

And each of us knew that when we left the spinal ward,

we would never be the same.

After six months, it was time to go home.

I remember dad pushing me outside in my wheelchair

wrapped in a plaster body cast

and feeling the sun on my face for the first time.

I soaked it up and I thought,

"How could I ever have taken this for granted?"

I felt so incredibly grateful for my life.

But before I left hospital, the head nurse had said to me,

"Janine, I want you to be ready because when you get home

something is going to happen."

And I said, "What?"

She said, "You're going to get depressed."

And I said, "Not me, not 'Janine the machine'"

which was my nickname.

She said "You are. Because, see, it happens to everyone.

In the spinal ward, that's normal.

You're in a wheelchair, that's normal.

But you're going to get home and realize how different life is."

And I got home, and something happened.

I realized Sister Sam was right.

I did get depressed.

I was in my wheelchair, I had no feeling from the waist down,

attached to a catheter bottle, I couldn't walk.

I'd lost so much weight in hospital, I now weighed about 80 pounds.

And I wanted to give up.

All I wanted to do was put my running shoes on

and run out the door.

I wanted my old life back. I wanted my body back.

And I could remember mum sitting on the end of my bed

and saying, "I wonder if life will ever be good again?"

And I thought, "How could it?

Because I've lost everything that I valued,

everything that I'd worked towards... gone."

And the question I asked was: Why me? Why me?

And then I remembered my friends that were still

in the spinal ward.

Particularly Maria.

Maria was in a car accident and she woke up

on her 16th birthday to the news that she was a complete quadriplegic,

had no movement from the neck down,

had damage to her vocal cords and she couldn't talk.

They told me, "We are going to move you next to her

because we think it will be good to her."

I was worried. I didn't know how I'd react being next to her.

I knew it would be challenging, but it was actually

a blessing because Maria always smiled.

She was always happy, and even when she began to talk again,

albeit difficult to understand,

she never complained. Not once.

And I wondered how had she ever found that level of acceptance?

And I realized that this wasn't just my life.

It was life itself.

I realized that this wasn't just my pain, it was everybody's pain.

And then I knew, just like before, that I had a choice.

I could keep fighting this or I could let go and accept

not only my body, but the circumstances of my life.

And then I stopped asking, "Why me?"

and I started to ask, "Why not me?"

And then I thought to myself maybe being at rock bottom

is actually the perfect place to start.

I had never before thought of myself as a creative person.

I was an athlete, my body was a machine.

But now, I was about to embark on the most creative project

any of us could ever do.

That of rebuilding a life.

And even though I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do,

in that uncertainty, came a sense of freedom.

I was no longer tied to a set path.

I was free to explore life's infinite possibilities.

And that realization was about to change my life.

Sitting at home, in my wheelchair and my plaster body cast,

an airplane flew overhead

and I looked up and I thought to myself,

"That's it! If I can't walk, then I might as well fly!"

I said, "Mum, I'm going to learn how to fly!"

She said, "That's nice, dear."

(Laughter)

I said, "Pass me the yellow pages."

She passed me the phone book, I rang up the flying school,

I made a booking, said, "I'd like to make a booking to come out for a flight."

They said, "When do you want to come out?"

I said, "Well I have to get a friend to drive me out

because I can't drive, haha, sort of can't walk either, ha.

Is that a problem?"

I made a booking, and weeks later my friend Chris

and my mom drove me out to the airport.

All 80 pounds of me,

covered in a plaster body cast and a baggy pair of overalls.

I can tell you I did not look like the ideal candidate

to get a pilot's license.

(Laughter)

I'm holding onto the counter because I can't stand.

I said, "Hi! I'm here for a flying lesson."

And they took one look and ran out the back to draw short straws.

"You get her!"

"No, no! You take her!"

Finally this guy comes out,

"Hi! I'm Andrew and I'm going to take you flying."

I go, "Great!"

So they drive me down.

They get me out on the tarmac,

and there was this red, white, and blue airplane.

It was beautiful!

They lifted me into the cockpit.

They had to slide me up on the wing, put me in the cockpit.

They sat me down.

There were buttons and dials everywhere.

I'm going, "Wow! How do you ever know what all these buttons and dials do?"

Andrew the instructor got in the front; started the airplane up,

he said, "Would you like to have a go at taxiing?"

That's when you use your feet to control the rudder pedals

to control the airplane on the ground.

I said, "No. Ha ha, I can't use my legs."

He went, "Oh." I said, "But I can use my hands."

And he said, "Okay."

So he got over to the runway, and he applied the power.

And as we took off down the runway,

and the wheels lifted up off the tarmac, and we became airborne

I had the most incredible sense of freedom.

And Andrew said to me, as we got over the training area,

"You see that mountain over there?"

And I said, "Yeah?"

And he said, "Well you take the controls, and you fly towards that mountain."

And as I looked up, I realized that he was pointing

towards the Blue Mountains,

where the journey had begun.

And I took the controls, and I was flying,

and I was a long, long way from that spinal ward.

And I knew right then that I was going to be a pilot.

Didn't know how I'd ever pass a medical, puff,

but I'd worry about that later because right now I had a dream!

So I went home, I got a training diary out, and I had a plan.

And I practiced my walking as much as I could.

And I went from the point of like two people holding me up,

to one person holding me up,

to the point where I could walk around the furniture,

as long as it wasn't too far apart,

and then I made great progression to the point

where I could walk around the house holding onto the walls

like this, and mum said she was forever following me

wiping off my fingerprints.

(Laughter)

But at least she always knew where I was.

(Laughter)

So while the doctors continued to operate,

and put my body back together again,

I went on with my theory study,

and then eventually and amazingly, I passed my pilot's medical.

And that was my green light to fly.

And I spend every moment I could

out of that flying school way out of my comfort zone,

all these young guys that wanted to be

Qantas pilots and, you know, little, old hop-along me

in first my plaster cast, and then my steel brace,

my baggy overalls, my bag of medication and catheters, and my limp.

And they used to look at me and think,

"Oh! Who is she kidding? She is never going to be able to do this!"

And sometimes I thought that too.

But that didn't matter

because now there was something inside that burned

that far outweighed my injuries.

And little goals kept me going along the way.

And eventually I got my private pilot's license,

and then I learned to navigate,

and I flew my friends around Australia.

And then I learned to fly an airplane with two engines,

and I got my twin engine rating.

And then I learned to fly in bad weather as well as fine weather

and got my instrument rating.

And then I got my commercial pilot's license.

And then I got my instructor rating.

And then, I found myself back at that same school

where I'd gone for that very first flight

teaching other people how to fly,

just under 18 months after I'd left the spinal ward.

(Applause)

And then I thought, "Why stop there?

Why not learn to fly upside down?"

And I did.

And I learned to fly upside down

and became and aerobatics flying instructor.

And mum and dad, never been up.

(Laughter)

But then I knew for certain, that although my body

might be limited, it was my spirit that was unstoppable.

The philosopher Lao Tzu once said,

"When you let go of what you are,

you become what you might be."

I now know that it wasn't till I let go of who I thought

I was that I was able to create a completely new life.

It wasn't till I let go of the life I thought I should have,

that I was able to embrace

the life that was waiting for me.

I now know that my real strength never came from my body.

And although my physical capabilities

have changed dramatically, who I am is unchanged.

The pillar light inside of me was still alight

just as it is in each and every one of us.

I know that I am not my body,

and I also know that you are not yours.

And then it no longer matters what you look like, where you come from,

or what you do for a living.

All that matters is that we continue

to fan the flame of humanity by living our lives

as the ultimate creative expression of who we really are.

Because we are all connected by millions and millions of straws.

And it's time to join those up, and to hang on,

and if we are to move towards our collective bliss,

it's time we shed our focus on the physical,

and instead embrace the virtues of the heart.

So raise your straws if you'll join me!

(Applause) Thank you!

(Applause)

Thank you.

(Applause)