HOW to DETACH. Detachment IS the game changer
Summary
TLDRThis video script advocates for a life of detachment and neutrality, drawing on the Taoist farmer story to illustrate the unpredictability of life's outcomes. It encourages viewers to adopt a 'maybe' mindset, refraining from labeling situations as good or bad prematurely. The speaker introduces the 'this or better' perspective, suggesting that every situation is an opportunity for growth or getting what you want. The script emphasizes emotional detachment in relationships, advocating for self-love and independence. It concludes with a call to action for self-control, focusing on personal happiness, and letting go of the need to control external circumstances.
Takeaways
- 😀 Detachment is about not being controlled by possessions or outcomes, rather than not owning anything.
- 🌟 The 'maybe' mindset encourages neutrality towards outcomes, reminding us that situations are not inherently good or bad until we perceive them as such.
- 📚 The Taoist farmer story illustrates the unpredictability of life's events and the importance of maintaining a neutral stance towards them.
- 💡 Practicing the 'this or better' mindset helps in accepting outcomes with the understanding that they might lead to improved circumstances.
- 🔑 Emotional detachment is crucial for personal growth and involves feeling emotions without letting them define your identity or actions.
- 🏡 Building a strong sense of self and a 'home' within yourself is essential for emotional detachment and personal happiness.
- 💪 Self-love and self-reliance are key to not relying on others for happiness and maintaining your emotional independence.
- 🚫 Avoiding overthinking and rumination is a practice that can lead to a more peaceful and controlled state of mind.
- 🌱 Cultivating self-control allows you to manage your emotions and reactions, leading to a more fulfilling and less stressful life.
- ⏏️ Letting go of attachment to outcomes and people empowers you to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience.
Q & A
What is the main message of the video about detachment?
-The main message is that detachment doesn't mean you don't own anything; it means nothing owns you. It's about not being a victim and learning to approach life with a neutral mindset, perceiving all outcomes as opportunities rather than strictly good or bad.
What is the 'maybe' mindset and how does it relate to the Taoist farmer story?
-The 'maybe' mindset is about not attaching to an immediate outcome, whether good or bad, and instead maintaining neutrality. It relates to the Taoist farmer story by illustrating that every event, regardless of initial perception, could lead to an unforeseen and potentially positive outcome.
How does the speaker suggest practicing the 'maybe' mindset in daily life?
-The speaker suggests practicing the 'maybe' mindset by responding with 'maybe' when faced with unfavorable situations, reminding oneself to wait and see how things unfold before labeling them as good or bad.
What is the second mindset the speaker introduces and why is it important?
-The second mindset introduced is 'this or better.' It's important because it helps individuals to detach from the need for specific outcomes, focusing instead on the idea that they will either get what they want or they will grow and improve from the experience.
How does emotional detachment play a role in the speaker's philosophy on dating and relationships?
-Emotional detachment is crucial in the speaker's philosophy as it allows individuals to love and connect with others without becoming dependent on them for happiness. It encourages maintaining one's own identity and not letting external factors dictate personal well-being.
What does the speaker mean by 'building a home within yourself'?
-The speaker means that one should develop a strong sense of self-love and self-reliance, creating an inner sanctuary where they find comfort and security, regardless of external circumstances or relationships.
Why is it important not to think too much according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, overthinking leads to rumination and anticipatory anxiety, which can be detrimental to one's mental health and happiness. It's important to practice self-control and focus on the present moment.
What is the significance of the lighthouse analogy used by the speaker?
-The lighthouse analogy signifies the importance of staying grounded and solid in one's identity, shining a light on the path while remaining unaffected by the changes and movements around it, symbolizing self-reliance and emotional stability.
How does the speaker suggest handling situations where someone's actions don't align with your expectations?
-The speaker advises not to fight for justice or try to change the other person's mind but to accept the situation, let go, and move on, focusing on personal growth and well-being.
What is the core idea behind the speaker's advice on not being attached to outcomes?
-The core idea is that attachment to outcomes can lead to suffering and a loss of personal power. By not being attached, one maintains control over their emotions and reactions, allowing for a more peaceful and empowered life experience.
Outlines
🌟 Embracing Detachment for Personal Growth
The paragraph introduces the concept of detachment, emphasizing that it's not about owning nothing but rather not being owned by anything. It sets the stage for a journey from attachment to detachment, leading to an 'unbothered girl era.' A Taoist story about a farmer illustrates the idea of neutrality towards life's outcomes, suggesting that every situation, regardless of its apparent negativity, may have a silver lining. The storyteller encourages developing a 'maybe' mindset, which involves not hastily labeling events as good or bad, but instead remaining open to the unfolding of events. This approach is meant to reduce the power that external events have over one's emotional state.
🌱 Cultivating a 'This or Better' Mindset
This section delves into the 'this or better' mindset, advocating for not fixating on specific outcomes but instead being open to either getting what one wants or emerging better off from the experience. The speaker shares personal anecdotes to illustrate how initially perceived negative events led to significant personal growth. The paragraph underscores the importance of not becoming emotionally attached to outcomes in dating and relationships, promoting self-sufficiency and independence in happiness. It also touches on the idea of self-love and building a strong internal home, suggesting that one should be their own best friend and source of support.
💪 Mastering Emotional Detachment and Self-Control
The focus here is on emotional detachment, defined as feeling emotions without being consumed by them. The speaker stresses the importance of not allowing suffering to define one's identity and avoiding victimhood. The narrative encourages loving others from a place of independence and self-assuredness rather than dependence or obsession. It also addresses the need to stop overthinking and ruminating on things beyond one's control, advocating for self-control as a means to manage emotions and maintain a positive state of being. The speaker shares personal strategies for fostering self-control and not allowing external factors to dictate one's happiness.
🔄 Letting Go and Welcoming Contrasts in Life
The final paragraph reinforces the idea of letting go of attachments and expectations, accepting life's contrasts as natural. It discusses the futility of suffering in the belief that it yields power to change outcomes. The speaker encourages viewers to choose positivity and take charge of their emotional state, regardless of external circumstances. The message is to live life with an open mind, embracing the 'maybe' and 'this or better' mindsets, and to not let past experiences or future uncertainties hinder one's present joy. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for viewers to subscribe and engage with the content, promising more insights in upcoming videos.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Detachment
💡Unbothered girl era
💡Taoism
💡Maybe mindset
💡This or better
💡Emotional Detachment
💡Victimhood
💡Self-love
💡Anticipatory anxiety
💡Rumination
Highlights
Detachment is about not being controlled by external things, not about owning nothing.
The Taoist farmer story illustrates the importance of neutrality towards life's outcomes.
The 'maybe' mindset suggests not rushing to label situations as good or bad, but waiting to see how they unfold.
Emotional Detachment is about feeling emotions without letting them define you.
The 'this or better' mindset helps in not getting attached to specific outcomes, focusing on personal growth.
Building a strong relationship with oneself is crucial for emotional Detachment.
Self-love and self-trust are foundational to not relying on others for happiness.
Emotional independence is key to a healthy approach to dating and relationships.
The importance of not overthinking and practicing self-control in managing emotions.
How to create a 'home' within oneself for inner peace and contentment.
The concept of being one's own best friend and supporter.
The idea of being a 'lighthouse' amidst life's changes, staying solid and shining.
The dangers of emotional attachment and the need to avoid becoming one's suffering.
Practicing not to think excessively about things beyond one's control.
The power of self-control in determining one's emotional state and happiness.
The fallacy of believing that suffering gives power to change outcomes.
The importance of focusing on personal growth and well-being over external validation.
Transcripts
you want to be in your 50s bitter and
angry thinking about how much more
different life could be if only that
thing didn't happen no because you're
not a victim and we don't do victims
over here Detachment in a nutshell is
that Detachment is not that you don't
own anything it's that nothing owns you
this video is going to be a complete
breakdown of how you're going to go from
attached to detach and finally enter
your unbothered girl era let's start
with a famous story about the Taoist
farmer maybe you've heard it maybe you
haven't but it's going to change your
life a long time ago a poor Chinese
farmer lost a horse and all the
neighbors came around and said well
that's too bad the farmer said maybe
shortly after the horse returned
bringing another horse with him and all
the neighbors came around and said well
that's good fortune to which the farmer
replied maybe the next day the farmer's
son was trying to tame the new horse and
fell and all the neighbors came around
and said well that's too bad and the
farmer replied maybe shortly after the
emperor declared war on a neighboring
nation and ordered all able-bodied men
to come fight many guys or were badly
injured but the farmer's son was unable
to fight and spared due to his injury
and all the neighbors came around and
said well that's good fortune to which
the farmer replied maybe and the story
goes on and on now I share that story
because that may be mindset which I'm
going to get into is exactly how you
need to approach your life and dating
see taoism is neutrality to life all
outcomes in all situations and I share
that story to remind you that more often
than not bad things often come with a
silver lining it's just how you choose
to perceive it that determines how much
power and control it has over you so
there's two mindsets that I want you to
start practicing in your daily life
because remember you can't grow into a
new version of yourself without
practicing it on a day-to-day basis when
you get faced with situations that are
unfavorable because that's life you have
to practice your new mindset otherwise
you're going to live in and from your
old mindset which clearly isn't serving
you these are the two mindsets that I
personally use when I for starting my
growth Journey that completely
transformed my life so the first one
like I just mentioned is the maybe
mindset this goes off of the Taoist
farmer story as humans it's easier for
us to attach to an outcome even if it's
a bad outcome telling ourselves it's
negative or it's bad is easier to do
than telling ourselves maybe we'll just
see what happens in the last five years
of my life I have gone through
quote-unquote extremely negative
experiences I don't see them as negative
because I practice these mindsets and
they're a part of my daily life but if I
didn't have these mindsets and I didn't
follow exactly what I'm telling you in
this video I would have crumbled there
would be no longer me vaquita here
sitting with you right now talking to
you because I would have been done
whenever something happens to you just
tell yourself maybe I don't know we'll
have to see what happens it might be
good it might be bad when we get faced
with the situation that might seem like
it's bad because that's how we're
choosing to perceive it we have to tell
ourselves maybe I don't know it seems
bad it could be that's how I'm
perceiving it right now but I don't know
how it's going to turn out so let me
wait before I label this situation as
negative because once we label something
as good or bad we attach to that label
we attach to that meaning that we've put
on it so if I say this is really bad now
I'm attached to that label of this is
really bad and now all I'm thinking
about is how bad this really is when in
reality it could be good that's why you
always have to wait until you see the
unfolding of this negative or bad
experience it could start out as
negative or bad and you could label it
that way but then it could unfold into
the best and biggest blessing of your
life and we have seen that time and time
again where somebody cheats on you or
somebody breaks up with you you think
it's the worst thing in the world and
you're never gonna heal and you're never
gonna meet anybody as special or as
amazing as that person and then what
happens that situation that you
perceived and labeled as so bad and
catastrophic ends up leading you to the
man of your dreams and you are now in
the healthiest most beautiful most
vibrant relationship of your life and
that wouldn't have happened if this
situation here did not happen and that
brings me to my mindset number two and
that is this or better there's no this
sucks this is awful this is my life
is ruined this or better I'm either
gonna get this or I'm gonna get better
and either one is pretty damn good to me
when I was applying to universities I
was dead set on one University it was
like everything that I banked on I
didn't get into that University I got
into another University that I really
didn't care to go to but I ended up
going to that University because I am
obsessed with Harry Potter and I was
like this dormitory looks like Hogwarts
so I went with that University now if I
didn't go to that University and live
with the people that I lived with and
went through the experiences that I went
through at that University and got very
humbled at that University I wouldn't be
this version of myself so in that moment
me not getting into that University was
so catastrophic and detrimental but I
was like whatever it's fine like what am
I gonna do call them and tell them to
like let me in now so I had to let it go
and then I was led into this different
path so a bad situation turned amazing
because I got to experience things that
made me the person that I am today this
or maybe mindset is more about saying
I'm either going to get what I want I
want to date this person I'm either
going to date that person or I'm going
to get better so let's not attach to the
outcome of I need this man and he's the
only one that I want blah blah blah
gotta make it happen no I'm either gonna
get him if it's meant to be it will be
or I'm gonna get better so it's a
win-win like why are we not using this
mindset more it's just such an easy
thing to implement if you practice it
daily so that is the key do not let me
down I want to touch on emotional
Detachment because emotional Detachment
is the biggest thing that you have to
master because emotional attachment is
the biggest thing that goes on in the
world everybody has an experience with
being emotionally attached to someone
something a place an outcome something
that they've conjured up in their head
and thought this has to happen and if
this doesn't happen this is going to
happen and so I don't want this to
happen so this has to happen emotional
Detachment means feeling your emotions
but not becoming them and feeling your
suffering but not becoming it so you can
feel your emotions but you can't become
them you can feel your suffering you can
sit there and be like this really sucks
right now but I don't want you to become
your suffering because the moment you
let your suffering engulf you and become
your personality you have entered into
victimhood so emotional Detachment in
dating you want to be able to love
somebody out of dependence hunger and
craving and Obsession you want to love
somebody from a pure place of I am my
own person I am standing still and solid
in this concrete version of myself you
are over there doing the same thing we
have feelings for each other we're
vibing let's come together and let's
enjoy life together but regardless of us
being together we are still our own
people and so I don't rely on you for
happiness and you shouldn't rely on me
for half happiness so many things in
life can happen so if you're dependent
on these things to bring you happiness
and to make you a human being like give
you a smile or make you feel loved or
make you feel great then you've lost
already don't want you losing I want you
winning so you have to make sure that
you become your own person on your own
and how are you going to do that there's
two ways one you're going to take
yourself out on your own you're going to
get to know yourself who are you what do
you like what do you dislike who are you
without any emotional influence who are
you you need to ask yourself that
question and you need to continue to ask
yourself that question until you can
solidly sit on your own for months you
have to create a home within yourself
that you love coming back to every day
every second you know when you can just
walk into a home maybe your childhood
home maybe your own apartment and it
just feels like the weight of the world
is off your shoulders that is how I want
you to build a relationship with
yourself that coming home to yourself is
the best part of your day that is how I
want you to start loving yourself that
when you look at yourself it's like a
breath of fresh air you know that you
have yourself you've trusting yourself
you feel so confident in yourself and
about where your life is going that when
you look at yourself it's like home that
is how I want you to look at yourself
and if you haven't already subscribe
because I'm going to be dropping so many
videos on confidence and how you're
going to be building this home within
yourself I am my safest space I am my
best friend I am my biggest supporter
because everything else has the chance
of leaving everything you are solid and
who you are right here think of yourself
as like a lighthouse you're surrounded
by flow and movement of the water and
rocks and the shore and the sand you
know blowing up but that Lighthouse is
saying so strong in concrete it's
letting life happen around it but it's
still solid it's good it knows that it
is the light so it's shining its light
on light but it's not being phased by
what's happening around it you have to
give your yourself so much love that
when you get anything less than what you
can give yourself you walk away and you
say no not good enough because if you're
coming at me with that but I'm up here
and you're coming at me with love like
here why why would I bring myself down
to that love when I'm already giving
myself so much more than you're offering
me we're not happening see ya it's not
gonna work why would you do that you
just wouldn't and you have to remember
that when you do do that stuff to
yourself when you think that you have to
have the last word and everything when
you think that you have to go on and
send these monologues and these
paragraphs to somebody you're going to
look dumb AF and do you want to look
dumbass no you don't so you gotta start
doing things that literally make you
look dumb you're making yourself look
dumb when you go crazy and nuts on the
phone because somebody didn't text you
when you feel like you have to serve
Justice and say oh my God why didn't you
text me back how could you do this we
went on a couple dates you said you
liked me but now you're not acting like
you like me what happened why did you do
that to me literally who cares I
literally do not care if somebody tells
me something and then they do the
opposite I just know that that's not my
person I just know that that's not a
friend that I want I know that that's
just not somebody I want to be around if
you go back on your word after telling
me something I don't need to go fight
Justice I just need to say all right
whatever bye like I'm over it you gotta
keep moving forward you can't attach to
that because you've sat there and said
oh my God okay he's really cute he's
just my type he has a dog he's tall oh
my God he's my guy and then now you've
taken that because now you've told
yourself a story about this person and
now when that person goes against what
you've conjured up in your head you
start going nuts reality is not lining
with your imagined idea of how things
should be or how you want things to be
there's a discrepancy so you're trying
to fill in the Gap by going nuts and
going crazy and fighting Justice for
yourself but the best Justice that you
can fight for yourself is simply walking
away in silence and telling yourself
this or better maybe maybe that happened
for a reason I don't know we'll find out
we'll see but all I gotta do is keep
going and keep focused on my lane and my
path if that's situation works out then
it works out I just don't I don't know
when maybe we'll work out in the future
maybe it won't but I will be okay
thinking is ruining your life this is
something that I have practiced for so
long that has so deeply changed my life
and that is that I don't think what do
you mean Makita you don't think I don't
have thoughts I don't sit there and
think about things I don't think about
why he didn't text me I don't think
about he texted me for three weeks
straight and then he went cold and
silent I don't think about why that
person might have said something and
maybe it kind of offended me I don't
think about things and you need to stop
thinking as well you have to just sit
there and just like not have thoughts in
your head and this is coming from
somebody who had anticipatory anxiety
and was ruminating 24 7. walking down
the street thinking if that person's
looking at me and saying oh she's so
ugly thinking why that person said
something that hurt my feelings and now
I'm feeling like are they always
thinking that about me stop the thinking
and if you haven't watched my video on
feminine energy go watch it right here
because it's also going to change your
life because you need to learn how to be
and be okay being the solution to all of
this is self-control because if you have
self-control and you can control
yourself you are controlling your
emotions you are controlling your state
of being how happy do you feel on a
day-to-day basis how much joy and love
are you bringing into your life you have
direct control over those things because
you can control yourself you can't
control other people you can't control
if Jimmy is going to text you today you
can't control if Mike is gonna give you
all the love and attention that you're
craving you can't control those people
maybe they'll give it to you maybe they
won't but you can't sit here waiting for
them to do it you have to wake up and
say I'm gonna have a good day today why
am I gonna have a good day today because
I'm gonna make it a good day I'm gonna
go get myself my favorite Starbucks
drink I'm gonna go for a walk down by
the river and just listen to the birds
chirping and just chill and be in my own
Vibe I'm going to come home I'm going to
make myself the best breakfast ever I'm
gonna sit with myself I'm gonna enjoy it
I'm gonna have a great day why because
I'm in charge I am the
commander-in-chief I am in charge of how
my day is going to go and maybe Abraham
Hicks as she always says this doesn't
mean that because I'm choosing to have a
good day contrast won't exist contrast
is always going to exist but it's how
you choose to perceive it like I said in
the beginning of the video how you
choose to perceive something is how much
power and control it has over you life
is just life there's going to be
contrast there's going to be people that
we want that don't end up wanting us
back there's going to be heartbreak
there's going to be sadness there's
going to be loss but your level of
attaching to that thing is going to
dictate how much easier you get over the
hurt how much easier you let the
situation go and how much faster you
move into your bigger blessing if you're
attached to anything you've already lost
because your attachment is controlling
you you're out you're out you have no
power left because now your power lies
in something outside of you and we all
know oh maybe you didn't know now you
know we can't control anything outside
of ourselves we physically literally
tangibly undeniably cannot control
anything else but ourselves and the more
that we try the more we go crazy it's
just an impossible task and you're
making yourself sick over trying to
control I don't know why we've
conditioned ourselves to believe that
the more we suffer the more power and
control we have over changing the
outcome think about how stupid that
sounds you believe that the more you sit
the more you get sad the more you get
depressed the more you ruminate the more
you feel like my life sucks the better
chance you have at changing it but I'm
here to tell you and this is the only
thing that you're going to need to know
suffering does not give you power so you
can either sit on the couch waste your
life waste your days and let blessings
that are meant to come into your life
pass you by or you can choose to say
this or better maybe maybe this maybe
that we will see I'm good on my own so I
don't really need that situation so if
it happens it happens if it doesn't I'm
good about it this is how you need to
live your life if you like this video
don't forget to subscribe check out all
the links in my description box and I
will see you in my next video bye
浏览更多相关视频
How To Make Them MISS YOU Badly Even If They're Not Interested | Zen Wisdom
5 STOIC Rules on How To Emotionally DETACH from Someone | Marcus Aurelius Stoicism
POST ZERO | MALE NEUROTICISM
How To Detach | How To Master Detachment & Let Go Of People & Situations
SELF LOVE - 5 Simple Practices to Raise your Energies: Part 4: English: BK Shivani
Letting go is EASY when you do this (Make detaching EASY)
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)