im here
Summary
TLDRIn a candid video, the speaker grapples with existential questions, reflecting on their past ambitions and current aimlessness. They express a desire to find a fulfilling purpose, contemplating their love for guitar and gaming, and the misery of competitive play. The speaker acknowledges the societal pressure to work and the emptiness of holidays without close friends. They touch on their foray into voice acting and music, sharing their SoundCloud presence with its melancholic songs. The video concludes with thoughts on moving and the impact of cutting toxic relationships, hinting at a song inspired by such an experience.
Takeaways
- 🤔 The speaker is currently in a booth, reflecting on their thoughts and life direction.
- 🛌 They initially tried to relax on their bed but found their mind too active, leading them to the booth.
- 🔄 The speaker acknowledges the common advice of not looking back but expresses confusion about their future path.
- 💼 They recognize a societal expectation to contribute through employment or education but are unsure of their specific purpose.
- 🎸 A year ago, they bought a guitar and have been playing casually, indicating a possible interest in music.
- 🎮 They enjoy playing games, especially non-competitive ones, as competitive gaming causes them distress.
- 😔 The speaker feels a sense of aimlessness and existential dread, questioning their purpose and future.
- 🏡 They mention a lack of close friends and a distant relationship with family, contributing to feelings of loneliness.
- 🎙️ The booth was purchased with aspirations in voice acting, and they have recorded songs on SoundCloud, which they describe as depressing.
- 🔧 The speaker is considering moving to a smaller apartment soon, expressing reluctance and the hassle of moving.
- ✂️ They discuss the difficult decision to cut someone out of their life, which they've reflected on through songwriting.
Q & A
Why did the speaker decide to get into the booth?
-The speaker's mind was too active to relax on the bed, so they got into the booth to perhaps say something or think about their past.
What does the speaker feel about the advice 'don't look back'?
-The speaker seems to be struggling with this advice, as they are contemplating their past and current purpose in life.
What societal duty does the speaker feel they have?
-The speaker feels they have a duty to serve society, possibly through getting a job or furthering their education.
Why did the speaker purchase a guitar?
-The speaker bought a guitar about a year ago, but they still consider themselves a novice and play it occasionally.
Why did the speaker stop playing competitive games?
-The speaker found competitive gaming to be miserable, especially when they couldn't rank up, leading to their decision to quit.
What is the speaker's current plan for their life?
-The speaker's current plan is to continue studying, try to get a job, and then retire, although they are unsure about the specifics.
What was the speaker's dream in the past?
-The speaker's past dream was to become a YouTuber, but they are now uncertain about this goal.
How does the speaker feel during weekends and holidays?
-The speaker feels miserable during weekends and holidays, especially when they have long stretches of time with nothing to do.
Why does the speaker feel alone despite having family and school interactions?
-The speaker feels alone because they lack close friends and their family interactions are limited to events, with school interactions being superficial.
What is the purpose of the booth according to the speaker?
-The booth was initially purchased for the speaker to try voice acting, and they have used it to record songs, which are available on SoundCloud.
Why does the speaker consider their recorded songs depressing?
-The speaker's songs reflect their current emotional state and thoughts, which are filled with uncertainty and existential questioning, hence they are described as depressing.
What is the speaker's view on their YouTube channel and its purpose?
-The speaker views YouTube as a place for entertainment, but they feel their current content is not entertaining and is more of a projection of their scrambled thoughts.
Why is the speaker considering moving to a smaller apartment?
-The speaker is considering moving to a smaller apartment, possibly due to financial reasons or a desire for a change, but they express reluctance about the move.
What significant action has the speaker taken regarding their personal relationships?
-The speaker has cut someone out of their life, which they found to be a necessary but difficult experience, and they even made a song about it.
Outlines
🤔 Struggling with Existential Thoughts
The speaker is in a booth, unable to relax, and reflects on their active mind. They ponder their past self and the saying 'don't look back.' They feel a duty to serve society but are unsure of how to do so. They express a desire to find something they love to do, like playing the guitar, but admit they are still a novice. They also mention giving up on competitive gaming due to its negative impact on their mood. The speaker is uncertain about their purpose and future, considering a path of studying, getting a job, and eventually retiring. They don't know what kind of job they want and feel disconnected, especially during holidays. They mention having a booth for voice acting and recording songs on SoundCloud, which are depressing, and express a general sense of confusion and aimlessness.
😔 The Pain of Cutting Ties
In the second paragraph, the speaker discusses a difficult experience of having to cut someone out of their life. They felt it was necessary to avoid putting themselves in harmful situations. They mention creating a song about this experience, which can be found on SoundCloud. The speaker decides not to delve into the trauma and chooses to leave the conversation, ending the session with a sense of resignation and a simple goodbye.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Relaxation
💡Existential Crisis
💡Duty
💡Hobbies
💡Competitive Games
💡Retirement
💡Isolation
💡Voice Acting
💡SoundCloud
💡Existence
💡Trauma
Highlights
The speaker is in a booth trying to relax but finds their mind too active.
Reflects on the past and the advice not to look back, pondering the direction to move forward.
Expresses a sense of duty to serve society, possibly through employment or education.
Mentions the struggle with not knowing their purpose or what they are meant to do.
Reveals a desire to find something they love to do, like playing the guitar.
Talks about giving up on competitive gaming due to the misery it causes.
Questions the meaning of existence and the purpose of being alive.
Considers the idea of continuing education with the hope of finding a job and eventually retiring.
Lament on not knowing what kind of job they want or what they are here for.
Mentions a past dream of becoming a YouTuber but expresses uncertainty about it now.
Describes weekends and holidays as times of misery and loneliness.
Talks about the lack of close friends and the reasons behind it.
Expresses feelings of being alone despite having family and school interactions.
Reveals owning a booth for voice acting, which was a past aspiration.
Mentions recording songs in the booth, which are available on SoundCloud, but warns they are depressing.
Contemplates the fleeting nature of existence and the scramble of their thoughts.
Considers ending the recording session as there's nothing substantial to take away from it.
Reflects on the decision to move soon and the reluctance to do so due to the effort involved.
Discusses the experience of cutting someone out of their life and the emotional impact it had.
Mentions creating a song about cutting someone out of their life, which can be found on SoundCloud.
Transcripts
I'm in the booth right now I don't know
just I was trying to relax on my bed but
as it turns
out my mind is too active so I got in
the
booth maybe I should say something you
know I'll just be thinking about my old
self the channel That was gone the old
my the old me the the old they
say they say don't look back
there is nowhere to go but forward but
where the hell do I go I know I have a
duty to serve Society in some form of
way
through getting a job or something you
know studying and then getting a job and
whatnot I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm
here
for man I'm just [ __ ] here bro
like I don't know
man like I just I just I just I just
exist man I don't I don't
know don't know what to
do I mean it would be so nice to have
something that I love to do like I mean
I don't know you know I just you know
like a year ago I bought a guitar and I
I don't know I'm still like novice you
know I've just been you know playing
here and there other than that I just
play games you know Goa games because I
give up on competitive games cuz it's
miserable it just makes me miserable
when I can't even rank up so I just I
don't even know what I'm here for
man yeah man I don't know where to go
from here I mean yeah I'm going just
keep studying and then see if I can get
a job and then retire and die that's
that's the plan for now I mean I don't
even know what kind of job I want I
don't even know what I'm here for my my
my dream used to become a I don't even
know some form of YouTuber I
suppose but yeah I don't even know
anymore no I just you know a weekends I
just I get Miserable as [ __ ] you know
especially holidays you know long
stretches of time where I'm just buying
myself doing nothing yeah like I could
sure I don't I don't
have close
friends it's not it's not entirely my
fault some people have left of their on
on their own accord some more cruy than
others no they all pretty left cruy I
mean in the end of the day I'm just
alone you know sure I have people I
interact with at school but I mean you
know what what what even is that I have
family you know I see my family every
now and then during
events but other than that it's just a
hollow shell you
know man I don't even know I'm here in
the booth I'm just recording
random yapping like I'm just yapping why
do I even have a booth you know I I used
to I mean I like I I try I decided one
day that I was going to try
myself what am I even
saying I wanted to dip my toes into
voice acting a long time ago and then I
ended up buying a booth and then now I
have this booth
I recorded I recorded some some songs in
here you know which you can
find on my SoundCloud they're all really
depressing though so don't don't listen
to that but I mean I don't even know why
I'm here like I I don't even uh okay
so existence is fleeting I know now I
don't even know what to say bro uh I'm
not meant for this YouTube [ __ ] that
I that I've done for over a decade over
a decade man of YouTube yeah okay I
don't know I should end this Yap sesh
there's nothing to take away from this
it's so scrambled my thoughts are always
so scrambled this is just a projection
of my
thoughts and uh yeah I don't know man
YouTube is the place for entertainment
but this ain't entertainment this show
I'm going to be moving soon I don't
really want to move you know I've
already you know I've barely lived here
for half a year and it's like bro like
I've got too much [ __ ] to move I don't
want to [ __ ] move bro probably I'm
going to move to a smaller apartment too
so it's going to be cooked I I I don't
know I'm complaining for no reason I'm
just I'm just trying to make
conversation here with myself you ever
cut somebody out of your life that sh be
hitting though I don't even know
I'm trying to say is that it's not very
good
experience yeah it's not all that good I
mean I mean I had to do it because I
don't want to put myself in such
situations anymore but yeah we we got
out we had to do that pretty
insane I actually made a song about
cutting somebody out of my life you know
on Soundcloud it's all in there anyway
so you know don't really to say anything
here no point in bringing up all the
trauma I don't even know I'm here I
think I'm going just leave now bye
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