Why I took a break from YouTube / The whole story

Summary

The video script details the creator's personal struggle with depression and its impact on their YouTube journey. From the highs of growing a channel in 2015-2016 to the lows of deteriorating mental health and the fear of disappointing their audience. The creator shares their experience with therapy in Japan, the challenges of a toxic upbringing, and the liberating move to Taiwan, which has led to an improvement in their mental well-being. The story is a candid look at the creator's journey through darkness and towards self-acceptance.

Takeaways

• 😀 The video creator discusses their personal battle with depression, which began to affect them negatively from 2016.
• 🌟 The creator's YouTube journey started positively in 2015, but their mental health issues started to impact their life and work from 2016 onwards.
• 🏀 The creator's challenging upbringing included strict religious parents and a lack of emotional support, which contributed to their depression.
• 🏫 Moving to Japan at 15 without knowing the language further damaged the creator's self-esteem and contributed to their mental health struggles.
• 🏀 High school in Japan was particularly difficult due to the intense club activities and the pressure to perform, leading to physical injuries and emotional distress.
• 🔽 The creator's mental health worsened during their final year at university and after graduation, feeling the pressure of not being able to meet people's expectations.
• 📹 Despite the mental health struggles, the creator continued to make YouTube videos, finding some success but also feeling the weight of increased expectations.
• 🌍 Traveling to Indonesia for YouTube content provided moments of positivity but also amplified the creator's feelings of inadequacy and fear of disappointing their audience.
• 😔 The creator's return to Japan was marked by a deep sense of depression, exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic and being stuck in Japan.
• 👩‍⚕️ Seeking therapy in Japan was a turning point, with a student therapist providing a safe space for the creator to express their feelings without judgment.
• 💔 The end of a significant relationship and the move to Taiwan marked a period of reflection and self-acceptance, leading to an improvement in the creator's mental health.

Q & A

What was the speaker's experience with YouTube from 2015 to 2016?

The speaker's YouTube channel was going really well from 2015 to 2016, and their mental health was on a high during this period.

What caused the speaker's mental health to deteriorate after 2016?

The speaker's mental health got really bad after 2016 due to a combination of factors, including the pressures of being recognized at their university and a history of depression and trauma.

How did the speaker's upbringing contribute to their depression?

The speaker's upbringing contributed to their depression because their parents were very strict and religious, and they were not allowed to speak their minds or express their feelings, which led to a lot of internalized sadness.

What was the traumatic event that the speaker experienced at the age of 19?

The speaker went through a dramatic and traumatic event at the age of 19, which led them to consider taking their own life. However, they chose not to disclose the details to avoid the video being flagged.

How did the speaker's experience in Japan as a teenager impact their self-esteem?

Moving to Japan at the age of 15 without knowing the language negatively impacted the speaker's self-esteem, contributing to a history of depression.

What was the speaker's experience with anorexia and bulimia during high school?

The speaker developed anorexia and bulimia during high school in Japan, which was exacerbated by the strict and demanding nature of club activities, particularly basketball.

Why did the speaker develop a fear of underclassmen during their time in Japan?

The speaker developed a fear of underclassmen due to their high school basketball team experience, where they felt they could not meet the expectations of their underclassmen and were often the target of their frustration.

How did the speaker's return to university in Akita affect their mental health?

Returning to university in Akita as a super senior led to a decline in the speaker's mental health because they felt pressure from being recognized by underclassmen and new students, which triggered their fear of not being good enough.

What was the turning point that led the speaker to seek therapy in Japan?

The turning point that led the speaker to seek therapy was a period of deep depression in Japan, where they began to feel jealous of people who committed suicide because they believed their pain would end.

How did therapy help the speaker in their mental health journey?

Therapy helped the speaker by providing a safe space where they were accepted and heard without judgment. The therapist's role as a listener and their emotional support were crucial in the speaker's healing process.

What changes in the speaker's life contributed to an improvement in their mental health?

Improvements in the speaker's mental health were attributed to therapy, accepting themselves, and a change in their living situation, such as moving to Taiwan, which provided a fresh start and a more relaxed environment.